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Bad Fanfiction Hunter: Z
Played By: Sir Exal

Bad Fanfiction Hunter: Z by Sir Exal

TEAM: Reavers


KIT CLASS: Empathy

Hall Of Fame!

Survival - 15 wins!

Brutal - 1 fatalaties!

Fight Record
League Wins: 8
League Losses: 3
Out Of League Wins: 7
Out of League Losses: 4
Total Wins: 15
Total Losses: 7
Haxon Freebeng Wand for Hire - Win 11-7
Project Thorn - Win 11-5
Bodon - Win 15-4
Project Thorn - Win 16-7
Devlin the Living A-Bomb - Win 16-8
Deviana Ash-Meadows - Win 11-10
Ersatz - Win 13-6
Vincent Shelley - Win 13-8
Ignorance - Win 3-2
Inju: Romantic Tentacle - Loss 11-13
Zoot Suit Riot - Win 11-9
Jennifer Chase - Loss 12-14
Rose Wendell & the Greatcoat - Loss 11-15
The FPL Game - Win 13-9
Bi-Polar AMI - Loss 9-15
Robot-Killer Aria - Win 12-7
Arick Huebris - Loss 5-10
The Duke of Something - Win 16-12
Creathers - Win 19-9
The Challenger - Loss 10-19
Young Adel - Loss 14-24

At any given time, there are 1,609,600 pieces of fanfiction circulating around the internet, fanzines, and the minds of geeks everywhere, and that's just a really conservative estimate. What's more amazing? Harry Potter fics account for a fourth of them.

Now granted, there's the good ones, the ones with deep inner meaning or the kind that makes you look at a character in a way you never have before. But those I'm not concerned about.

I'm concerned about the bad ones, the ones that make you want to fall on your knees, look to the heavens and wonder why any god would let this happen. I'm talking about the stories written by authors with pennames like "Moonstone990" or "Gurlofdawinds." The Mary Sues, the AUs, the lemons, the yaoi parings that make no sense whatsoever...You get my drift.

When those troublemakers start swarming over the web like ants to a sugar cube, that's when I step in. I'm employed by a big fanfiction website that had already taken steps to try to destroy the bad fanfiction, but to no avail. So I...offered my services to them. They bit, natch. I go out there and cull the herd of the sick, dying, and stupid stories.

I am Z, and I am a Bad Fanfiction Hunter.


Personality: Too many people get me wrong on this. I don't hate fanfiction. No. Fuck, I've even written a piece or two back in my "Rocky Horror" days. I read good fics, the cult hits that get good acclaim from the small fan base,. hell, even the ones that were destroyed in the great fanfiction purge, there's a good one here and there.

But reading that is not my job. My job is finding and stopping the shit out there, and if it makes it look like I despise fanfiction, oh well.




Standard Normal human strength.Agility:


Standard Normal human agility.


Standard Normal human endurance. Mind:


Superior Highly educated and ingenious.
A smart cookie.

Immunity: Mary Sues

...As Glitter Devine Happykitty32 strided into the Myth-on-door tower, all the boys marveled at her beautiful, silky, long silver hair and perfect sapphire eyes. As she impressed the crowd of males by turning into a small, silver cat, Harry watched from across the room. He couldn't help but feel attracted to this strange girl, and....

"Just stop. Right there." The darkly clad Z seemed to come from nowhere. He spoke to Glitter. "Now, think. Why in the world would all these boys spontanously throw off all former love and affections to worship you? Even the MAIN CHARCTER, just forgetting the orginal romantic subtext and falling in love with someone he's known for a total of three SECONDS?"

Z shook his head, while Glitter seemed ready to cry. "Now, Miss Happykitty32, I don't know you. But I have a question. Why do you have to be in every single story that you write? It's un-freaking-original, that's what it is. I bet you don't look a thing like your avatar here. I bet you're just a pimply little 13-year-old with scraggily hair, with a crush on some 9th grade dreamboat you don't have a chance of getting. Find different ways of bolstering your dumb self-esteem than having prepubsecent wizards fall in love with you because of stupid unique talents. Polymorphing into a cat? Girl, I met three girls last month who could turn into dragons. That doesn't attract me at all."

As Z left, leaving Glitter sobbing and confused boys, Z muttered, "Fucking Mary Sues...so many of them in here, they should get their own tower..."

Immunity: Self-Insert

...David sat in front of the television, happily playing his favorite video game. He ignored the lightning storm that had seemed to come up the second his parents had left the house. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck the house, creating a power surge that caused the TV picture to suddenly become a swirling vortex that slowly sucked David...

"Hold up there, Davey," said Z, putting a hand on David's forehead to stop him. "What possible good can come from you going into that game? Best-case scenario, you manage to have a bunch of moronic adventures, get home again and lose the love you found in there, worst-case, you die."

"Gah...well...I never really--" said David.

"Of course you didn't," replied Z. "Now here," he said, closing the televison's portal. "You just sit here and play your stupid video games like a normal person. (Yeah, like you are one.)"

As an afterthought, Z says, "Oh, and don't just play video games when your parents are out. Don''t you have any freaking imagination?"


Immunity: Lemons

Senshi Poseidon and Senshi Ares looked at each other from across the bed. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Asked Poseidon. "I'm sure...I love you." responded Ares. The two Senshi threw themselves against each other in a loving embrace, hugging and kissing passionately. Ares could feel the lumps on her breasts touch Poseidon's, and they both ripped off their fukus and..."

"Oh, oh...just oh," said Z, covering one eye and part of the other with his hand. "You know, this is wrong beyond belief. Just...wrong."

Z could only try to avert his gaze at the lemon scene still going on as he spoke. "I know it's said in the freaking series, at least it isn't a completly senseless pairing, but... still, why do we need to even see this, for crying out loud? It's freaking obscene. We can just switch to the next morning, and not go through the sex scene, right?"

Z pointed, and the two lovers fell asleep. But it was not the next morning, and they did not wake up.

"Oh, for the love of GOD!" yelled Z. "This was a Porn Without Plot fic, wasn't it? That was the full extent of the stupid action?" Z walked off. "I don't know why I even bothered with this one."

Immunity: Alternate Universe

The desecrated buildings of Robotcityopolis stood high. A small squirrel wandered, cold and lost. "Hmmm....little one..." hissed a voice from the shadows. "Come here..." An evil-looking skunk came from the shadows, reaching out and grabbing the girl. She screamed in horror. "Yess...scream...no one will hear you...." said the skunk, parting his fur. and grabbing the poor squirrel..."ULK!" said the skunk, and he fell forward, gouges in his back. "Take that." said Speedy the Porcupine. The squirrel ran up to her savior...

"Just THINK!" yelled Z, stepping in front of Speedy. "This isn't the universe you live in! Robotcityopolis isn't a ghost city, the world isn't a post-apocolyptic nightmare where squirrels are raped in the streets, and YOU'RE not a freaking vigilante, Speedy!"

As Speedy suddenly re-saw his world the way it was, a campy platformer, Z yelled to him, "and try to reemember this the next time someone thinks that they could make your world better. It makes myjob a hell of a lot easier."

Immunity: Out-of-Canon References

....The demon reared back and bared giant claws. The your demon hunter sprang with his sword, but was slapped back by the gargantuan hand of the demon. "Stay down, Outieyasha!" yelled Piro, his new friend. "I'll take care of him...." Piro said, and drew his trusty AK-47, along with the gigantic sword of Holy Destruction, the most powerful sword in the world, which had carved on it the chinese symbols for earth, wind, and fire...

"Whoa now, big shot!" aaid Z, grabbing one of Piro's weapons. "First off, we're in what appears to be feudal China here. Why the hell does your little orginal character here have a fucking assult rifle?"

"And the sword," he continued, "where in the world could you have gotten this stupid thing? If it's the most powerful sword in the world, HOW DID YOU GET IT? And besides, I believe the series is named after Outieyasha over there. You just don't have weapons upstaging the title character, for crying out loud."

"Grrr...You are a demon in disquise!" announced Piro. "Prepare to die!"

"Oh, please," said Z, immediately producing a short katana, and slicing up the AK-47 effortlessly. "Care to try again?"

"Hah!" laughed Piro, "You have no chance against my mighty sword! It was forged out of holy steef in the heart of a volcano, and...."

Z cut the solilquy short by a quick movement of his katana slicing through the hilt of the sword, making the blade fall to the ground. Z picked it up. "Should have invested a little more money in the hilt, eh? Sorry, kid, I think in-canon trumps anything. Besides, you'd probably cut your own head off before hitting me."

Z knocked Piro down with a slap, then leaned down to Piro, whispering, "Don't. Fuck. With me."

Immunity: Crossovers

...."We'll have to make an emergency landing, Zulu," said Captain Murk. "Of course," responded Zulu. Soon, they were on the surface of the planet, surveying the surroundings, when Gandolf the Greyish, the Power Destroyers, the Justice Powers League, Yubi and Soda from Yu-Bi-Oh, and Chain from the Legend of Melda came over the hill and...

"Dammit, stop right there," said Z. "This has got to be one of the dumbest crossovers I've seen in years. They all got pulled to this stupid planet, huh? They're completely unrelated in every way! And...I bet now they have to fight?"

"Ugh...they'd all be out of character anyway. I'm not messing around this time." He locked a hand towards the Starship Trumperprise and its crew. "You..." he threw his hand a direction, and the starship and people vanished. "Stay in your universe, you...stay in yours," He repeated the action several times, each time locking an arm at another group of characters, with them vanishing shortly afterwards. "You...stay in your universe, you...stay in yours, you...stay in yours, you...stay in yours, and YOU STAY IN YOURS."

Z was alone. "Finally, a little bit of silence." He paused. "Aw, fuck, I know there's another crappy fanfic out there to hunt, I just can't sit still." Then he vanished from the story as well.

Immunity: Insane Pairings

  • Power: Force Field
  • Level:Standard
  • Reinforced Defenses Defense blocks Armor Piercing attacks.
  • Weakness: Limited Uses -Multi-Use
...The relaxation room of the space station had a simulated hot spring in it. Currently, the blue-haired Princess Sashimi, wearing a modest towel, was in it. Ryeoko, also wearing a towel, entered the room. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, moving to leave. "No..." said Sashimi, paddling gently around the pool, "You don't have to..." "What?" asked Ryeoko. "You know...ever since you appeared on the station...I've been attracted to you..." The gray-haired girl looked back at Sashimi. "I feel the same way..." The two slowly walked/floated towards each other...

"Whoa! Just stop. Stop right there. Stop." said Z, coming between the two girls, and holding them apart. "Now, can we think about this for a moment?"

"The entire point of fanfiction is to present a resonable scenario, you know? Can you imagine this pairing actually happening by ANY stretch of the imagination?! If I'm not mistaken, Ms. Ryeoko, don't you have an obsession with the star of this show that's the central part of the plot?"

Ryeoko stops reaching against the wall of force stopping her. She pauses. "You know, you're right..." Then Ryeoko leaves the room, slightly dazed.

"Ummm...what now?" asks Princess Sashimi.

"I don't know, kid," says Z, "Why don't you keep swimming like that. It's terrific fanservice."

"Um...Okay..." says the princess vacantly, and she does. Z rolls his eyes and leaves.