Zog, the Secret Voice of the Monkey Underground writes:
Poor Godzilla. That critter's more or less the whipping boy of every
monster in the Japanese film industry. Every time they want to show how
tough a monster is, they have it beat Godzilla.
Irwin is essentially
taking the role of a new monster who wants to demonstrate how tough he is
by whipping Godzilla. Thus, Irwin will be victorious and Godzilla will go
home crying to Pamela Anderson, whom he won in a rare victory against King
Kong over at Grudge Match.
P.S. You spelled "Samurai"
wrong. It's not "Samuri".
Ramblin' Wreck writes:
This ones gotta go to the Croc hunter. Steve loves to hold the world's
deadlist snakes 6 inches from his face. This means that the guy has some
serious balls. Look for this Aussie to slap that transmiter on Godzilla,
pose for some pictures saying "Crike,she's a beaut,ain't she?"
then let Godzilla go to flee in humilation
The Bunyip writes:
Steve Irwin already escaped from Jurassic park in the archives of the
Grudge Match page, so all we really have to do is determine whether beating
Godzilla is easier or more difficult than escaping a horde of
Let's look at the stats.
First, someone ALWAYS
escapes Jurassic Park, and if there is a child involved, the child will
always escape. Steve has a child, his daughter Bindi, and if she keeps
close enough to him, they'll both get out ok - which they in fact
As for Godzilla, the problem isn't so much escaping as subduing
him. Steve-o, however, is an expert at subduing reptiles. Unfortunately,
whereas he usually counts on the help of his mates to wrestle down
crocodiles, there aren't enough Aussie zoologists in the world to
gang-tackle Godzilla, so Steve's usual tackle methods aren't going to
The top jaw rope trick won't work either, unless Steve can find
a 1000-ft rope that is both proof against nuclear fire and gigantic teeth.
Of course, once he's found such a rope, to what does he attach
However, if Matthew Broderick can beat Godzilla, so can Steve
Irwin, so all this discussion is by definition moot.
The Catwoman writes:
Godzilla would kick that scrawny Aussi's ass back to Sidney. First I am
assuming that this is the original Godzilla and not the on from the crappy
American movie. Lets compare the two:
Godzilla: Defeated every
monster to cross his path except Mothra. He even beat the monster who
killed him! This creature has destroyed Tokyo more times than there are
episodes of "The Crocodile Hunter". He is 50 and still manages to frighten
small children and animals.
The Crocodile Hunter: Has been injured by
every animal on the planet, even the ones that flee in terror from humans
like rabbits and goldfish. Not to mention in this fight he dose not even
have his wife to bail his ass out.
Conclusion: The Crocodile hunter
is going to get stomped like a small Japanese fishing village by the ocean.
In a logical world, Godzilla would just step on the Crocodile
Of course, the Crocodile Hunter does not seem to live in a
Sure, Godzilla has that radioactive firebreath, but
its not like she can aim at a small moving target she might not be able to
And the climb up Godzilla? I somehow suspect Irwin will be
bounding along and shouting "Crikey!" every fifty feet or so,
oblivious to any danger he might be in.
See, Irwin is nuts. No one
is disputing that. But not only will he put a tracker on Godzilla, he'll
do it with a deranged smile on his face and make it look easy and/or
And he won't even take the easy route by waiting for Godzilla
to fall asleep. Besides, how much feeling can a lizard that big have?
Irwin's scrambling presence may not even register through the scales.
The Joker writes:
Oh please.It's Godzilla,king(or queen) of giant monsters,versus a regular
guy.The only way for Steve to win is to be turned into a giant like Barbara
Streisand in that South Park episode...or like happened in that Pinky and
the Brain episode...but a giant Steve Irwin would be worse for humanity
than an army of Godzillas.So don't even think about it.
Edward Norton writes:
"Goo mo´ning mates"
*poof*(sound of Godzilla´s fire
No more Crocodile Hunter.
El Kabong writes:
Crocodilles don't spew fire/energy breath.
Crocodilles aren't taller than Tokyo buildings.
Crocodilles don't send animal control people screaming in the
Crocodilles don't terrorize
the largest city in the world.
never defeted King Kong or Mothra.
don't defeat Steve Irwin.
Please excuse me for a moment, I have done something
I am most ashamed of. I ACTUALLY DISAGREED WITH CALLISTO ON THE OUTCOME OF
A FIGHT. I must hang my head in shame.
I am sorry, but there is no
way the Crocodile Hunter can win this fight.
Let's examine his
objective: He must place a transponder on the back of Godzilla's neck in
order to win. In order to accomplish this, he must, somehow, scale
Godzilla's body before reaching the top.
While it is possible for
him to jump out of a helicopter onto Godzilla's back, Godzilla would just
fry the helicopter on sight before the C Hunter could jump out. Therefore,
he is going to have to take a far more radical approach.
while he could always use some kind of jetpack or something to reach
Godzilla's neck, he just won't survive. Godzilla's entire body is
radioactive, and to a severly lethal degree, as it has already been proven.
There is just no way for him to survive. Even if he tries to wear a
radiation suit for protection, that'll easily melt once he gets near the
large scales on Godzilla's back, which, as we all know, become energized
when Godzilla attempts to use his breath.
Even if, and this is an
extreme IF, if the Crocodile Hunter can get the transponder on to
Godzilla's neck, it will also melt upon contact. There is just too much
radioactive energy stored within Godzilla's body.
So in conclusion,
PLEASE FORGIVE ME CALLISTO. I DIDN'T MEAN TO DISAGREE WITH YOU. PLEASE
DON'T KILL ME!!!!!
The Dweller writes:
This is a joke right? Its no contest it's Godzilla all the way!!
Crocodile Hunter must be looking for a reason to stop living or set his
family up for life on the life insurance that they will collect after his
death! I mean come on, the Crocodile Hunter would have too swim in a swim
pool of 10,000,000 degree strength sun block to just maybe survive
Godzilla's atomic breath in both blue or red fire color. This whole entire
match reminds me of an E-mail story I received just last year stating
Godzilla VS David instead of Goliath. Lets just say that Godzilla made
extra short work of David. Because it would take alot more than a sling and
rock too take down a 400ft tall atomic monster. Godzilla is without a dout
indestructible, make no mistake on that!!
The Man With No Name writes:
Let's face facts...the only reason people watch the Crocodile Hunter is to
see if it is indeed the "final" episode. Irwin does crazy ass
things with the worlds most dangerous animals. Well, I'd have to say that
Godzilla (King of the Monsters) is a PDMFM (Pretty Dangerous Mother F-ing
Monster). 500 feet tall, radioactive breath, claws, teeth, a tail that
knocks down the Ginza in downtown Tokyo with nary a thought...please, Steve
is so outclassed here that I doubt he'll even be able to keep his khaki
shorts dry once the match is announced much less after it starts. As long
as the fight editors don't have him unexplainably grow like some
latter-day, anime style, australian Jet Jaguar Godzilla will have a quick
Irwin-ka-bob and then go back to stomping Ghidra, Megalon, Biolante and the
rest of the monsters that regularly threaten Japan. 'nuff said
Is there any doubt who takes this? Godzilla had his day. Steve's the man,
and he'll slap Godzilla around something terrible.
The Man From Oa writes:
I love Godzilla to death. Always have, always will. But Steve Irwin will
never give up. Godzilla will step on him, fry him, and throw a building on
him but he will always get up, saying " Oy, she's a beaut". He
will then climb up the ridges on Godzilla's tail and back, dripping blood,
missing a limb or three, vomiting a vital organ and beat Godzilla
Steve Irwin is awesome but he just ain't gonna bring down the King of
Let's compare the two.
Height: Irwin, about 6
Godzilla, about 600 feet.
Powers: Irwin, a psycho unafraid of most things, who is an
expert on reptiles and has captured and tracked several.
Godzilla, a giant, atomic radiation breathing, city crushing, monster
Record: Irwin, He defeated hundreds of alligators,
snakes, turtles, and similar creature's one way or another.
Godzilla, He thrashed King Kong at WWWF Grudge Match and once in a movie,
leveled Tokyo twice, and beat up his american counterpart, not too mention
hundreds of other victories over big scary looking monsters.
take it from there?
p.s. Hey Callisto, last weeks "Ring of
Shame" match was lots of fun, but I do wish you had let us watch Xena
& Buffy really fight it out.
Finally, after the debacle between Buffy and Xena, CBUB is back up to its
usual high standards...
Both contestants are of such
high repute and known for so many so-called "impossible",
"amazing", and, by those horrible cynics, "idiotic"
acts that it would just be useless to try and break down their abilities.
It'd be like comparing Marvel to DC....Oh, wait....
But Gojira will
win. Why? Because he is the friend to all children. Irwin, yes, he's
popular, but do you trust him alone with your child? I think not. Gojira,
on the other hand, will befriend your child through a series of impropable
events, act strangely anthropromorphic, and eventually save the child from
a less-anthropromorphic monster. And we all know, he which has the small,
pleading child on his side shall beats all odds, because "I believe in
In the end, Steve Irwin will be stomped like Bamby.
You've gotta review both contestants' skills before a tough decision like
this, and having seen Steve live in his little park in my very home state
of Queensland, Australia it's gotta be Steve hands down! Have you seen this
man live?? He's a killing machine! Heck, we don't even need a commentator
for this battle, Stevie's got the talent, he can narrate his own victory!
Let's DO THIS! AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! OI OI OI!
Starcloud, Irrational Godzilla Otaku writes:
EEEEEEEEEEEE! IT'S GODZILLA! IN KAHZAN! I THINK I'M GONNA FAINT! *faints*
*is revived* Oh my! This is too much! Now if only the MS-14A Gelgoog would
appear in a fight.
Anyways, Godzilla will win this fight. He's just
too big and despite Steve Irwin's incredible croc-catching skills, he can't
take Godzilla. Maybe King Ghidorah or Gigan, but not Godzilla!
AND STEVE IRWIN! YUB YUB!
I was gonna add a somewhat inappropriate
analogy, but I think it's a bit much. I'll use another one
"Steve Irwin's gonna get beat like a red-headed
step-child in a K-Mart parking lot!"
I am that is writes:
Oh, Steve'll win. All he has to do is climb up the giant reptile's back
and stick something on it. Fine, it won't be an easy climb, but as long as
Godzilla isn't attacked by giant monster things or by Tokyo's army, Steve
won't even have to worry about being noticed. Godzilla is a giant scaly
thing, so the scampering of a tiny little insect of a man won't even be
felt. Plus the fact that Godzilla has scales means that Steve also has
many many handholds for him to grip. Face it, Steve's coming out on top
and Godzilla won't even know he lost or even was
Kevin the Nonsensical writes:
A preview of the match....
Steve Irwin: Goodaye mites! I'm here in
the wild ruins of Manhattan today on the trail of the elusive Godzilla. The
Godzilla is a native of Japan, but it immigrated here to the U.S., causing
no end of trouble. Here it comes now!
Steve Irwin: Just look at those choppers! Aren't they
beauts! When approaching the Godzilla, it is best to be cautious of it's
powerful incendiary breath. It can literally melt steel! Also, it is best
to approach by use of a hellycopter, and get just in range of the mouth.
The best way to gain the Godzilla's friendship is to toss bucketloads of
fish at it, as fish are part of the creature's main diet.
Hunter throws fishes at Godzilla, but Godzilla doesn't bother eating them.
Instead, Godzilla swallows the helicopter whole.
Steve Irwin: I'm
here now in Godzilla's digestive system, where I will eventually get
dissolved by it's stomach acid. But don't worry mites, I've been in tougher
scraps than this. Oh wait....no I aven't. Well, so long mites!
Nick Tetopolis (is that how you spell his name?): The moral of this story
is: only idiots get right in front of Godzilla's mouth.
Me): But Dr. Nick, didn't you do that and survive?
Zuka Juno writes:
It all comes down to which version of Godzilla Steve Irwin goes up against.
Allow me to demonstrate:
we already know that Steve Irwin can pull a
victory against the vicious dinosaurs of Jurassic park, which is no mean
feat and may just allow him to pull it off.
Origional Godzilla vs
Crunch! Despite being the least mobile and destructive
of the series, origional Godzilla has something Steve lacks: Style. It's
the great all time monster movie classic and the begining of kaiju eiga- no
way Origional Godzilla loses to the likes of Steve & Animal
Misc Godzilla (from Godzilla v King Kong to Godzilla vs
A very close battle, but would again vary from movie to
movie. Steve might have a slight edge due to the fact that Godzilla is
portrayed as a radioactive dinosaur, and Steve has already proved he can
handle them... On the other hand, Godzilla was a proactive force in the
majority of these films, fighting with the other monsters to protect Tokyo,
meaning allies. Sure, Steve wrestles crocs, but what about giant moths,
snakes, spiders, battras (whatever the heck they are), rodans and
triple-headed space dragons? Didn't think so.
taint on the series. Godzilla from '98 shares more in common with the
Jurassic Park T-rex & raptors than any other movie, a fact that ensures his
Godzilla 2000 +
At last, an explanation for why
Godzilla never sustains wounds from bullets, missiles and futuristic laser
tank blasts- Regenerator G-1. Corny name, but it ensures him victory in
this fight... No matter how hard Steve Irwin fights, Godzilla's strength is
endless, born of the fusion strength of his mutant cells. Sure, there may
be "a little bit of Godzilla in us all," but theres not enough in
Steve to keep him in this fight.
Final score: 3 to 1 Godzilla
Mad Skyro G-88 writes:
Croc Hunter: Psychotic man bent on
Big G: Psychotic mutant bent on destroying
Croc Hunter: Fairly decent TV show. Many Fans.
Many bad movies. Many Fans.
Croc Hunter: Has to put a tracking
thingummyjig on Godzilla.
Big G: Has to kill Steve.
Hunter: Average human.
Big G: 150-Story-tall giant lizard
Hunter: Animal skills
Big G: Big. Powerful. Strong. Ugly.
Decision: As much as a certian jedi master once said "Size matters
not", I have to disagree. Irwin's in deep poop.
Dark Queen writes:
A small transmitter on the back of Godzilla. That's it?!?!?! Have you
seen this guy in action? Steve Irwin is the master of reptiles. I've seen
this guy dive into lakes, ponds, drainage ditches and rivers full of crocs.
Heck, one time he jumped from his boat into croc infested waters and
wrestled a wild croc back onto the boat! The guy is a pro, he'll have no
problems putting a transmitter on Godzilla.
Hell, if worst comes to
worst, he could just unzip the Godzilla costume.
Jace Von Varius writes:
Godzilla. Scales harder than titanium. Regenerates. Physically
impossible size. Exceptional strength and speed. Intelligence debatable,
since few observers live long enough to formulate a hypothesis. Highly
radioactive. Breathes nuclear flames capable of annihilating...pretty much
anything. Posseses limited magnetic capability.
contender. I wonder who they got to fight him? Short of superman or
galactus, not much stands a chance. Let's see...
(continues to laugh for several hours)
Deep Sea Dolphin writes:
Please Godzilla. Eat him and put him out of our misery.
"Hello, its me, Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Today, we are
investigating the behavior of the once-thought extinct godzillasaurus. To
do this, we have gone to his native habitat, Tokyo.
comes one out of the water right now. Lets get closer so we get a better
look. See those scales on its feet?? They are thicker than on any other
part of its body. This is to protect the feet when it is
This is going to be funny.. But I voted for GOdzilla.
1:This is the orignal GOdzilla.. Steve might stand cause
againist American one.
2:Godzilla has been around since 1954!! Has a
TON of expernice.. He has fought armies, ocmc book heros, other giant
monsters and races.. Still kicking too.
3:Steve has trouble with mere
crocs.. Cannot move them by himself.. No chance in Hell he will take on a
monster that can step on a tank.
4:I like Godzilla!
Godzilla has NEVER lost.. Except maybe Mr.T but who does not?
of the Good things to come out of Japan.. Besides ANime,Ultra Man, abd
7: In Destory All Monsters he blew up New York New York in
one death breath blast.. I doubt M>Irwin can do that.
D. Merzel writes:
As an australisian (not australian) I feel some support for Mr
How is he supposed to attach the transponder?
Godzilla has proven able to shrug off heat rays, Atomic bombs, other giant
monsters, parenting (son of godzilla)the entire firepower of the 60's
japanese military. He has regularly stomped tokyo home to myriad ninja's
and insane anibabes. Throughout it all he has stood proud and
There is no way even if steven gets a harpoon launcher
(easily found in Japan, home of international scientific whaling) for him
to tag the beast. It'll bounce right off.
Steve will survive yet
fail in his task
"Oh no there goes tokyo, GO GO GODZILLA!!"
He Who Can Not Be Named writes:
I can't believe I voted against the G man, I am a huge fan...however, I am
also an Aussie so I will go with my fellow countryman...Let's face it, Croc
guy is totally insane!!! Have any of you out there ever seen a REAL
Tasmanian Devil? Well they are one of the most vicous little creatures on
the planet and this guy breaks up fights between groups of them with his
bare hands!!! If there is a way for him to subdue Godzilla he will do
Realistically however, big G is 100+ metres tall, has radioactive
fiery breath, can generate nuclear pulses, turn himself into an electro
magnet and attract or repel any object, regenerates so fast that nothing
truly hurts him and is impervious to all man made weapons!!!
win in the end, but I think Croc Hunter will come closer than any one
before in bringing him down.
The Dark Lord has spoken!!!
With a purposeful grimous and a terrible sound he pulls the city's high
tention wires down.
Helpless people on subway train, scream to God as
he looks in on them.
He picks up a bus and throws it back down as he
wades through the builds towards the center of town.
Oh No, They
he's got to go, Go Go Godzilla. Oh No, There goes Tokyo, Go Go
When I first saw this fight posted here, I wasn't sure
which I wanted to vote for. Steve Irwin has taken on just about every wild
animal nature can throw at him. If anyone can tag that transmitter on
Godzilla, its him, right?
Then I downloaded the song Godzilla, by
Blue Oyster Cult. And I am reminded that, Godzilla is no animal. He's the
King of Monsters. Even a guy as crazy as Steve Irwin is no match for him.
You mention Steve Irwins name to someone, they may or may not know who he
is. And if they do, they think of him as a crazy Australian. But Everyone
knows the name Godzilla. It is a name they assosiate will leveling cities
and humbling every devise the millitary can come up with. Godz
Irwin will try to climb Godzilla, and he'll be thrown down as Godzilla keep
leveling Tokyo. The big G won't even notice him at that point. Steve will
use Fire hoses to try to swing in from one of the buildings. Godzilla will
notice him this time and smack him away. This fight is taking place in a
city, so Steve is really out of his element here. Steve will try to ride
one of the many missles that are being fired at Godzilla in a vain attempt
to stop him. Godzilla will swat away Steve's missle.
The Fight will
end with Steve getting off one last "Cricky" before Godzilla
steps on him. Like the Bat said, Big Monster Steps on Little
History Shows again and again how nature points out the folly of
Dark Ranger X writes:
I'm hanging out for the comments page for this fight for a few
1) I'm anxious to see how many morons use the "Thumb
up the butthole" joke from South Park. What we have there is a joke
that, while funny once, isn't funny over and over and over again.
Anyone who makes fun of my country dies.
3) Irwin for the
4) Anyone who makes fun of my country dies.
5) Godzilla go
6) ANYONE WHO MAKES FUN OF MY COUNTRY DIES!
THE DEATHMASTER GINGERBREADMAN 2001 writes:
It is obvious who is going to be the victor here, mate. Godzilla is an
evil, mutated overgrown crocodile and Steve eats evil, mutated overgrown
crocodiles for breakfast, literally, I've seen him do it. While Godzilla's
main weapons are size, fire breath and this funny sound that he calls a
roar. Stevey has his 'DANGER!DANGER!' and ' YOU'RE ALRIGHT MATE, YOU'RE
ALRIGHT!' Steveys tactics will be to get 'to close ' and aggrovate Godzilla
into submission. But Steve doesn't take prisoners, no, he will strap
Godzilla into his torturefyer 2006 and Godzilla wiil scream in pain as he
is forced to wear a pink ballet costume while a laser creeps up the steel
table on which he is strapped to. The last words Godzilla will hear are
'SEE YOU IN HELL MATE HA HA HA HA HA OH MY!' This is not the last of
Stevey, Godzilla will tell him where monster island is and Steve will go
over there to supposedly get 'a closer look' When steve arrives he will
meet Mothra but no monster is a match for our Steve. He will plant the doom
bomb destructer 67894 with a tragerorian power source inside doom mountain
and force the Monsters into joining the circus with a new name as the the
happy Joy Monsters Of WONDERCHOCOLATEHAPPYMAGICLAND. Where they will juggle
countless purple balloons and be forced to sing 'We are a happy family and
stevey is our faatherr and wont you come and dance with me and live happily
ever after since we love you every one and you'll be happy with the love of
us, the Happy Joy Monsters Of WONDERCHOCOLATEHAPPYMAGICLAND' Until they are
too old and weak and will suffer the same fate as Godzilla.
Steve Irwin is a smart enough Aussie to realise that Godzilla is to big for
him to handle on his own. Lucky enough, he has Tokyo (or whatever city Big
G is busting up this time) backing him up financially, and those dudes have
a serious money making machine in the Anime and Manga industry. Therefor,
the Croc Hunter had them build a (you guessed it) GIGANTIC CROCODILE
Of course, this plan fails big time. Godzilla is an expert
when it comes to fighting other big, ugly monsters. It's the only thing he
does better then tearing up cities. They even gave him TWO cartoons in
which he stomps ugly dudes on a daily basis. People have even suggested
that he could go one-and-one with Cthulhu himself!
Here is how the
battle will proceed. Godzilla is tearing up the town, and suddenly a
gigantic Crocodile Mecha enters the scene. In it head sits the pilot, Steve
STEVE: "G'day, mates! Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter
here! Inside this enormous armoured RoboCroc (tm) I'm now closing in on non
other then the ol' king of all monsters himself, Godzilla! He's a bloody
big lizard! Ain't he a beaut, folks? Now I'm gonna hit him square in the
eye with these here anti-monster missiles!"
Steve pushes a
button and five missiles are launched from the RoboCroc's back. The impact
on Godzilla's shoulder and the lizard roars in anger.
He turns around and sees the RoboCroc. He
roars again, steps on the RoboCroc and hit it with a fusion beam. The
RoboCroc is blown to pieces and Godzilla picks it's head (which still
Steve Irwin) up and eats it.
"Crikey!" (chewing sounds)
End of story!
You have to remember that this isn't any mere mortal we're
talking here, this is the Crocodile Hunter! He is freaking unkillable! Some
thermonuclear fire and digestive acid will not harm him. But what will he
do, swallowed, as he is, by a gigantic mutated monster-lizard? The answer
is simple, my friends. He does a "Hercules".
"Well, mates, seems like I've been swallowed whole. This environment
ain't too good for ones health, so I'll try an' find a way out of
He starts climbing but gets lost somewhere around the
kidney and somehow ends up near the spine (don't ask me how).
"Please observe the animal's reaction when I jab this big knife into
his central nerve-system!"
As Steve stabs the satanic saur,
Godzilla goes into frenzy and starts going berserk.
"Crikey! That got him mad ol'righ! Well, seems like we've found the
brain. Watch as I carefully carve my initials in his cerebral
Finally Godzilla succumbs to extensive brain damage and
tumbles over, crushing the largest and most expensive building still
standing. Steve makes his way out of Godzilla's nose and is celebrated as a
hero all over Japan.
God zilla is big , spits thermo nuclear breath and has beaten almost every
big monster there is even taking on king kong. But steve is no ordinary man
how many white guys do you know that hang around dangerous creatures all
day and night and not get hurt. Lets face it steve lives eats and breathes
predators the guy is super human have you ever seen him get hurt. I'm a
hardcore godzilla fan but face old steve will have his thumb up godzillas
ass and say criky in no time.
Stormed Trooper writes:
I honestly see absolutely no way what-so-ever that Steve Irwin can lose
this fight. Granted, Godzilla is huge, but Irwin is a psychopath and has
the maddskillz needed to handle Godzilla. Honestly am I the only one that's
ever watched the guy's show. This man is completely psychotic and has no
brains what-so-ever. I can see the Crocadile Hunter Episode
Austrailian Accent kicks in:
And, here we ar' in the
middle of to-kyo and we can see this foine specimen knaown as Goadzilla.
This sucka's absolutely huage let's get in for a closa look shall we?
Crikey! There he gaose with that fire breath a' his. Wow, look at 'im go.
But, not ta warry, mate ya see I come prepared fer anythin' and as we speak
an army of fire trucks is pullin' up behind me mates. Not ta mention the
fact that I called in a few favors from the Japanese Defense Faorce. I
brought along Jack Hanna too, he was most intrigued ta here about this rare
animal. And he's daown let's get in an' getta close-up of this fine
End Australian Accent
And the show would continue in
this fashion, with Irwin narrowly missing gettin eaten multiple times, but
none the less escapeing harm.
The Evil Scriptwriter writes:
You guys are really pulling out all the stops. I mean, what can top Buffy
vs. Xena? Crikey! It's Godzilla! The Croc Hunter has this one in the bag
(if the Tick doesn't crush both of them)
Lets face it, this one is an easy call. Godzilla being a large mean
destructive creature and The Crocodile Hunter being a crazy plus, I think,
retarded human, Godzilla will take this easy. Godzilla will be wandering
around destroying Japan, while good ol' Steve will be chasing him around
talking to a camera that most likely wont even be there. It will go
something like this...Steve will tell us he is going to climb up Godzilla
back and put on the tracker, he will most likely jump from the nearest
build onto Godzilla's back(cause he crazy like that) at which point
Godzilla will flick him off like the the annoying little human he is. End
of Steve, end of match.
Da' Tick is right, Steve is psycho and this is what makes him a winner
before the battle even starts. He is the crocodile hunter! he has fought
tough lizard things before, this one is just, um, a little bigger. If
anything else Godzilla will be appauled by the length of Steve's shorts and
run screaming from the arena.
Having seen all the Godzilla films with the exception of two very recent
ones not released in America yet, I have a good idea of how this fight will
Godzilla has a trademark roar.
Steve Irwin, a bad
Godzilla has radioactive heat beams
Steve Irwin has a
Godzilla's first movie was made while my father, born in
1946, was only eight
Steve Irwin has a bad...well you can see where
this is going
Anywho, Godzilla is a force of nature. He's rumbled
past King Ghidorah, King Kong, Mechagodzilla, and even the Destroyer for
years and is still going strong in japan. He's had movies, tv shows,
comics, lunch boxes and other paraphenelia.
Steve Irwin is a flash in
the pan that won't be remembered in ten years. Hell the whole "oy!
what a beauty!" schtick was old last year. Probably the year before
the point is that Irwin, though annoying, is a very brave
and crazy man. He goes after crocs every week. I can see him walking in
Godzilla's path and trying to explain the giant creature
What a beauty! Radioactive testing created this massive thing. It's heat
beam is potent enough to melt a skyscraper and is so tough that
conventional weaponry is nothing. Crikey, he's a true
Godzilla walks on oblivious to irwin's presence.
ended in the only fashion it could. After all, Irwin doesn't have a song by
blue oyster cult about him does he?
ps. good to see Godzilla finally
pss. if Mothra shows up please, PLEASE, incinerate the bugger.
Always did hate it. But Battra i liked
Let's look at each contestant's stats, shall
Godzilla: Godzilla-Sized. He's so big, he
categorizes his own sized. How often has a giant monster been compared to
Steve: normal-sized human. Perhaps
the -only- thing normal about Steve Irwin.
Godzilla: Atomic Fire Breath. He's
a walking, breathing, nuclear weapon.
Steve: Annoying Austrailian
accent. I got nothing personal against austrailian accents in general, but
his is just plain annoying.
Godzilla: Tokyo. For Godzilla, this is
actually a -good- thing, since he's the monster rampaging through
Steve: Austrailia. Founded by English convicts. Probably
explains why his show is a crime. May have a few tricks up his
Godzilla: King of the
monsters. Household name. In some dictionaries.
Animal Planet Guy. Makes you want to hurt animals, throw up, and kill
Steve (in no particlar order).
Godzilla: Regenerative ability. Can
even come back from the dead.
Steve: Won't shut up. Won't cut the
accent. Won't die.
Godzilla. Anyone for roast hunter? Me
neither, just bury the moron.
Hmm, the ever present challenge of doing this review without the ever
cliché "Crikey" and "Ain't she a beaut" that sure to be driving the CBUB
editors nuts. Can I do it? Let's find out.
There are really two
things to keep in mind here:
1) Steve is insane!!
2) It's still
That in mind, Steve will probably start off his special on
gigantic nuclear radioactive lizards by standing right in front of Godzilla
as she makes her way through Tokyo. Godzilla being totally oblivious to
him as he is only one amongst several million screaming humans, will simply
keep stomping through downtown. Steve being insane will not have the
simple common sense to simply get out of the way of the rampaging lizard.
Thus, he will narrowly escape (YES!!) being stepped on by Godzilla. Cut to
Then he and crew will probably get on a helicopter and
fly to examine Godzilla more closely. Of course, the Japanese military
will already have begun to attack Godzilla. Steve will explain to the
audience about the sheer toughness of the skin as Godzilla shrugs off all
bullets and missiles aimed her way. Of course, being in one of the many
flying things that are annoying Godzilla will make him a target and give
the viewers a nice close-up of Godzilla's flame breathe which will narrowly
miss (YES!!) the helicopter due to the skill of the pilot. Cut to
Finally, Steve will just simply start climbing the back
of Godzilla, totally enthralled with the opportunity to wrassle this big
varmint (as we Texans say). Godzilla, being the PMS driven psycho with a
soft spot for kids we all know her to be, will be completely confused by
the child-like enthusiasm that exudes from Steve at all times. Thus she
will allow Steve to joyfully climb her back. Once he attaches his device
though, the illusion will be shattered and Godzilla will exact her revenge
on Steve, shrugging him off with minimal effort. Steve plunges to his
death, and Godzilla adds the emphasis by stamping his broken body into
paste. End of show.
Which brings us back to our original
1) Steve is insane!! Only he would think of climbing on
2) It's still Godzilla!! No one betrays her trust
without paying the terrible price.
However, the rules only say that
Steve must get the transmitter on Godzilla. It says nothing about his
surviving the experience. Thus, Steve wins the game, and Animal Planet
gets one hell of a farewell episode of "The Crocodile Hunter."
Godzilla goes to K-Mart to stomp that annoying little 4 year old brat that
I'm getting so tired of hearing about.
Gonna have to go with the Crocodile Hunter on this one. Steve is fearless,
and crazy to boot. The battle should play out as follows.
is stomping around, when out of nowhere comes Steve, running straight for
him. He tackles the behemoth by the leg, somehow forcing him down
(probably applied one helluva tranq).
"Look at the size o'
this beauty. Y'alright mate, y'alright. Look at the roughness of these
scales. These can withstand the concussive force of a missile. Crikey!
Y'alright mate, y'alright."
And as Steve continues with his
commentary, he "Chameleon Dances" to victory.
Deeter (said with thick German accent) writes:
Let's be real. Even if the big G managed to burn off half of Stevie's body
with radioactive fire, the response would be: "Crikey! Luks lyke Ouy
got singed a byte buy that won! Buot now that Ouy know whot hes range
is...." He's been bitten in the nose by a viper, chomped by
alligators, treed by Komoto dragons. The man will not die.
The Raven(Nevermore) writes:
It's all about the insane aussie croc hunter. The guy's been
attacked/bitten/poisoned/whiped or mauled by more creatures than any other
human alive. at least we assume the guy's human...
From all the times
he's been bitten by poisonous things, he's sure to be at least half
poisonous himself, and let's face it. he's got speed, agility and insane
aussie power behind him. what's godzilla got? size and a wicked case of
Steve's got this match, bar none.
What's this? The CBUB is up and running again? Why wasn't I notified of
this!?! (kills a random person) That's better, now on to the fight. I've
seen both contestants, and even though Godzilla's hundreds of times bigger
then the ol' croc hunter, it won't help him against Steve Irwins's
"lets jump on the large reptile" mentality. (anyone who's seen
any of the Crocidile Hunter's shows know what I'm talking about) He'll have
'Zilla tagged and be whooping it up before the bain of Tokyo ever finds out.
Mr. Silverback writes:
Despite the fact that he loving, caressingly handles critters that are best
handled with belt-fed automatic weapons, I have yet to see Steve be harmed
by a single lethal lifeform.
Despite the fact that he is a highly
dangerous tool-using human who often has 6 or 8 guys leaping on these
dangerous critters to help him, I have yet to see a single lethal lifeform
be harmed by Steve, even by accident.
So, let's sum up: You've
pitted Godzilla against a man who won't hurt an animal and can't be hurt by
one. I now return you to a match I just had to
call...Crikey! Ain't That A Beaut Of A
OKay, in a fight to the death, Godzilla. Hands down and anyone that says
different is an idiot.
However, attaching a small collar to a giant
lizard isn't nearly as hard.
Remember that unless activly
threatened, Godzilla may well not attack. Steve has been handling animals
long enough to not be overtly threatening.
The biggest problem is
going to be if Steve gives into temptation and we all
"Crikey!! Look at the size of thatr mouth!!! Lets get a
Followed shortly after by a loud gulp.