Wish Upon A Penguin
Creation: superior (rank 2)
Donatella blushed with excitement when the dapper penguin motioned for her to come sit by her at the bar. Not only had her father told her not to go near the bar, since they served “big girl drinks” and everyone was puffing away at those smelly cigars that spewed out green smoke, but she was getting to do something so grown up and naughty with a TALKING PENGUIN! Donatella bobbed with anticipation as the penguin asked the nice-smelling gnome lady who was sitting on his right to kindly step aside for a moment so that his “adorable new friend” could chat with him for a moment. All of the foul-smelling smoke and alcohol didn’t bother Donatella for one moment, as being able to talk with such a mystical-seeming creature was something right out of her dreams. Gnomes were nice and all, but they looked too much like really short kids to catch her fancy. A TALKING PENGUIN was all together something completely different and completely fascinating.
The penguin asked her the sort of questions a parent would ask a child-- The parent knows the answers, but the parent also wants to let the child beam with joy as they get the sensation of “teaching” an adult something they didn’t already know. The penguin already knew that Donatella had a keen eye for the fantastical. He knew everything there was to know about fairies and unicorns and dragons and princesses, but he wanted Donatella to show him her enthusiasm--
He needed to know if her heart was true before he asked her one last question.
“Do you want the same magical power that those dragon-slaying princesses had in your stories?
The manner in which the penguin asks this question is always different, since every person he bargains with has a different wish to fulfill. Sometimes the motivation is like Donatella’s-- a pure heart that wants to live the delusional fantasies that exist in their deprived minds. Sometimes the motivation is revenge-- a mother or a father is murdered or kidnapped or disappears, and a lonely soul wants the ability to make right what is wrong. The penguin cares not for the motivation itself, so long as he knows that his mark believes in the cause with all of their heart.
And once he knows this to be true, and once they decide that they want to live out this dream, the penguin grants their wish. No strings attached. No deal with the devil. He makes wishes come true not because he receives something in the process-- he makes wishes come true because he always knows that those with whom he makes such a pact will always turn out exactly as he anticipates.
Wish Upon Chaos
Decay: superior (rank 2)
- Ranged Attack
- Long Ranged Attack
- Area Affect
- Super Area of Effect
- Target Seeker
We all remember what happened at the Hadron Collider a couple of years ago, yes? Security was breached. Several scientists were murdered. The Collider itself was damaged but not extensively, leading to temporary setbacks and little else. You can thank Dynamic Dragonslayer Donatella for those setbacks.
The raw materials that the Gnomes of Zurich provided for the Collider weren’t actual precious metals. They were dragons. Live dragons. The particular species in question, Quantum Dragons, are said to be “hatched from the very ether of time itself.” Like most Dreamtime creatures, such descriptions are little more than bragging to impress humans and other less sophisticated creatures, but these dragons to possess a certain degree of power over time, space, and other things one would need for the sort of experiments going on at the Collider.
The Collider is also something of a prison for these particular dragons, since they’re known for being a rather dastardly bunch that do their best to wreck havoc across time when they choose to awaken from their slumbers deep in the Dreamtime. So, whenever a Quantum Dragon is captured in the Dreamtime, it’s moved to the Collider so it can be put to some good use as it serves out an eternity-long sentence in a temporal containment unit. That is, until a certain righteous Dragonslayer caught wind that the Collider was a Dragon den ripe for the picking.
Knowing full well that Quantum Dragons were “evil,” but being completely oblivious to the fact that said Dragons at the Collider were well under control, Dynamic Dragonslayer Donatella launched an assault on the complex in an attempt to defeat the Dragons and those that she believed to be their human co-conspirators. Several of the Dragons, along with numerous humans attempting to defend the slumbering creatures, were “slain” by Donatella in his misguided quest to right the wrongs of the world. She died in the process, shot from behind by her father in an attempt to protect his co-workers. And while Dynamic Dragonslayer Donatella’s mission was covered up by the authorities, her actions blamed on an extremist luddite sect based in the mountains of Spain, and while Donatella may have ultimately failed at being a “Dragonslayer,” her actions served the penguin’s purposes.
Days before the party in Zurich, a request had been made from within the International Terrorist Network that a certain Dragon being held within the Collider be freed so that they may acquire his services. Said Dragon, Glast Agahst, managed to escape from the Collider during Donatella’s assault and met with his ITN contact hours later. Glast was responsible for the “terrorist bombing” that occurred days later in Malaysia that destroyed a ZEMY safehouse and killed numerous innocent bystanders. The dominoes fell from there, leading to numerous unrelated bombings and deaths in the region that no doubt triggered other events that are far too difficult to trace.
And it was all because of the actions of one little girl who wanted to live out her fantasies. And she was able to do so because of one little martini-loving penguin.
Wish Upon Inevitability
Ally: superior (rank 2)
- Ranged Attack
- Area Affect
Not every girl that wishes upon the penguin ends up like Dynamic Dragonslayer Donatella. For every axe-murdering psychopath like Two Hands Tabatha and suicide cult-leader like Majestilyne there’s several girls who seems to turn out more than alright. Liberty Lass, who fights along side the US troops in Afghanistan, has a spot-free record-- not a single civilian casualty can be attributed to her actions, not a single person she has set free has gone on to do some dastardly deed, and she has none of the proverbial dirty laundry that others in her position may have. She’s a true blue patriot through and through.
Eventually, even the most untouchable of the penguin’s marks do something that leads to chaos, mayhem, and murder. It may not even be intentional. Look at the case of Catherine Federline. Yes, the US Supreme Court Justice. Bet you didn’t know that she was a minor-grade magical girl in her youth by the name of Koolkill Kat. She had a brief run in the 60’s, but she soon realized that a life of fighting crime either get her killed or drafted into Vietnam, so she hung up her striped go-go boots and skimpy skirt and went to college. That led to a successful career as a lawyer and judge before she was appointed to the Supreme Court. And like Liberty Lass, the worst thing she ever did was run a stop sign when she was in her 30’s that didn’t lead to anything worse than a traffic ticket. Except for the fact that she was the deciding vote in the controversial case that reversed the death penalty for the infamous serial killer Valentino Burkowitz. Everyone knew that the “Valentine Killer” was guilty, but the Supreme Court was forced to rule on a minor technicality that would set him free. Federline knew in her heart that this man was guilty, but she also knew that by the word of the law that this technicality was sound, and the Valentine Killer was freed. Of course, he was caught a few weeks later with the corpses of seventeen young men in his garage, all of whom he had killed after his release, and was promptly gunned down as he assaulted the police attempting to arrest him. Valentino finally faced his fate, but it was the former Koolkill Kat that allowed him to kill once more.
How the penguin knew that Catherine would grow up to be the deciding factor in such a case, allowing a serial killer to take far more lives than he would have otherwise, is quite baffling, but at the same time it’s quite irrelevant. What matter is that all of his marks serve his purpose at some point in time.
Wish Upon A Bellyslide
Energy Wave Surfing: standard (rank 1)
Footnote: After the Zurich Twilight Club party, the penguin was seen sliding out the front door on a stream of magical ice with a drunk gnome woman straddling his back. He seemed quite happy at the time.