The Clumsy Grenadier by David, Master of Disaster  | TEAM: Sentinels |  | SECTOR: Lowtown |  | KIT CLASS: Master Training |
|  |  |  Hall Of Fame! |  Survival - 8 wins! |  Brutal - 2 fatalaties! |
| Fight Record
League Wins: 8
League Losses: 3
Out Of League Wins: 0
Out of League Losses: 0
Total Wins: 8
Total Losses: 3
Glee - Win 0-0
Nomad's Tear - Loss 0-0
Ripsaw - Win 0-0
Madame Zille - Win 0-0
Johnny Kaas - Win 0-0
Walker Grey - Win 0-0
Donovon Cersidon - Win 0-0
Jack Deadbeat - Loss 0-0
Marcus Gauldin - Win 0-0
The Sniper - Win 0-0
The City & The Librarian - Loss 0-0
|
 | You know, I've been on Khazan for about a year now, and I'm bored as hell. Bet ya don't hear that often. My past? Who cares. Oh sure, I saved my world, got this nice set of armor, and did some really cool stuff...but do you give a damn? Of course not. Everyone is so used to the whole "Tragic Past! How horrible, he's been dishonored!" Routine. Yeah, I was in the FPL soon after I arrived here, and I got my ass handed to me. So what...I found out after the first few weeks that sitting around and moping doesn't help much at all. I've been training, and I've been learning from my mistakes...first thing I noticed was the fact that I was using my balls rather than my brains...honestly, half of my screwups were entirely caused by hot-dogging, and look pretty embarrassing now. Where am I going with this rant? Not very far it seems. I guess I'm saying its time for me to go back into the ring and see if I still have the stuff that made me legendary back home. I want to actually be a hero, a protector of the innocent again. Leave it to David to get all the paperwork together and go beat down on some lowlife cowardly foes...you know, fight the good fight. God I've missed being at this job... | Personality: Okay, I'll face facts, I'm considered naÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂïve for my "blind" beliefs in what is right and what is wrong...in my opinion, everyone who says that is the naÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂïve one. There is ALWAYS a right way, and a wrong way. As much as it may hurt, you ALWAYS do the right thing because chances are you'll kill yourself for a long time afterward if you don't. That's why I like the SLJ, and that's why I don't like to kill people...and that's probably why I don't have some tragic backstory bull----, because I've always done what I've thought was right. |
 | | Strength: | Standard Normal human strength. | Agility: | Superior This fighter can dodge, weave and move
with the grace of an Olympic gymnast. | | Body: | Standard Normal human endurance. | Mind: | Standard Normal human mental resources. |
 | Don't wor |
- Power: Weapons Creation
- Level:Supreme
- Area Effect This attack causes damage in a large area.
- Ranged and Melee Attack! Attack is equally effective at range and up close.
Hehheh...they always said I was gifted...the thing is that no matter where I go, no matter what I do, I'm NEVER unarmed. Whenever I need a weapon, its always just appears in my hand. I need it, I get it. Mystic Sword of Booyah? Done. Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch (First you must count to three, not two, for that is two little, not four, that is too much, and Five is RIGHT OUT...[Don't use that one much though...takes too long to consecrate])...in 2 seconds. VW Beetle full of gasoline and dynamite that will go off the minute I scream "Oh Crap!" Do I need to say it? 5 Sword Bombs? (Great prank for those other uberswordsmen that run around here) With or without buddy Christ sheath is the real question. Dungeons and Dragons? Hell no, not even *I* will carry around a bomb THAT big.
 | I like Swords |
Okay, lets face it, I HATE guns. I'm sorry, I just don't like guns. What skill does it take to point a metal tube at someone and keep the pressure from the exiting slug from kicking it back? Not much. Fact of the matter is, I have been using swords for years, and I'm not changing my ways now. A sword can block OR attack, a sword can be used in ways a gun can't even come close...and a sword has a flat side to the blade. If I fight someone with a sword, I know I can always disarm them or knock them out rather than kill. 90% of all guns do not have a stun setting...if I have a sword in my hand, I have dozens of options on how to handle a situation. If I have a gun, there's only one way out that leaves one guy, no matter how deserving or otherwise, a mess on the carpet...I don't like doing that...
 | ...And blow |
As said before, I don't like guns...but I do like heavy explosives. Don't ask me why, I just like grenades...they just do something for me. I carry a good supply of basic Flashbangs for incapacitating someone along with smoke and teargas bombs. Frag grenades, concussive stuff, and some more exotic weaponry are also in my arsenal. Throwing knives are also in the mix, but that's obvious. A thrown blade can save a life when you just can't move yourself fast enough, and good explosives serve as wonderful distractions and for knocking people down the hard way. Don't get me wrong, the deadlier and more exotic stuff I only use as necessary, nobody ever truly deserves to die...but sometimes, the only real option is to blow them sky high.
 | Dodging as an art |
Okay, the greatest art a man can learn is the ancient art of the dodge. A friend of mine made this pamphlet for me when I got shot once...it only had two lines, "Step 1: If someone points a gun at you, get out of the way. Step 2: and if they persist, repeat step one." I learned his lesson, and started taking a class for heroes on gymnastics...thank god...the people running the show had everyone wear their standard battle gear to make things less embarrassing. I learned what I needed to learn though, and can now keep up with Joe Schmoe Gymnast Dude...whatever, the key thing is that I know how to get the hell out of the way when trouble hits.
 | As seen on TV |
You know that part in all those TV shows where the two swordsman leap into the air at each other striking simultaneously, with the audience having no idea who killed who until after they land? I'll tell you right now that at the height and speed they do it, it is physically impossible without a knowledge of physically enhancing magical spells such as those made by Bootco. Now go watch me bounce off walls, jumping around really high so you can get the point. Cripes I hate this...I just had to listen to David...he's right usually, but this time...this is my first and LAST endorsement...hell, I can jump that high without some sort of special boots, and do those jumping/acrobatic tricks...and now I've probably made some kids think they can do professional acrobatic tricks with a set of boots...so THIS is why everyone says that fighters shouldn't do endorsements...cripes...
 | Proper Anatomy Usage |
Mistake number one almost every rookie makes. Thinking with a certain piece of anatomy below ones belt rather than that misfiring hunk of machinery that god gave you called "the brain". I was a victim to this little problem, until I started realizing how most of the situations I get into could be solved with a little thinking. The wiring that keeps that sandbag from falling on the villain weak? Hit it instead of the villain, making him look up, then dodging, giving you time to attack him while he's off balance, or the sandbag will hit him if he ignores it. Looking for multiple ways out of a situation always helps more than any amount of Scorched Earth Tactics.
 | They Never Expect it... |
- Power: Invisibility
- Level:Standard
- Weakness: Limited Uses -One Use
- Weakness: Not usable in terrain Bar Fight
So here I am, running from this gun-toting wannabe assassin. Let me tell you, there is nothing scarier than a man with a custom weapon that fires 60 rounds per second. The gunner usually can't hit worth a damn, there are usually hundreds of different people who end up chalk on the sidewalk because some dumb bas--d decided to clear the road...and its a pain to dodge around as I well. I had just turned the corner, and was quickly running out of options...I was angry, tired, and unable to think of a way out of this one...cripes, well I guess Dave wouldn't have to negotiate on those God---- T-shirts anymore...until I saw a couple of punk kids in weird costumes Arguing loudly...The man rounded the corner, and I did the only thing I could think of. I put on a really confused expression, and ran up to him the moment he arrived. I asked loudly, "Hey you! You don't know where the uhhh..."...What did they call that thing again? "...Anime con is, do you?" He gave me this look I'll never forget. He simply blinked...looked at me...and groaned. He turned around pulling at his hair. I clubbed him on the back of the head and left, but I never forgot what I learned that day: People irrationally assume the strangest things...at least when they aren't drunk...
 | It's NOT |
- Power: Archer
- Level:Standard
- Melee Attack Attack usable only hand to hand.
David (MOD): I had told the Society of Shadows to hold off on going into the situation. There were other problems to worry about, and I knew the guy who was on the job for the Sentinels, none other than my good friend and client Argyle, The Clumsy Grenadier. Now, I'll tell you I wasn't surprised at how he pulled victory outta this one. Apparently, he had been having trouble with another swordsman...now this guy was a bit different from Argyle's way of looking at things. The man was toting an enchanted sword of flames, as in Hellfire blade, and he wasn't afraid of using it. Argyle saw immediately from his sword's snapped-in-two status that fighting head to head would be pointless, and decided to make a few hops back to get some distance. And *THAT* he started his usual bombardment. If you've ever seen Argyle when he's decided that the sole chance of getting out of a situation with the most people surviving is by chucking grenades, you NEVER want to see it again. The thing was, the guy was better than Argyle at the dodging routine AND his sword could shoot your classic fireballs. Things were getting pretty dicey until CG used his secret weapon. Now, it wasn't like his movements were unknown, any idiot who visited SLJ HQ or had any knowledge of the current undercards knew that Argyle had been working on this sort of thing...but hey, the guy Argyle was fighting was most likely a lone wolf, give 'em some credit for lasting as long as he did. Argyle finally charged in close, after spending an embarrassing moment not knowing what to call for, simply saying "ANYTHING that's blade won't be broken by his! SOMETHING!" He apparently got a tube-like object, with which he promptly groaned and threw it at the wall...triggering a button, making it became a blue energy blade. Besides the point, but anyway, he went in with this Light blade thing, dueled a bit, then leaped backwards. He pulled his new toy with its shoulder stock, firing a heavy duty explosive charge. So the enemy survived due to his little sword in a nifty blocking maneuver...and then promptly fell to the floor. Screaming in anger, the man cried, "You hypocritical SONOVA----CH! YOU SAID GUNS ARE FOR THE UNSKILLED AND WEAK OF HONOR!!!" Now, this really ticked Argyle off...but he simply responded, "This isn't a gun...it's a crossbow!"
 | Just...Like |
- Power: Lucky
- Level:Superior
- Weakness: Limited Uses -Multi-Use
Let me tell you, I have been in some situations that I have had absolutely NO chance of surviving in, and managed to get out of it through nothing more than pure chance. Case in point, what everybody else calls the Inner City Massacre...I call it the Blast-burn Crater myself. Here's what happened. I had been sent down by the SLJ after a set of KPD officers reported being fired on by an unknown entity who had made it a point to pump the area full of gratuitously large laser blasts. I arrive on the scene...silence. I'm standing near the ruins of a KPD squad car, an injured officer nearby yelling to me to get the you know out of there. Not a chance on that score, it always has been and always will be my job to protect the innocent and damn the consequences. Crack. The noise sent me whirling around, anti-tank concussion grenade in my left hand, Katana in my right...silence...a lone figure walks out of the dust and rubble that canvassed the area...and here I am, standing face to face with this mountain of a man who held a basketball sized sphere of power. He started with this speech about how I would be doomed and that if I left now, he would spare my life. I had had enough speeches, and decided to let a good friend of mine do the talking...he wasn't near my heart at all, actually, he was in my left hand. He's a very eloquent speaker, my friend that is...but when you light his fuse, he'll go ballistic...he made his argument, and I got the hell out of the way as the dust cleared, revealing a slightly angry malicious bastÃÂÃÂd who obviously didn't like some of the words my good friend used. He promptly flung that said Basketball sized ball of energy in my general vicinity. It was obvious he didn't think he needed to look twice, stupid move. I can tell you from experience back home: If you don't see a body, NEVER assume he's dead...he had simply decided I would learn my lesson after narrowly escaping death at his hands...he was wrong...the blast was far enough away from where I leapt that rather than being instantly incinerated, I was thrown a couple hundred yards to the right...that doesn't mean I got out scot-free, not a chance. My entire back was covered in third degree burns and I had second degree burns in numerous other places...I start to get up, feeling the burns all over, finally noticing what I had landed near. I have never been the most religious person, but I have to wonder after what happened at the Crater. I had barely managed to avoid being impaled on a set of upward pointing car wreckage. 1 foot. ONE STINKING FOOT MORE, and I'd have been an Argyle-Ka-Bob. So I managed to get up, and I taught the guy a lesson...he taught me one as well. Never assume that an anti-tank weapon will take down a guy who throws large balls of plasmatic death, always go for the heavy duty equipment when in such a situation...and NEVER leave things up to random chance...I may have gotten out of that situation alive, but the first sonovab--ch who calls me lucky gets a sword up his (censored). If I was lucky, I wouldn't have been hit to begin with!...And sooner or later, a good streak comes to an end anyway...
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