Piercing Weapon: standard (rank 1)
- Ranged Attack
Landon s mind raced with responses to Molly s unexpected proclamation, but when you re getting attacked by who the hell knows while prone on the ground in a parking lot that ll soon be overtaken by his co-workers filling their way to their cars, Landon figured he could make snide asides once the bodies of their would-be assassins were littering the parking lot.
Landon reached into his jacket pocket, inside of which was a specially tailored hammerspace portal. Except he had no intention of drawing out one of the various blunt objects that said pocket s former owned so adored.
He drew out a god damn gun.
See, back in the day, Landon was heralded by some as the latest Legendary Hero. That s kinda different than The Main Character or The Antichrist or The Second Coming or whatever the hell else people liked to call Landon. Legendary Hero has all sorts of implications as to what sort of hero you re supposed to be. One particular friend of Landon s, who was rather fond of the likes of Dragon Warrior, insisted that Legendary Heroes use swords. Only swords. No guns. No magic. No laser bazookas or cars with oil slick or orbital nuclear satellites or anything else that Landon wanted to use to make shit easier on him. She insisted that he learn how to use a sword. Because that s what god damn Legendary Heroes do.
It s been ten years since he s last drawn a blade. It s been even longer since he s used one in actual combat. It s been two days since he s last pulled out his Wii and played a shooting game. Guns just make a hell of a lot more sense.
Nyght would be fucking pissed off if she knew Landon was using her hammerspace as a way to carry a concealed firearm. He can practically hear her screaming as it is. He d give just about anything to hear that scream again when you get down to it, but he s also not about ready to join her in the hereafter. So he s going to use that god damn gun to blow the heads off of whatever the hell it is that s trying to off him.
Wits: * * * * *
Reaction Speed: standard (rank 1)
What we got? Landon yelled as he drew out his sidearm, still prone on the ground.
Hoodies! Molly screamed back as she backflipped off of the back of the car, narrowly dodging another fireball. About a dozen. Far side of the lot. Artillery. Eldrich. Low grade Josh shit. Molly raised her arms up, blocking an incoming projectile.
Landon s mind went to work as he remained low to the ground, pouring over all of the encounters he s had in the past. Hooded cultists are a dime a dozen, especially ones that liked to hurl the ectoplasmic Elder God Snot shit that these guys seem to love so much. Then again, few cults send out a small platoon since so few can afford to be seen out in public in such large numbers. Ain t New World Order. They have the numbers but avoid dealing with Dreamtime monstrosities at all costs. Mole Men worship the Old Ones but they d never wear something as tacky as a hooded cloak.
Bingo! Landon knew what was up.
*Elapsed Time: Slower than a computer. Faster than you.
Don't Blame Me. Blame Yourself or God.
Tactician: standard (rank 1)
God s Head Church! Landon shouted as stood up and darted to the back of his car. Molly knew what that meant the instant she heard it-- nutjobs trying to create God on Earth by means of spiritual consumption. Think modern day Gnostics meets Iron Chef with a healthy dose of cannibalism mixed in. They re willing to deal with powers beyond their comprehension because they assume their earthly God Head will overcome such forces and purify the souls of anyone who dared to corrupt themselves in the name of His Creation.
They also do their best to capture their prey alive, since many of their rituals involve eating their target alive. Their peculiar eating habits make for ample opportunities to exploit their willingness to accept surrender.
What transpired after that was a bit like the final confrontation between John McClain and Hans Gruber in Die Hard. Landon offered himself up to the cultists. They automatically go into the defensive, all too aware that they can be double-crossed. Landon cautiously advances, his arms well above his head-- his gun still in his hands but far out of reach of being of practical use. Besides, the cultists no full well that a gun dropped to the ground is ample fodder for his cohort to grab and use.
What the cultists didn t take into account is the fact that said cohort could all but fly across the parking lot and breakneck speed, grab said gun as it sat out in the open, and take down two or three of them before they had the chance to renew their incantations and reassume their long-ranged assault.
And by the time they had their mojo brewing again, it d be too late for their asses.
He Can Shoot the Dog
Marksman: standard (rank 1)
With their age-old scheme played out and three dead cultists bleeding on the ground, Molly tossed Landon his sidearm. She also tossed him a snide smirk, seeing that Landon had tricked out his gun. On the top of the gun Landon had painted several cute characters. The gun in particular was adorned with a small picture of Shitake-Chan from The Jennifer and Shitake-Chan Power Hour cartoon that they dreamed up together as little kids.
Landon caught the gun, barely fumbling it before leveling it at his enemies. He unloaded his clip into the cultist mob, who were unaware that they were being murdered by bullets that had been painted up to look like a family of penguins.
Landon has a lot of free time on his hands, and given his life experiences he s found that it s far more interesting to paint bullets and guns than it is to paint Warhammer miniatures.
Less expensive to boot.
The Main Character (Dammit!)
Iron Will: superior (rank 2)
By the time Molly and Landon were done with the God s Head Church cultists, many of Landon s co-workers had already made their way into the parking lot, saw what was going on, and promptly started to gawk.
Landon smiled. Hey guys. You can, I don t know, call this my resignation or something? Looks like I got my old job back with my old band. I m the Main Character again, dammit!
Landon thought he heard faint applause from the crowd of onlookers, as if someone in that crowd was quite impressed with his actions.
Or it could be that hint of self-delusionment that s always been in the back of his mind. Either way, Episode Two had begun. Landon liked the prospects of a sequel, but he hoped there wouldn t be need to make this a trilogy.