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Crow is of Death, Crow is of Doom
Hear ye hear ye! Whom shall ever be struck by the malaise of the land, be it the pestilence carried by the rat or the shaking and shattering of the very earth itself. Know that there is a cure! Whom shall ever seek to reap the rewards of the land, be it the gold hidden just beneath thy feet or the the shaking and shattering of thy enemies' walls. Know that there is a way! Seek thee the source of thy conflict with the land. Seek thee the Orb of Land, and the land shall submit to thy whims!
So proclaims the prophet.
Well, just a story really. Besides m'lads, what's th' point? They say ol' Kracken's fish food anyway. And th' Sirens' sung their swan song. Make your fortune th' old fashion way I say! If th' Pearl really exists, it'd be th' ULTIMATE loose lips...
It sinks ships y'see... it's a jok-nevermind. Here's th' damn map to th' damn Pearl. Thanks for th' beer m'lads.
So says the crazy seaman.
If you want to know; really really want to know, then Crow will tell it to you straight. Caw!
It's not that Crow is lazy to take the guise of humanity to tell you about the wonderful shiny thing which you can get if you bring Crow some meat. Six meats will do, Crow is not greedy. Crow is looking at you perplexingly, if in case you didn't notice the hint. Wink wink? No? Kukuku, fair enough.
If the rain and how it drops is a bother, would it not be best if it fell not altogether? If hail and lightning lay waste to your endeavor, why not make it lay waste to another? Preferably your unrelated brother!
The world they say is not fair, they say you work and toil while your wife's having an affair! That fat bastard who owns you has no flair, wouldn't it be neat to gut that pig and claim your lion's share? Rhyme rhyme rhyme, something to do with the Orb of Air!
You don't pay Crow enough meat to rhyme it all out. The prophecy's spoken, you know what to do if you have the guts to do it. Ca-caw!
So caws Crow.
Not for nothing, but if Crow were to be introspective... okay, maybe not. Who has the energy here? Nobody that's who! The history of war is short, unless you count the chimps and lions and hyenas. But the history of conflict is long. But neither history was really interesting or important, until the HE came along. He always thought He was the big Kahuna burger with extra cheese, and in a way, maybe he was. He was certainly one of the most powerful of the Gods. But what that meant in practical God-like terms was simply that he was one of the most asinine Gods to every walked... anywhere really. He was just that big of a dick. With great power comes great bastardry, and that bastard God, who called Himself the One God, created Man in His image. Adam and Eve. The son and daughter of a son of a bitch. Adam was an asshole who got daddy to kick his girl out 'cause she wouldn't put out. And Eve... Eve's just a stupid lying bitch.
And Crow couldn't be happier about them.
Humans are SO interesting. Since they came along, conflicts have escalated, war just got more and more atrocious and the eyeballs were literally rolling in! Crow may have gotten to the throne by default, but Crow isn't without qualifications. Crow has seen it all, the ways to kill your loved ones. Let Crow count the ways... no, Crow can't count that high. Innate human bastardry rawks! Ca-cau!
Unless you're a God and the one who placed the entire world on three rickety legs. Cosmic Keystones they call it. An element which is crucial to the continued wellbeing, nay, the very structure of the world itself. Something which makes no immediately apparent sense; to place a very limited yet imminently catastrophic flaws on the pillars of reality. Something totally unnatural to the natural flow of the universe, which promotes continued existence wheresoever possible; which could only be done out of some demented intelligent design.
In that case, in such a situation, if you're indeed such a God, and not only that, but due to some prophesied Divine World War, you're the only God LEFT, and the inheritor of all divine rights and mights... then yes, it could be magic.
Magic? Pfft! More like divine boredom.
Oh, and also because Crow is evil. Was that not mentioned? No sappy and vindicating reason why either. Because there is no need, because there is no justification. It is simply in Crow's nature. Conflict was not thrusts upon Crow, it is simply Crow's desire. There are NO Gods left, just like there is no Santa, Crow did not have to settle for just the Throne of War. Everything was for the taking. But everything... was meaningless. Only the hunger mattered... only the hunger... the hunger...
Quoth the Crow: Fuck off mortal!
Everything has been part of the master plan. Crow has no idea what the details of the master plan ARE of course. He's just along for the ride.
Because it's plain to see, nothing's happening. Nothing's been happening in the Nexus of All Realities for gosh knows how long. And in a place that is the Nexus of All Realities, that in itself is suspicious. How could the conglomeration of everything have nothing happening?
And that's how Crow stumbled upon the truth; that even the current peace is orchestrated by someone. Someone with aspirations of Grandeur.
And that someone's agreed to let Crow in on it. To ignite the flames of chaos, and initiate the next phase of the master plan.
Confused yet? Don't be, there's a lot of info being kept from you at this point. Heck, there's a lot even Crow doesn't know, but what Crow does know is this. There's gonna be a WHOLE lot of doom and death going on, and that's gonna mean an eyeball buffet that's "all you can eat".
Yeah, Crow can dig master plan like that. Nom nom nom time is upon us, baby.