Favorite letter of the Week
Tom and Sylvester. Why? One reason. Fat Skanky Redneck Chicks(TM). What do THEY have to do with anything? It's the Tweety factor. The only time Tweety's likeness is seen on clothing, it's generally being worn by Fat Skanky Redneck Chicks, or the nearest local equivalent. FSRCs live under the delusion that wearing the likeness of a cartoon bird with a bigass head, they have an "attitude." Indeed, many of these "Tweety" shirts have captions commenting on the wearer's "attitude." "Don't TELL me about attitude." "Yes, I have an attitude!" "Fat Skanky Redneck Chicks RULE!" , etcetera.
Ergo, because Fat Skanky Redneck Chicks are nasty and scary, Tweety, and by default, Jerry, are losers. Tom and Sylvester.
Addendum: The addition of Itchy and Scratchy would have made this match a battle of epic proportions, and Godzilla-level property damage. Editor's Note: Damn! Of course! Fat Skanky Redneck Chicks theory. It's so obvious, now. Today I have a new perspective on life.
Jerry and Tweety will win because they basicly always do. Tom and Sylvestor's chances of beating these two are about the same as Jar Jar Binks winning an award for fluent speach.As Pat said Tweety has a mean streak in him (or is Tweety a her?)a lightyear long. Maybe if they got Catzilla they could take out Tweety and Jerry but not with Tom or Sylvestor. As my D.I used to say Oh explitive Well. Nuff said
Mr. Silverback writes:
Consider the following:
1. Over the years, various WB characters have ordered hundreds of millions of dollars worth of hardware from Acme, usually over the phone or by mail without using a checkbook. This is something that would seem to require acredit line or credit card.
2. A recent Visa ad proved that WB characters carry plastic.
3. The life expectancy of a cat is several times that of a bird or mouse.
4. Cats eat carrion if necessary.
Sylvester offers to take Tom out to lunch, and they use some of the 50 billion Acme Skymiles he's accumulated to fly to NYC and have roast pheasant at Tavern on the Green. They then go on with their daily lives (Sylvester now works as Michael Jordan's operations manager, while Tom is now Joe Barbera's pool boy) until Jerry leaves for that Mousehole in the sky. Tom waits a day or two (we all know that aged meat is more flavorful and tender) then eats Jerry's corpse. When Tweety dies, Sylvester follows suit, and takes a steamy dump in Granny's rosebushes to add insult to injury.
Just because you're mute or have a speech impediment doesn't mean you're short on gray matter. Sylvester and Tom in 2 years, 3 months, 2 days, 10 hours and 32 minutes. With A-1 sauce.
Editor's Note: Yes, but I think you are overlooking the whole Fat Skanky Redneck Chick thing, here. They kick cats like nobody. I seen it
The Immortal Kahless writes:
YES!!!!! Tweety and Jerry must die!!! Or I'll go insane!!! I HATE THOSE LITTLE PESTS!! I ALWAYS root for the cats!! I hope they kill those punks Jerry and Tweety a dozen times over!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!! MAY THERE BE BITS OF BIRD AND MOUSE ALL OVER KHAZAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Colonel writes:
Guys, small as they are, the bird and mouse know how many ways there are to skin a cat (about 45,786,908 ways in Toonsville to be exact - but then the Saturday Mornings would be rated NC-18), think what would they do with two cats! Seriously, when has either cat actually scored victories? Check the track record! And if I remember correctly, Jerry is quite well acquainted with one of Tweety's cousins - one of them saved his life several times! Go check all those T&J reruns. And Tom? He screws things up even with his cat friends in tow! A whole gang of alley cats, and he can't even catch one mouse? What does that tell you about the teamwork abilities of either side?
The two cats will get hit by everything including the kitchen sink, not to mention several tons of TNT to finish the job!
Two words: THE RAGE(TM by Grudge Match).
After so many attempts at hunting and failing, both Slyvester and Tom should be just brimming with the RAGE(TM). Add a fanatical urging to catch their prey which kept them coming and coming, and you've got two tough take-no-crap-from-no-one tomcats. My prediction is that Jerry and Tweety beat the crap out of Slyvester and Tom(As usual-D@mn varmint!!), Slyvester dies, and Tom gets a helping of the all-powerful RAGE(TM) upon seeing his friend dying. That's RAGE with capital bold letters!! From experience, people with the RAGE(TM) cannot possibly lose. Never. After elimiating his oppoents, Tom teams up with Elmer Fudd, Yosamite Sam, Daffy Duck, and other villains and they proceed to bake some rabbit pie. Make that wabbit pie.
Hath no fury like those with the RAGE(TM). All hail Grudge Match(TM)!!
Editor's Note: Yes, bt Fat Skanky Redneck Chicks also have THE RAGE(TM by Grudge Match).
THE RAGE(TM) has been brought to you by WWWF Grudge Match.
The cats are going to have their day. Tom by himself has managed to catch Jerry every now and then, so his talents in the vermin-catching field aren't as weak as many assume. Also, he and Jerry have been "friends" for quite some time now. It's been awhile since a Tom vs. Jerry cartoon has been done outside of the awful and out of continuity Tom and Jerry Kids. Jerry won't see Tom as a threat until it's too late. As for Sylvester, can we cay ACME? He has the supplies, and with Tom on his side, he also has the cleverness to utilize those supplies to their fullest. Jerry and Tweety are clever in their own right, but in a reactionary kind of way. Can the two of them handle the combind might of two cats bent on feasting on their old rivals? Not this time...
A pile of leaves writes:
How can anyone expect the cats to win? They NEVER win! I think peoples' minds have been poisoned by the T&J cartoons from the seventies, where they were buddies.
Now, if they'd done Tom & Tweety vs. Slyvester & Jerry, THEN we might have a challenging battle here... but I'd bet on T&T winning that one...
Tweety and Jerry have every single advantage in the book. First of all, the techno-gizmos that Tom and Sylvestor always think up? Ever notice how they never ever work? And to think that them putting their heads together to make something is ludicrious. If anything, it will only lead to "BOOM" squared. Secondly, we all know that Tom and Tweety always win. If they ever lost, we would not be seeing them in this fight, would we? No, of course not. They're batting 1000 here and you think that some sort of double team will shatter THEIR perfect record? No. Plus, the extra team members just nullify each other too. Tom and Jerry cancel each other out and make for the same outcome. Tweety and Sylvestor cencel each other out and make for the same outcome. Therefore, since both sides cancel each other out with their respective foes, the outcome will always be the same: BOOM on the Cats' side. Finally, have you ever noticed that Sylvestor and Tom seem to be Murphey's Law incarnate? ANYthing that can go wrong for these two WILL go wrong. Sylvestor and Tom don't stand a chance. So.... Why did I vote for Tom and Sylvestor? I've always been one of those kids who've always cheered for the Coyote whenever he chased the Roadrunner and secretly hoped he'd catch him one day. I feel that irreguardless of whether T&S COULD win, they certainnly deserve one after all these years of torment. Let them eat mouse (and bird).
The Cat writes:
I had a bird once. It died... Those things die quickly. If the two cats need any tips they should go to my SISTER, who thought that fermented applesauce and nestle quick was a GOOD idea to feed my poor bird.
Editor's Note: Any chance she was a FSRC with THE RAGE(TM by Grudge Match)?
Achin' Dave writes:
As much as it galls me, I voted for the rodents. Why? Well, lets look at it in cartoon logic.
1. Jerry and Tweety are cute.
2. Tom and Sylvester are cats.
3. Cartoonists seem to hate cats.
Therefore, Jerry and Tweety win.
The only hope for the cats is if they can swap opponents...
Dizzy D writes:
Well, Jerry and Tweety will probably win, but I always vote for the underdog in these cases and I think it's about time that the little bird and mouse be silenced.
This is gonna be like the Marvin the Martian vs. Men in Black fight. Tom and Slyvester, after years of putting up with being forced to job by the script, will go nuts on Jerry and Tweety, unleashing well over two decades worth of frustration and pure berserker Rage tm. on the duo, this time without directors and contracts to hold them back!
Preem Palver writes:
Tom & sylvester are usually stopped only by outside forces (hector, granny etc), They have the training, the rage, The plutonium 246 explosive space modulator and millions of years of evolution on their side. They are cats born to kill small rodents and birds, their failure to date has just been to lull their prey into a false sence of security.
The Sound of the hammers and anvils of acme shall ring the day. As sylvester & Tom enjoy a lovely roast bird with leg of mouse.
Lord of the Pie's Cartoon Baron writes:
Tom has gone after up to 4 opponents of Jerry's like at a time and kept pace, giving as much as he gets. Jerry runs fast. Hey Jerry, Sylvester's here now...see, at Warner Bros., they get to play with dynamite. In much larger quantities than yer used to. B'bye.
Sylvester also has edge merely on coolness factor. He has supported many cartoons of his own, a whole lotta which are really good on an artistic level. He also has survived everything the minds of Tex Avery and Chuck Jones could come up with. Tweety however is a BOY BIRD known mostly for his Sylvester cartoons and folks getting his gender mixed up. If Sylvester goes down fer good, Tweety's carrer goes down Mr. Ceramic and he goes back to battling Babbet and Rostello as a naked little bird with no owner. Granny could take them all, though
Never, EVER mess with a man with unfathomed cartoon smarts, a lotta time, a lotta caffine, and a big honkin' book.
Wow...its only Tuesday and its this high already? Yeesh...
*ahem* (insert that guy's voice...you'll recognize it in a second) Ladieeees and Gentlemennnn Sports fans of all ages...we bring you...the MAIN EVENT! In this corner, hoping to overpower their opponents with double trouble....Sylvester and Tom!
And in this corner...hoping to show that size isn't everything, the diminuitive duo Jerry and Tweety!
Ladies and Gentlemen...Lets get ready to RUUUUUMMMMMBLEEEE!
Sylvester and Tom are crouching...they're trying to pick which prey to go after first, and it seems they've chosen Tweety! Yes, they seem to have decided that of the two, Tweety would be the easier of the two.
They're crawling slowly...they're inching, slowly gaining speed...seems they're both going to try to make the jump for the cage...they're running top speed....OH MY GOODNESS! Jerry, out of nowhere, has swung a shovel around a hallway corner clocking Sylvester in the face! Tom continues, making the leap...uh oh, it seems Tweety is holding something behind his back...he's pulling it out...and its...A BOWLING BALL! Tweety's passed it to Tom! Tom drops like a rock with the bowling ball crushing his fingers! Oh my, Tom's really shouting up a storm there. He's gotta feel as ridiculous as a one legged man at a butt kicking convention!
Grannie: "Gracious, whats all that racket down there!"
Uh-oh, looks like Tom might be in trouble. Grannie's coming downstairs and she's packing heat! Thats right...Grannie's got the umbrella!
Meanwhile, it seems Sylvester's catching up to Jerry...they've torn through the cat door into the yard...Jerry's looking for a place to hide, and he's spotted a small hole in a piece of wood he can squeeze through! Jerry is into the alley! Wait a minute...there seems to be another cat out there! The other cat's caught Jerry! Sylvester is over the fence...he's talking to the other cat...seems they're going to...cut Jerry in half? Looks like trouble, folks!
Meanwhile, it seems Tom has managed to managed to elude Grannie and her umbrella and is now joining Sylvester outside for the cutting of the mouse! However, it seems wants half, and will let Sylvester and Tom split the other half. They're drawing and re-drawing the chalk line. Jerry's not helping any by scrunching and stretching his body so it looks like someone's getting more than anyone else...Tweety's out here now...he's heading into the garage...HOLY! Tweety's activated the driving lawn mower! Its going crazy! Its heading right for the cats and Jerry! The cats seem frozen in place like deer in a car's headlights....Jerry's leaping clear...
Oh....my....lord....that is one sadistic little bird. Jerry's dusting himself off, Tweety's flying over...they shake hands...er...paws...er...wings...er...whatever... and head into the house to watch Flintstones reruns, leaving the Terrible Twosome of Tom and Sylvester (And friend) looking more mangled than a squeaky toy left with Cujo.
Maskim Xuul writes:
Can't vouch for Tom, but I'm sure about Sylvester: the cat wants to kill and eat something. Bird, mouse, fight announcer, it doesn't matter. He's hungry. He's mad. Fifty years of pain, insult, and humiliation have taken their toll. He's panting for blood.
He's come close before. He's had Tweety in hand, in his very jaws, many times. The bird has been saved only by outside intervention. Humans. Dogs. It doesn't matter. Nobody's gonna save the birdie now. Sylvester dreams about the crunch of tiny bones between his jaws. He's dreamed about it for fifty years.
Tom, well, he might not have the killer instinct. He's more of a simple bully. But he'll follow Sylvester's lead. He'll do well enough in a pinch.
It boils down to scripts. The one reason that the bird and the mouse are alive today? G-Rated scripts. Can't kill the bird. Can't kill the mouse. Beat up the cats, no big deal. Cats work cheap. They'll work the script.
There ain't no scripts in the Arena of Khazan.
Dead bird. Dead mouse. Lots of bloody feathers and little sticky bits scattered around the arena.
Happy kitties. Meow.
Is that Selena Kyle in the audience? (waves to Selena)
Mr. Graves writes:
Since Sylvester and Tweety have had the most experience, I think it's gonna come down to these two. And Sylvester will be victorious for three reasons:
1) Tweety won't have Granny or Spike to help him out here... while he's been able to make it on his own before, many times he's needed help from somone else to get out of a jam... here he won't have that luxury.
2) All those years of failing to catch Tweety, while being pummeled by everyone and especially the dog, Sylvester must have an Empire-State-Building-Load full of RAGE (TM)!! With the bird without a friend, he'll be even that more crazy for the chance to get his dinner.
3) Sylvester has more experience. He's hung out with just about every Looney Tunes character there is, so he's got experience compared to the bird, who's only hung out with a couple of characters once or twice. So, the cat's just got a hair more experience to use in the fight.
Actually, now that I think about it, some weird twist of fate will have Tom and Jerry chasing each other down a hallway that is actually infinite this time, so eventually both of them wear out and keel over from exhaustion.
Devin The Mental Hospital Escapee writes:
So Tom & Sylvester never win. And Tweety and Jerry always win. So what? This is a non-factor. Why? Glad you asked. Two factors: One familiar to all, one to some who've been to Grudgematch. (wwwfights.com)
1: SUPREME IRONY OF KHAZAN. No one is immune to the SIoK! NO ONE! This makes Tom and Sylvester cold hard killas, and Tweety and Jerry little hor d'evoures.
2. The RAGE!!!!!!!! This is almost as bad as the SIoK. The RAGE(tm) is fairly self-explanatory. With the RAGE on T & S's side, there'll be mouse & bird sandwiches for all tonight.
Callisto Flockhart writes:
I have a kitty named fluffy
sometimes she is naughty
sometimes fluffy goes urp in the corner
i say things like bad fluffy
or fluffy dont get no din din
I like cats
cats are fun
Gentleman James writes:
Tweety: I tat I tall a putty tat with a biiiiiiiig acme laser gun, no wait, I saw two, two putty tats with biiiiiiig acme laser guns! What do you think Jerry?
Jerry: *makes pointing gestures and doesn't speak*
Tweety: Tat baaaad news, putty's are vewy angry and uh oh....
Sylvester: Suffering suckatash it took me over 40 years but I finally got him Tom!
S. Todd writes:
I know there is no way that Tom and Sylvester could win really, but I just finally want to see those two kick ass.