The great evil scientist Dr. Devia stood tall in her laboratory, looking out over her small army of henchgirls and lab assistants, each dressed in a different animal type costume. She stood with crossed arms before a giant monitor, watching the latest battles unfold on the Khazan arena floor. "Hahahah!!! Poor fools! Little do they realize that all their efforts are worth nothing. Not one of these weaklings have the mental fortitude, the shear genius to stand up to my inventions! Soon the world...no, the entire megaverse will bow down before the might of--" "DOCTOR DEVIA!!!" A shout from one of her girl assistants interrupted her, causing her to slip and lose her composure. The source of her iritation, one of her younger assistants, Kitten, bounced up in front of her, hopping up and down in celebration. "Dr. Devia, I did it! The experiment was a complete success! I gave myself the injection an hour ago, and I've been doing all the tests...glass, knives, pins, needles, throwing stars, katanas, battle axes, the works, and I'm completely invulnerable to sharp or pointy objects! We rule, doctor!" The doctor composed herself, stood upright, pushed her glasses back in place, and paged the other girls in her lab. They assembled before her and kitten, and she prepared to make a refined speech. "SHUT UP YOU DWITHERING TWIT! *WE* WILL NOT RULE, *I* WILL RULE!!! AND NEVER...EVER INTERRUPT ONE OF MY MONOLOGUES!!!" Kitten collapsed on her knees and looked up at the doctor in surprise and anguish, tears in her eyes. "I...I'm sorry doctor...I didn't mean..." "OH be quiet!" the doctor said. She leaned over, smiled, and laid a comforting hand on Kittens shoulder. "You know, you still haven't tried one test yet on your new, pointy-proof body." "R...Really?" Kitten stammereded back, choking back tears. The doctor closed her eyes, held Kitten tight, until her lab assistant started to relax. "HOLD HER DOWN GIRLS!!!" she shouted, and Kitten's fellow assistants mobbed her and drew her out on the floor, arms and legs spread eagle. Dr. Devia walked through the circle of assistants, goggles on her face...and chainsaw in her hands, cranked and ready. "Let's see how you handle THIS!" Following a prolonged scream filled blitz-chainsaw attack on the young assistant, the doctor stepped away, satisfied. Kitten got up, looking marked up, mangled, generally raw, very very dizzy, but generally healthy. The doctor put her hand on her shoulder and told her to walk with her. "You did very well, and you deserve a reward. However, you also did a very bad thing, and you must be punished. Fortunately, I have a way to kill both birds with one stone." The pair walked before a large, darkened enclove, followed by the other assistants. The lights in the recess flashed on, revealing a large, impressive but goofy looking robot...basicly a 4 meter tall blender with cylindrical, wiry arms and legs ending in sneakers and large cartoon-like gloves. "Let me intruduce you to my latest masterpiece, the Cruelbot 1000! GIRLS!!!" With a shriek, begging and much crying from Kitten, the other girls operated the machinery that took off the top side of the robot, and unceremoniously dumped her in the blender. Kitten stood up, straddling the rotating blades at the bottom of the blender. "Dr. Devia, please, don't leave me like this! This is just TOO cruel!" "Stop your whining!" she replied, "of course it's too cruel, THAT'S the point! No hero would dare attack the Cruelbot 1000, as in instant retaliation the blender will come to life and just rip your pathetic little body all over the place. Under the threat of harm to such a cute, innocent girl as yourself, any true hero would rather take a loss, a rather nasty beating, and walk away rather then risk your life for some chamionship. "Wait!" Kitten cried, "What about the villains, most of them won't even CARE what happens to me!" "HA!" laughed Dr. Devia. "That's a joke. Nobody is as evil as me, so even they'd be somewhat hampered, in fact, just the opposite, some of them may be too busy laughing at you to pay attention to the robot, and they'd get KO'd! My plan is foolproof! Girls, turn on the robot and send it to the Khazan Arena registration booth! Don't worry Kitten, I already signed you registration sheet and medical release form for you, and the robot can fight for itself, so you just have to sit back and relax." "WAAAHHHH!!!!" cried Kitten, the Cruelbot 1000 stomping off with her in it's belly. "I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA BE MANGLED...I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!" The insidious Dr. Devia walked away, waving behind her back. "You'll just have to hold it. We all have to make sacrifices for greatness! Wombat, get me a triple moccha. I have to get started on my next creation, just in case." |
