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Discriminals Begin
Played By: Landon

Discriminals Begin by Landon

TEAM: The Fallen


KIT CLASS: Everyman

Hall Of Fame!

Survival - 10 wins!

Brutal - 1 fatalaties!

Fight Record
League Wins: 10
League Losses: 3
Out Of League Wins: 0
Out of League Losses: 3
Total Wins: 10
Total Losses: 6
Recurve - Win 12-6
Josef Friedrich Clements - Loss 7-8
The Extract - Win 8-7
Project Katoblepas - Loss 7-9
Drake of the Arcana - Win 13-3
Painkiller - Win 9-7
The Philosophical Ninja - Win 12-9
Crow is of Death, Crow is of Doom - Loss 5-8
Marjus Vocye - Win 9-8
Isaac W. Rodownski - Win 7-6
Weeping Lily - Win 8-4
The Memoirs of Daniel Van Sant - Win 8-5
Arick Huebris: Aftermath - Loss 5-10
The Last Virgin of Pele Island - Loss 22-28
Who killed Landon Morisato? - Win 13-12
The Door - Loss 14-19

The world cannot be split into "that which is good" and "that which is bad."

No, this isn't because we live in a world where morality is no longer relevant. Morality was NEVER relevant. But that's besides the point.

My point is the fact that "good" and "evil" are just different ways of measuring the degree to which something sucks.

When you say "That movie was pretty bitchin'! I can't wait for it to come out on DVD so I can buy the special unrated edition!" all you're saying is "That movie sucked a bit less than the average piece of crap forced upon us by an uncaring universe."

Such is the Circle of Life, except that instead of it being a circle it's more like a crooked ellipse drawn with a compass bought at the dollar store.

Despite the various levels of suckitude that exist in this world, there exists one pinnacle of lameness that exceeds all others. If there is anything resembling a Platonic Ideal in this world, then such a perfect concept exists when it comes to The Suck. That perfection is The Discriminals.


Personality: Born of the most heinous and putrid energies of the cosmos, The Discriminals run a swath of misery and destruction across this fair city we call the Nexus. They desire nothing less than out total subjugation and subservience. Their criminal ways are the thing of nightmares. Theirs is the life of thievery, malice, and debauchery. They rob from the rich and rob from the poor. They laugh at your tears as they crush your hopes and dreams in their hands.

Well, they'd like to do all of that, except for the fact that they couldn't steal a lollipop from a half-dead pygmy sloth.

Remember, The Discriminals are the epitome of failure. They have dreams just like you and me. Their dreams consist of robberies, mass murders, and global domination, but dreams none the less. The only difference between your dreams and their dreams is the fact that their dreams are crushed far more often than yours.

Yet despite their pathetic history of failure, they never give up hope. Unlike you and I, they do not comprehend the nature of the universe. While we can see that the universe is an uncaring place where defeat is the norm, The Discriminals can only see the tyrannical light at the end of the tunnel.

And despite that eternal optimism, they will forever fail.

Such is the Way of The Discriminal.




Standard Normal human strength.Agility:


Standard Normal human agility.


Standard Normal human endurance. Mind:


Weak BELOW normal human mental power.
Not the sharpest tack in the drawer.

Wally Crawlie

Look to the skies! Do you see that dot upon the horizon? That speck of manliness that ever ascends into the heavens? That is Wally Crawlie, he who shall pierce the heavens and touch the Gods!

Yes! Atop these mighty skyscrapers of Khazan lies that which mankind most desires. Call it Salvation, Enlightenment, Nirvana, or becoming a CG ghost just like Obi Wan Kenobi, Wally believes with all of his heart that the next step in mankind's evolution can be found in the skies. To reach that lofty goal, Wally will climb every building in Khazan, and his quest will not cease until he has obtained Godhood.

And when that day comes, he will become cruel and terrible king, smiting and enslaving the unworthy until all of reality is under his foot!

If only he could keep from falling all the time...


Do you know that tingling feeling you get down your spine? That shudder-inducing tinge that tells you that someone is looking at you? That feeling doesn't occur when just anyone watches you from afar. The only time when your body reacts in such a way is when SHE is watching.

But your back doesn't quake because of her omniscient-like gaze. No, you have nothing to fear from her mere gaze. What your body DOES fear are her eyes, her globular, spherical, grotesquely sized EYYES. Protruding from the sides of her head, like some sort of bipedal amphibian, her EYYES strike instinctual fear into your very cellular structure due to their puerile, ungodly nature.

They are EYYES which man was never meant to see through, and they peer at you from behind closed curtains and half-opened doors everywhere you turn.

The Plant Conversationalist

Every block has its resident weirdo. Perhaps it's a widow who mumbles things about her dead husband to anyone caring and foolish enough to listen, or perhaps it's a 45 year old single man who prattles on about his love of gashapon and doujin. After meeting the man known as The Plant Conversationalist, your neighborhood's freak will become like family in your eyes.

Never mind the fact that he's on the KPD's list of sex offenders for almost every possible offense a human can commit. Perverts are a dime a dozen in this filthy, smut-driven world. What brands him as a special kind of sad, pathetic weirdo his is true fetish: his love of plant life.

He speaks with dandelions. He coos to ferns. He whispers sweet nothings to palms. Even fungi and mold, though technically not plants, are welcomed into The Plant Conversationalist's decadent discussion.

Do the plant speak back? Perhaps it is the plants that urge him to do unspeakable things to his fellow humans.

Perhaps the plants like to watch.

The Digginator

Dig Dig Dig

Such is the life of a Digginator.

Created in the far future, The Digginator is a cybernetic android replicant being sent to the past to prepare for the inevitable war between man and hole.

Crafted into the shape of a typical human specimen, The Digginator stands at 6'7" and is built like gloriously beautiful body builder. All the better to blend into human society, so that the diabolical plans of the Hole Alliance be brought forth.

The Digginator's goal? To dig a hole to China from Khazan.

"China isn't on Khazan," you say? Indeed it isn't. Indeed it isn't. Such is the ingenuity of the Hole Alliance's master plan.

Dig Dig Dig

Dig Dig Dig


Immunization Shot

There is a plague running through these lands; a disease that no man can be cured of once he becomes infected.

That disease, my friends, is the opposite sex!

Those of the female persuasion wish to spread their lies, hormones, and genetic filth through these proud and manly lands, and only one man can stand in the way!

His name is Immunization Shot, and only he is immune to the wiles and deceit of womankind!

"Hey, cutie, whatcha doing tonight?" IMMUNE!

"I think you're pretty nice. Wanna hang out sometime?" IMMUNE!

"I'd do anything to ride your pony." IMMUNE!

Do not fall for these feminine traps anymore, my brethren! Join with Immunization Shot and receive his glorious injection of freedom from female fear mongering!

Just don't do it around JOANNE BIGG EYYES or Rika. They'll slap the crap out of you and I both.


We know you've seen her video. There's no use denying it. It's statistically proven that 96 percent of all Khazanian men who regularly view Arena fights own a copy of "Rika R***s Ragnarok" (Which makes it the number two "naughty tentacle" DVD in the Khazanian market, second only to "Tentacle Love Slave Armageddon."). We know you love how she can withstand four straight hours of uncut "fun under the blood red sun" without so much as pausing to sigh.

We do know that you are totally unaware of the fact that Rika is a card-carrying member of The Discriminals. It isn't because the fact is hidden. The Discriminal Ltd. logo is printed on the back of Rika's DVD sleeve (Bottom right hand corner, right under the label stating the DVD is rated XXXXX for "graphic sex, torture, violence, and obscene use of fruit."). You attention span never happens to last longer than "boobies."

That said, WHY is she a Discriminal?

Don't ask me, I'm not a fan of her's. Now "Nuns Need Nurturing," that's... yeah.

Munch Monster

  • Power: Size Shifting
  • Level:Ultimate
  • Area Effect This attack causes damage in a large area.
  • Multi Attack Attack can hit multiple times during one strike.
Me Much Mosta verry crafty. Me bu y raights to Dis Criminals on the supacheep. Me Munch Moster smart like dat. Me buy tem up and seel mechandize to idiot masses.

Dizcriminal TShirts? Yup! Muggs? Definitly! Toys for nauty childrens? Yesh! Theese Discriminals make Munch Monste megas moneyz, and all Me need do is sit bak and watch.

Course, Me need make publik apperan ce every now and then, so Me send ot bodudouble to play with Descriminals. Cloney guy run arond, hid in clset of naughty girls and boyz and eat them and laug! And when done he bring back dogy bag for Me to snak on. YUM!

And all me need do iz sits in corprate lounge and smoke ceegar! Brilliant! Me Munch Monster is the new Bil Gates, yes. Soon, Discrininal marketshare grow bigger and bigger in size and overtake all hcaracter merchandise! Bubye Hello Kitty! Adios Keroro Gunso! Areezadechi Domo Kuun! Discriminals taking y'alls spot!

Munch Monster smart indeed! So smart is NAUGHTY!


  • Power: Tactician
  • Level:Standard
  • Weakness: Limited Uses -One Use
After the first wave of Discriminal merchandising was a hit, Munch Monster and his cronies needed to concoct something extra-special for the next wave.

There was talk of creating "eXtreme dIscriminals," so that they could move outside of the usual character goods market and into the tween and teen markets with a more "edgy" line of products and characters, but that executive was promptly given to Conversationalist to act as "mulch" for his petunias.

No, what the Discriminals needed was a leader. Wally and Shot often acted as the group's "leader," but that often resulted in actions that lessened the brand's charm. Seeing Wally scale a building was cute, but seeing JOANNE do it just ruins the appeal to the masses.

Thus, by taking DNA samples of all of the current Discriminals, Munch Monster's board of executives created the ULTIMATE Discriminal, and he was thus dubbed Discriminor.

Unfortunately, after giving one heart-felt speech to his new teammates, they promptly jumped him and did horrible, unmentionable things to him for daring to push them around and tell them what to do.

And from that brief moment came that infamous internet catch phrase: "As minor as DiscriMINOR." They say it's the new "epic fail."