Konnichicha Neko!


Gender: Female

Kit: Eldritch

Location: Tokyo, Japan


Alignment: Villain

Team: KALI


Strength: weak (rank 0)

Agility: standard (rank 1)

Mind: standard (rank 1)

Body: weak (rank 0)

Spirit: (rank )

Charisma: (rank )


Infamy Points: 55

Personal Wins: 47

Personal Losses: 29

Team Wins: 0

Team Losses: 0

Tourney Wins: 0

Tourney Losses: 0


Status: Active


Two well dressed men sit in a dark room: one with glasses and the other with a thin black mustache wearing traditional Japanese garb…

“A cat?” The man with glasses questions.

“A cat.” The other replies.

“Just what can a cat do for us?” The man with glasses asks. Meanwhile, a fat, orange atypical Japanese bobtail cat frolics about the desk between the two men. The cat has the most peculiar set of orange eyes, the man with glasses notices. The man with the mustache smirks and rolls his long mustache around his fingers.

“You have various opportunities for expansion; however there are certain obstacles that persist in obstructing your prosperities. My little cat will remove these obstacles quite efficiently, I believe.” He says.

“It’s a cat.” The man with glasses states plainly.

“Is it?” The man with the mustache returns. The man with glasses peers up and notices the cat is gone. He quickly looks beneath the desk…nothing. Grabbing a sip from his coffee mug, he questions the man with the mustache, “Where is it?” Suddenly he screams, dropping the coffee mug. “Aiigh, hot!” He nurses his hand and complains aloud, “Damn it. That cup has been sitting for nearly thirty minutes and it shouldn’t be so hot.”

The man with the mustache merely grins.

The man with the glasses reaches to pick up the mug and leaps back in fright noticing two bulbous orange eyes on the glass…staring back at him.

“What the hell?” he shouts.

He looks back at the man with the mustache and notices the cat is back in his hands. The man pets it lovingly, “Let us discuss of your newest line of products, Konnichiha Neko…”

Elsewhere, it finally came in the mail. In response, Akiko Takeda leaps around the room in utter joy. Her mother, Aiko Takeda, dodges and turns to avoid tripping over the overenthusiastic little nine year old girl. “Lemme see momma! Lemme see!” Akiko screams shrilly. Her mother finally plops on the couch and puts the box next to her. Before she manages to move; Akiko is leaning over her head like a vulture over its meal. “Ooooopeeen iiiittt!” She growls outlandishly. Her mother gently grabs Akiko beneath the armpits and lowers the ecstatic little one to the floor. She then begins to cut open the box. Akiko dances around her wildly screaming the theme song to her favorite show, “Kkkk Konnichiha Neko! Kkkk Konnichiha Neko!”

Her mother smiles and yanks the box open, pulling a small orange cat doll from the box. The dolls bulbous orange eyes catch the mother off guard and she nearly drops it. Akiko dashes beneath her to recover the falling toy. Mother however, is much too quick. She smiles and raises the cat doll back up. She notices a small button on its paw while holding it up as her daughter jumps frantically around her. Even as Akiko makes every attempt to try and steal it from her grasp; mother examines it closely. She presses the paw. The cat then proceeds to speak its nationally recognized catch phrase, “Konnichiha everybody! I’m Neko; can I be your friend?” Mother frowns at the doll, “That’s a creepy cat.” She responds and tosses it at Akiko. The girl quickly snatches the kitty and runs up the stairs. “You’re welcome.” Her mother says. “Thanks mom!” The daughter screams from upstairs, her door slamming shut behind her. “Kids and their toys.” Mom sighs and leaves to the kitchen.

Meanwhile upstairs, Akiko swings her newfound plaything around the room in utter glee. Simultaneously, her T.V. blasts a rerun episode of Konnichiha Neko across the screen. Akiko has watched this episode at least one hundred times. On it, the animated kitty runs across a cherry blossom field with several other little resident creatures of Japan. They sing and dance and play for at least of thirty minutes of tween delight. For those not in the know, Konnichiha Neko is probably the second most popular kid’s show in Japan. It’s only competition being a seriously overrated testosterone driven fighting series about humanoid aliens with bird’s tails. Neko however, is a well marketed contender with theme parks, clothing, restaurant tie-ins, and movies and of course…toys. Which little Akiko has just recently acquired.


“It’s late Akiko!” Her mother shouts from downstairs. “Ah mooommm!” The little rambunctious child returns. “Time to go to bed.” Her mother exclaims. “Mommy will be up to tuck you in later.” She finishes. Akiko reluctantly agrees and head to the television to turn it off. After her normal nighttime routine, Akiko falls into the bed and snuggles with her Konnichiha Neko doll. Nevertheless, sleeping is the last thing on her mind. As she lay, the little girl continuously presses the button on the paw of the doll. The cat utters at least five different catch phrases before the repetitive phrases begin anew. Akiko giggles furiously as she barrages the paw with an onslaught of button pressing.

Throughout her laughter, the girl hardly notices the doll…frowning.


Kitteh Hum Makes me ZZZZZZ!

     Induced Sleep: superior (rank 2)


“Go to sleep, Akiko…and put that doll away!” Her mother yells at the top of her lungs. “Your father will be home from work soon and he will not be happy to see you awake.” She ends. Now, although Akiko adores her father and thinks he is the beginning and the end of all things; she is also intensely afraid of him. It could be said that her father is the criterion of stern fatherhood. It could be said that her father exudes a terrifying presence. Or it could be said that her father is the head of a powerful and deadly Japanese criminal syndicate. That could be honestly said as well, but most try not to say that…to his face. With this understood Akiko scrambles beneath the sheets and hides the doll away. Beneath the covers, Akiko pets the cute little Neko doll about the head. Surprisingly, the doll purrs. Akiko chuckles in delight. She didn’t even press the button. With the white noise of the humming, a sudden fatigue sweeps over her. Struggle as she may to fight it, it captures her completely and an instant later…Akiko sleeps.

As she drifts away, the girl hardly even notices the doll…smiling.


Big Appetite just for You!

     Disintegration: superior (rank 2)


Later as Akiko sleeps, her mother and father slowly enters the room. The door creaks and both stop immediately. Akiko rustles beneath the sheets slightly and falls back to sleep. After creeping to the corner of the bed, her father kisses her on the head. Her mother tucks her in and removes the doll from Akiko’s firm grasp. Her mother can’t help but notice that the doll is warm to the touch…almost hot even. She hands it to Akiko’s father. He examines the doll, “Weird little thing.” He whispers. “I told you.” Mother replies. Father tosses the doll to its side at the foot of the bed and picks up the empty box it was shipped in. Eyeing the elaborately decorated package, he notices the small print, “Product of SEE?” He says in annoyance. Scowling, he glares at the mother. “Sorry.” She pleads, “Akiko would’ve died if she didn’t get it.” He grimaces and crushes the box, storming out of the room. Mother then kisses the girl on the forehead and looks back at the doll. As she leaves, she swears she notices the doll quickly concealing a smile. Furrowing her brow in confusion, she quickly exits the room.

Later in the twilight of the night, Akiko sleeps heavily. As she does, Konnichiha Neko rises from its side at the floor of the bed. Unbeknownst to Akiko, the doll’s gigantic glass eyes turn slowly in her direction. A Cheshire smile coils about its face. A sick pop and clicking noise might’ve been heard by anyone who was stirring; unfortunately this was not the case. The house did not stir this night. As the family slept, Konnichiha Neko’s mouth unhinged and widened to an unimaginable width. Snot-like saliva dripped from its toothless maw. The orifice grew and grew until it was wide enough to swallow the entire bed. And slowly, but surely…that’s what it did: Akiko and all.

If anyone had been awake in the still of the night, they might’ve had heard a distant and faint…burp.


Neko Zooooom!

     Transformation: superior (rank 2)


At nearly dawn, the parents of Akiko Takeda are awakened by a tug on the edge of the bed. The little girl that stands before them gives a sullen smile. “What’s the matter hunny?” Mother asks? Akiko does not answer. She just continues to stare in that strange glowering smile. “Bad dreams perhaps?” Father says. Her mother looks at the father intensely and shoves him. “What’s with her?” She whispers. Father does not answer, but turns back to Akiko. “Well, don’t just stand there. Get in bed. You’re freaking your mother out.” The girl glows in delight and leaps into bed. The young tween snuggles up close to her mother and father, holding them tightly. Mother leaps up, “Good night you are burning up!” She shouts. Father feels her forehead. “She is a little warm.” He says, “Look, it’s almost time to get up. When we wake, I’ll get her to the best doctor in Tokyo. Can we please just try to get a little sleep now?” Akiko nods. Mother frowns worriedly, but decides not to make a scene. “Fine.” She huffs and rolls over and back to sleep.

As they drift away once again, they don’t even notice their supposed daughter’s eyes go from a beautiful brown to a monstrously bulbous orange.


Uh Oh! Bake-Neko!

     Energy Body: superior (rank 2)


The next morning, fire engines rush to the estate of Takeo and Aiko Takeda. As their house burns, a crowd forms around the lawn. Police keep them at bay as they push and squirm to get a better look. Neighbors and friends, converse over what could’ve happened to such a good family. Others with a leaning towards the grapevine; whisper of Takeo-Sama’s covert criminal activities and perhaps a hit. However, they whisper this very, very quietly. Meanwhile the home of Akiko, Aiko and Akiko burns…with them in it. It has been burning for at least an hour. Some cry, some gossip and at least a few notice that the swelling fire sometimes take the form of an enormously famous television cat with bulbous eyes. But, that’s just silly…or at least that’s what they tell themselves.

Meanwhile, none of them notice a small orange bobtail cat exiting unscathed from the smoldering building.

Two weeks later, business man and CEO of Max Toys, Maxwell Short is dropped off at his place of work. In his hands is a doll in which he bought before work for his youngest daughter’s birthday. He can’t wait to get it home to make her day. He notices that he looks silly carrying a child’s toy throughout the office building in his business suit. He notices the strange looks from security, his secretary and later from his board of directors. He informs them of the nature of the toy. They all have a cheerful laugh and applaud him for being a good father. They continue their meeting.

Sadly after that, none of them notice the little Konnichiha Neko doll sitting in a seat behind them…smiling.