....*ahem*...well, uh....*ahem*...There's been a kind of a foul up. You see, um, here at FPL HQ things got out of hand at the Christmas party. Don't want to go into details (let's just say we have 3482 separate photocopies of various people's asses) but it involved alcohol. Lots of it. And, well, someone pushed the wrong button or something and we let....well, nothing into the FPL. And by nothing we do mean nothing. Nada. Nix. Zip. Bupkis. We messed up big time. We were hoping the Uptown Sector Admin would have caught it, but he was slacking off (as usual) and it got through. We're really sorry, but there's nothing we can do. Now this, uh, thing has to go fight in the FPL. It's also somehow got powers, which'll make things even more confusing. How somebody is going to fight nothing I'm still thinking about...
A solvent? How the hell did this get here? You mean we actually have to come up with a solvent description for nothing? *sigh* Okay, it's, uh, powered by the pure force of...nothing. That makes no sense. Look, this whole thing is one big mistake, nothing is going to make sense about it. Just accept that it's here and move along.
Haven't you grasped this yet? This. Character. Is. Nothing. Therefore you can't touch it. If nothing is there, how do you expect to fight it?....have you got it yet? THERE IS NOTHING HERE! YOU ARE FIGHTING NOTHING!
"I've got to fight something!"
Mind Control: Supreme
Strange really. The guys get so pumped up for a fight that when they find out nothing is there, they go nuts. They simply HAVE to find something to fight Off they go, looking under things, checking dark corners. It's almost like something is controling their mind...okay, that's bull. You know this, I know this. But these things have to be filled in.
Induced Sleep: Supreme
The FPL fights have no time limit, they keep going till one guy gets knocked out or whatever. So, when you're fighting nothing...well, you can see where the problem is. Eventually, even if you can lift mountains, you get tuckered out and need a nap. And when that happens, BOOM, the accident gets a forfeit win. It sucks, I know. We should never have had the party in the acceptence room. It's all our fault, we're sorry.
Immunity: Mind Control
So anyway, this...nothing thing was winning matches. We needed help, and who should ring us up but one of the greatest telepaths on Khazan. He said that he was sure that there was someone behind all this, that he wouldn't rest till he found whoever it was. So he sits down in the middle of Khazan Square, opens his third eye and goes to work. Four weeks later he finally passes out. I tell you, we had to use a crowbar to uncross his legs. Stupid mentalists. You can't you control nothing.
Well. When she came into the Office....yowsa. Blodne hair a mile long, a body that'd make you fall to your knees and thank God you were a man. Even the women in the office were looking up and taking notes. After we rolled our tongues back in, she said she was here to stop the nothing thing. We were happy. About her trying to get rid of it that is, not her. I mean, we were happy about her, yeah, don't get me wrong. Happy for both things. Anyway. She said that she could flush out whoever was in control of the nothing. Whatever, we said. She said she'd go out and flush out whoever this was behind this nefarious nothing scheme with her beautiful good looks. Whatever we said, wondering if the security cameras were getting this. So out she went. Bending over. Flicking her hair. Traffic stopped, protest groups were formed. Weeks later her hair had dropped, her make up had run and we forgot about her. I wonder if she's still there?