"*psst* Ralph, have they voted for us yet? ...My back is starting to hurt from sticking my chest out." "*sigh* No, hold this pose for another couple minutes...then we better show them your ass." Bimbo Moneymaker, a model/"actress"; (you might have seem her in her biggest screen role to date... "3rd schoolgirl from the left" in the beloved classic "Henti Demons From Outer space") and Ralph Givememore, Hello Kitty's(tm) illegitimate bastard love child. Two mildly humorous, though mostly just annoying, comic strip rejects who were transported to Khazan when an "Evil Dead" parody went horrible wrong. Bimbo, having only a moderate education in Latin, misread a passage in the infamous book of naughty evilness, The Nakedonomica(tm), and instead of opening a portal to medieval times, where Bimbo would be declared the chosen one and Ralph gets his hand cut off in comedic, bloody scene so he could replace it later by strapping a salad shooter(tm) to his arm, (Boy, almost makes you wish I'd just done the parody instead, huh?) She opens a portal that sucks them into nexus of all reality. Anyway, after a series of crappy menial labor jobs (such as working at Taco Hell(also tm), acting as gnome stand ins in all those LotMU propaganda films, and even being announcers at some crappy unofficial bootleg fight arena that some perverted god was running a while back.) The pair eventually wound up where ALL misfits from other dimensions are legally required to go...The Arena of Khazan. (And, No, there is no reason to this, nor is there a plot.) http://www.nakedangel.nu/comic/r&b.html
HTTSBRYBSREC Ray GUNN
Eldrich Blast: Supreme
- Ranged Attack Only
- Armor Piercing
- Weakness: Power in Item - Easy to Lose
With JBG now running Kill-o-Matic BIGG GUNNS now, he was able to convince Sissy to help the KOMBG R&D Department to refine and improve the famous H.T.T.S.B.R.Y.B.S.R.E.C. Ray GUNN (Holier-Than-Thou-Sin-Buster-Repent-You-Bloody-Sinners-Repent-Evil-Crushing Ray GUNN) that JBG helped make so famous during his tenor in the ring. As a means to advertise this new and improved model, KOMBG has donated one to the FPL to be used as a grand prize. This rifle fires off Mystical bolts of energy that can pierce any non-reinforced armour with ease.
Thanks to their monthly habit of sucking up- *AHEM* I mean, making OFFERINGS to their patron god and former employer; Poe, The God of Naughtiness... Ralph and Bimbo have been blessed with good fortune and powers far beyond that of most mortal comic strip characters. Of course, they also get randomly attacked by tentacled monsters, and now Bimbo's clothes seem to tear apart at the slightest physical contact... but, hey, that's the downside of aligning yourself with a khazan eechi god. (Yeah... like YOU wouldn't make your characters your own personal avatars if you had a God for a FPL persona too, Huh?)
- Auto-Hit Attack
- Weakness: Not usable in terrain - Swamp
"Look at my behind! It's so incredible; you won't be able look away!! Tee-hee, And now let's talk about my cleavage..." Yes, she may be violent, abusive, and 'insensitive to the needs of others' but Bimbo posses that strange and incredible power known only as Anime Hotty-ness(tm) and thus can bring entire armies down simply by making her chest go *bounce*; Cause mecha pilots to betray their planets just by wearing a thong; and even make horny demons spontaneously manifest in this dimension by only putting on a school girl outfit... well, okay... maybe it was just that ONE time... but she's still pretty damn hot. Of course she has to be seen in able to show off her... err... 'perkiness', and so Bimbo tries to say out of dark unlighted areas.
Mind Blast: Standard
- Area Affect
- Weakness: Limited Uses - Multi-Use
- Weakness: Not usable in terrain - Bar Fight
"What was that? Well, I don't know, but your mom sure thinks so. Yeah, just last night, me and her we got all sick freaky up in the joint. She *bleep* like a goose, she did. hahahaha. Like a goose! She so nasty!" Be it 'Yo Mama' jokes so stunningly bad they could cause a person's brain to lock up, pointless stories that could almost induce death, or even the rare, perfect biting sarcastic remark that seems able to pierce your very soul... (but those don't happen to damn often... to first two are FAR more common) ...Ralph and Bimbo just keep on TALKING, unfortunately they aren't quite super geniuses and will usually run out of really good smart-ass comments after the first ten minutes or so; that and they can barely make a single cohesive phrase if they happen to be drunk...
"*CRACKK* Ohhh... that's going leave a mark... *passes out*" As with most weird, talking animal characters, Ralph is able to deny the laws of reality by surviving seemingly fatal amounts of pain and physical damage, yet appear in the next scene almost without harm. And as for Bimbo... well Bimbo will usually just grabs Ralph and uses him as a makeshift shield. Just how creatures such as him can withstand being blown apart by dynamite or falling off a cliff has never been discovered; though Charles Darwin did once theorized that it was some sort odd effect of evolution (i.e. a coyote who got up after being hit by an anvil, was likely to have offspring, while the coyote that was be killed by the anvil would be taken out of the gene pool.)
"*Sigh* WHY, GOD? WHY?" Though Ralph and Bimbo are both completely unaware of it... by some strange cosmic accident whenever they are near each other, it creates a paranormal nexus of chaotic interdimensional energy. This invisible quantum field causes all sorts of odd occurrences to take place around them (C'mon, it makes sense doesn't it? In fact I believe this cosmic accident is far more common in comic strips then you'd think...) such as people getting sucked into random worm holes, demons bursting out of the ground to kidnap virgin sacrifices, (see chapter 20 of the "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Khazan" "Demons, Naughty Tentacles, and You, Oh my!") and of course the occasional psychokinetic teenager who blows up the town they've just leased an apartment in, etc.. And though it has caused FAR, FAR, FAR more harm than good, this bizarre phenomena also seems make sure they survive all these adventures with the majority of their body parts intact. Hmm... go figure...