JAY: We got the signal and the match is on! Ebeneezer immediately orders his men to fire a barrage of mortar fire. They impact along the front line of Krispy Elves forces, they're not explosives... I see yellow smoke bellowing up... I think they're
stink bombs Pat.
PAT: Snap, on the Kelloggs front lines, orders his troops to take cover whilst using his super-secret-toy-surprise decoder ring to communicate with Pop. Pop is heading-up the catapult division and let's fly with marshmallow Krispy Balls at the Keebler
JAY: It's death from above as the Krispy Balls crushes Keebler mortar batteries and a few unlucky or slow elves in the process. Wait, Keebler is ordering his tanks forward. A few of them open fire and they're using super hard chunks of chocolate for
PAT: Snap orders the elf infantry forward, dodging from fox hole to foxhole
as chocolate death rains from the sky! Oh, the carnage!!
JAY: Keebler tanks continue to close in on the elf infantry. Pat, those tanks are firing enough chocolate to sink a battleship! The devastation!!
PAT: Snap is getting his men closer to the tanks, making those big, long range guns useless. General Krackle is making a move too, with his fast moving Wacky Racer assault team.
JAY: General Ebeneezer is still ordering his tanks forward to run down the infantry under their tracks if they have to and he is assembling his own infantry to cleanup after them. This is going to get messy!!
PAT: Ahhh... But the Kellogg elves are throwing hyper-nutritious-super-sugar-coated gut bombs out to blow the treads! The
fast moving Wacky Racer assault team is charging across the battlefield,
heading for the Keebler lines!
JAY: With their tanks basically taken out, General Ebeneezer now has to order his men to stand and defend. They're readying a wild and crazy assortment of weapons. The chocolate is really going to be hitting the fan in a few seconds Pat!
PAT: The Wacky racer assault team is going to hit them like a ton of bricks,
JAY: Ebeneezer shouts out an order and a dozen elves along the trench stand-up with a flame-thrower style weapons... they're spraying the entire Wacky racer assault team with quick hardening whip cream!!
PAT: Ohhh, that's a hard break for Krackle elf of the Kelloggs team. The
Wacky Racers that can flee are doing so... but the Kellogg front line has
advanced considerably, and dug in. Snap is not taking chances.
JAY: Ebeneezer is surveying the Kellogg line and it looks like he's about to
pull out all the stops. He's issuing orders to his troops... Something's
PAT: While we have a moment of breathing room... Let's go to our own Frank
Williams who has this special report...
Thank you! This is Frank Williams reporting from the sidelines. I've been
doing a survey amongst the audience and it is official: Fudge-Stripe cookies
are better than Rice Krispie treats! Long live Keebler! Back to you, Pat.
PAT: Thanks, Frank. What do you have, Jay?
JAY: Now I have seen everything. Ebeneezer has unleash his secret weapon, a
pack of Amazon elven maidens! They're leaping, kicking, punching and... whoa! ...The Amazons are threatening to overrun the Kellogg lines!
PAT: Snap's Rice Krispy elves are fighting like mad dogs out there... There's elves with Corn-Poppers, Sugar-Smackers, Cap'n-Crunchers, Frosted-Flakers and Coco-puffers! My God, war is Hell!!
JAY: Ebeneezer is standing up from his trench, magic wand in hand, and leading the rest of his elven soldiers into battle. All are armed with the most lethal of kitchen utensils: rolling pins, cookie cutters, mixing spoons, egg beaters. This match is
PAT: Jay, The Kelloggs team is crumbling like stale Krispy Treats out there. Lets go live now to our On-Location reporter Jack Gibson who is at Kelloggs H.Q.
Thanks Pat! I'm here at the Kelloggs H.Q. and it is total pandemonium! I had the opportunity to ask a few questions before everything deflated like a bad cake for this team, and they were pretty confident about winning this ordeal. However, after
the set backs dealt them... I'm not so sure now and have seen a lot of nervousness in the ranks. But this thing is just to close to call at the moment, it could still go either way! Now back to you Pat....
PAT: Thanks Jack! What do you have, Jay?
JAY: I have witness the most disgusting use of kitchen items I have ever seen! Ebeneezer is now bringing his magic wand into play to turn several Krispy elves in doughmen and commanding them to attack their comrades.
PAT: Oh, the horror! The secret shame! Krispy elves are running for their
lives as the Keebler onslaught drives them under. General Pop of the
Krispy brigade is laying down a suppressing fire of Butterscotch Treats,
but the Keeblers are still racing across the battlefield.
JAY: Team Keebler is unstoppable and they're pushing the Krispy elves right
back to their lines. Looks like Ebeneezer is leading his team to victory!
PAT: The Keebler elves are in a berserk rage of blood and death. I just can't watch anymore. This fight is over...