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Sonz of Mojo:The Takedown
Played By: Big Dawgs With Pants

Sonz of Mojo:The Takedown by Big Dawgs With Pants

TEAM: Reavers

SECTOR: Industrial


Hall Of Fame!

Survival - 8 wins!

Brutal - 2 fatalaties!

Fight Record
League Wins: 8
League Losses: 3
Out Of League Wins: 0
Out of League Losses: 0
Total Wins: 8
Total Losses: 3
Khazan City Riot Squad - Win 0-0
Deacon Embers - Win 0-0
() - Win 0-0
Bouncing Brain of Doom! - Win 0-0
Unknown - Win 13-3
The Haunted House - Win 12-9
Quietus(Chibi SD Version) - Loss 10-21
V.F.G. - Loss 10-12
OmegaDark - Win 14-11
Red Factor: Mason - Win 12-11

From Crazy Donkey Studios and director Dick Johnson comes SONZ OF MOJO: THE TAKEDOWN, the highly anticipated movie about the terrifying smiting prophets of Yampu. An awesome story with unprecedented stunts and mind-blowing special effects, THE TAKEDOWN will leave audiences in shock and awe. Andy Turner of WWE fame and Joseph Wachtel take the lead roles of John and Corey, heading a cast that includes Earl Barnett (Invasion of the Interdimensional Space Invaders), Paul Ryk'v (The Thing, Stolen Thunder V), Elizabeth Shemlass (Invasion of the Personal Space, Debbie Does Khazan), and Doris Davis (Thighs Wide Open) as Likka Lottawang. SONZ OF MOJO: THE TAKEDOWN is a Khazan Textronics Pictures production in association with BDWP International Association, and will be released omniverse-wide in July 2003 by Khazan Textronics Pictures. Khazan Textronics Pictures presents A Crazy Donkey Studios Production In Association with BDWP International A Dick Johnson Film Andy Turner Joe Wachtel "SONZ OF MOJO: THE TAKEDOWN" Earl Barnett Paul Ryk'v Elizabeth Shemlass Doris Davis Executive Producers John C. Gresham Directed by Dick Johnson Screenplay by Bulldog Jones


Personality: The summer blockbuster season gets a kick in the ass with the release of "Sonz of Mojo: The Takedown". This movie, aimed right at the young testosterone raging male, produced by Crazy Donkey Studios, was filmed on location in the streets of Lowtown, and set new records for body count in a movie, stunt men used in a movie, amount of pyro detonated in filming, number of buildings and autos smashed, and includes groundbreaking digital effects for when pyro wasn't enough. If you're expecting an intelligent movie with a commentary on social ills, you're in the wrong theatre. This movie makes Jerry Bruckenheimer look like a National Geographic documentary filmmaker.




Standard Normal human strength.Agility:


Standard Normal human agility.


Standard Normal human endurance. Mind:


Standard Normal human mental resources.

I Ain't Your Mental Bitch

Sara McDonnigle, "Kids Matter Online Movie Analysis": Your kids should not see this movie. They just shouldn't. Send them back home to play BARE CHESTED THUGS 2™ - that would be healthier for them then this mindless movie, rife with profanity, gratuitous sex, and horrible gory violence. For example, one scene in this movie, with lines that impressionable minds will repeat ad naseum, involves one of the "heroes" of this movie, "Corey", played by Joey Wachtel, has just blown away six thugs with a M-16 assault rifle, calling them all sorts of crude names, and then faces down a mentalist, who stares at him for several seconds. Corey's eyes bulge for just a second, and then he takes a large handgun and shoves it up the mentalist's rectum, shooting upwards, saying "I ain't your mental b----". John then promptly adds "Way to poke him in his m-----f----- third eye". I fear that kids will be saying these stupid lines all day long, emulating these nasty characters. Plus, the way the heroes of this movie continually insult and injure mentalists is just perpetuating the myth of the evil mentalist, who really, for the most part are good people.

Pimp Daddy of all Pimp Daddies

Terry Richards, "Khazan Today": The F-word, or some derivative thereof, is used 180 times in this movie, even more times than in the 2000 version of "Shaft". And that gets annoying after about the fifth time in two minutes. Just makes you feel like yelling "Shut the F--- up" at the screen. Funny, since I counted that line being used twelve times in the movie. But that wasn't what got me. What got me was how the Sonz of Mojo had women flocking to them. I mean, for crying out loud, ten minutes in, after they blow away a Lowtown crime lord at point blank range, splattering blood, brains, and ocular fluid all over the place, John's got the scantily clad mistress (Elizabeth Shemlass, whose only prior acting credits were in Adult films) who was screaming in horror in one scene fawning over him in the next scene, and ending up in the back of the truck with him, getting "a little John-sausage". Now there's a line I don't want to ever hear again. And I won't even go into the scene where Corey calls himself the "Pimp Daddy of all Pimp Daddies"

Dark Blue Smiting Canoe

  • Power: Vehicle
  • Level:Superior
  • Kit Power Link: Avatar
  • Reinforced Defenses Defense blocks Armor Piercing attacks.
Jim Carrillelli, "Good Morning, Khazan": In the most ludicrous product placement in movie history, the '99 Ford Ranger that the Sonz of Mojo drove has been recast as a '03 KMC Hunter half-ton pickup. At least it's the same color as the "Dark Blue Smiting Canoe". But that's the only connection that this movie has to reality when it comes to the vehicle, as this little DBSC takes insane amounts of punishment and keeps on ticking, while my Hunter runs over a thumbtack and gets a flat tire, or hits a curb and breaks an axle. Watch this clip from the movie, as John and Corey catch some "mad air" in an impossible stunt for this truck's real-life flimsy suspension. They say something about their stupid truck being "blessed by Yampu", and obviously this must be some blessing - as a rocket-propelled grenade explodes in front of the truck, just messing up the paint job. When John and Corey drive in one of eight different car-chase sequences, they break almost every traffic law, and drive with a suspended grasp of reality. Please, for the love of God, don't drive like these idiots drive in the movie.

Cliched Action Hero Shooting

Tony Brown, Khazan Sun Times: The first movie to have a 200 Million KD opening weekend, "Sonz of Mojo: The Takedown" truly has to be the stupidest action movie to ever be released. The overwhelming majority of the tickets were sold to young males between 18 and 24, although when I went to see it, there were a lot of younger teens there as well. The story is a stylized telling of the legend of the Sonz of Mojo, John and Corey, the prophets of the Mexican Trick God, Yampu. The story would have been dumb enough just telling about these rejects, but it got stupider. It plunges into non-stop ridiculous action, the cheesiest dialogue, unexplained motivations, and pure chaos. Among the movie cliches used in this is the classic "Hero can't miss" plot device, as we watch these troublemaking proselytizers shoot their ludicrous arsenal and make all sorts of impossible shots. How the hell can John, whom we see often with a fifth of Vodka in one hand and a .50 Desert Eagle in the other, shoot while so slobbering intoxicated he'd couldn't tie his shoes, while Corey's yelling in his ear, "Shoot him in the nads" ? This movie doesn't strain believability, it snaps it in pieces.

What iditot gave them guns?

  • Power: Weapons Creation
  • Level:Supreme
  • Kit Power Link: Avatar
  • Area Effect This attack causes damage in a large area.
  • Ranged Attack Attack usable at a distance (only).
Ben Youngers, Chairman, Khazan Film Institute: "Bulldog" Jones has come up with a screenplay that substituted pyro for plot and cleavage for character development, and BDWP productions pulled together a "motley creu" of B-movie actors and threw in some actresses whose only assets are silicone heavy. It seems that the back of the Sonz of Mojo truck is chock-full of all sorts of weapons, from a .50 Desert Eagle to several K-5 Machine Pistols to a KOMBG OITWMHGTFWTO BIG GUNN. Good god, if it has a trigger, it's in the back of that half-ton pickup, and used by the Sonz of Mojo at some point in this two hour orgy of mindless action. Now, if only they could have found a decent screenplay and some actors who could actually act...