JAY: Pat, I had been told the two contestants have entered into the jungle but I can't see them. Can you?
PAT: Yes, Jay... Through the miracle of modern technology, we will be viewing this fight via Monkey-Cams! Yes, twenty intelligent spider monkeys with cameras taped to their heads will follow this fight!
JAY: Oh, that's way cool! My congratulations to the engineers who came up with that. Wait, one has found Wolverine up in the tree. Looks like he's waiting for Mr. Predator to come along.
PAT: Jay, I am switching to infra-red Monkey-Cam mode, and I see Predator already is along... Invisible and above Wolvie!
JAY: The Predator has his battle spear ready and he drops down on Wolverine... Wolverine leaps to his left... the Predator's spear misses and digs into tree bark!
PAT: Wolverine had surely sniffed him out long ago, Jay! That invisible stuff is no good against Wolverine's heightened senses.
JAY: Wolverine just extended his claws. The Predator stands up and pulls his spear from the tree branch and deactivates his invisibility field... These two fighters are doing a stare down Pat! Who'll blink first!!
PAT: I Thi.. Whoa! Wolvie dodged just in time! Predator is chain firing that remote blaster on his shoulder all... wait... Wait!!! My Monkey-cams are scattering!
JAY: Wolverine is being driven back by the intense blaster barrage... he's jumping from the tree to a neighboring branch.
PAT: AAARGH... Okay, my Monkey-Cams are...
JAY: Predator missed Wolverine big time but he sure shot a number of those Monkey-cams to blazes! How many do we have left Pat?
PAT: Don't know, Jay.... Wolverine is bouncing off a branch... leaping... he's got a vine and is swinging out...
JAY: The Predator packs his spear onto his back and jumps after him. They're now doing the Tarzan swing through the jungle...
PAT: Wolverine lets go the vine... flips through the air... grabs a branch and ... WHOA! Reverse! He's spun, banked, he's back in the air... claws
JAY: The Predator sees him coming and he extends his wrist claws! A great
shower of sparks fly as their weapons clash! No damage done.
PAT: Wolverine lands on a branch. Predator lands on a branch. They are glaring at each other across a 30 foot distance. This is exciting stuff, and lets go now to our own Sideline Commentator Frank Williams who has this special report...
Damn monkeys! It's true what they say: they DO fling feces at intruders!
Anyway, Frank Williams here. Well, I must say, whoever loses this battle has a group of friends to take out their revenge on the winner! The X-Men have just zoomed in on their Blackbird, and a small group of Predators have been here for awhile. By the
way, they keep saying the word "trophy" whenever they look at me. Should I be worried? Back to you.
PAT: Thanks Frank. What's going on now Jay?
JAY: Pat, the Predator used his shoulder cannon to blast the tree branch Wolverine was on, and Wolvie dodged by driving in the lake below.
PAT: Predator is diving after him, but I'll tell you Folks, I don't think Predator is going to fall for any of that "I got mud on me- you can't see
JAY: The water is now still... Pat, it's quiet... too quiet ... OUCH! What the?? Peanuts! Callisto is whipping peanuts at us from the Judge's Booth, again! She bores too quickly Pat!
PAT: BLAM! They explode out of the water! Each has fingers around the other's neck! Each has a hand with nasty claws free....
JAY: This is going to be messy! Wolverine slashes taking out the Predator's shoulder cannon... the Predator raises his wrist claws to strike!!
PAT: A blur of motion and Predator cuts a bloody swath across Wolverine. The
strike ends with Predator and Wolverine each gripping the other's clawed hand.
JAY: Pat, both of these fighters are straining against one another. I can almost see Wolverines veins popping through mask and costume to hold on! I'm not sure if... The Predator head butts Wolverine, he splashes back into the water!
PAT: And he's up!!! Predator gets a gut-full o' claw!!! Gash, right through that Battle Armour!
JAY: The Predator screams in agony and bats Wolverine WAY onto the shore. The alien hunter is hurting but he's still standing and is pulling out what looks like a high-tech version of Xena's Chakram.
PAT: THOOOM- Predator whips the frisbee-thing at the Wolverine....
JAY: Wolverine tries to dodge it but it seems to home in on him. He raises his claws and deflects it!
PAT: ...Jay, Predator has launched a net, and is now racing at Wolverine..
JAY: It catches Wolverine and carries him, slamming him into a nearby tree. The net is lined with spikes that holds him down! His arms are pinned and he's struggling to free himself!
PAT: Predator leaps... moving fast... Claws out... WAIT!! Wolverine has claws out too... They... They...
JAY: Wolverine slices through the wire netting and breaks free! He rolls to one side as the Predator stabs into the tree where Wolverine was moments before.
PAT: Wolverine comes back around, claws out... this is the death strike...
JAY: ...The shoulder laser spins...
PAT: ... I thought...
Wham! Wham! Wham!
JAY: Oh, that's messy, Pat.
JAY: Well, Wolverine will probably live, due to the healing factor, but the Predator's Laser sure put the Kibosh on him.