The letter of the week
Sailor Xena writes:
See if I've got this correct. Wile E Coyote, Supra Genius, couldn't catch the Road Runner and somebody thinks that the Predator can? Doesn't anyone remember that he lost to Ahnold? What chance does he have with a far more intelligent being? None. Here's what's going to happen: the Predator sees the Road Runner coming a mile away with his advanced optics, but what he doesn't know is that he is standing under an outcropping of a HUGE boulder that is only being supported by a thin pillar of rock; the Predator takes aims, shoots and misses, he keeps shooting as the Road Runner gets closer and closer but never hits him eventually the Road Runner speeds past the Predator, shooting his laser canon all the time. Sudenly the Predator notices that that shadow he is standing in is getting bigger and bigger, he realises that he shot the pillar and looks up to see the huge boulder squash him flat.
Next, the Predator places some bird seed in the middle of the road and turns on his armor so that he blends in with the back ground. Road Runner stops to eat the bird seed. The Predator is about to pounce on his prey; but unfortunatly, he is standing on a small cliff and it gives way at the last moment and the Predator falls thousands of feet to the hard, dessert ground.
Finally, the Predator decides to use that computer guided bladed weapon on the Road Runner. He gets a lock on the speeding bird and launches the weapon. Road Runner runs for his life as the deadly weapon rockets after him. Along the way, the blade cuts through another stone pillar causing yet another boulder to crash. But this boulder is caught by some high tension power lines and is sprung high into the air. The predator looks as the huge peice of rock is shot straight into the atmosphere, wondering how the power lines didn't snap because of the enormous weight of the boulder. All of a sudden, the Predator senses that something is behind him, he turns around quickly to see the Road Runner looking right at him. Before the Predator can react, the Road Runner speeds off to the side and the Predator gets hit with his own weapon, SMACK, right in the middle of his helmet. Fortunatly it didn't go through far enough to cut him, but while he is trying to dislodge the blade from the helmet he hears this whistling sound coming from the sky, and getting louder. He also sees a little dot forming on his armor, the dot is getting bigger and bigger until it becomes a huge shadow. The Predator looks up and sees the boulder that had been flung into the air by the power lines hurling at him. He tries to move but is too late and is flattened yet again by another boulder. But this boulder sets off his atomic dooms-day device and is obliterated. Miles away from the explosion, the Road Runner looks at the forming mushroom cloud, then turns around, sticks out his toung a couple of times, gives his characteristic "beeb beeb" and zooms off into the sunset. Bbbbbbbb bdee bdee that's all folks! (closing theme to Loony Toons)
Editor's Note: You Should have done the commentary this week, I'm thinkin'
Andy Anime writes:
Come on, not even the Predator and his nifty gadgets can stand up to the awesome might of the Warner Brothers Hero Victory Clause(TM), which states that the protagonist of their cartoons can NEVER lose under any circumstances (the main reason Bugs lost to Cecil Turtle is because he was the instigator, or "antagonist", in those pictures). The Road Runner before you can say "meep meep"!
The Analyst writes:
We have seen Predator vs. everyone from Batman to Tarzan. He almost invariably winds up getting his tail kicked. Let's face it, he's designed to lose.
Furthermore the Road Runner is a basically invincible cartoon character. Given the abillities he had in the classic Warner Brothers flicks (unleashed upon a 'serious') opponent he is neigh unstoppable.... unless the Predator was able to get something equally ridiculous to fight him with, like a spray gun full of "The Dip" from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit".
I spent 4 years, 4 months and 13 days of my life working on Acme products like the KC-135 Stratotanker and the B-52 Stratofortress. I can personally testify that Wile E. was greatly hampered by inferior equipment. Meanwhile, the Predator has been beaten by Danny Glover. 'Nuff said!
Predator vs. Roadrunner? I can see how this will go:
Predator comes out of his ship
Predator (Bad-@$$us alienus)
Roadrunner appears behind him
Roadrunner: Beep Beep!
Roadrunner (cartoonus fastus)
Predator: Axsjd wejfcn wgr Roadrunner Soup!(Translation: I'm gonna get me some Roadrunner Soup!)
RoadRunner: Beep Beep!(Translation:Beep beep!)
Roadrunner runs into a tunnel painted on a cliff, Pred follows, hits cliff, gets run over by mack truck. The Coyote appears.
Coyotie (Idiotus Slapsticus)
He enters the ship and hits a big red button.
Computer: 10 seconds to self destruct.
The coyote holds up a sign.
*clears throat* DIE ROADRUNNER, DIE YOU USELESS PIECE OF...*gets dragged away* DIE!!! DIEE!!!
And this ladies and gentlemen is the CBUB after one hit of acid. Harmless? I think not.
To avoid a long, and seemingly endless letter like you guys always seem to get, It will end like it always does: Preditor running off a cliff, looking down, and falling. Making a small white puff of dust from where he landed, with Wile E. Coyote just sitting next to a preditor shaped hole in the ground, finally getting why everyone was laughing at him all those years ago.
Against almost anything else, the Predator would take a victory.
But unless that shoulder canon is packing Dip, there's no way he can kill a Toon.
Scott Heisel writes:
I almost clicked on the Predator, thinking it would me a massacre, but then I realized one key point:
The Predator lost to Danny Glover.
Danny FREAKIN' Glover!
If you get your ass handed to you by a 40-something, balding, black man who lost his comedic spot on the Lethal Weapons to Chris Rock, you're definately gonna get your Acme laser cannon turned right back on you.
Game, set, match, Roadrunner.
Inky, the Commentator Wannabe writes:
I just wanna see the Predator hold up a "Help." sign right before he's smashed by an anvil.
The Bunyip writes:
Let's do a quick equipment check on the Predator, and see how each item would fare with Road Runner:
Chameleon Field: No good. Road Runner has proven that he doesn't need to see his foe to escape it.
MonoNet: Road runner won't even blink.
Shoulder cannon: Um, no.
Wristblades: gotta get close, first.
Guided throwing blade: Road runner might watch the pretty lights, but his reflexes are too fast to be hit with it.
Self-destruct: Road runner can get from one side of the desert to the other in 10 seconds. This won't make a difference.
As much as I'd like to see Road Runner skinned and served up on a trophy rack, the predator won't do it. Road runner has only one power than he needs:"Control Script".
The only reason the Roadrunner wasn't just so much red paste on the side of the road was Wile E Coyote's bad luck, against the Roadrunner. It's not that the coyotee wasn't smart. He was an explosives genius! Ever see him in action in Space Jam? It is only against the Roadrunner that the coyotee had bad luck against. Now, the Predator is using technology that is far beyond Wile E's, and he doesn't have that bad luck factor that the coyotee has. Finally, the Predator possesses a savage intelligence that rivals if not surpasses the Coyotee's. These factors alone will ensure that the Predator has a roadrunner skull hanging from his belt.
Road Runner takes this one speedily. He's the good guy in this fight, right? Good guys always win! It doesn't matter who or what the villain is(In this case, Predator.), since he's the villain in this fight, he MUST lose. Even if it's a close match. Every villain loses!! Even when Bugs Bunny tried the role of villain in the early cartoons, he got his cottony tail handed to him by a turtle! A turtle!! A dull,boring green turtle named Cecil that Warner Bros. haven't featured since! If The Uberbunny can't overcome this Law of Media, Predator can't either.
Man, what a tough match to call. Alright, let's try to put a logical perspective on this. These are the factors that will make or break this one.
Specifically, are we dealing with the Real World, or the Cartoon World? If this is the cartoon world, Road Runner has the edge, as he follows the rules of animated physics. Here's an example: Remember that one LooneyTune where Wile had the R.R. cornered on the edge of a cliff, only to fall through a collapsing floor, leaving R.R. standing on a chunk of hovering rock? Coyote held up a sign stating, "I wouldn't mind this, but he's breaking the laws of gravity!" To which RR responds, by sign, "True, but I never studied law!" The Predator would have a hard time tracking the bird if cartoon physics laws were in effect, being a "real". being and stuck with real physics. Watch "Who framed Roger Rabbit" for an example. BUT, if this would be in the real world, the only thing RR has in his favor is his speed.
Point: If Cartoon World: RR
If Real World: Predator
Back in the cartoons, W.C always used gagets from ACME Company. And the gagets always backfired. One small point for the bird. But, Predator has his own technology at his disposal, and by watching the films, we see that they always work in killing something. Point: Predator.
COMPETITION and MOTIVATION:
What past hunters had RR dealt with in the past? Wile E., the obvious. Why does W.C hunt the bird? Primarily for food. What other Looneys could hunt the bird? (I'm just getting philosophal here) Elmer Fudd, a weekend hunter who hunts for sport. Yosemite Sam, who's just looking a varmit to blast. Point here is that these three aren't trained to activly hunt, they're ametueurs. Predator, OTOH, is from a race of creatures whose goal is to actively hunt and kill prey, most times prey that could kill them in return. These guys could just wait for hours, if not days, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Point: Predator
What always happened in the end of the RoadRunner/Wile E. cartoons? W.C. got whooped, R.R. got away. What always happened in the Predator movies? Predator hunts and kills a large number of people until one skilled and lucky individual eventually killed him.
I will not state who will win this. I am just stating to vote, not out of fanatism to your favorite character, but to gain information on each character, and allow the most logical answer to prevail.
In my personal opinion, however, I think the Predator would win.
Bri Rob the Caveman writes:
Please tell me the Pred's not losing. This is one of the race that hunts Aliens and a certain X-Man who shall remain nameless for fun. I can't begin to name the advantages the Pred has over the bird.
1. No ACME products. Just good ol' fasioned Made in Andromeda Galaxy.
2. Even without his toys, he could eat the bird. The Pred can analyze a situation and get out of it, even if the Roadrunner were smart enough to try and fight back.
3. Do I really have to mention that nuclear weapon on his arm? He could ambush the runner, attach the bomb to the bird, and watch the fireworks while it finds something to hunt that might actually be a CHALLENGE for it.
4. The will to go the distance with the bird. Remember when Danny Glover sliced off his hand? The Pred kept coming. Nothing will stop him. I feel like chicken tonight.
Rick R. Mortis writes:
Well... I personally say the Road Runner. Why? Because in a battle like this, it's the intelligence factor.
The Road Runner is posessed of a strange cunning that allows it to magically escape the most deadly of death traps, or lead Wile E. back into his own.
The Predator... lost a battle of wits with Arnie. That's tantamount to loosing a battle of wits with a stuffed iguana. That puts you in the realm of pumpkins, cinder blocks and pre-fab all-girl groups.
Strange Cunning vs Pumpkin? The Road Runner has this one.
Skanky Hank the Alcohol Tank writes:
If this isn't the biggest no brainer I've ever seen. Anyone fool enough to think that the Roadrunner has a snowballs chance in Hell should be graced with a full frontal lobotomy... or maybe that's their problem to begin with. And there is just one reason that the Predator will be dining on the stringy entrails of this bird: He ain't gonna order outta no sissy ACME catalog.
Predator Warehouse Direct is the only place where my alien is gonna be picking up his arsenal. Big guns, big spears, big feathered mess when the battle is over.
And even if the Roadrunner SOMEHOW manages to pull a semi-victory out of his unmentionables, as soon as he runs up to gloat over big uglies body, the kamikaze bracelet is gonna light him up like the 4th. No contest.
Predator Hunting Diary (Translated from Predator Language)Day 1: Today, I set my sights on a quick running creature. It will sure be a great hunt since it's speed exceed even the one of our space vessels. The hunt has begun...
Day 2: The creature's living grounds seems to be a deathtrap. Yesterday afternoon, I was stalking the creature. Got it in range, I lept on it extending my claws, a little by dissapointed for this easy kill. To my surprise, the creature saw me, said:"Beep-beep", pulled out its tongue an ran away before I landed in the dust cloud left by it. After the dust dissipated, I figured suddenly that I lept two meters too far: I was standing over a deep chasm... Surviving the fall, I was good for a few stitches, but, out of nowhere, a huge rock fell upon me. Yes, that hunt will be interesting...
Day 3: Ow ! It hurts! I threw my super flying disk of doom on it. The creature dodged each attack with ease and swiftness. A bad bounce returned the disk back at me with a uncalculated trajectory. Now, I got to pull it out of my belly. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh ! Did it ! Ouch ! I guess I would keep quiet this incident or I'll be the laughingstock of my species.
Day 4: That's it ! I quit ! The whole desert is against me and all the law of physics are distortionned on this hell on Earth. The creature dodged one of my laser blast today. Then, the whole rockface fell on me after the laser struck it. It's gonna take a while before my bones knit. I'll be back someday, some far day. Now, I went to a place where hunting of certain creature is considered a great feat. -"Pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" *ZARK!* Ouch ! Again, I have my arms full! My battlearmor's sytems are down. My hair is standing on its ends, and I look like a sea urchin... I must be the unluckiest Predator around. *sigh*
Borneo Jimmy writes:
Cartoon universes --- especially that of the Warner Bros. cartoons --- are noted for the flexibility of their physical laws. Gravity, elasticity, cause and effect all go out the window. Wile E. Coyote doesn't fall until he notices the ground is gone. Woody Woodpecker is caught in a box, then steps in from the edge of the screen. All is relative and random. Nothing is reliable. Except for one thing: STUFFINESS LOSES. FUN WINS.
Think about it. Elmer Fudd. Yosemite Sam. The aforementioned Wile E. Coyote, soooo-per geeee-nius. They take themselves seriously. They suffer for it. And just when Bugs or Daffy gives way to pride and declares victory, the tables are suddenly turned: "Too bad you can't have duck for Thanksgiving...or...(gulp) can you?"
Now, answer me this: of all the opponents a Warner Bros. character could face in Khazan, how many take themselves more seriously than the Predator? Mighty few. And of all the Warner Bros. characters, which one has more FUN than the Road Runner? Not one. That innocent smirk has never, ever left the purple bird's face. Sci-fi fanboys will cite "statistics" about scanners and Predator weapons technology; all hogwash. The most sophisticated and deadly technology in any universe --- ACME, INC. technology --- is nothing to the Road Runner. What can a mandibled space moron hope to do? He doesn't even have dynamite...
The Avenger writes:
Go ACME! If you can remember, Looney toons was made by Chuck Jones (or something like that...)and Chuck Jones sounds like Chuck Norris. Arnold Schwarzeneger was in Predator. We all know that in a fight Chuck Norris would beat the crap out of Schwarzeneger. So Road Runner wins. Any Questions?
Cap'n Pete writes:
Every single time the Preditor goes up against someone, he loses. Batman has kicked his ass 3 times now. Arnie has beat one down. Whatshisname slapped one around and got a new gun to boot.
On the other hand, the Road Runner has never, ever been beaten. Sure, the Preditor is different! It's invisible! It has guns! Like ACME never made anything like that before...
DL mighty writes:
Tired and hungry after 3 unsuccessful days of hunting, Pred can't believe his luck when he spots a bowlful of cheerios right in the middle of the road. He never saw the ACME surface-to-surface missile coming. Who'da thunk the coyote could finally get something to eat.
Okay, this match is really lopsided. What on earth is the Predator going to do to touch the Road Runner?
Road Runner is standing still on a road out in arizona somewhere. The Predator, cloaked, jumps on him from above. "Beep beep" says the Road Runner, who has disappeared over the horizon.
The Road Runner is pecking up a pile of seed that the Predator had planted there. Up in the trees, the Predator aims his shoulder cannon on the skinny bird. "Beep beep", says the Road Runner, who has disappeared over the horizon.
Frustrated, the Predator creates a large pit, covers it with mesh and leaves, and puts a pile of seed in the middle. At the bottom of the pit are spikes, snakes, and ravenous tigers. He hides up in the trees cloaked, waiting for the Road Runner to pass by. A swirl of smoke heralds the Road Runner's appearance, as he stands at the edge of the pit, regarding the pile of seed. The bird steps right onto the pit trap and eats the seed. "Beep beep", Road Runner beeps, jumping in the air and clicking his feet, and is off past the horizon. The Predator, furious, goes down to his pit, he walks out onto the pit to see what went wrong, and falls through, impaled by the spiked, poisoned by the snakes, and mauled by the tigers.
Do I even need to say it?
Boba Foot writes:
I'd like to point out that the Predator has already lost a previous match to Boba Fett. While its no dishonor losing to Fett, he's lost once. This is what's known as the loser factor. It recurs again and again and again...(you get the idea)
Take another factor: The catchphrase factor.
ROADRUNNER: MEEP! MEEP!
You just can't get any better than that.
No matter the form of the hunter it shall fall.
1) The Predator(s)(Plural indicates how fragile they are) have been stopped by bullets and atomic explosions. A big rock falling on top on one would stop it cold. And the Road runner desert is famous for it's unstable geography.
2) Stealth suits are useless, road runner never sees most of Wile's attacks untill he lands in front of it. The predator sets up and get's hit by a train.
3) Super weapons, like lasers don't work against the road runner. Either the weapon malfunctions (and blows up in the predators hand) or the runner out runs the beam.
4) The predator is stupid. It was outsmarted by arnold in jungle combat, and when it had the technological advantage. A super genius couldn't stop road runner and neither can some intergalactic safari hunter.
To reiterate. MEEP MEEP.
Oh come on. The this contest comes down to FRAME RATES.
and since the Cartoons are usually filmed at 30 fps and Movies at 22 fps, the Road Runner simply avoids everything that the Predator trys.
Denis Moskowitz writes:
Wile E. is not just any coyote. He's _the_ Coyote, archetypal Native American Trickster god. The fact that he always loses to Road Runner, aside from being completely in character, implies that Road Runner is _also_ a god. Predator may be cool, but I don't think he can beat a god. (Yes, this implies that Predator would lose to Lady Eboshi from Princess Mononoke.) The Road Runner escapes, and Predator is a flattened smear on the desert highway.
Justy Hakubi writes:
The massess have spoken and the Road Runner is winning decisively. Now unless the powers that be have been busy this week then reasoning must tell why the Road Runner has eluded Preadator. As a spawn of Washu I shall lend assistance in the endeavor of formulating a plausible theory, especially since I've voted for the little critter.
The first factor to wiegh in here is Predator's reliance on technology. Its quite obvious to any observer of the Road Runner that he is surrounded by a chaos field. Any mechanism that attempts to bring harm to the avian speedster must be able to breach it. I don't see anything in Predator's cache of weaponry that can accomplish that feat.
The second factor to wiegh in against Predator is the speed factor. Road Runner is one with the Speed Force. As we all know Road Runners do not possess the natural ability to move at trans-mach speed. The Road Runner does possess this ability. Now living in the Grand Canyon I'm sure Road Runner has spent time in meditation with Windrunner pondering the Zen of Speed. With that knowledge and experience Predator can't hope to get his laser site on him much less a rope. Predator is simply outclassed here.
The third and final factor, luck. Predator doesn't qualify for luck. He's never needed it and its too late to apply for it. Road Runner as sly and crafty as he is does possess this fatcor in spades. Given the chaos factor of the Road Runner and the Tech level of Predator's gear especially that little suicide nuke that Predator has, being without luck is a scary proposition.
I fear not only will Predator not win the trophy skull but alas he'll be holding a sign with "Mommy" spelt out on it.
Welcome the role of Wile E., Predator.
My Vote is on the Predator if for no other reason that I tire of the Roadrunner and his pathetic smug antics. I have no doubt in my mind that the Youtja have hunted prey even more clever and lucky prey than the Roadrunner. The Predator does not seem to be beset by the limitations of Acme Technology (as the roadrunners erstwhile nemesis seems to be). All of the Predators technology and his tracking abilities will reign supreme. Granted, Warner Brothers Cartoons are entertaining and I do enjoy them, I just hope that the Roadrunner finally gets his. When it happens, I hope that the Predator is honorable enough to share his bounty with The Coyote. May the Coyote display the Skull proudly in his den.