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ThreeDark

ACPG GAME THREAD

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It is a lazy afternoon at the Super Spiffy Detective Agency, Penguin Detective (And also Prince) Gogogo and his Partner Papercut-Man are in the midst of their semi-annual Hero-Round Up in which they gather a list of Good Guys that can be called upon when Really Really Bad Things® happen. Which they often do.

 

The Super Spiffy Detective Agencies secretary, Miki (Gogogo is an equal opportunity employer), is taking down the names and information of the numerous Hero-types standing in line and suddenly Really Really Bad Things® GO DOWN!

 

In fact, this Really Really Bad Thing® happens to be BIGMCLARGETURTLE The MONSTER TORTISE Terrorizing the City once more.

 

Or maybe It's one of BIGMCLARGETURTLE's numerous offspring, you really can't tell.

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Dr. Dude leaps into the fray anxious to show off his coolest new helmet! With crazy powers of a robot, he begins to...shut down? Dr. Dude checks his Nuclearnucleonucleos component and realizes he didn't charge it last night. Suddenly he is shot in his helmet. He leaks good powers and is stepped on by a giant turtle whose name he can't pronounce.

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Miki's mind drifted as she scribbled the names of the good-type people's names and powers in a hasty shorthand on the table. She thought about her daughter at home with the sitter; thought about her twin sister, wherever she was; the twinge coming back in her lame leg; whether or not the girl giving Miki her name was attractive.

 

And when there was a crash outside, she put one hand on one pointy ear and the other on the pentagram around her neck. Not worried immediately, Miki attempted to find the spot on the desk where she had stopped. "What wath the latht thing you said?" She asked.

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Papercut-Man repeats what he said to Miki, which was "Ngnn ngnn ngnn ngnn!", because that's all he ever really says, really.

 

Gogogo turned sharply to his evil arch-nemesis-slash-business-partner-who-actually-pays-all-the-bills-for-the-agency, "That's Gogogo, not Gogogogo"

 

"Ngnn ngnn ngnn ngnn!"

 

"That's not stuttering, and you left out a "Go" that time!"

 

"Ngnn ngnn ngnn ngnn!"

 

Miki wondered if Gogogogo really knew what Papercut-Man was saying, since all she ever heard from him was "Ngnn ngnn ngnn ngnn!".

 

Meanwhile, the city was being destroyed.

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"ZOUNDS!" Gogogo proclaimed as he rushed out the door and into the burning, scream-filled streets. "It is HUGEMCBIGTURTLE, my archnemesis right after the Zombie Cat Ninja Frogs from Antarctica and the IRSbots! Quick! Everyone inside of my Super Spiffy Detective Office Complex! You are all now officially super spiffy super heroes! TO BATTLE!"

 

But in his heroic haste, Gogogo made a fatal mistake!

 

"AHAHAHA!" A sinister voice cackled from within the ranks of Gogogo's new hero posse. "You are a FOOL, Gogogo! For I am the turtle's master, Queen Frogfucius, and by making me a hero you have made BIGMCLARGESHELL a hero as well. That means his destorying the city is a good thing! AHAHAHA!"

 

"GASP!" Gogogo and the other heroes replied in unison. "What will we do now?"

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Norman St. Burger say idly by letting a large flame every now and then just so everyone knew for certain that he was indeed a Hell Burger. As he admired his flaming awesomeness, and his juicy 100% USDA approved beefy goodness.

 

Norman, spotted Gogogo, and the rest of the heroes gasping in fear in front of what appeared to be some sort of giant turtle. After one last blast of flame. He began to float over, to what appeared to be a giant Frog with an equally giant crown on her head.

 

Not quite understanding, what was happening Norman St. Burger floated around and decided it was best to nibble at him self a bit.

 

Gogogo, decided to take action and began prancing all around Norman St. Burger singing the "You should attack the bad guy" song complete with backing vocals from Paper-cut man.

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And then GIANTMCHUGETURTLE let loose a massive roar! His front feet appeared to be stuck in a massive spiderweb!! Spider-Nun ran over to the group in front of the Super Spiffy Detective Office Complex.

 

"Quickly, attack the monster before it breaks free and destroys the city!" Spider-Nun mustered.

 

"We can't," cried Gogogo. "His master sneakily became a hero, which means that he is a hero, which means that destroying the city is actually a good thing... Which means that you are a villain for fighting him!" Gogogo and the other heroes began to approach menacingly.

 

"Stop right there. GARGANTUANMCGIANTTURTLE may be a hero, but I'm not a villain for fighting him... I'm an anti-hero!"

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"ACK!" BOOM! SQUISH! "ACK!" BOOM! SQUISH! SPIDERWEB SOUNDS! "Help?!" Dr. Dude squeaked while being constantly squished by the gigantic turtle who's name he couldn't pronounced. It didn't help that suddenly he was assaulted by spiderwebs in mid squish, only adding insult to his injuries. "Where was my beautiful helmet?" He wondered in between stompings. It also didn't help him to notice he was suddenly bleeding as the beast squished him repeatedly to remove the webbing. "Help!! Blood!!" He squeaked some more. What's worse, his blood wasn't ordinary blood, it was...Teh Evilz!! (due to the fact that he used to be evil and now he's good, but was tricked into being evil again)

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Standing in the proximity of all this stuff going on, Papercut Man got some of Dr. Dude's blood on him. Since Papercut Man was already a guy, ie a Dude, the blood didn't do anything to him, and "Papercut Dude" is a stupid name anyway. That said, the doctorate blood coursed through Papercut's system, increasing his intellect to that of a Doctor, changing him to Papercut Doctor... or it would have, but one does not become a properly certified doctor just from getting some blood on oneself.

 

So while absolutely nothing was happening with this whole city destroying incident, Papercut wandered off, met a girl, dated her, went back to college, whereby he earned his doctorate and became a full fledged certified doctor, then married his sweetheart and they had 2 beautiful children: Nathaniel and Superfly.

 

However, a great disaster struck, Bozopocalypse was about to descend upon the earth, and he only way to stop it was to travel back in time to change reality. Luckily, Papercut's doctorate was for Quantum Physics, which allowed him to construct a time travelling robot which he sent back into the past to kill his own wife before she met and married him.

 

So because he never met her, he never went back to school and get his doctorate, so the future was changed.

 

The time traveling robot, who gained sentience as a result of the quantum energies from the time travel, also decided to travel back in time a couple more days, whereby it killed BIGMCLARGETURTLE before BIGMCLARGETURTLE could go on its rampage. Then it revived BIGMCLARGETURTLE into the kaiju Kowai Kamecha Kamikaze Kamikame, which as the name suggests, vaguely means Scary Robotic Turtle God of the Winds.

 

AKA Turtlezilla.

 

So, everything that's happened is still the same as before, only instead of BIGMCLARGETURTLE, we have Turtlezilla, whose name is slightly easier to remember. Also, due to the change in sequence of events, Papercut Man is killed.

 

This translated to the time travelling technological turncoat whose machinations caused all this to take over Papercut's role as Gogogo's "sidekick". To what ends? Who knows?

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Sister Ahlai sighed deeply.

 

Her attempts to Rally the Troops behind a gritty, violent banner had failed miserably. No real progress had been made; Mecha-Turtlezilla still rampaged with little hope of stopping it. The other heroes seemed almost disinterested. And then Sister Ahlai, the Spider-Nun, sat down on the curb.

 

"I knew this was going to fail. I woke up this morning and said to myself, 'Ahlai, you're going to try to save the city today. Might as well stay home, though, because your efforts will come to naught.' Failure is imminent, just like I always say. Except it is imminent no longer. It has arrived."

 

The grim prospects of failure formed a menacing cloud over Ahlai's head, which had the potential to grow to outlandish proportions.

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Was Miki outside or was she inside? She couldn't remember. One of the many perils of being blind. So she felt around until she hit a wall. This was unhelpful, as there are walls both outside and inside. However, there was some degree of giant turtle behind her, which probably meant she had gotten outside somehow.

 

Miki took a juice box out of a pocket and started to drink from it. Better let someone else score the first blow.

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