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Discriminals Begin | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Yes! Atop these mighty skyscrapers of Khazan lies that which mankind most desires. Call it Salvation, Enlightenment, Nirvana, or becoming a CG ghost just like Obi Wan Kenobi, Wally believes with all of his heart that the next step in mankind's evolution can be found in the skies. To reach that lofty goal, Wally will climb every building in Khazan, and his quest will not cease until he has obtained Godhood. And when that day comes, he will become cruel and terrible king, smiting and enslaving the unworthy until all of reality is under his foot! If only he could keep from falling all the time...
But your back doesn't quake because of her omniscient-like gaze. No, you have nothing to fear from her mere gaze. What your body DOES fear are her eyes, her globular, spherical, grotesquely sized EYYES. Protruding from the sides of her head, like some sort of bipedal amphibian, her EYYES strike instinctual fear into your very cellular structure due to their puerile, ungodly nature. They are EYYES which man was never meant to see through, and they peer at you from behind closed curtains and half-opened doors everywhere you turn.
Never mind the fact that he's on the KPD's list of sex offenders for almost every possible offense a human can commit. Perverts are a dime a dozen in this filthy, smut-driven world. What brands him as a special kind of sad, pathetic weirdo his is true fetish: his love of plant life. He speaks with dandelions. He coos to ferns. He whispers sweet nothings to palms. Even fungi and mold, though technically not plants, are welcomed into The Plant Conversationalist's decadent discussion. Do the plant speak back? Perhaps it is the plants that urge him to do unspeakable things to his fellow humans. Perhaps the plants like to watch.
Such is the life of a Digginator. Created in the far future, The Digginator is a cybernetic android replicant being sent to the past to prepare for the inevitable war between man and hole. Crafted into the shape of a typical human specimen, The Digginator stands at 6'7" and is built like gloriously beautiful body builder. All the better to blend into human society, so that the diabolical plans of the Hole Alliance be brought forth. The Digginator's goal? To dig a hole to China from Khazan. "China isn't on Khazan," you say? Indeed it isn't. Indeed it isn't. Such is the ingenuity of the Hole Alliance's master plan. Dig Dig Dig Dig Dig Dig Dig
That disease, my friends, is the opposite sex! Those of the female persuasion wish to spread their lies, hormones, and genetic filth through these proud and manly lands, and only one man can stand in the way! His name is Immunization Shot, and only he is immune to the wiles and deceit of womankind! "Hey, cutie, whatcha doing tonight?" IMMUNE! "I think you're pretty nice. Wanna hang out sometime?" IMMUNE! "I'd do anything to ride your pony." IMMUNE! Do not fall for these feminine traps anymore, my brethren! Join with Immunization Shot and receive his glorious injection of freedom from female fear mongering! Just don't do it around JOANNE BIGG EYYES or Rika. They'll slap the crap out of you and I both.
We do know that you are totally unaware of the fact that Rika is a card-carrying member of The Discriminals. It isn't because the fact is hidden. The Discriminal Ltd. logo is printed on the back of Rika's DVD sleeve (Bottom right hand corner, right under the label stating the DVD is rated XXXXX for "graphic sex, torture, violence, and obscene use of fruit."). You attention span never happens to last longer than "boobies." That said, WHY is she a Discriminal? Don't ask me, I'm not a fan of her's. Now "Nuns Need Nurturing," that's... yeah.
Dizcriminal TShirts? Yup! Muggs? Definitly! Toys for nauty childrens? Yesh! Theese Discriminals make Munch Monste megas moneyz, and all Me need do is sit bak and watch. Course, Me need make publik apperan ce every now and then, so Me send ot bodudouble to play with Descriminals. Cloney guy run arond, hid in clset of naughty girls and boyz and eat them and laug! And when done he bring back dogy bag for Me to snak on. YUM! And all me need do iz sits in corprate lounge and smoke ceegar! Brilliant! Me Munch Monster is the new Bil Gates, yes. Soon, Discrininal marketshare grow bigger and bigger in size and overtake all hcaracter merchandise! Bubye Hello Kitty! Adios Keroro Gunso! Areezadechi Domo Kuun! Discriminals taking y'alls spot! Munch Monster smart indeed! So smart is NAUGHTY!
There was talk of creating "eXtreme dIscriminals," so that they could move outside of the usual character goods market and into the tween and teen markets with a more "edgy" line of products and characters, but that executive was promptly given to Conversationalist to act as "mulch" for his petunias. No, what the Discriminals needed was a leader. Wally and Shot often acted as the group's "leader," but that often resulted in actions that lessened the brand's charm. Seeing Wally scale a building was cute, but seeing JOANNE do it just ruins the appeal to the masses. Thus, by taking DNA samples of all of the current Discriminals, Munch Monster's board of executives created the ULTIMATE Discriminal, and he was thus dubbed Discriminor. Unfortunately, after giving one heart-felt speech to his new teammates, they promptly jumped him and did horrible, unmentionable things to him for daring to push them around and tell them what to do. And from that brief moment came that infamous internet catch phrase: "As minor as DiscriMINOR." They say it's the new "epic fail." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
