Good evenink *doodoom*. Hell o, I am Zer Verse ambassador und you I presume, are zeir excellency, zer representative of Khazan. Please, zoo come on in. Velcome velcome. Zo, tell me, to vhom zoo I have zer honor of meetink und extending my hospitality here? Oh yes, but vhere are my manners? Is it not custom to give vun's name first? Zen give it I shall. My name... *krooooom*... is his excellency zer Viscount VanVtich Vladimir Volkoffski Vae Victus Victor Vempyr Von Vammeich DCLXVI *baboomboom*. Zat is of course, zer short form, but legally acceptable. But please, call me VanVtich, all my close personal fiends zoo. Anyvay, let me give you zer grand tour. Prepare yourself... *vooom*... to enter... *Voooom*... my... castle! *Kadoom!* Yes, prepare vor... Castle VhoVouldVammeich! *KRAKA-KADOOOM!* ... ... ... I'm sorry, vas zat a little over zer top?
Terrain Familiarity: Deathtrap Equalizer
Terrain Familiarity: Standard
My... castle *vroomboom* I never go anyvere vithout it, after all, a vampire's castle *kabloom* is his home no? Castle VhoVouldVammeich *Krakakaka!* is zer latest in traditional design. It has all zer handlinks of a modern traditional... castle *kroooom* for your vampire slayink convenience. From big big east view vindows vith zick curtains you can easily pull down to reveal zer sun *hiss*, to easily broken furniture you can use as stakes or put together as religious symbols, und even plenty of silver veapons hangink on zer vall for zer odd veirdvulf or pack, my... castle *brooboom* has it all. Includink, my favorite, zer chandelier for zer hero to swing avout vile swashink his buckle. Oh, und zer secret passages, vun mustn't forget avout zer secret passages.
Earth Quake: Standard
Ah, und vat vould a castle *badambum* be if it is not vell design? Zoo not worry, I have personally inspected zer plans zer architects used, und I can assure you, zer castle *krakuuum* VILL collapse ven I am unkilled. Ve have ran many many tests, from dustink myself vith zer sun *hiss* to stuffing my mouth vith garlic, lettuce und tomatoes, boxing my ears vith buttered bread, zen staking my heart und cutting my head off und everytime, zer castle *cooom* has rocked und rolled und fallen in on itself. I have even hired un actual certifiable mad scientisk to inspect zer structure und he assured me zat zere is no vay for zer hero to survive if I am unkilled except for a vun in a million chance of swingink from zer chandelier with a bosomed virgin in his arms through zer secret passage marked by zer smokink vall over zere on zer east side.
Animal Transformation: Standard
In zer old country, I am a count vho lives in a castle *bloop* und look into zer open vindows of houses in search of virgins to feast upon zeir blurd, in zer really old country, I am a giant vat zat stalks zer naaaaaiiiiigggghhhhhttttt, und feast upon zer blurd of virgins. In zer east, I am a zombie vho jumps around like he is on a pogo-stick. In zer west, I am a vulf zat hunt down sheep und feast upon zer blurd of virgin sheperdesses. In zer north, I am a blurd surking seal zat bites back against zer polar bears. In zer south, I am either a giant mosquito or a peach. Zer folklore is not very specific, zo I zoo not know vat I am suppose to zoo as a peach exactly, possibly surk back...
Vampires are able to fly. Not only ven as vats, but even as humans. Vy? Because vampires zoo not have anythink to be weigh down vith you see. Vampires have no soul or guilt or even conscience to be weigh down onto zer earth upon. Now if you vould excuse me one moment, I have to check und see to it that preparations for later zis evenink are in order. I vill return! *Kroomdoodoodoooom!*
Boo! I'm sorry, I could not resist. Vere did I come from? Vy, zer wall behind you of course. Zid you know? Vampires, because vampires have no soul, zer body of a vampire is not as tightly grasped around the throat by reality as a mortal vith a soul. Vell, in any case, I have returned! *Krooookakadoom!* Zid you mist me? Oho-ho-ho, I unkill myself. Anyvay, preparations are ready, so, if you vould just...
Look into my eyes
Mind Control: Standard
Looooook into my eeeeeeeeeeeyes. Yeeeeeesssssssss, loooooooook into my eeeeeeeyes, ve vill go to zer dining room. Zere, ve vill feast! *droooom* But before ve feast, you vill bow yor head und humm zer sonk of zer vat. You vill go da nuh da nuh da nuh da nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh... VATMAN! Vatman Vatman! Da nuh duh nuh da nuh duh nuh da nuh duh nuh da nuh duh nuh nananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananana... VATMAN! Und zen, und zen, ve vill feast! *boomboom!*
I vant to surk yor blurd vlah!
Bio Vampire: Standard
...nanana... VATMAN! Oh my, yes, zat vas very nice. You have a vonderful voice und a vell structured neck. Now, I zink is time ve feast no? I am eager to sample zer local cattle here vile demon strating zer proper vay to vine und dine. Now, if you vould tilt your head a little to zer right, yes, yor right, no, zer other right, there. Now, here I vill put my hands, notice zer placement of zer fingers, not preventing zer circulation of blurd vile givink full access to zer jugulars, und of course, the customary, I vant to surk yor bluuuuuuurrrrrrrdddddd! Vlah! Vlahvlah! Zere, zat wasn't so bad no? Come, meet zer staff.
Snac... I mean, village people
Oi guv'nor, intaduce meself eh? Well, they callen' me "Boss" Edward McBee, loca' smithy. Why "Boss"? Well guv'nor, 'slike this, I ain't the mare or nutting, but I *am* the man to come to come thyme to start up the mob. Mare just dun have enuff thyme t' s'pair and leed the mob y'see. Oh, jusso y'know guv'nor, we 'sually mob after happy hour, ol' Vimmy's 'sually nice 'bout that, don't kidnap no bosom virgin 'cept on keg nite. We 'sually wait for the o'minus t'under assa sign t' start mobbin'. Y' ken get y' all ten thick mobbin' rake and torch at Old Man Jack***. Tell 'im I sent y' guv'nor, he'll cut 10% off. No guv'nor, we don't EVER talk 'bout how he got the name. No guv'nor, not e'en for a fiver. No guv'no... y'know guv'nor, I think y' better get along now. We dun take kindly to kwes churning strangers. *psst, meet me inna back in 5, bring the fiver* Now shoo!
Yeth marther? Introduthe mythelf to the vithitor marther? Yeth marther. Hell o your eththellenthy, I'm Igor, thon of Igor. You may have heard of my brother, Igor. He'th made quite a name for himthelf by appearing in a movie a few yearth ago, almoth a thelebrity you'd thay. My family'th rather proud of him. Unthle Igor even gave him hith liver lath week. The thame liver the bathtard thaid he wath going to give me! He knew I alwayth wanted that liver! Ever thince I wath just a little Igor, I thought that liver wath so keen, and Uncle Igor promised me that stinkin' liver, but one movie and suddenly Igor was the favorite! Igor! Can you believe it? Igor of all Igor...s ...th... I'm... thorry, I had a theeth impediment when I wath a thild. I tend to revert when I get upthet... may I pleathe lithk your feet eththellenthy?
Children of the Night
*Ahem* Koff, I say, koffkoff. Vell, I zink it is time ve have a little talk. I zink you are mature enough to know vhere... zer chiiillldddrreeennnn, zer ccchhhiiiiiiiilllllddddrrrreeeeennn of zer nnnaaaaaiiiigggghhhhtttttt! come from. It has to do with zer buzzards und zer spiders... you see, vhen a vampire... und a virgin... und... ominous zhunder *kaboom!* Yes, like zat. Und... vell, if zer hero doesn't, zen ve... zer vampire and zer virgin... err... necking... zer are necks involved... called lovebite, yes, you know zer term... vait, vhere did you learn the term?! No, I am not changink zer subject, but... it is different vhen ve talk of necks in this... zer positions... err... sucking... they suck back... yes... err... cluster suck... GO ASK IGOR UND LEAVE ME OUT OF ZIS!
Matter Animation: Standard
The marther ith a thudent of the old thool. He ith a gentlethild-of-the-night'th gentlethild-of-the-night. He knowth the way thingth are done. To every great thory, there ith a flow, a thequenth of progreththion and the marther ith proud that he hath made it hith unlife'th duty to perfect hith ability to thpin a tale with theer marthery. - end pt-V, Thenior Thethith by Igor, Igor Thool of Igor, Igornomic 666 lethtured by Igor.
- Weakness: Not usable in terrain - Deathtrap Equalizer
Excerpt from pt-XIII... thometimeth though, the hero tan be very thupid. They never tee the marther during the day and he never wearth anything but evening wear even for informal affairth, that thould have been their firth thlue, but they never even uthually notith that. That'th when the marther hath to be more vitual... or unvitual, I've theen the marther thep right in front of a mirror, with hith back to it and they don't even notice he hath no refleththion. Onthe, I've even thaw the marther call himthelf, and I'll have to try and revert for thith, thometimes, a theeth impediment can be useful... "the Viscount IVXLCD Hciemmav Nov Rypmev Rotciv Sutciv Eav Iksffoklov Rimidalv HcitvNav" Imagine THAT! The marther had a worthe lithp than me after pronounthing hith name backwardth like that, and they STILL didn't get it. They never get it till they athtually get into the cathtle... - end excerpt.
Inverted Castle VVV
Aside from zer obvious Symphony of zer Naaaaaaaaaaight reference, there is a perfectly convoluted reason vhy zer castle vill "invert" und go upside down... ... ... ... ... To all zer ghouls I lurv before. Vho crept in und out my door. I desecrate this sonk, to all zer ghouls, I lurv before. (sung to the tune of "Billy Jean" by Malkav Jackson). I bet you're vondering howl I pronounced zer ( and ), it's really qvite simply for vun as Verse in languages such as I... ... ... ... ... Oh, you are still waiting for zer explanation? Ah, it is because I am asleep. Zer hero must always find me asleep in my coffin. It is only proper. Howl else can I rise dramatically out of said coffin, or of zer very least, let zer hero treat me to a heartfelt steak vile I slumber? Of course, zer thing is, vampires, as zoo bats, sleep upside-down. Zer problem is, it vould be very hard to get leverage vith zer stake zat vay, and sometimes, zer hero is just plain short und can't reach zat high up. Instead, if you cannot make Mum-Ra valk upside-down for zer mountain, you make zer mountain rightside-down for Mum-Ra. Zer lesson here is, zoo not mess vith gravity, but treat fiziks like your Igor. *from behind* "Yeth Marther?" BEGONE! "Yeth Marther" *begone-ned* As for not sleepink before zer hero arrives, vell, I have to dramatically look out zer vindow over an ominous thunder at zer approach of zer hero zoo I not? Besides, zer main gates vould be really hard to climb zat way, and zer moat vould make for a very soggy hero. Rain drenched hero? Yes. Soggy? No.