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Spider-Man vs. Izuku Midoriya

Match 14692 by SSJRuss
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Class 1-A vs. Class 3-E

Match 14689 by I_KNOW_ALL
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Electra Woman & Dyna Girl vs. Hippies

Electra Woman & Dyna Girl: 3
Hippies: 1

Homer Simpson vs. Stewie Griffin

Homer Simpson: 5
Stewie Griffin: 4

Anthony Gallen vs. Forelli Crime Family

Anthony Gallen: 7
Forelli Crime Family: 0

Anakin Skywalker vs. Reptile

Anakin Skywalker: 6
Reptile: 1

Gambit vs. Afro Samurai

Gambit: 4
Afro Samurai: 7

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Outstanding Fight Set-ups

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Match Creator: Culwych1 (26 matches created, rank 2, FPA of 3.8)






Flipside is a world beneath ours where dreams go to die. Imagine a world created solely for the repository of our imaginations, where the unwritten stories live alongside those never completed and every fickle being that has ever been conjured from the deep recesses of our mind walks the yellow brick roads that pave the way to the great cities of our make-believe.


Flipside is a place where you can get anything, or if you are not careful, where anything can get you. You can find ogres, dragons, superheroes, demons, knights and dead pop stars drinking alongside each other in any of the many bars, pubs and nightclubs that offer every vice imaginable.


You can only access Flipside if you wish for it hard enough, or are desperate enough, or have a death wish. Gods walk through the streets, passing undead cheerleaders or old cowboy gunslingers and no one bats an eyelid. Tourism is a big trade, mainly because Flipside gets a cut of the insurance money, which is ridiculously high. In a world where Satan, Dr Doom, Hannibal Lecter and Jason Vorhees can establish their own businesses, no one can ever really be safe.


So… welcome to Flipside; a place where dreams can come true, or, more likely, where nightmares will kill you. For god’s sake; be careful.






It was a special day in Flipside and one that I was not looking forward to. To be honest, that could describe most days in this god forsaken place, but not all of them scream trouble in such a distinct and loud voice.


For those of you who haven't already met me, my name is Arthur. Yes like the King and yes, the same person. I am protected by Merlin the Magician's most powerful ancient spells and carry at my side Excalibur, the gun reshaped from my old sword. It shoots bullets that kill instantly and the name Arthur Pendragon has become synonymous with death in Flipside. Oh, I am also an alcoholic, and worse, a cop.


I took a healthy swig of my hipflask and leant against a building, carefully watching the road and hoping that worry didn’t crease the corners of my eyes. Although I was meant to be immortal I swear that I was seeing more wrinkles and grey hairs every day. And yes, I am not ashamed to admit it; even the (allegedly) once and future king wasn’t adverse to a bit of L’Oreal for Men anti-aging cream. Hey, if Clooney could endorse it then it certainly couldn’t do me any harm.


The reasons behind today’s grey hairs were three-fold. First and foremost was a certain senator of Flipside, Mr Gordon M. Kelly (and no, I didn’t know what the M. stood for). This certain senator (that M. was going to bug me for the rest of the day – Mabel? Muriel?) was currently head of a very powerful and very rich campaign named the PHM – or Pro-Human Movement, a group that mixed politics and religion to a devastating amalgam of a new belief system that saw at its core the human being as the true representation of God on earth, in all His glory.


I could have told them it was bollocks of course and that if God did indeed look like some of those reprobates then the world was in serious trouble. But the problem wasn’t that they considered themselves the only true children of God, it was that they considered every other species as the children of God’s sworn enemy. Of course, in Flipside, where humans were just another voice amongst many, this spelled trouble.


Which brought me to my second worry of the day, the PHM rally, or as they had cleverly put it, One Race Under God. Basically a bunch of racist, xenophobic men and women running around my streets and shouting prejudiced intolerant chants about everyone but themselves.




In most places in the universe this would probably have meant that Mr Gordon (Maurice?) Kelly and his crazy followers would have been left to their own devices and ignored like the ignorant beings they were; but this was Flipside.


In Flipside even the houses could develop attitudes.


And so the last problem of the day presented itself to me; over 500 death threats, in writing, to the local police station. Ouch. My boss’s boss had yelled at my boss who had in turn yelled at me (which had prompted me to casually tap Excalibur in its holster until he stopped nervously) and I had agreed to pop along to the main part of the rally and make sure that no one in PHM got themselves killed.


And no, I wasn’t allowed to shoot them myself either apparently.






It had started with a very stirring speech by Mr Kelly and I was glad to see that the rally had purchased its own bodyguards. Pure humans of course, no one else would have done, but the two they had hired were good guys; Green Arrow and Hawkeye both of who I had worked with in the past.


Green Arrow waved at me and smiled. I smiled back remembering a certain wager involving a lot of alcohol which he had lost (and afterwards had graciously bought me a sports-car). If you couldn’t go drinking with rich superheroes then who could you go drinking with!


Both men kept surveying the crowd as I approached the side of the stand where Mr Kelly was giving his speech. His assistant and general dogsbody, a young man without much expression behind the eyes was mouthing the words along with his boss; I studiously ignored both of them and they returned the favour.


“Glad to see you guys are finding decent work these days†I quipped, allowing a hint of a smile to touch my mouth.


“Shove it Pendragon†snapped Hawkeye. Then he sighed.


“League orders I’m afraid†said Green Arrow, “they said it could be worse if we didn’t have a presence hereâ€.


“Should have let Batman do it†I replied and we all laughed, although I noticed that neither of the men stopped scanning the crowds as they did.


Suddenly there was a commotion and a single shot rang out above the noise of the crowd and the speech.


The assistant who had been mouthing the words of the speech dropped suddenly, his face a bloody mess and blood splattered the senator and those around him.


“TIME TO DIE SENATOR†shouted a singsong voice and I recognised the two men who stepped forward from the scattering PHM members.


I had to smile as I recognised the mercenaries Deadshot and Bullseye, but the smile soon left me face as Green Arrow said “shitâ€.


“What?†I asked, having thought this would be a walk in the park.


“They are humans too†said Hawkeye.




“Which means that you can’t get involved Pendragon, we can’t have a superhuman killing humans at a Pro Human demonstration!â€


Damn I thought, they were right. This all smelt fishy to me, too planned for my liking.


“OK, you guys have the floor, but if they get past you then they are minced meat.â€


“Oh don’t worry my friend†said Green Arrow as both men notched arrows into their bows, “we’ll take care of this prontoâ€.




And so the two bodyguards, Green Arrow and Hawkeye went to meet the mercs Deadshot and Bullseye whilst I stood next to the quivering senator and waited to see what the outcome would be. One thing was certain, this was gonna get messy.


Bloody rallies I thought as I took a swig from the hipflask and kept a steady hand on Excalibur.



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:o Would some kind soul care to explain this to me in a PM?


DamagEdit: Who the hell am I kidding? :o

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I have returned. Why does this website always force me to use a new login each and every time I find myself free to post again? Where is treacherous?

Right around Christmas time too. I do believe Santa miscalculated by two days here.

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I have returned. Why does this website always force me to use a new login each and every time I find myself free to post again? Where is treacherous?


Treacherous is probably somewhere giddily jumping up and down, formulating a way to make you stay for good.

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Not me...You guys should know I'm suspicious of all things new. I won't believe until I see a match. Writing style tells all. Plus this is a horrible place to be starting this conversation, if Tarv wasn't on self exile, he'd delete all this conversation.

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This is what a CBUB Set Up should look like: Original, entertaining and fun...


Santa Claus vs. Darkseid by Dskillz


Apokolips, with its massive firepits, advanced weaponry, and metallic, fortress-like surface, is quite an intimidating sight to behold. Add that to its downtrodden and constantly tortured civilians, strong and cruel armies, and even more merciless ruler, and it is a world very much like Hell itself. So terrifying and powerful is this planet, it's only fitting that it is isolated from most of the rest of the universe.


At this time, Darkseid, he who rules and lords over Apokolips, stands with his huge hands clasped behind his back and surveys this evil ecumenopolis from a balcony in his throne room. All appears to be normal at the moment, at least by Apokoliptian standards. He observes some Lowlies being hoarded and shot at by a few Parademons to ensure enforcement of his malevolent law. Another hoard of Parademons soars over the ominous, dark red skies, being lead in patrol by Steppenwolf on his aircraft. In the distance, Darkseid sees Granny Goodness's Orphanage churning with activity, her Female Furies sparring ferociously just outside in preparation for combat.


All appears to be in order, but Darkseid knows on this day that all is not well on Apokolips, or at least won't be for long.


For today is Christmas Eve, and the despot knows that a certain, most unwelcome guest will be visiting, no, invading his domain very soon. A guest that would dare come to this forsaken planet to spread the promise of forbidden emotions, such as hope, goodness, and cheer, and do so on an annual basis. Darkseid's eyes literally burn a fiery red at merely the thought of such blasphemy in his empire.


Not this year, he thinks to himself, and never again.


This year, Darkseid and his forces have taken special measures for this "guest".




"DeSaad, have you made all of the necessary preparations?" asks the despot without turning around, addressing his advisor, who has just stepped into the throne room.


"Yes, Lord Darkseid," DeSaad answers with a bow. "All security on the planet is now on high alert. We have doubled the armaments of last year, anti-aircraft and otherwise, tripled the amount of satellites focusing on the skies, and we have erected our most powerful force field around the entire outer atmosphere of the planet."


"Good," says Darkseid. "Has my secret weapon fully matured?"


"Yes, master. He is at your disposal."


"Bring him to me at once. This is no time to waste."


A loud raucaus can suddenly be heard as shots from powerful firearms and vulgar language ring out just behind the chamber's main door.


"That... may not be necessary, my lord," says DeSaad as backs away from the entrance.


There is a loud thumping on the huge doors just before they break away from their hinges and crash to the floor, with a barely conscious Kalibak heaped on top.


"F-forgive me, sire," Kalibak says weakly to his father and master, groaning as he tries to sit up. "I tried to explain how he came to be--"


"Lemme at 'em! When I find whatever fraggin' geek did this t' me, there's gonna be hell ta pay!"


Through the doorway steps the last Czarnian, Lobo, or at least what appears to be him, with a comandeered laser cannon in hand. This Lobo, however, has salmon-colored hair, pale-pink skin, hot-pink facial markings, and red-orange clothing as opposed to his normal black and white look. Needless to say, the discovery of this new look does not please the Czarnian one bit.


"Nobody, NOBODY, makes the Main Man look like a sissy and lives, at least with his vital organs in one piece!" he continues, seething. "Somebody better start talkin' NOW, 'fore I turn th' place ta a floatin' pile o' ash!"


"You may leave us now," says Darkseid to DeSaad and Kalibak, unmoved by the threats. They quickly depart the chamber.


Darkseid then turns to face the bounty hunter. "Welcome to Apokolips. I am Darkseid, your new lord and master."


"What're ya babblin' about, stone-face?" says the pink-hued Czarnian. "Nob'dy makes a slave outta this bastich!"


"You would do best to show reverence before me, scoundrel," the tyrant calmly scolds.


"Heh, heh, sorry... forgot who I was talkin' to," says Lobo nervously. Darkseid is one of the few beings that can rightfully give the Czarnian pause.


"Now, do you recall when you were reduced to adolescence, then killed and revived here on Apokolips?" the despot continues.


"Aw yeah, me and my clones trashed th' place, then started fraggin' each other 'til only th' real deal was left. Good times," the pasteled alien recalls with a smile.


"With our technology, we were able to preserve a single clone. We then altered it and allowed it to mature until it could fully serve my purpose. You are that clone, and you retain all of the original Lobo's abilities."


"What, no way! So I ain't th' real deal?!" a stunned Lobo blurts out. "Of all th' raggin', fraggin'..."


"This should not concern you," interrupts Darkseid. "As mentioned, you retain all of the abilities of the original Lobo, so if you fulfill this mission to my needs, you may seek him out and deal with him as you like."


"I like th' sound'a that!" the cloned mercenary beams. "Now, what do ya need, Darky?"


"Every Earth year," starts Darkseid, turning away. "on the night of what the people of Earth call Christmas Eve, the being known as Kris Kringle has somehow managed to evade and penetrate all of our defenses to deliver... a 'gift' to me." Darkseid cringes slightly at the word "gift". "What's more, his mere presence on Apokolips seems to inspire the slightest sense of hope in the Lowlies. This, I CANNOT allow."


"Oh, Santy Claus?" inquires the Lobo clone. "That bastich fr'm Earth that's always spreadin' joy and whatnot? Yeah, sure, I can frag 'im."


"Indeed. But the spirit of Santa Claus cannot be extinguished by merely slaying him. The original Lobo, however, is among the greatest bounty hunters in the cosmos. He, as he likes to say 'always delivers.' That is why you were re-spawned. If my forces fail again, you will bring my old nemesis to me, dead or alive, so that we can contain him for all time."


"Well, if that's all you need... but what's in it f'r me? The Main Man don't frag f'r nothin'!"


"I think this will suffice."


With a wave of his hand, Darkseid conjures up red-and-orange versions of Lobo's space cycle and weaponry. A second hand gesture makes a group of scantily clad alien women and a huge pile of gold and other riches appear. The Lobo clone literally drools at the sight of these indulgences.


"Now that's what I'm talkin's about!" says Pink Lobo. "One question, though, Darky. If all th' fireworks here and whatnot couldn't frag Ol' Jolly, why not just give 'im some OB action?"


"I have tried on more than one occasion," responds the tyrant. "Unfortunately, he has proven immune to my Omega Effect. EVERY aspect of it." Darkseid's hands rest to his sides and, in a rare outward display of anger, clinch tightly into fists during the final part of his statement.


"Ha ha ha! Well ain't that a blip!" laughs the pasteled Czarnian. "Th' lord of all evil can't even frag an old man! I can't wait ta tell all those geeks back at th' diner!"


The warlord turns back in the Czarnian clone's direction after the remark.


"The original Lobo was shunned by the gates of Heaven and rejected from the pits of Hell. Would you like to be the first part of him to see oblivion?" Darkseid says as his eyes glow a fiery red once again.


"Whoa, whoa, alright, alright, I get it! No more cracks!" the Lobo clone stammers fearfully while waving his hands. "Just turn off those blinkers o' yours, will ya!"


"We have reached an understanding. Good." Darkseid's eyes dim again. "Now, bring Santa Claus to me, by any means necessary."




Somewhere in outer space, Ol' St. Nicholas himself, Santa Claus, rides his sleigh filled with a huge bag of gifts through the cosmos, hauled as usual by his nine best reindeer. How they survive the rigors of the vacuum of space year after year, let alone how they deliver presents across the universe in one night, has always been a mystery. As he has done countless times in the past, Santa checks his delivery list for his next destination.


"Is it that time already?" Santa says with a sigh as Apokolips comes into view. "So much evil in that place."


Santa has always done his annual Christmas Eve run with an infectious glee, but even his glee dims slightly at the sight of the malevolent planet.


"Those people should really follow the example of their neighbors in New Genesis. Now they... THEY, are truly a pleasure to visit."


The reindeer known as Donner snorts and rolls his eyes at Santa's statement.


"Ho, ho, ho, ho! I suppose you're right, old friend. That's probably expecting too much," St. Nick says cheerfully. "Darkseid is a brilliant fellow, but he may never understand the concept of Christmas Spirit."


Santa takes out his special telescope to see what the despot has in store for him this time.


"Let's see now... force field, anti-aircraft gear, the Furies... oh my, will he ever learn?"


He focuses the telescope closer to the planet's surface and catches an unexpected sight.


"Well, they've pulled out all the stops this year," Santa remarks. "Employing the services of Lobo of all people. He is certainly high on my naughty list, ho, ho, ho! But I am much better prepared for him than our last encounter. Onward to Apokolips, my reindeer! Rudolph, shine the way! Ho, ho, ho, ho!"


With a crack of the whip, Santa and his sleigh of gifts then soar toward the lowly planet.

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Outstanding set up Shadowflesh! Jack (Bio-Shock) vs. Korra (Avatar)


Another day in a child’s most beloved fantasy, another day in this sick and twisted hell. Power Puff Girls fly over the city performing air raids, shadowy creatures known as Heartless act as body guards, and Bugs Bunny is the most feared person in existence. In this world heroes, villains, mutants, monsters, nerds, and talking animals all walk down the street together… And they all try to tear each other limb from limb in an all out war. This is the world I now live in; this is New Convergence.


My name is Jack, and it has been six months since I found myself waking up in this world. When I first arrived, I opened my eyes to a glorious metropolis of shining buildings and beautiful machinery. It was nothing like the rotting sewage pipe I’d come from called Rapture. This place was magnificent and inspiring. Oh but how quickly this would all change.


Apparently, me and a few hundred others were dragged from our own planes of existence to this one. I saw many other things waking up with a confused look on their face. That was probably the same way I looked a moment ago. Some of them looked pretty intimidating, so I took the cautious route and lurked in the shadows until I could figure out what was going on.


Turns out I had the right idea, because as soon as I made it to cover what seemed like over-spliced police officers came to round up everyone who had just appeared in the streets. They wore uniforms and had an air of authority about them, but their bodies where beyond burly with hulking frames and skin like steel. They carried off some of the more dumbfounded people with little effort, but those were their only easy targets. As soon as people caught on to what was happening, everything went to hell. Most of the newcomers decided to fight back… And I’ll be damned if they didn’t break the laws of reality when they fought! blue puppies toppled buildings, a red-haired pirate with almost no torso pull a tank out of his pants, and some italian mobster kept summoning cars from the sky by turning in a particular patern. It was utter madness!


I tried my best to avoid conflict until I knew what was going on. B the key word in that sentence is “tried”. Before I knew it I was dragged into a brawl with the police. Not wanting to kill unnecessarily, I set them ablaze with the snap of my fingers to distract them while I made my escape. Even though I had evaded capture without any problems I kept getting caught up in battle after battle. Eventually I, along with some other level headed people, found out where we were and how we got here.


A grateful young man that I saved from rampaging pokemon explained what this world is, The Convergence. The Convergence is the vertex and information storage area of every other universe and dimension that has ever been or ever will be created. All of the planet’s citizens worked as historians filing and maintaining the records of every other reality. Although this record keeping occupied most of their time, they enjoyed high-tech luxuries such as holographic cinemas of the realities they recorded and even had machines that let them become the which ever characters they wished in virtual battle arenas. But just like all societies this one had a dark side. A group of repels that had been planning the downfall of The Convergence’s civilization. And this group’s actions are what brought me here. In an act of terrorism the rebels blew up a Virtual Projection Arena, the place that transformed people into different beings for battle, and caused the machines to release some of the characters into this reality. And that is when this once enchanting realm of knowledge and intellectualism began its decent into misery.


The young man I saved took me and other good natured “leaks” into his home and sheltered us from execution. But while the rulers of The Convergence worked on exterminating all the people that were released into their world, some of the darkest forces imaginable gathered together and decided to take over. Most leaks were either fighting in the streets or making friends with the historians, but the demon Aku, the mystical drag-queen Him, and the evil witch Maleficent were building an army. In a fiendishly brilliant plot they pooled their magical powers and put all of the cartoon derived beings under their control. For some reason it was easier them to influence beings from a similar realm as themselves. I’m just thankful that those comic book juggernauts like Doomsday and Spawn were held in a different Virtual Projection Arena and didn’t get released.


Over the next few months the toon army succeeded in taking over The Convergence and enslaving its citizens, even the rebels who caused this mess were wiped out. Now all that stands in the way of them taking over all other realities is me and the rest of us game realm beings that are willing to take part in Master Chief’s plan to topple The New Convergence.


The Chief’s plan is a multi-step attack that will allow us to release all the anime and comic derived characters so that they may fight along side us. But before we can even think about that we have to gain the enemy’s attention with a series of raids. And that’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m fighting some element controlling teenager as my allies battle their way thorough this castle full of Nickalodeon mad-men.


While they attacked the house it was my job to keep the atrium clear for a quick retreat. It would have been one of the easiest jobs I’d been give, but the world just doesn’t work that way. One of the enemy officers decided to take a nightly strole and picked NOW of all times to show up and fight. Now, to hold up my end of the mission I had to take this girl down. A voice in my heart whispered, “She is just a girl… She doesn’t know what she’s doing…” But after looking around at the fallen soldiers littered across the courtyard, and remembering how Atlas forced me to do whatever he pleased, I knew fighting was the only option and that little voice kindly shut the hell up!


I watched as the girl across from me danced around causing fire to spark from her limbs, the fountains surrounding us to spurted, and the ground itself to shift. I would have thought her performance mesmerizing, if I hadn’t seen every bloody person that tried to kill me in Rapture using those same types of abilities. So to make her understand just how very unoriginal her powers were I froze the fountains, lobbed a ball of fire to disrupt her movements, and tossed a boulder at her head. Unfortunately this little girl had more skill than I gave her credit for as she dodged the boulder with ease and launched a fiery counter attack. I dove behind a pillar and escaped the flames, but now it was time to complete my mission and show this little girl what I’m really made of. I stepped from behind my marble shield and charged into the open with only victory in mind.

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Congratulations once again, LoneWolf. Outstanding match! This is just about everything one should strive to do in making a CBUB match.


Lonewolf-Carnage vs. Spiderman


One More Day... Of Suffering


Lord… children of the swarm, more dead than alive... Taken from on high, and thrown down among the swine…

- Martyr




Peter Parker held his young son’s hand tightly in his grip. A light haze of tiny snowflakes filled the air and he remembered a snowy day many years ago when his uncle Ben had brought him to the top of a huge (in his young eyes) hill in a nearby park. He could recall riding his sled down the slope again and again and the thrill and adrenaline rush, so new and exciting to him in this beautiful and fascinating place. His uncle had told him, “Peter, this is a wonderful world you will grow up in! Many years lie before you and they will be filled with endless happy days like this one, I just know it!”


He wished dearly he could take his son somewhere beautiful and awaken his dreams by telling him the same thing his uncle had told him so long ago, but he didn’t want to lie. Today his son would go to an ugly place - A place of fire, the stench of sulphur and the screams of the damned.


Peter had found the altar in an old graveyard, long forgotten and overgrown with ivy. A familiar voice had spoken to him as he approached it, “Remember me Parker? I trust you were happy with our pact for your aunt’s life…? I can see in your heart that something still troubles you though… You desire that I grant you another wish! Your heart speaks to me, you cannot silence its voice and it betrays your deepest yearning!”


Peter had fallen to his knees and begged to see his uncle Ben once again. His wish had been granted in the form of a vision. Ben stood writhing in a pool of liquid fire, his face loomed close in the vision and Peter could see that large maggots constantly squirmed beneath his facial skin, every now and then bursting forth from behind his eyeballs or falling from his mouth, wriggling horribly as they fell. The demon laughed as Peter screamed and clawed at his eyes trying to make the scenes stop playing before his eyes, but the tortures were endless and all his to see.


He pled and pled, begging for the pain to stop as the flailing old man flashed sporadically before him, finally the demon stopped laughing and to his shock and bewilderment, offered him what he last expected - hope!


“You may indeed have your uncle’s soul back, for I have tired of his withered flesh! Naturally, you do realize that there is a higher power that balances the scales… For as much as I would gladly bequeath his soul to you out of good will, alas, another soul must take his place in my kingdom! Do not fault me for this, it is the work of the One Above All, he is to blame for the terrible choice you must now make!”


Peter had bit his lip deeply until he nearly drew blood and then screamed at the sky. Why was this world so cruel, why did it always take the ones he loved? He offered to stalk and kill his ex-wife, Mary Jane Watson, but the demon scoffed at that idea - an ex-wife lacked the blood tie that was needed to balance the scales.


Peter dug through his pockets and pulled a tiny photo of his young son, gazed at it for a moment then dropped it from his hands. He watched the wind pick up the small fleck of paper and disappear into the night sky, tumbling it over and over. This world was a painful one, a prison of sharp blades and broken glass, and it would cut and rend the weak and helpless time and time again.





The man and well bundled child made their way up some snowy stone steps to the top of a tree-covered hill. The four-year old was tired and asked his dad for a treat since he had been forced to walk so far.


“Sure Tyler! Of course we can get some ice-cream! Isn’t it a bit cold out though for ice-cream?”


His son shouted back, “No daddy! I’m hot and I want ice-cream!”


A voice in Peter’s head laughed, “Ohhh it will be a lot hotter where you are going, child!”


“Daddy this is a graveyard! I thought we were going to go to the park and then…”


Peter put his hand over the child’s mouth and carried him to the stairwell leading into the dark beneath the tombs. The voice in his head could now clearly be heard in the air around him. The path before him was light by an ominous red glow, emanating around each corner, but whose source could not be seen. Peter’s son was plainly terrified, but he truly began screaming once they entered the central chamber. The low rumble of flames could be heard and the heat was too intense to cross the room. On the other side, opposite the entry hall was a rough-hewn cave mouth, from which bellowed thick black smoke and hellish heat.


A hideous and massive face appeared from this cave, like the head of a three meter tall anglerfish affixed to a loathsome fleshy, slug-like body. Peter closed his eyes tightly and a tear rolled down his cheek as he thrust the cowering child forward and heard the sickening crunch of flesh and bone as the beast devoured his child.




Peter slowly opened his eyes once he knew the deed had been done. The hideous creature coughed forth a chunky crimson mess of shredded meat, blood and bone into a grotesque steaming mound on the floor. Peter was in shock - was this all that was left of his son? The pile began to move, bone flakes shook and flickered and jumped together. Blood separated and pooled, leaking upwards and backwards into newly formed arteries. Soon a vile, skinless husk of a man stood before him, crawling with maggots and spasming with disjointed life from its core. There were no eyes in the bleeding face, only empty sockets crawling with the squirming larva, yet the face followed Peter’s unerringly. The mouth opened and the corpse spoke as a spray of worms fell from the jaw and down the front of the torso.


“Peter… what have… you… DONE????”




“Mary-Jane… I just... I just wanted to hear your voice… It has been so long, I feel like… like my life is falling apart right now… I just need to see you so bad tonight!” Peter’s voice wavered, almost breaking with emotion, over the phone-line.


“Peter, you know what happened between us, you know what it means… There won’t be any more second chances!”


“I know, I know that! It’s… It’s Tyler, He’s gone… I need you right now, please just come as quick as you can!” The line went dead and Mary-Jane stood there open mouthed – this sounded serious, she hoped that a super-villain like the Lizard hadn’t kidnapped Peter’s son, he *did* sound like he really needed someone to talk to.


Twenty minutes later the knock came at Peter’s door and he cautiously opened it. She looked as beautiful as she ever had, enough that his mind was once again at rest and all he wanted to do was be with her, to hold her hand on the day they both lie on their death beds, and pass into eternity by her side.


She walked in and he simply held her close in the dim room, not saying a word but feeling her heart beat close to his as long as he possibly could. He was clinging to the one thing he’d always cherish, like a life raft holding him from slipping below black waves into a lightless and cold abyss.


Suddenly her body stiffened and he felt her shudder from a powerful impact. A ghastly squelching noise sounded through the room and her body went limp in his arms. Behind her, Peter saw the skinless animated cadaver of his uncle Ben. He was holding her still beating heart in his hand. Ben’s jaw distended into a hideous bowl-sized cavity in his face and he swallowed the bloody organ in a single gulp. Next, he disgorged a squirming stream of maggots into his cupped palms and thrust the sickly yellow writhing pile into the spurting hole in Mary-Jane’s back. Peter watched in fascination as the larvae meta-morphed into a swarm of ugly brown spiders before disappearing into the body.




Uncle Ben spoke, “Peter, I loved you like a son and you know that my blood and the blood of your son is on your hands… You will make things right though - this I know. She was just the first… Bring me others… The spiders are always hungry!” The voice of the vile creature before him dropped in pitch to a distorted growl as it finished speaking and he could see the image of the beast from the caves in its eyes. He heard its commands and he would obey.


Mary-Jane stood up suddenly, walking with a lurching jerk and Peter could see the brown flecks of the spiders as the scurried behind her milky, dead eyes. She spoke a single word before she lurched out the door and out of his apartment…






Cletus Cassidy smiled as he reminisced back on the wild ride of a life he had led up to this point. He had been a typical teen, chasing girls, playing loud music until 2 in the morning and giving his parents regular head-aches as they negotiated with the principal over the latest caper he and his friends had pulled. Nothing too far out of the ordinary and nothing to really worry about beyond the immediate present. All that would change shortly after his 15th birthday...


A simple gang initiation had ended in tragedy. Cletus had overdosed on PCP and LSD to the point where he had simply fallen into a catatonic trance from the extreme brain damage. As he lay there on the brink of death he dreamed he saw a clown walking away from his body holding balloons in his hands. Inside each of the balloons was a screaming face. He knew these were people he would one day kill and this glimpse was how he would recognize them, once their paths crossed at some point in the days to come.


The clown told him a little story as it walked away, “Once there was a little boy who didn’t care anymore. He got to play all day and no one told him what to do. He never needed to worry about anything, everything was fun and games. Now go ahead, Cletus, it's YOUR to go play now!”


After he awoke in the hospital a week later he knew he had changed. He simply did what he felt like or what amused him, he couldn’t comprehend the fact that others had feelings as well. He tortured because he thought that screams sounded funny now, like hearing a cat screech in a cartoon. He killed once inflicting torment became boring to him. Avoiding the police as long as possible wasn’t really his intention, but he realized that they would make him stop playing and a part of him became very sad at the thought of that happening.


All good things come to an end, Cletus said to himself with a wistful smile as the police kicked down his door and put all their gun barrels in his face. Why couldn’t every people just let him play? Did they really need to go out of their way to stop him?


The trial had been an open and shut case. Eleven murders with nearly a hundred total witnesses between them. He had been singing songs to himself and smiling cheerfully around the room, as the details of how he had hacked a family to death with a meat cleaver had been read aloud to the stunned court-room. All he knew is that this was the end of the line. Fun and games were over and the word “Death…” was stamped into his brain, driven home by the sound of the judge’s falling gavel.


Maximum security prison had been as much of a joke as anything else was in his life. He had stabbed a guard to death with a filed down toothbrush his first week in lock-up and from then had been confined to solitary. Now, finally alone for the longest he had ever been, he became sad and detached and it finally occurred to him to think things through in his life.


He passed the days drifting in and out of sleep. The light in his cell was always the same and it seemed as if time did not exist in this place. Meals were the only measure of the fact that the world hadn’t frozen in place. At first he had sang songs or tried to call out to see if perhaps someone was walking by and they would answer him, but they never did.


One day he was ticking off meals on the wall to somehow give his life a sense that it was still moving forward, when a crack beneath the paint revealed itself and he broke through into a small nook built by a previous prisoner. His eyes opened in joy and surprise and he reached his arm up to the elbow into the concealed crevice and rummaged for anything of interest. His palm closed around a small vial and he pulled it out to examine it, perhaps it contained drugs, he could kill some time while high! His face split into a wide grin upon seeing a few small white tablets at the bottom of the tube. A small piece of tape had been used to label the contents, but it was now unreadable.


“Worst case it’s rat poison and I take a short cut where I’m going anyways, best case I get high as hell, what do I got to lose?” Cletus muttered to himself before popping the top off and emptying the contents down his gullet.


For about five minutes nothing seemed to happen, which meant that he probably hadn’t swallowed a toxic poison. Another thought passed through his head, what if it was simply some aspirin, what if this was just a painkiller or something else equally mundane - even the poison might be preferable, since that would mean that *something* would actually happen, not just him alone with his thoughts and staring at the silent walls. “The walls...”, it hit him all the sudden, they were the only thing holding him in here, it was so clear, just on the other side of that cement was everything he ever wanted, just a few walls were stopping him!


On a whimsy he scraped at the paint with his thumbnail and scratched a small fleck free. Where the paint had peeled away he was stunned to see an open and empty blackness instead of the grey of cement… Through the tiny opening he could make out a shimmering sea-like expanse of far away lights that could only belong to the deepest reaches of space! He grabbed the edges of the paint, which felt like some sort of fabric now, and ripped them wide open, revealing a stunning view. Near and far and everywhere in between, many multi-colored planets zipped by at blurred speeds. He could make out co-joined twin planets, gas giants, ringed ice spheres and halos of lunar bodies drifting in awkward but mathematically perfect geometric formations. The rest of the paint peeled and dried off the walls and crumbled into dust revealing for the first time the facts that he was now traveling at quantum speeds through an infinitesimally distant sector of space, encased only in the smooth glass-like walls of the cell.


Ahead in the path his vessel seemed to be taking, lie a tiny unmoving eye of red light. It grew slowly as he approached and he could see that its size dwarfed every other planet or even star that he could compare it to. And it kept growing. Soon the blackness of space was all but blotted out by the vast, infernal red glare. "Was this some form of boiling space-hell?" Cletus wondered to himself as he stood open mouthed in shock.


A scathing, distorted voice seemed to scream at him from the bubbling landscape of liquid fire as he plummeted towards its surface, “For your sins… for the blood… for what cannot be undone!”


He now knew what fear was, this is what those screaming people had felt, it was all clear to him now. Plain and inescapable, agonizing oblivion lay immediately before him, like a man being pushed to the edge of a precipice with nowhere to go except down.


The pain was worse than he could ever have imagined, he would not die even though he prayed to be released. He fell and fell for what seemed like days until a tiny speck of light caught his eye. It was just about too far away to see, but as it approached it became clearer...


A glimmering man he had read about once in a book long ago. This man was special because he brought peace with him where ever he went. His story was told to children across every country on Earth. The figure gleamed with a blinding light reflecting from his polished metallic skin and rode a flattened, elongated disc. He was called The Silver Surfer.


The glowing eyes of the Surfer stared into his own and he felt his soul being probed to its very depths. This being existed to ease his suffering, somehow Cletus believed this more than anything he had ever felt before. The majestic being raised his outstretched arms and pointed his palms at Cletus. “Be well my child!” Were the only words he spoke, and an endless torrent of searing light burned though his eyes and into his mind. White light filled every tiny insignificant atom of his being, every thought and memory was seared by it and utter silence filled him as he felt the very essence of the being he had been, eroded and burned away into nothingness.




Everything was silent. All he could see was blank, white light in front of him everywhere he looked. It eventually dawned on him that he was staring at the ceiling of his cell. He felt like a dam had broken inside of him and released a vast flood of water over a dry and desolate desert. The gravity of the wrong he had done struck him now with full force and he desperately yearned to make amends. He felt as if he were looking through the walls before him and up into the sky, where a drop of liquid, like a red tear, fell towards him. He sensed it fall to the roof of the mammoth fortress that he sat in, like an ant beneath a vast boulder. It trickled and flowed through vents and pipes and various pores in the cement and he heard a whisper calling his name. Suddenly the bloody liquid shot out from the cracked wall and lashed out at him like a snake. It engulfed him head to toe and spoke in whispers, telling him a new story that he would soon play a role in.


“We must… escape now! We must save them! We must save them all from… the one called the… Spider-Man!”




The TV called it the ‘Spider-Sickness’.


J.J. Jameson would have had a field day with this one, if only he hadn’t been one of the earliest victims. The walking corpses, skin bulging and boiling with thousands of spiders, had broken through the doors of his office and held him down. He had screamed for help, he had even *begged* for Spider-Man to come rescue him, as had happened so many times in the past. He looked over desperately and saw Spider-Man watching him as the corpses held him down across his desk. Spider-man just stood and watched him with cold fascination as the creatures pried J.J.’s mouth open. The writhing swarm skittered up his legs and across his chest, their hairy itchy legs tickled his neck and the last thing he saw in this world was their bloated bodies and red eyes as they came over his chin and began disappearing into his mouth…


The plague continued to spread and only one man could stop it. A man deemed the epitome of evil by society, a man who had been purged of the darkness in his heart and had bonded with a creature from the heavens to stop the spread of pure evil in this world!




Spider-man and 100 of his Spider-Zombies face off against the redeemed Carnage! This battle takes place in NYC’s times Square. The only bystanders are the infested undead. Who wins?





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Culwytch: Randall Flag VS Pennywise
Nuff said:

Warning: This setup contains elements of graphic horror, violence and adult themes. Please only read if you are of age and ideally if you have read previous Stephen King novels. Any complaints about the maturity of content will be ignored - you have been warned.

Chapter 1: Father Corrin

Mother Mary Cathedral

Father Corrin awoke drenched in sweat, the bed sheets tossed to the floor and the remnants of the nightmare already fading from memory. The room was plunged into utter darkness and silent apart from the quick thumping of his heart. He rubbed his eyes and tried to remember the nightmare but it was like trying to grip ice and kept slipping from his mind, leaving just a casual shiver up his spine.

Wide awake now, he swung his legs over the side of his small bed and checked his clock. 7:34! Corrin jumped out of bed; he had overslept! The first Sunday morning mass began at 8:00 and the Cathedral still needed to be prepared. Fighting the rising panic, Corrin switched on the little bedside lamp and quickly washed his face and teeth at the small sink in his room. Donning his cassock, pausing only to quick smooth down his short hair he rushed out.

The Cathedral was quiet and dark. Father Corrin stopped in the hallway, waiting to hear the usual traffic outside and the hustle and bustle of the other priests inside. After a while he realised he was still standing there, waiting, when he had little time left.

Switching a light switch illuminated the rows upon rows of pews in the Cathedral. Empty rows which should have been at the centre of activity as priests made sure everything was clean and ready to receive the 100 to 200 worshipers. Where was everyone?

Stopping and listening, Father Corrin again noticed the absolute stillness of the world around him. No movement or noise, no beeping cars or screaming babies. The familiar shiver of his nightmare returned, running up his spine as his heartbeat quickened.

Exiting the main Cathedral and almost running, Corrin returned to the Priest House where he lived with 8 other priests. The first door he came to was that of Father O’Malley, the oldest of the priests. He was nearly eighty and rarely awoke before half 8. Due to his diabetes and need for rest he was excused from mass duties but still occasionally came to greet that worshipers as they were leaving.

Corrin’s knock sounded loudly in the silence, echoing through the halls of the priest house. No reply came and Corrin knocked again, his heart fluttering in his chest. Eventually he gave up and moved to the next door, that of Father Smith, a young Scot who had joined the clergy only last year. A good lad who was always eager to help, Smith was surely on his way to an early promotion to Dean.

Again no answer to the knock and this time, Corrin slowly tried the door handle. It was unlocked and the door swung easily open without a sound. The room was dark and a strong smell hit Corrin’s nostrils and made his head reel. He couldn’t place it.

He put his hand against the wall, his hand feeling around for the light switch which he flicked once found. The light flickered for a moment before illuminating the scene before him. Corrin screamed once and fell back as if pushed.

Father Smith was in the bed, his hands around a knife buried in his stomach. He had been completely gutted and his insides laid all around him, a gory mess that drooped over the side of the bed and leaked onto the floor. It was almost as if his guts were trying to escape towards the door, paused whilst crawling away from their owner.

Father Corrin threw up violently onto the stone floor, tears pouring out of his eyes as his whole body shook. He stumbled away from the grizzly sight, slipping and falling as if drunk and without thinking grasped at the next door handle he came to.

The room belonged to Father Stanley, a young man who had grown up in the city. Corrin knew that Stanley hadn’t always been the paragon of virtue he was now and that it was in fact this troubled past that had driven Stanley into the arms of the Lord.

Corrin tried speaking when he flung Stanley’s door open but the words refused to come out. He froze at the sight before him. He had no need to switch the light on to see the carnage and blood (he recognized that strong smell now) that lay on the floor. The mirror above the sink in the small room had been broken and Father Stanley had used a large shard to cut himself - cut his face, cut his arms, cut his legs and ultimately cut his wrists.

Corrin had never seen so much blood in all his life. It was splattered around the room as if done by some insane decorator; and the mangled body on the floor was covered and surrounded by it.
There was nothing left for Corrin to throw up, and shuddering and heaving, he stumbled back to his own room.

Corrin threw himself onto his bed, crying and shivering and he felt like his mind had been ripped out and stamped on. It was about an hour before Corrin managed to stop shaking and even then, it was only so he could grasp the bible that was always at his bedside closely to his chest. He opened it at random, needed the familiar verses to calm his mind and spirit and read out loud. His voice sounded dreadful in the overpowering silence but he managed to keep it even and steady as he read from Peter:

“whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.â€

Feeling only marginally better, Corrin eventually left his room to face the grizzly death that had visited the Priest House.

Fear gripped his very soul.... and he thought he felt something peering at him from every corner, tasting that very fear and enjoying it.

Where was everyone? Asked Father Corrin

Chapter 2: Susan Taylor

Susan was running. Her heart felt like it would burst and she could barely draw another breath but she carried on, her terror and pain keeping her going. She didn’t know where she was running to but knew that running would take her further away from what she had seen. Even if the terrible images kept echoing through her mind, playing themselves over and over again like a skipping CD, at least she would be far away from there.

Susan Taylor, born Susan Francis, was 22 years old and fit for her age. Regular morning runs and trips to the gym had kept the baby weight off her and she turned many a head when she was out. She had married young, to Toby Taylor (known to friends simply as T-man), her childhood sweetheart and everyone had expected as much. To look upon those two was to look upon true love. Kindred spirits they were from birth and nothing would ever have stood between them.

A year almost to the day after their wedding, Susan had announced she was pregnant and everyone had been over the moon. Despite being only 24, T-man was a gifted architect and had impressed some very important people with his designs. The money had come readily but they had been careful with it, putting it aside for the right occasions and avoiding the luxurious lifestyle that they could have easily afforded.

They were happy, and when Anthony Taylor (Young T) came along, Susan and T-man had both cried with joy. Her dad had taken T-man aside and they had shared a huge cigar outside the hospital despite the annoyed looks from the nurses.

Life was good.

Susan stumbled as she ran and fell to one knee. She was drained and simply stayed on her knees, alternating between crying and gasping for breath.

Life had been good, until 6 that morning when she had been getting ready for her morning run.

Dressed in her jogging shorts and tank top, she had quickly brushed her teeth and tied her hair back before going into the living room. She had assumed that T-man and Young T would be in the kitchen going through their usual feeding ritual involving the metaphorical airplane landing at the airport. Young T was still young enough to enjoy the ritual, even if his laughter subsided with certain foods he had grown to dislike.

Instead of being in the kitchen, T-man was in the living room, hunched in the corner.

“What you doing honey?†she asked to which she got no response.

Sensing something was wrong; Susan stopped and looked at the kneeling figure, suddenly alarmed by the lack of motion. With three long strides she was by her husband’s side and gently touched his arm, still looking at the back of his still head.

With a gasp she took her hand away, a scream rising to her lips but unable to escape. She couldn’t understand what she was looking at, just didn’t comprehend the reality of what she could see before her eyes. There were pills scattered all over the floor.

It looked like (but surely couldn’t be) T-man was kneeling over the still body of his son but that Young T, normally so full of bubbly life and enthusiasm, was turned away. No, that wasn’t right. Young T’s body was facing up, but so was the back of his head.

Susan frowned, her brain still refusing to understand what she was seeing. It must be a wig or a trick of the light. Her husband’s big strong hand was around her boy’s neck, twisting it at such an impossible angle and she wanted to tell her husband to stop in case he hurt the child… but again, words refused to surface.

Her gaze followed the arm up and to her horror she saw blood and mucus dripping out of her husband’s mouth and nose. Suddenly her instinct took over and her hand grasped her husband’s broad shoulder.

He toppled backwards, falling flat on the floor and his dead, uncaring eyes were staring straight at her. His hand finally released her son’s neck and the boy fell away, rolling on the floor. When he stopped he was lying on his stomach and she could see the blue-ish tinge of his skin and the way he flopped limply.

Although he was on his stomach, his face was turned completely around at a 180 degree angle and frozen in a horrific rictus of agony. His dead eyes were also open and seemed to stare straight at her.

Something in Susan’s mind snapped at the sight of her husband and son staring at her with those dead eyes and she simply ran….

And kept running.

When she finally stopped she was alone in the park. She had felt the presence of other people as she fled her apartment block, had even seen some horrid sights of mutilated bodies but her mind had completely shut down in self-defence.

She just couldn’t believe the complete madness she had faced and once again, she doubled over in agony.

Her husband was dead.

Her son was dead.

Hang on… this must be a dream she thought desperately to herself. This must just be a terrible nightmare and I’m going to wake up any moment and everything will be back to normal. T-man will be feeding Tony and I’ll go for my morning jog. I may even suggest we all go to Pizza Hut this afternoon as a treat.

But it doesn’t feel like a dream. Susan scratched her head, wondering for a moment why she wasn’t waking up.

Suddenly there was a rustling in the bushes.

She whirled around, peering into the foliage but unable to penetrate the thick leaves and branches and discover what was concealed in the darkness beyond.

“Who’s there?†she asked and instantly felt stupid. It was probably just a fox or squirrel and she was waiting for an answer.

She turned away, once again lost in thought about what she had seen back in the apartment. She was so lost in the horror of what had happened that she failed to notice the shadow rise up from the bushes and silently creep towards her.

The first thing she noticed was the smell; it was a pungent smell of rot and decay mixed with the fumes of old alcohol on turgid breath. Even as she whirled around she was grabbed from behind, a big strong hand grasped her wrist and twisted it behind her back, the other came around her neck in a strangle hold.

The putrid breath was right by her ear and she almost heaved at the smell. Her assailant was huge, taller than her by almost a head and a half and she could feel the scratching of a thick beard against the back of her head.

“Hello love… I’m Harry†whispered a deep gruff voice and her arm was dragged further back up her back, making her squeal in agony.

“Please…†she managed to groan and then stopped as she felt something hard sticking into her lower back.

“Oh yeah…†growled the sick voice behind her, “say please again.†The big hand around her neck travelled lower and roughly squeezed her right breast.

“Please don’t hurt me†squealed Susan, tears streaming down her face.

“No promises darlingâ€, the hand squeezed and pinched and she cried out in agony.

Susan cried and gasped for breath

Chapter 3: Harry Stephenson

Harry rubbed his hands together and felt the handcuffs digging in tightly. The cops in the front of the car were ignoring his insults but he kept it up nonetheless. There was something magical about being able to call people every name under the sun and them not be able to do anything about it. Sure they could rough him up a bit and they were already going to throw him in jail for what he had done, but it was good knowing that that was pretty much it.

He was going to jail, no doubts about that. But he had been there before and it wasn’t such a big deal. Take the biggest, baddest mofo out and you were top dog, and Harry was a big mofo indeed. When he was just a kid, the other kids had given him the nickname Andre, after Andre the Giant and it was a name he had liked.

Yup, he was gonna go to jail and he didn’t give a damn. It was only a pity that Ralph Molinelli was going to get away with it - Harry would have loved to have him under his fists for just five minutes - that mafia scumbag owed him 5 big ones and was probably half way back to Italy by now. He’d stay there if he knew what was good for him.

The robbery was meant to be like any other; a jewellery store run by a family, far enough from a pig station that if someone tripped the alarm they would hopefully still be quick enough to get away. Only problem was that the family lived upstairs so any noise downstairs would undoubtedly attract unwanted attention.

Surprisingly Ralph had come up with such a simple plan it was brilliant; hit the house upstairs first, lock the family up and then hit the shop downstairs right under their noses. It had to be a quick and slick operation that meant they were in and out in an hour max. Twenty minutes to get the family secured, ten minutes to get all the security codes and keys required and half an hour to hit the shop.

Unfortunately things hadn’t gone quite to plan, primarily down to Ralph being a chicken shit Italian scumbag.

Harry and Ralph had hit the upstairs flat as planned, busting in during the family dinner and getting everyone’s hands where they could see them in an instant. Only thing they didn’t plan for was the owner’s cute niece having come to stay and Harry wasn’t going to pass up and opportunity like this one. She had that vulnerable, trusting and innocent look that he loved.

So he clocked the uncle a good one that had him pissing blood out of his nose and grabbed the girl, telling Ralph to handle the family for 10 minutes while he took care of business.

And that’s when things started going wrong. Ralph had whipped up a gun, saying he couldn’t allow Harry to do that, that this was a robbery and that was all.

Little shit.

Well Harry wasn’t about to let this little one escape his grasp so he brings up his gun and tells Ralph to grow a pair. It must have been during the standoff that uncle triggers a silent alarm and then decides to be heroic.

He whips up a gun from behind the table and suddenly it’s a Mexican standoff with three guns waiting to decide the outcome of the evening. Except one problem, both Ralph and the uncle’s guns are pointing straight at Harry.

With a quick pull, Harry brings the girl around in front of him with one hand around his neck. She’s not much protection as Harry is about twice her size but everyone can see that a simple twist of his hand would break the girl’s neck with little effort.

She’s screaming and twisting and Harry grins at his two opponents.

“I’ll give you to three before I break her neck. One…â€

“Please don’t do this†shouts the uncle.


The uncle lowers his gun when he sees Harry’s hand tighten on his niece’s neck.

Harry stares straight at Ralph, who quickly drops his gun on the floor as well.

“Kick them both over here†says Harry and they comply. Harry smiles, then lightning quick he moves forward and punches Ralph hard in the face. Ralph drops and Harry kicks him hard in the stomach, sending him flying through the air with at least one cracked rib. Ralph moans and crawls away.

Harry turns to the uncle and backhands him to the floor. He then proceeds to stomp on his head repeatedly, turning it into a mash of brains and blood. The niece is screaming on the floor and continues screaming as Harry grabs her.

Ten minutes later the cops turn up, breaking down the front door to find Harry holding the struggling niece over the bloody corpse of her uncle whilst he has his way with her. Her screams had drowned out the sounds of the sirens and Ralph is nowhere to be seen.

Scumbag must have crawled away while I was having fun, thought Harry.

And so Harry finds himself in the back of the cop car and wonders what his next meal will be - that little struggling vixen had him work up quite an appetite.

Suddenly the car slams to a stop, the breaks squealing. Around him other cars are doing the same.
The cop on the right pulls out his gun and puts it to his head. Without any hesitation he blows his brains all over the window. The other cop gets out of the car and Harry cringes down, wondering what the hell is going on.

The other cop simply runs into a wall as fast as he can, with his head down. With a sickening crack it splits open and Harry can see brains leaking out.

Second brain I’ve seen today he thinks briefly before watching the other people in other cars. They are all killing themselves, some quickly, others more creatively. One man starts climbing a lamppost with a rope in his hand, another has knelt next to the passenger seat of a car and in slamming his head repeatedly with the car door. A woman has crashed through a window and started cutting herself with the shards of glass whilst a man has emerged from a shop with a table leg which he is working into his stomach.

All of them have this look of complete horror on their faces at what they are doing.

Harry picks the keys to his handcuff off one of the dead cops and runs from the scene.
He ends up in the park and promptly falls asleep. He awoke when a young woman comes running by, crying and sobbing and breathing heavy. For all Harry knows she’s the only person in New York that hasn’t killed herself yet - and she’s a mighty fine looking specimen.

Harry smiles and then creeps towards her. She’s in a world of his own and doesn’t notice him until he grabs her.

His smile turns into a grin as he whispers into her ear:

“Hello love… I’m Harryâ€.

He then proceeds to feel her up, grabbing and squeezing and enjoying her cries for mercy and pity.

He’s about to unzip himself when suddenly there’s a shout behind him and something hard hit him on the back of his head. Harry dropped to his knees and let go of the girl. The blow would undoubtedly killed a weaker man but Harry growls and starts getting back up to his feet. He sees a young man dragging his prey away - and what the hell - the man seems to be wearing a priest outfit.

Harry’s groggy and quickly loses the couple from sight so he sits down hard and gently touches the back of his head. Looking back he sees there’s blood on the massive rock the priest used on him.
Damn that little shit, Harry thinks. I’ll give him hell when I see him. Make him watch while I do that woman and then tear his head right off his shoulders.

Harry leans back and closes his eyes… and in his dreams sees a face smiling at him.

“You’ve done well my son, come back to the city, we have work to do†says a deep voice, filled with terrible promises and awful redemption.

Harry nods and smiles back.

The man smiled and said “come back to the city, we have work to doâ€.
Chapter 4: Fear

Father Corrin and Susan Taylor ran through the park, ignoring the branches that cut at them and the rocks that threatened their footing.

“Faster†whispered Corrin, edging the young woman onwards and she gladly obliged, her mind still reeling from everything that had happened already.

They soon reached the edge of the park and Corrin beckoned her towards a car.

“Quickly, I think I hear him behind us†said Corrin, holding the door open for her.

At first Susan hesitated, already uneasy from her experiences of the day but then obliged, putting her faith in the priestly robes and the kind face that had saved her from a terrible fate.

They drove off and the priest swerved to avoid cars and bodies sitting in the streets.

“What the f*** is going on!†screamed Susan.

“I don’t know†replied the priest softly. “I woke up today and my whole clergy is dead, my worshipers are dead too. Everyone just killed themselves. Some of them on their way to mass.â€

“My husband…†Susan couldn’t finish.

“I understand†said Father Corrin. “I tried calling my family as well with no answer. “

“This is a nightmare, it must be. My husband didn’t kill my baby, that just wouldn’t happen.â€

Father Corrin looked at her with compassion in his eyes and then sped up.

“I’m afraid that this may just be the beginning.â€

“What? How could this possibly get worse?†Susan was almost screaming again, her voice high pitched and approaching hysteria.

“I think that someone is comingâ€

“Coming? Someone? What are you talking about?â€

“They call him the Dark Man but he also goes by the name Randall Flagg, and he will unite all of the evil in this world and destroy it all. That is his only purpose in life, to “uncreate†the whole world.â€

“You’re crazy, let me out of this car right now.â€

“I’m afraid I can’t do that†said the priest sadly, he then whipped his hand round hard and punched Susan in the side of the head. Her head whipped sideways and hit the side of the car hard; darkness engulfed her vision and she passed out.

He drove on.

When Susan awoke, the first thing she thought when opening her eyes was that it was night time. But then a closer inspection revealed that she was in a cave of some description, with the only light coming off some lamps held in brackets around the cave wall.

She tried raising an arm and her heart fluttered when she realised she was tied down. She struggled for a moment but quickly realised that the bonds holding her done were much too strong.

“Help!†she screamed. “Heeeeeelp†her voice turned into a long wail of frustration and agony, a woman pushed to the edge of reason and sanity.

“This won’t take long Susanâ€, the voice was familiar. The Priest! That was it.

“Please, I don’t know what I’ve done but please let me go, I won’t tell anyone, I promise.â€

“You don’t understand do you†said the Priest’s voice and, twisting her head, she could see him standing in the corner of the cave. And he wasn’t alone. A throng of people circled her, dark figures with the same look of fear in their eyes as they watched her struggle. “There is no one else but us.â€

“Us,†he paused, “and It.â€

Suddenly she felt a movement round her foot and her mind cast back to an old fear that had haunted her through childhood and into her grown up years. Her father had once taken her to the zoo and she had managed to escape his protective grasp and run into the reptile house.

There, amidst the dark and damp she had gotten completely lost and suddenly found herself face to face with a huge lizard sitting on a long tree stump. It has just stared at her and she had been completely frozen in its gaze. Her body had simply refused to respond to her brain and, looking into those cold reptile eyes, she had seen the horrors that it could visit upon her. She imagined how its slimy yet cold scales would feel against her skin, imagined those long talons digging into her flesh, that forked tongue flickering against her neck and most frightful of all were those eyes… those terrible cold, inhuman eyes that held the young girl in place. It was as if it could reach into her mind and read her innermost thoughts….

Susan felt something brush up against her foot as the other people in the room suddenly closed their eyes.

“It is here!†exclaimed the priest.

She felt an awful wet and scaly skin press against her ankle, then slowly climb up to her knee. A cold hand touched her sides, dragging a large body up against her legs.

Tears flowed down Susan’s cheeks and she couldn’t breathe as the fear clutched her heart.
She heard a hiss and felt a tongue against her bare stomach…

Slowly, ever so slowly, Susan found the strength within herself to bring her head up… and then she screamed like she had never screamed before.

Upon seeing the terrible eyes that gazed into her soul, what little remained of Susan’s fragile sanity broke and crumbled.

Susan remembered those terrible cold, inhuman eyes that held her in place.
Chapter 5: Harry Stephenson

Harry travelled into the city the day after the incident in the park and was met by likeminded souls. They partied hard that whole day, repeatedly enjoying the twenty women they had captured. The men they had captured didn’t last the day as some were crucified and some were tortured for fun.

Randall Flagg had given them this day to do what they wished but tomorrow would mean they had to work to ensure that they were ready.

Ready for what Randall hadn’t said and Harry wasn’t about to ask.
Chapter 6: Father Corrin

Father Corrin carried the limp body of Susan Taylor back out of the cave. Her death had been swift, a massive heart attack which had fed It well. It had been feeding constantly for the last day, given substance by the followers that brought it sustenance from the scared humans that travelled alone.

It had been weakened before but the meddlesome humans performing the Ritual of Chüd; they hadn’t realised how powerful they were once they grasped their full potential… but they certainly weren’t powerful enough to destroy someone like It.

They had simply made It weak, but the 27 year sleep had seen it revive into a world of pure fear and that fear had given it a strength like never before.

Chapter 7: Harry Stephenson

Harry woke up refreshed and feeling great. There was a woman in the bed next to him, still asleep. Her face bloody and a large bruise stretched from her chin to her right ear. Serves her right for crying so loudly, thought Harry.

He thought about waking her up and having another go but looking at his watch he realised he had little time. Randall was excepting him in ten minutes.

Throwing some clothes on some water in his face, Harry left the room in a hurry.

Randall was waiting for him in an old casino that had been turned into a base of operations. In the centre of the room, between some poker tables and a huge roulette wheel, on an actual throne sat the Dark Man. He was an attractive man, with an easy smile that nonetheless set Harry’s teeth on edge. It was the smile of a predator, full of wise humour but with teeth as dangerous as a shark.

“Harry, glad you could make it. How’s the woman?†asked Randall, standing up to greet his second in command.

“Which one?†asked Harry grinning.

Randall laughed and clasped the man on his shoulders. Despite towering over Randall, Harry still felt smaller than the man.

“Are you sure that all the preparations are underway?â€

“Yes sir†replied Harry. “The troops are getting ready to move and we’ve got people scoping out both of the other camps. We’re expecting a report back on both today.â€

“Excellent Harry, you’ve done some excellent work.â€

Harry almost felt himself blushing with pride. The two camps in question were both about the same size as Randall Flagg’s; one in the East and one to the North.

The Eastern camp was composed of mainly stragglers who had grouped together around an old woman. Harry was convinced that they were not of any concern despite what Randall seemed to think, not like the one to the North.

The Northern camp was a mystery, with around the same number of people and seeming to worship some deity which lived among them. Any spies that they had sent into their camp had been killed horribly - dragged into a mysterious cave alive and emerging dead or in a seemingly zombie-like state. This was the one that Harry was worried about as their military power seemed to match that of Randall’s band.

“Well thank you sir, it’s an honour†said Harry.

“Good good. Well, I will let you get on with things. But step things up, we need to be ready to move soon.â€

Randall grinned again and Harry grinned back, only his eyes betraying the fear he felt.

“You’ve done some excellent work†said Randall.
Chapter 8: Father Corrin

Father Corrin knelt before the alter and scrubbed at the blood that was there. The camp preparations were well underway, with his direction stepping things up a gear, ready for whatever waited for them in the South.

It had not given him much information but in dreams he would see the Enemy and know that he was an enemy of his Master.

Suddenly a noise had him twirling around and he was faced with his fear…

His mother stood before him, her eyes running pure red with blood. She grabbed him and he screamed but then slowly her face changed, melted away to be replaced by that of one much more familiar.

Jesus stood before him and put a calming hand on his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be so scared all the time Father, it’s not good for the heart.†It laughed in its new guise.

“I’m sorry Master, I was just about to make some final preparations for the war to come.â€

“Excellent Father, we need to be moving soon. I sense him in the South and am eager to meet him at long last.

“Yes Master.†And then Corrin plucked up the courage to ask “May I ask who he is Master?â€

The figure of Jesus stared at him suddenly started bleeding all over. Father Corrin stared upon the bloody figure and wept.

“He’s the Dark Man, the Walkin’ Dude and just as I feed on fear, so does he breed evil. But he is just a plaything before my might and soon he will know the true meaning of fear. The Man in Black is going to be a meal on my plate. And you and my flock will be the instrument that finally destroys this pathetic mortal and the world will be my playground.â€

Corrin has shrunk back before the monster’s wrath and now he straightened up.

“Yes Master, I will go and ensure the troops are ready for war.

Father Corrin stared upon the bloody figure of Jesus and wept
Chapter 9: The War

And so the war started brewing, soldiers following beings of unspeakable fear and evil. Gathered in the desolate post-Apocalyptic world a handful of survivors struggle to survive, unaware of the armies that prepare for bloodshed.

The forces of Randall Flagg gather together in the South, bringing more and more evil souls to them and turning their city into a nightmarish vision of torture, violence and humiliation.

In the North, the forces of It feed innocent souls to their terrible god, giving him more and more strength through fear. Their culture of destruction and savagery rivals that of Flagg.

The two forced know of each other and prepare for a war that will only see one survive and true evil unleashed upon the ravaged lands.

God help the innocents, for they haven’t a hope in the darkness about to be released.

Or do they?

To be continued…

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Culwytch: Randall Flag VS Pennywise

Nuff said:



Wow, thanks LoneWolf!

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Minnie Mouse vs. Mickey Mouse by Johnny Chany


A blue rhino in a bailiff’s uniform stood emotionless in front of the judge’s bench. “All rise. The Supreme Court of Toon Town is now in session. The Honorable Judge Bugs Bunny now presiding.”


All in attendance stood as Bugs made his entrance from the side adorned in a long black robe. He milked the moment for a minute before finally taking his seat.


“Please be seated,” announced the bailiff.


Bugs Bunny looked from left to right and then did a double take when he realized Mickey and Minnie Mouse were on opposite sides of the courtroom, both attired in business suits. Minnie sat at the prosecution’s table while Mickey was seated in the defendant’s chair.


“Well what do we have here?” Bugs wondered aloud.


“Case 1134B, Minnie For Mothers vs. Mickey Mouse and the Walt Disney Corporation,” announced the bailiff.


Bugs chuckled. “This should be interesting. Are you representing yourselves?”


“Yes, your honor,” answered Minnie. “I know the truth and I am more than qualified to share it with the world myself.”


Judge Bugs looked over to Mickey. “And you? I’m sure Disney has a stock room full of lawyers for situations like these.”


“Yes, they do Judge Bugs. But, I want the the children to hear it straight from me that these accusations against me and the company I represent and cherish are a hundred percent false. It is my honor to represent not only myself but the entire Disney corporation.”


“Well ok then. Let’s get started. Minnie, please proceed with opening statements,” said Judge Bugs.


Minnie organized some notes on her desk. She slowly stood up and walked over to stand in front of the jury. She stared at the ground for a few seconds. She smiled broadly as she looked back up at the jury.


“Once upon a time, I, like many of you, loved Mickey Mouse. I believed that he could no wrong. There was an innate goodness and joy in him that I found very appealing. Everything just seemed brighter when he was around. But recently my eyes have been opened and I am here today to tell you that it is all a facade. In reality, Mickey is a misogynistic mouse possibly bent on the destruction of the nuclear family as we know it!”


Gasps echoed through the courtroom.


Minnie continued. “I know it sounds shocking. Yet, when you think about it everything starts to make more sense. When you look through Disney’s enormous catalogue of colorful characters there always seems to be someone missing. That someone is mothers! What do Snow White, Cinderella, Belle, Jasmine, and Pocahontas all have in common? Not only are they Disney Princesses, not one of them has a mother. At least not a biological mother. I formed Minnie For Mothers because I realized the psychological damage done to these characters because of Disney’s horrendous misogynistic tendencies. Ariel’s best friends were a perpetually frightened tropical fish and her father’s servant crab. Jasmine’s best friend was a tiger. Belle fell in love with a beast. While on the surface it seems sweet and lovely, the fact remains that she did not know he was human at the time. Such things defy the laws of nature and are clearly not the actions of someone who is of sound mind. Several state shrinks have assured me that such behavior can be traced back to a lack of a maternal figure. We are suing Disney for punitive damages and hoping for a legally binding contract that will force Disney to insert some mother characters into their stories.”


“Objection!” cried Mickey. “Most of the characters mentioned by Minnie were based off of pre-existing characters from folk literature. Their family predicaments can not be blamed on Disney.”


“Then let’s look at some Disney originals,” snapped Minnie. “Bambi, Tod from Fox and the Hound, Koda from Brother Bear, Nemo. All of these poor animals had to endure their moms being viciously killed in their movies, doing certain damage to their young fragile psyches, all at the behest of the woman hating executives at Disney and their star character, Mickey!”


Another round of gasps circled the courtroom.


“Simba would have probably made this list as well except we all know his life is loosely based on Hamlet so the Disney executives had their hands somewhat tied creatively. I am sure Sarabi is grateful for that.”


“Objection!” shouted Mickey.


Minnie spun on her heel and pointed an accusatory finger. “Don’t you dare bring up the dalmatians, Pongo and Perdita. They are just outliers. Not to mention the fact that Perdita nearly died in childbirth.”


Mickey remained quiet.


“It’s certainly an interesting claim you’re making, Minnie. But, you still haven’t stated how this ties into Mickey specifically,” said Judge Bugs.


“I would be happy to answer that, your honor. To do so I would like to call on my first witness. The prosecution calls Tinker Bell to the stand.”




Tinker Bell quickly darted to the witness stand leaving a trail of twinkling pixie dust in her wake. She stood on the Bible as the bailiff swore her in. Minnie waited for the fairy to settle in.


“Tinker Bell, how long have you been with Disney?” asked Minnie.


“Since 1953,” answered Tinker Bell.


“And in that time you have made quite a name for yourself.”


“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” said Tinker Bell.


“No need to be modest. You have become one of the most prominent icons of the entire Disney empire.”


Tinker Bell blushed.


“Such status must get you into a lot of parties, does it not?” asked Minnie.


“Yes. Many of the top executives invite me often. I think they just want me to sprinkle my fairy dust to liven up the party though.”


“And I’m sure it does. Tinker Bell, would you mind telling the court some of the conversations you overhear while you are at these parties.”


“Sure. They complain a lot. They complain about other companies, about their wives, girlfriends, mothers, and even their secretaries,” Tinker Bell explained.


“Really?” said Minnie.


“Yeah. they also talk about Mickey. Anytime some new movie idea is on the horizon they wonder if Mickey will like it.”


“Why would it be important that Mickey like it?”


“Because he is Mickey Mouse. He is the franchise guy, like in sports. He has the power to veto an idea if he doesn’t like it,” said Tinker Bell. “I heard that he is very particular on what he gives his ok to. He won’t sign off on something he isn’t proud of.”


“Thank you, Tinker Bell. No further questions.”


“Mickey, would you like to cross examine?” asked Judge Bugs.


“You bet I would,” said Mickey.


Mickey approached the witness stand with purpose, but greeted Tinker Bell with his vintage smile.


“Tinker Bell, always lovely to see you.”


“Thanks,” said Tinker Bell.


“My pleasure. Tinker Bell, do you believe that gossip can be a very ugly and dangerous thing?”


Tinker Bell hesitated before answering. “Yes...”


“So do I,” said Mickey. “Because it can lead to things like slander. For instance, someone could say that they overheard of your jealousy over my position. That you secretly want it for yourself. It is not that you are a bad fairy, but it is a wide known fact that because of your body size you can’t balance your emotions very well and being the iconic Disney character that you are, you would have the most to gain by dragging my name through the mud. Of course, I would never believe such awful rumors. I would want to see evidence before believing such a horrible thing which is why I never put too much stock into what other people say.”


Tinker Bell was speechless.


“One more question, Tinker Bell. At these parties that you attended, did you ever once hear me or anyone else say that I despise mothers or females in general?”


Tinker Bell was slow with her response. “No.”


Mickey smiled. “No further questions.”


Judge Bugs nodded at Tinker Bell. “Go ahead and take your seat.”


“Well played, Mickey,” mumbled Minnie. She stood up. “The prosecution calls Huey, Dewey, and Louie to the stand.”




As the triplets made their way to the witness stand, their Uncle Donald had a seizure of emotion in his chair behind Mickey.


“Boys! Boys! What are you doing?!? Don’t go up there!! How can you betray me like this? Betray Mickey?”


As anger spilled out of Donald, his words became incomprehensible and his physical contortions erratic.


“Baliff! Remove that duck! I will not have outbursts like that in my court,” said Judge Bugs.


Huey, Dewey, and Louie slouched in embarrassment as the blue rhino physically removed Donald Duck from the courtroom.


“Sorry boys,” said Minnie. “I’m not trying to cause conflict within your family. In fact, family is what brought you here isn’t it? Why don’t you tell the court about your family life growing up for those who don’t know.”


“Well, we spent most of our childhood with our Uncle Donald and our Uncle Scrooge,” answered Huey. “They were both very kind and generous to take us in. We never made it easy on them. Even Uncle Donald’s girlfriend Daisy has spent some time watching over us.”


“How are you related to your Uncle Donald?” asked Minnie.


“His sister, Della, is our mother,” replied Louie. “Or was our mother. I’m not sure.”


“What do you mean?”


“We haven’t seen or heard from her since the 1930s,” explained Huey. “We were just supposed to be visiting Uncle Donald, but we never left.”


“Except for in the late 80s, when we moved in with Uncle Scrooge for awhile,” added Dewey.


“We always have wondered about our mother, but Uncle Donald never wants to talk about it. We thought he was waiting until we got older, but we are older now and still nothing,” said Huey.


The three ducks began to get emotional.


“I remember hearing that Donald is Scrooge’s closest living relative. That would mean that she is.... but we just don’t know,” said Dewey.


“We also tried to ask Mickey about it because Mickey knows everything. But, he is always so busy,” said Louie.


“He’s here now,” remarked Huey.


Louie stared at Mickey. “Mickey! What happened to our mother?”


Mickey appeared visibly uncomfortable.


“I hope we can get an honest answer to that soon. Thank you boys for coming up here and sharing your story. I know it’s not easy.” Minnie looked up to the judge. “No further questions.”


Bugs motioned over to Mickey who shook his head no.


“I think it is obvious what is going on here,” said Minnie. “Mickey has creative control in the house that he built which means there are only two possible options. Mickey is either a complicit partner or the driving force behind Disney’s revolting pattern of countless deaths and mysterious dissapearances of its mother figures throughout its history and even in Mickey’s own inner circle. The prosecution rests.”


Huey, Dewey, and Louie left the witness stand as Minnie Mouse sat down with confidence at her table. Mickey refused to appear shaken.


“Mickey, would you like to take a recess before we continue?” asked Judge Bugs.


“No, your honor.”


Mickey collected himself and rose from his chair. He walked in front of the jurors and turned to face the masses in attendance in the courtroom.


“First of all, I would like to formally apologize to all of you here, including the jurors, and the baliff, and Judge Bugs. This has all been a monumental waste of your time. It is clear that Minnie is angry with me. I am not sure what I did to deserve this venom, but I am saddened that she dragged you all into it. To suggest a conspiracy within Disney against mothers is just ridiculous. Disney has always been and will forever be a family company first. All you have to do is look in a theatre while a Disney movie is playing or visit Disneyland or Disney World to know that I am right. The deaths that Minnie refers to in our movies, while tragic, are purely coincidental. If anything, they speak to the ability to overcome displayed by many of our heroes and heroines. An important trait to teach the children. Answer me this? If Disney hated mothers so much why would we make Ariel a mother herself in the sequel, The Little Mermaid II: Return to Sea, now available on DVD? But you don’t have to take my word for it. You can take the word of someone that no one would accuse of having an ulterior motive. The defense calls Goofy to the stand.”




Goofy clumsily stood up from his chair. He mixed up his right hand and left hand three times during the swearing in process. As he approached the witness stand, he slipped and fell in face first taking out the microphone with him.


Judge Bugs buried his face in his hand. “Baliff, will you please assist the witness.”


Once Goofy became situated, Mickey began to engage him.


“Goofy, how long have we known each other?”


Goofy counted on his fingers. “I would have to say it’s been about eighty years now.”


“In those eighty years have you ever heard me say any disparaging comments about mothers or females in general?” asked Mickey.


“Gee golly no! You are one of the kindest, most generous characters I have ever met. That is why you are my best friend.” Goofy beamed with pride.


“Thanks, Goofy. What about anyone else associated with Disney?”


“No, sir.”


“Ok. Now I want you to think really hard, Goofy. Can you ever remember a time before just recently where the treatment of mothers was an issue at the Magical Kingdom?”


“No. I can’t say that any occasion comes to mind,” answered Goofy.


“Thank you, Goofy.” Mickey turned to face his accuser. “Your witness.”


“Very predictable, Mickey,” whispered Minnie. She pulled a photo from a manilla envelope. “And unfortunately very short sighted.”


Minnie approached the witness stand.


“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you wear a suit, Minnie,” said Goofy.


“Do you like it?”


Goofy gushed, “Gawrsh, I think you look great.”


“Thanks, Goofy.”


Minnie lifted the picture in her hand so just Goofy could see it. “Can you tell me who this is?”




“Why that’s my son, Max. My pride and joy,” answered Goofy.


“Where is Max right now?” asked Minnie.


“Maxie is in college. He was always so smart.”


“You must be very proud.”


“I am. I can talk about it all day if you let me.”


“I’m sure you could, Goofy,” said Minnie. “How does Max’s mom feel about him being in college?”


Mickey let out an audible groan of realization. Goofy’s face dropped.


“Where is Max’s mom, Goofy?”


Goofy did not reply.


“Do you know who Max’s mom is?”


Goofy remained silent. He stared at the ground as he finally answered. “Her name was Mrs. Goofy. She did off camera work during some cartoons in the 50s. No one ever got a chance to see how beautiful she was. My son’s name was Goofy Jr. at the time. I was so excited to have a family. So excited.” Goofy paused. “One day Mickey told me that Disney wanted to focus on other aspects of my character and my family was put on hold. But, he promised me that one day I would get my family back. In 1992, I was given my son back for a new show to be called Goof Troop. Mickey told me that Mrs. Goofy would not be coming back and he wanted me to call my son Max now so there would be no confusion with the cartoons from the 50s. Mickey said we were going to show the world a new kind of family.”


“None of this seemed strange to you?” asked Minnie.


“Gawrsh! Lots of things seem strange to me. But I will always trust Mickey’s judgment.”


“Does Max ask about his mother?”


“All the time.”


“Do you still think about her?”


“All the time.”


The court room was quiet. Goofy lifted his head and there was an unfamiliar expression on it that Minnie had never seen on Goofy. It was genuine sadness.


“No further questions, your honor.” Minnie began walking back to her chair. She tilted her head back and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Goofy.”


Judge Bugs shook his head. He stared at Mickey. “Would you like to call another witness?”


Mickey stood up and sighed. “No. My other witness was forcibly removed from the courthouse. I would just like to say that I know it looks bad, but you have to believe me there is no malicious intent at Disney towards mothers and there is certainly no malice coming from me. If people have learned anything today, I hope it is that although we always put our best foot forward and greet every day with a smile, the characters of Disney have clearly gone through their fair share of suffering. Please, don’t add to it by giving credence to this frivolous lawsuit. The defense rests.”


“Wow! Just wow! You guys have one screwed up operation going on over here. Now it is in the hands of the jury. Until they arrive at a decision, this court is in recess,” announced Judge Bugs.

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Well, you always wanted your place in this thread, Marvel Man, and here it is.


Congrats! :)


Insurance for Life


Punisher War Journal July 22, 2012: Khazan


"Frank. Are you ready?"


I had placed the earpiece in my ear myself, but even so, the sudden sound is surprising. I find my right hand on my .44 Magnum before I even think about it. I've been doing this for so long. Have to relax. Can't go in shooting like a madman. At least, not yet.


The voice on my earpiece asks me if I'm ready to go inside. I ignore the voice. The Batman probably isn't used to being ignored. Funny thing here, almost makes one laugh. The Punisher and the Batman, working together. I probably won't give him a friendship bracelet anytime soon, but we've swallowed our differences for tonight. Like every other hero in this city, he probably hates my methods. But I don't do what I do for anyone's approval. I do it for the regular joe. The average guy. The type of guys who worry about their cars and whether the mechanic is ripping them off. The guys who play catch with their sons and worry about who their daughters go out with. The type of guy I could have been.


With these thoughts in my head, I entered Khazan's Premiere Insurance Store.




Frank Castle opens the door and steps inside. On the monitor, I switch to the store's internal cameras and carefully focus on him. Suddenly, Oracle's voice comes in.


"How's the mission going Bruce?"


I go through a couple hundred phrases. Working with the Punisher is an awful idea. You're sure Dick couldn't get here? I should have done this alone.


"Everything's going as planned. The Punisher is entering the insurance office now."


"Oh, that's great. But Bruce, what exactly are you doing running a mission with the Punisher?"


I don't know. Poor planning on my part. Why didn't I think of a better plan? He's crazy.


"The Punisher's Battle Van was crashed into a gas station earlier this week. As you know, around the same time, the Batmobile was involved in a similar incident. In both cases, there was no driver. I wouldn't have gone to him just because of that, but reports have been coming in of people having unnatural bad luck for the last month. Serious property damage is reported. And then this new insurance mega store opens up? It's too suspicious."


I hear Oracle try to hold back her laughter. A few seconds later and she comes back, her voice still filled with amusement.


"Okay Bruce. I'm assuming it's a slow night over in Khazan?"


Now I'm the one holding back laughter. Khazan. The nexus of all reality. Having a slow night?


Suddenly, I see Frank approach the checkpoint. It's time.


"I have to go Oracle. I'll call you in an hour."




As I walk in, I do my usual scan. Batman and I already went over the store's layout, but habits are hard to break. It's built like a maze. Everything in Khazan always is. Aflac, GEICO, and all the other major insurance agencies have their little set ups scattered throughout the place. On the outside, the store couldn't be bigger than your local Starbucks, but thanks to Khazan technology (a mix of Skrull, Kree, and anything else you can imagine) the place could easily fit in a couple Wal-Marts.


"Hello sir. How can I help you?"


I'm suppose to be angry. Get myself in trouble. Batman snoops around in the back and gets the info on this place. We bust the guy responsible for all the damages. Not my usual job, and not the usual plan, but this place isn't your usual place. I have a bad feeling about it, and I can tell the Bat feels the same.


The girl from the Progressive commercials is smiling at me. She's smiling at everyone. What's wrong with this place?


"Sir, can I help you?"


I look up, anger building. But suddenly, I'm not angry. Before me is the calmest looking guy in the entire world. It's the african american president from 24, and the guy from all the Allstate commercials. I'm in good hands.


"... I-... I'm looking for some car insurance."


What? No I'm not! Why did I say that?


"Of course. Here, let me show you some of our affordable plans. Remember, with Allstate, you're in good hands."


The man smiles at me and begins to take out some pamphlets or something. I try to frown, to shout, to reach out and punch him. Anything. But I can't. I start to sweat. What's going on?


"See, this is our most popular plan."


He points at something. I look him in the eyes. His face is smiling, but his eyes are grinning. He knows what he's doing to me. I can't fight this feeling. I feel like a small child.


"Sir. I said, this is our most popular plan. Don't you want to look at it?"


I grit my teeth. My neck wants to move. Wants me to look at the paper. I fight it with all my might. He's still smiling. Now I'm smiling. Why am I smiling? Oh god, I'm looking down. What's going on?!




Frank's conversation comes in and it's not at all what we rehearsed. I realize something's wrong. He's talking about boat insurance with the salesman. As I walk in, my bat suit under a regular suit, I make a beeline towards where he is. However, Flo, the girl from the Progressive commercials, steps in my way.


"Hello good sir! I see you're heading to Allstate but we have sooooo many better offers."


"No thanks Flo-..."


"GAH! You know my name!"


Flo swoons and tries to grab onto my shoulders. I step back and she falls head first into the ground. I probably should have caught her.


"Oh, I'm terribly sorry ma'm. Here, let me help you up."


Reaching down to help her, I'm surprised by her quick reflexes. She grips my arm tightly as she stands. Her face is no longer of an annoying beaming girl but of a terrified woman.


"You have to get out of here! Look... I don't know how you snapped me out of my programming, but this place isn't what you think."


I search her eyes for any trace of the joking Flo I've seen on tv, but there is only fear. Fear and truth.


"Sir, please believe me. I don't know how long I'll be myself. This entire place is owned by a very small very rich very dangerous organization. It only appears like there's competition among different insurance groups. It's all a lie. You have to call the police. Call the military. Call someone!"


Suddenly, Flo begins to jerk violently. I grab her arms trying to help her keep her balance.


"Flo! Stay with me. Who's leading this?"


Her head shakes back and forth. She begins to say all sorts of things.


"GAH! I love working here! Th-th-th-th-eeee BEST part of working here is meeting new people!"


She looks at me and smiles, then frowns, then smiles again. She begins to say something else but instead faints. I've seen this type of brainwashing before. It's very old and usually destroys the victim's mind. This isn't what we thought.


"Oh my gosh! He hurt Flo!" a voice cries out.


Looking up, I see various insurance employees getting closer. When I came in, there seemed to be an even mix of men and women of various ages. Now, only angry men seem to work here. I sling Flo over my should and run towards Frank. He's talking about helicopter insurance now. Obviously, the guy he's talking with isn't your average salesman.


"Why, hello sir. And what can I do for you?"


The man turns to me and I begin to slow down. Whatever he did to Frank, he's doing to me now. Before I lose all will, I do the only thing I can. I throw Flo's body at him, which knocks him out immediately.


That seems to snap Frank out of it too.


"Frank, this whole place is not what we thought. The insurance companies are all owned by a the same people. They're the ones behind the accidents throughout Khazan."


That's the last thing I'm able to say to Frank before it all starts going downhill. At that moment, a powerful alarm buzzes throughout the building. Metal bars emerge, sealing off the windows and doors. The tough looking employees are all smiling now. The ones located behind desks begin to pull out shotguns and automated weapons.


I throw down some smoke pellets and hope Frank knows to get down. I hear him begin to say something, but his words are drowned out by the shooting. Bullets whiz through my makeshift cover, barely missing my head. I scramble for cover behind a desk as I reach for the mask in my suit's inside pocket...




The Bat was smart. His smokescreen was the only thing that kept us from biting the dust right there and then. I'll send him a fruit basket later.


As I run for the Progressive section's maze of shelves, I shoot as many lights as I can. The grunts all give cries of surprise as the majority of the building goes dark. The lights that I didn't get give the area only minimum lighting. Perfect.


"He's in the shelves area, get him!"


The grunts rush forward, apparently unaware of who I am. Whipping out twin uzis, I unload on the mindless horde and make the local undertaker a rich man. Two waves of grunts later and the whole place is going crazy. They stop rushing into the opening in front of me, maybe because they're smart or maybe because they're scared. Either way, I dont wait around. Running deeper into the Progressive area, I try to shoot more lights.


Suddenly a British voice shouts something at me. Maybe it's Australian. I can't tell. Spinning around, I aim at the Geico Gecko. I never imagined I'd ever find myself aiming at a talking gecko.


"Wait! Don't shoot!" he says. Oh, if I had a dime for every time I heard that. As always, I shoot anyways. Blood and small green parts fly everywhere.




The voice startles me, but not quite as much as the punch that follows. Recovering from the hit, I find myself face to face with the Geico Caveman. He's not angry about being called dumb now. Instead, he's just angry. And strong.


"IMMA KILL YOU!" He shouts out. Again, another classic phrase.


Before I can take aim, he's at me again. One single punch sends me flying into a shelf. My guns slip out of my hand, but at least I don't let the darkness take me. I'm groggy, yeah, but at least I'm still awake for when he wraps his hairy hands around my neck. I've been in this position before though, so before he can get a good grip, I throw my hand up and poke his eyes. A childish move? Maybe. But the Caveman does what they all do. He screams and grabs his face. Taking advantage of the moment, I give him a good kick to his sensitive parts and throw him off.


I reach for my old friend, who's all loaded and ready to help. However, before I can give him the final blow, a voice shouts out from behind me.


"Hello Punisher! Welcome to Progressive! How can I help you???!!"


It's Flo. Flo from those commercials. Flo with an RPG.


I dive for cover and the projectile barely goes over my left shoulder. It hits another shelf and explodes, sending wood and general debris in all directions. I whip out my gun and aim to where Flo was, but now she's gone. Or maybe she's still here. I can't tell with all the smoke.


Suddenly, a hand grabs my shoulder. It clamps down hard and begins to crush some bones. My gun drops to the floor as pain fills my mind. I fling my head back, breaking the Caveman's nose. He lets go, and I crash forward reaching blindly for my gun.


"Progressive will suit all your needs!" Flo shouts out. I look up just in time to see her take aim.


Just then, for absolutely no reason, the wall besides us explodes. I grab my gun and do my best to roll with the blast's wave. Concrete and debris falls from all around as other explosions rock the building.


I struggle to stay on my feet...




"Where is he?!"


Whether they're corporate goons or just muggers on the streets, criminals are all the same. Full of fear. They fear because they know what I am. I am the justice they can't escape from.


I sweep down, delivering a punch to the man's jaw. He's unconscious before he hits the floor. I disappear into the shadows again, leaving the other goons to shoot blindly. They're easy pickings.


Suddenly, I hear a voice.


"It's the middle of an epic battle between good and evil, and you think you have the whole thing figured out. But I'm the crazy guy who planted bombs all over the place. They're about to go off. And your cut rate insurance may not cover this. So switch to Allstate, and be better protected from Mayhem. Like me."


I look up and see Mayhem. He looks down at me from a metal beam and smiles. He presses a button on his watch and the whole game changes. I shoot out a cable to grab onto the metal beam, but the desk besides me explodes, sending me flying. Elsewhere, various other places explode as well. The insurance employees run around like headless chickens, but it doesn't matter where they run. Bombs seem to be everywhere. One after another, they go off, sending concrete and bodies flying.


Speaking of flying, I barely hang on to my own lifeline as it automatically zips me up. I swing over the metal beam and land as gracefully as I can. The blast left me disoriented, but at least it's just me and Mayhem now.


"Hello Batman. I'm Erin Esurance." A voice says. I turn around and see a woman land on the metal beam with the grace only trained individuals possess. She pulls out a handgun.


I look back at Mayhem, but he has disappeared. Where he'll appear next, I don't know. Turning back to Erin, I reach down for a batarang...

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Outstanding note: The CBUB August Challenge was a bit of a rush job. I gave these guys only a few days and only 500 words to work with. So, this is about as outstanding as we get. OUTSTANDING ENOUGH TREKKER WHOOO!!!


thetrekker with


Saxton Hale vs. Disney's Beast


Today on Saxton Hale's Adventures....


"Cut that there mate, we've got to change the title. Taking down the Bear with Grills wasn't as thrilling as I thought it might be, turns out he wasn't even a bear! How can we sell me just beating up a human to the eager customers?"

Well then, what should we change it to?

"Let's see, we're in France. Now what lives in France that's menacing and good for comic sales?"


"Wait a moment! I've got it. It's hairy...large...ugly...and very hate-able. We're going to find...."

A French woman?

"No! Er, well, not yet. Save that one for later, when we really need to push some sales. No, we're going to fight the French-Sasquatch!"


"I saw it in a movie once. Big fella. Lived in a castle."

You mean the Beast, from the Disney movie?

"Don't judge me! I had to have some way of calming down my childhood rages before I tore a hole in the wall, or usually a door off of the car. Now, let's go hunt some furries!"


---Later, after a riveting discussion of Disney movies and Hale's childhood cut out by a certain limit---


"Wow, that castle's just the right size for my backyard fountain. I'll have to see if Ms. Pauline can airlift it from here to Australia."

I don't think that's...

"Quiet you! If I did it with that sand cat in Egypt, I can do it with a castle. Now, let's see who's home."

A loud creak could be heard from the doors as they opened. Hale entered the large atrium, greeted by a figure on the stairs. The figure descended the staircase, revealing his true form in the light. True love had not been kind to the Beast. After a century's worth of inactivity and lack of attentiveness to ever-changing divorce law, Belle was able to leave the prince shortly after their marriage with an enormous sum of money thanks to a deviously penned prenup. Not only was the prince left poor, but he was also returned to his beastly form, doomed to remain that way for all of eternity.

"What is your business here man?"

"Very clever, but Mann is my company, not my last name."

"Just who are you intruder?"

"Hale's the name, and fighting's my game."

"So you have come here for my head, have you? Then you shall join the rest who have come."

The Beast drew back his head, and let loose a ghastly roar. All the servants, reverted just the same as the prince, appeared in the many doorways leading out of the atrium. They prepared themselves for their unique combat style. The Beast, now in an aggravated state, stood in the light, allowing his full form to be seen in an attempt to intimidate Hale.

"Nice try mate, but I'm hairier."

Hale ripped open his shirt, letting the chest hair fly, and with an Australian yell, lunged into battle.

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I just felt like this story deserved to be in here; part of a great arc by our resident horror writer. Great to see the evolution of ND7's writing and the effort he puts in to his setups.



Michael Myers vs. Ashley J. Williams vs. The Creeper


by ND7


Author’s note: Just so it all makes sense, time is slower in Hell in this storyline which is why Pinhead can afford to send the Creeper on a day’s flight to meet Michale and Ash.

Summary: It seems our mysterious man AKA Pinhead has indeed uses for Jason and Freddy. But due to Ghostface’s failure, the chosen one remains out of his grasp. And it seems Michael Meyers has a role as well. So, sending his ‘enforcer’ to do the job, days pass before the three eventually cross paths on a hill side road to Dearborn, Michigan.


Ash had it all, a nice girlfriend, the perfect job at S-Mart, and good friends, until that night in the cabin, the night they found the book. The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis aka the book of the dead. Inked in and blood and bound in human flesh. The book itself can summon the forces of darkness. One by one his friends were claimed by the darkness, and Ash himself had to kill them to survive. With an army of demoniacally possessed beings, dub deadites by Ash, trying to bring the world to darkness, Ash made it his mission to wipe out the deadites, and bring the threat of the book to a rest.

Ash was successful in destroying the Evil Dead with the aid of a girl named Ann, however their actions had caused Ash to travel to 1300th AD. Ash was captured by King Henry's army after being presumed to be there enemy, however after Ash killed a deadite he earned there respect, and helped fend off an army of deadites led by his evil twin Evil Ash. With the help of a wizard Ash was sent back to his time, a time without the necronomicon, without fighting deadites, a time to live a normal life. However that was never meant to be...


Dearborn Michigan, 1999.


As, Ash had slowly been making his way around his house (which took a lot of moolah by the way) he started to make his way up the stairs with shotgun in hand. Taking the initiative, he opened the closest door which was the bedroom and no sign of any intruders. So, shrugging Ash would have closed the door but then he caught out of the corner of his eye, the bathroom door opening and something emerging from it. Turning to face the figure, he frowned at what he saw coming at him with a hunting knife in hand. Not even bothering to shoot the man, he grabbed the knife with his metal hand and wrenching it from the masked chump’s grasp, Ash quickly drove a knee into his stomach causing a cry of ‘oof!’ to come as he fell back against the wall, his hands near where he had been hit.

“Now, you sit there like a good little dork in a Halloween costume, okay?”, Ash asked, rolling his eyes before he heard the clicking of a gun nearby and looking down the stairs, his eyes went wide as he saw another costumed man but this one had a pistol and so not being dumb as bricks, he quickly flew into the still open bathroom. But, although he had avoided the second killer’s attack for now, the first had recovered and as Ash had dropped his knife once he jumped into the bathroom, he picked up his knife and charged after Ash.

“Think you’re tough shit huh? Well, I got something for ya. It’s a bit painful so you might want to sit down!” Once he had belted that out, he swung at the killer’s face knocking the mask off and making a familiar noise of bones being broken-presumably his cheek and jaw bones. Scratching his head at how young this ‘killer’ seemed, Ash shrugged. At least it seemed like he was knocked out now-Ah crap.


“Huh. So you knocked Stu out. Figures. I knew the whipped *vulgarity*er wouldn’t last... But against you? I'm surprised, Ash. Or do you prefer ‘Chosen One’?”, The second killer said as he pulled off his mask and flung it to the ground while still keeping the pistol aimed at Ash.

“Well, before I can answer that, got a question of my own. Blow?” With that, Ash pulled the trigger on the shotgun knocking Billy into the bedroom door knocking it over. Once it seemed like he wasn’t going to be getting up any time soon, Ash made his way over to Billy and looking down at him he spoke.

“Alright, seeing as how the both of you are messed up and numero uno isn’t, think it states somewhere that means you spill the beans on why you followed me, broke into my house, tried to stab and shoot me?”

Billy merely coughed up blood which got a sheepish nod from Ash. “Maybe I should have shot after he answered my questions..”But, then as it seemed he was about to speak hellfire would have covered both Stu and him.

“"NO!" Billy roared, as he managed to get on his knees as he cried out in pain. "Pinhead. We had a deal! We would do what you asked us and you would let us kill Sidney eventually! Gahhhh!!” Pinhead? Ash pondered as he assumed that he or it was behind the sudden teen barbeque.

But, breaking Ash out of his pondering was Billy who despite the pain got to his feet as he pointed at Ash.

“Hahahahah! Hey ‘Chosen One’, don’t think just because Stu and I *vulgarity*ed up that the ‘other’ guy will! He took out Jason*vulgarity*ING Voorhees!!”Billy exclaimed before the hellfire covered the two Ghostface killers completely and then suddenly vanished with nothing of the killers except for their pistol and knife. Once they were gone, Ash slammed his fist into the wall.

Ash rubbed his head to ease the tension mustered from his encounter.


"God damn it where are all these weirdos coming from? I'm amazed they haven't tried to capture me in broad daylight, except these aren’t zombies, they were like normal punk teens with a little bit of crazy on the side and maybe a demoniacally possessed weirdo!", Ash sighed as he then noticed the hole he had made in the wall and groaned. Great, more crap to fix.


Back in Hell on the other hand or more specifically in the colosseum where Mr. Kruger has been taken..

The coliseum could only be descried as magnificent and colossus, even for those against sin and pain could not deny the sheer power and fear that was given off by this place. Its pillars tall and reaching high into the endless black sky, as going along them lay rows of seats filled with all the Cenobites of the Labyrinth. There were many, all of different shapes and sizes, but with disturbing disfigurements, some more grotesque than the others. Many followers of Leviathan were classed in ranks, the lower Cenobites that were still learning the ways of pain and pleasure's co-existence waited at the back, while those more experienced would have a front row seat of the action below.

The ground itself was like an entire World War battle area closed into a small base, however to those who would have the unfortunate fate of fighting would vomit at the mass of the area, or it could just be from the fear of the fights approaching. Sand drenched in the blood of many gladiators that have fallen before, chains scattered around the jagged rocks that lay about and around the arena were four caged doors carved into the wall. Meanwhile, high upon the main throne, just above the battleground was none other than the lead Cenobite himself, Xipe Totec, and his longest serving Cenobites; Chatterer, Butterball and Nikoletta. Beside them were Pistonhead and Dreamer who had also had the privilege of watching this tradition from the most cherished place in the Gladiator arena. Behind them was Angelique, not at all bothered by what was going down below, while Skinner stood by her side like a loyal dog to its master.


`And one couldn’t simply go without our ‘Mysterious Man’ himself better known as Pinhead who after having disposed of Billy Loomis and Stu Macher for failing him, made his way to where he had a throne waiting for him. Once there, all he had to do was merely raise his hand signaling for silence that he got without another seconds hesitation. Once all was silent, he addressed his fellow

Cenobites. ''Brothers! Sisters! We are here to witness a most satisfying tradition in the ways of flesh, today, we shall see the blood spill and the skin torn of the three most dreaded 'Slashers', that have taken the lives of many of God's little clay creations. And a ‘Chosen One’ who has murdered many of the Necronomicon’s Deadites. This is a very exquisite show! Pistonhead, if you will!''

''Oh, never thought you would ask!'' Pistonhead said with glee, but not before turning to his beloved Dreamer. ''Be right back babe, got to go make my big moment!''


''Pistonhead!'' Pinhead barked at his annoying comrade. Reluctantly Pistonhead walked away from Dreamer and towards the edge to address the crowd. His confidence and booming voice was perfect for strengthening the atmosphere of this tradition.

''As Xipe here has said…three Slashers of Earth, three but just who are they really?'' He asked the crowd rhetorically.

As he went on, Nikoletta leaned in closer to Pinhead so only he could hear her words. ''I do wish I could just slit his throat, that way we would have silence from his obnoxious…''


''Let it be,'' Pinhead interrupted. ' As long as I see Frederick Krueger and Jason Voorhees experience the pain they have inflicted on their victims be placed upon them tenfold and more!''

At that moment, something was going on in the room below the arena. His eyes opened the stiches having obviously been removed. But, then he looked around-No more of the S&M Hel Gang to torture him. But, what he saw next made his eyes go wide. Immediately awe-struck by the figure chained up against the wall, Freddy rolled his eyes as he spoke. ''Well well..Looks like we meet again huh Short Bus?'' He muttered.


Not having heard him, the zombie continued to look off into the darkness of the room. Last he recalled the strange creature had put him to sleep because of course like his Mama said ‘he could never die’ and now he was here. Freddy noticed Jason staring off into space and decided to have a little fun. ''What's the matter? Scared of some lil chains?”, Freddy joked but deep down in his mind he tried to wrap his mind around the apparent situation. The Creeper had killed Jason but now he was back in Hell and the two of them were still together. But for what reason?


Jason's head spun round to face Freddy; although that strange creature had put him to sleep, he could at least have his final battle with Freddy. Although, unknown to them they would have to wait just a bit longer before they could finish each other off as up in the stands, Pinhead who thanks to his and Pistonhead’s words had bought some time to try once more to capture The Chosen One and the ‘third slasher’. Since his human slaves had failed him, he turned to the one he had used to first ‘kill’ Jason Voorhees.

“Ah, yes ‘Creeper’ I do have high hopes that you will be able to do what my two human killers failed to and kill The Chosen One and our third ‘slasher’ so that I may be able to trap them down in the room below and the match can finally began?”, The general of Hell’s Army mentally asked The Creeper who having found a bird’s wing to eat, had been taking to the air but listened intently to Pinhead’s words and let out a growl showing he understood.


“Good…Remember though, the price of failure is high. I will tear your soul..Apart.”, With that the voice hushed up and keeping that in the back of it’s mind, The Creeper flew off to where it had been told he would meet the two.


Old Meyers House

Michael Audrey Myers one of the world's greatest killers was pronounced dead by the authorities after being put in a coma after being shot in the head by a police officer. But in reality Michael escaped and killed a nurse and two guards. Now Michael had made his way to Michigan in pursuit of his sister Laurie Strodes who he had heard had moved here to get away from him-Not believing him truly dead. She was right. So, having made his choice of pursuit on foot after days of walking, he finally would have been walking down a road to Dearborn which was the city in Michigan that Laurie seemed to be living in.


Though, Michael eventually expected to come across his sister he didn’t expect to come across Ashley J. Williams better known to others as ‘The Chosen One’. He also didn’t expect to come across the hood of Ash’s car which slammed into him and sent him rolling across the street. Ash had been on his way to somewhere to think about what this all meant. Was the Necronomicon involved? Why was he involved-Oh right Chosen one and oh person! Cursing, Ash would have exited his car with shotgun slung over his back (just incase y’know.) as he called out to Michael.


“Hey! Buddy, look I was just on my way to find somewhere to think! Didn’t mean to y’know run into you like that. Do you need some help?” He asked rubbing the back of his head reaching into his car for his phone before stopping as he saw the man he had hit slowly rise back to his feet and tilt his head. Two thoughts ran through Ash’s head. Either this was the guy that one fried punk warned him about as no normal guy could just get up like that. Or, he was the luckiest bastard on Earth. His shotgun assumed the former and so did Ash and unslinging the shotgun, he made his way to his back trunk where he kept his chainsaw. Taking that out, he looked back to where the man had gotten up. Aiming his shotgun, he spit before speaking.


“Alright tall dark and masked hows about telling me who this Pinhead guy is and why he sent those two mooks after me?” Silence, of course he would get nothing but silence. Shrugging, Ash used his teeth to pull on the cord to start up his chainsaw.


“Well pal you can keep up the cool silent guy act. I’ll keep up my asskicking guy with the gun act.” He quipped which merely got a head tilt from Meyers who reached for his trademark kitchen knife. Ash prepared to fire but before he could, he glanced out of the corner of his eye and quickly leapt to the left as some winged bastard landed on the roof of his car denting it. Staring at Meyers who stared right back and staring at Ash, it was good to finally see the faces of those he would kill and after tipping his hat he stretched.


“Yeah, I was way off. That’s the guy that crazy bastard was talking about.” Ash grumbled as he now aimed his shotgun at the Creeper. “And he wrecked my car too. Can’t let that go.” He said matter-of factly and it was obvious The Creeper and Michael weren’t going to let him go so easily either. Ugh, days of trying to find a place to think and this happens? Only to the Chosen One..


Okay! Three way battle!

It’s a fight to the death for the two killers while Ash just wants to either incapicate/kill.

Michael has his kitchen knife and his trademark durability

The Creeper has three bone daggers, his wings and strength.

Ash has his sawed off shotgun and chainsaw(Also his metal hand)

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There was a slight October breeze that fought with a small family camp fire. Peter Chaldean sat with his family around the camp fire. He glanced back at the tents as his young children started yawing. He knew it had been a long day and he wasn’t going to make his children stay up any long than they had to. A warm gentle smile formed across his face as he went to go pick up his daughter. “How is my little Princess?” Peter asked with a fatherly voice. She smiled and told him that she was tired. He looked down at his son and he could tell that his son was ready for rest. “Are you ready to hit the pillow, Champ?” His son simply nodded and Peter led both his children to their tent. As his children faded off to sleep, Peter looked back at the camp fire. His young wife sat by the fire, keeping it warm for the both of them. Peter sauntered to her side and that same warm smile formed across his face. “How is my lovely wife?” She smiled back at him and stood up. She wrapped her arms around him and the two started to kiss.


She whispered something in his ear and the smile grew even larger. He picked her up in his arms and started carrying her to their tent. Several thoughts flashed through his mind but one shined brighter than the others, this was a near perfect family camping trip. Before Peter reached the tent, he saw something in the woods. At first he could barely make anything from it but he glared at what appeared to be a shadowy figure. He laid his wife on the ground and she got in the tent, but Peter continued to glare at this figure in the woods. It seemed as if it stood as high as the tree and its arms hung like branches. It looked as if it had several arms and clear face. Peter was about to walked toward this shadowy figure but before he could he heard the voice of his loving wife, “Are you coming, baby?” Peter glanced down at his wife and replied yes. He looked back up, only to find that the figure was gone.


It was nearly midnight when Peter jumped in shock. He had a dream of a faceless man, not even a man but a creature that was as dark as the far reaches of space. Peter gazed down at his wife who was sound asleep. He got out of the tent and started walking around the dark woods. The stars and the moon gave off a light that made the forest somewhat visible in the night. There was still so much covered in darkness but he thought he saw the creature once again. He started hearing voices, almost childlike crying in the distance. He stopped and gazed back at the tents. He saw the figure standing outside his children’s tent. He ran but something pushed him back to the ground. As he got back up, the figure was gone once again. He ran to see if his children were still in the tent and to his horror they were gone. His wife immediately rushed out of their tent to see what all the commotion was. As she stepped out of the tent, the figure reappeared behind her. “Liz!” Peter cried as he tried to get up, but it was no use. The thin monstrous creature took her into the night. Peter cried as he ran into the dark woods, searching for his family.


Sweat poured down his face a as he ran throughout the silent forest. As morning came, a light fog swept throughout this horrific forest. Peter ran in almost every direction, calling out the name of his wife and children. He heard noises echoing in every corner. It sounded like laughter and then it would suddenly change to cries. All of a sudden, Peter tripped and fell face first on the ground. He pushed himself up only to see that same figure in the distance. He could see it a little bit clearly now, despite the fog. The thing was thin with a suit with branch like arms. It seemed as if it had no face but it should have had for a face would gut wrenching. A fear starting burning inside of Peter, as he realized that he would never see his family again and this entity was going to take him. He closed his eyes and waited for the moment when he would be taken by this monster.


Suddenly, he heard a voice and he slowly opened his eyes. He stood up to see the face of the local sheriff. Peter glanced back the tree line, only to see that it was still covered in that same light fog. Once again he saw the image of the thin man hiding in the fog. He roared in terror as he watched the monster disappear within the fog. The sheriff grabbed Peter and put him in the back of his car. As they drove off onto the long country road, Peter continued to scream as he saw the thin monster appeared in the tree line. As they reached town, he stopped seeing this sickening beast, but the sheriff took Peter to the jail for questions.


Several hours passed by but for Peter it only seemed like minutes. He sat in the chair, just muttering the description of that thing in the forest. The sheriff tried to make sense of it but there was no use, Peter was going crazy at this point. The sun fell over the horizon and it seemed like they were going nowhere with this guy. The light flickered every now and then. The temperature in the room fell dramatically. The sheriff ordered someone to go check the thermostat but everything seemed like it was working perfectly. The sheriff went to go question Peter one last time but this time it was different. This time Peter started screaming and jumping up and down. Some was terrifying him but the sheriff could not begin to imagine what it was. The lights started flickering to the point where it seemed as if the darkness was overcoming the light. Before the sheriff could do anything, Peter was standing in the corner of the room. “Mr. Chaldean, get back in the chair!” the sheriff yelled. Peter shook his head and replied, “The devil is here.” Peter gazed at something behind the sheriff and the sheriff quickly turned around. He saw that same creature that Peter described. The sheriff took out his pistol and fired three shots at the thin man but it was no use. All the lights in the room suddenly went off and screams echoed all throughout the sheriff station.


The sheriff’s deputies ran to see what was happening. As soon as they arrived, the lights were back on and the temperature was back to what it was supposed to be. The only thing that was wrong was that both the sheriff and Peter Chaldean were missing. The only thing that was left of them was the three shell casings that the sheriff shot off. The entire sheriff’s department searched the entire building but there was no sign of any of them. They went to check the video footage but it was no use. The system crashed as soon as the lights were shut off. All of them knew that someone or something took them and Peter’s family.


3 Day Later…


At one point in time Jimmy Franklin was a college student studying electrical engineering, now he was tied up in a dark room. He watched his friends being drained of their lives right in front of his eyes. He watched these people, these monsters biting into their bodies. At first he cried for help but he realized that there was no help coming. He knew in that moment he was going to die. He was the only one left or at least until these things restocked their food supply. Finally, the night came for the monsters to feed once again. They entered the dark room and started walking closer to young Jimmy. Tears rolled down his face as the monsters grew closer. He closed his eyes and waited for them to tear him apart.


Suddenly, he heard a couple screams that came from the wretched creatures. He opened his eyes and saw a couple heads on the ground. He looked up and saw two people fighting these things with machetes. “Eat it trampires!” one of them said as he continued to fight. After several minutes of being knocked around the room, the two people were able to kill all the vampires in the room. They cut Jimmy free and led him to the outside.


“Thank you! Thank you! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!” Jimmy cried as he almost fell to his knees.


“Don’t mention it.” The taller one said with a sympathetic look.


“What are your names?” Jimmy asked.


“My name is Sam and this is my brother Dean.” Sam said as he pointed to Dean.


A smirk formed across Dean’s face as he nodded and replied, “Hi, how you doin’?”


The two brothers took the young college student to the nearest hospital. They told him what he should say happened to him so he doesn’t get marked as insane. The two brothers then drove off into the night. As morning came, both of the brothers went to eat at the nearest diner. Dean ordered a hot plate of pancakes while Sam got an egg white omelet and some coffee. They both sat there eating; Dean reading through several newspapers articles and Sam doing some research on the internet. As Dean finished off his plate of pancakes, he pushed the plate aside and looked at his brother.


“Well it sounds like there is a wendigo in North Carolina and a pack of werewolves in Washington. Did you find anything interesting?” Dean asked as he took a sip of coffee.


“Yeah.” Sam replied as he gazed at the computer screen.


Dean just sat there as he waited for Sam to tell him what it was. There was a short moment of silence between the two before Dean broke the silence.


“Well are you just going to keep it to yourself or are you going to share it with the rest of the class, Sammy?” Dean asked with a sarcastic voice.


Sam finally got out of his trance and looked up at his brother. He then glanced back at the screen and then back at Dean. He turned the computer towards Dean, who started reading through the article that Sam just got finished reading. There was another moment of silence between the two as Dean read the entire article. Finally, Dean broke the silence once again.


“So what is it?” Dean asked as he glanced over at Sam.


“I think it might be Slender Man.” Sam replied as he finished his egg white omelet and his coffee.


“Slender who?” Dean asked with a puzzled look on his face.


“For someone who spends most of his time on BustAsianBeauties.com, I am surprised you haven’t run across the internet meme of Slender Man.” Sam said with a smirk.


“What’s a meme?” Dean asked with yet another puzzled look.


“You’re impossible… Slender Man has been said to have been around for centuries. The first said reporting of it was back during medieval times with artistic portrayals of knights fighting a skeleton like figure. These sightings have long been reported even with pictures.” Sam said as he took his computer.


Sam pulled up several websites containing different pictures of people with a monstrous figure in the background. He gave the computer back to Dean, who scrolled through all the different photos. He saw a picture of a group of soldiers with the creature in the background. Another picture was at a playground and others were different places with different people, many of whom were children. Finally, Dean sat back in his chair and looked up at Sam.


“So this Slender Guy is a massive photo bomber.” Dean said as he gazed at Sam.


“I wish that was it but all those people in all of those pictures were never seen again.” Sam replied as he closed his computer.


“So what? He kills them?” Dean asked.


“No one knows but this thing appears before they disappear. No one knows what it is, where it takes the victims, or what it wants.” Sam replied.


“And the latest incident happened with this Peter Chaldean?” Dean asked.


“Apparently but I did a little research. In that same town, children have been disappearing almost periodically.” Sam replied.


“But it said Peter disappeared to.” Dean replied.


“Yeah apparently he and the sheriff were taken out of the sheriff station.” Sam said as he put his computer away in his bag.


“So this thing went all Terminator on the sheriff station and took Mr. Sarah Connor?” Dean asked.


“Not quite. All the deputies were present in the station. The only thing that was left of them was three shell casings that belonged to the sheriff.” Sam replied.


“We got to get over there.” Dean said as he got up and threw a couple bucks on the tables.


Sam followed his brother out to the Impala and they both loaded up. Several hours passed by as the brothers drove across a couple states. Finally, they reached the small town. Both of them glanced at all the different landmarks. The woods were covered with a creepy light fog and the town’s people all had a look of depression on their faces. Dean’s face quickly became puzzled as he said something under his breath, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” Sam noticed that something was up with the town. Everyone they saw along the streets was overtaken by fear. “It’s Halloween! Shouldn’t kids be running around with superhero costumes and monster outfits?” Dean asked as they continued to drive through the small town.


“They may be in their homes.” Sam said quietly as he glanced around.


“Why in the world would they do that on a day where they can get candy and be idiots?” Dean said.


“Fear…” Sam replied.


Before Dean could pull up to the local diner, Sam stopped him.


“What are you doing?” Sam asked with a puzzled look.


“Haven’t had anything since breakfast. I’m starvin’” Dean replied.


“We need to go ask questions and search for clues.” Sam replied.


“Look Velma, we’ll go out and get clues after lunch but right now I got to eat something.” Dean glanced over at a sign that said best pumpkin pie in the state. A childlike grin formed over his face as he realized he would be able to have a slice of pumpkin pie. “And look, Sammy, they got pie.”


“I just think we should go out and find this thing before we do anything else.” Sam replied.


Dean looked at his brother for a second and then saw a weird look on his face. “What’s with you?”


“What do you mean?” Sam asked.


“You’ve been all guns blazing about this case and we really haven’t even started it yet. What is this Skinny-Man?” Dean asked with a curious gaze.


“Slender-Man…” Sam corrected him as he started to answer his question, “During my first year of Stanford and pretty much my first year away from dad, I had this friend come to me. He was afraid saying how this thing was after him. He described it just as the Slender-Man was described…”


“So what’d you do?” Dean asked.


“I told him to take a break and get some sleep. I thought he was sleep deprived.” Sam replied.


“After everything we’ve seen, after everything dad talked about, after all torching all those evil freaks…. You lied to him and told him to get some sleep?” Dean said with a curious look.


“I didn’t know… Dad never hunted anything like this. Not many hunters have. This thing isn’t exactly your ordinary spirit or shifter. I don’t know what it was and I still don’t.” Sam replied.


Dean gazed at him for moment before finally taking the key out of the ignition. “Look, I don’t know what it is either but I do know one thing...” Dean said as he continued to look at his brother.


“What’s that?” Sam asked.


“We’re about to go get some burgers and some pumpkin pie. Then we’re going to hunt this thing down and do what we do best…” Dean said with a small smile as he got out of the car. Sam smiled for a moment before following his brother into the diner. He walked in and it seemed like every other diner they’ve ever been to. This one seemed a little darker in the inside and a little bit more depressing. It was quiet. Most of the customers sat around in silence. Even the service seemed a little frightened about something. Dean didn’t really notice but Sam did. He saw the fear in all their eyes.


Later that day, the boys traveled to the sheriff station. The place didn’t look that much different from the diner. It looked pretty depressing and dark as the boys went inside. They started question all the deputies but most of them gave the same stories. One of the deputies, Mike, said how Peter lived down the street and that he took his family on a weekend camping trip. The two brothers glanced at each other as they got the location of where Peter took his family camping.


Hours later… They threw their bags and supplies on their beds. Sam immediately went to work as Dean fell down over all his stuff. He tried to sleep for a couple minutes but Sam made too much noise for him to even close his eyes. Dean sat up on the bed and glanced over at his brother. Sam didn’t pay any attention but Dean continued to glare at his younger brother. After a couple minutes Dean became a little frustrated and stood up.


“Look Sam we both need to rest. We can study this things desires, habits, and even mating rituals in the morning, but right now I am dead tired…” Dean said with a childlike smirk.


“Then go to sleep.” Sam said as he continued to work.


“I can’t really sleep when you are making more noise than the Little Rascals and it couldn’t hurt if you got a couple hours of shut eye.” Dean replied.


“Dean… I…” Sam said as he started to lose what he was about to say.


“You what, Sam?” Dean asked as he walked closer to his brother.


“I have to find this thing. I have to kill it.” Sam replied.


“Then we will do it together but it wouldn’t make much sense if we’re both not combat ready for whatever the hell this Slender-Bitch is.” Dean replied.


Sam chuckled a little bit and then went to clear off his bed. He lay down beneath the motel sheets and slowly closed his eyes. Dean turned off all the lights and put salt by the door. Finally, he was able to fall asleep. The next morning the brothers awoke and Sam immediately went to continue his research at the local library. Dean headed around the town, questioning multiple people about the forest in which Peter took his family. He was astonished by how many people went missing from there every year and how come it never once caught the attention of the Winchesters.


As the night crept over the world once again, Sam and Dean both sat in the Impala and watched as kids went around trick-or-treating. Dean was disappointed that very few kids were actually trick-or-treating and also very few teenagers were doing their little parties. A couple thoughts passed through his mind but the biggest thing was how afraid were these people of this thing. Sam told him everything he gathered about the history of the Slender-Man and maybe a way to kill it. Dean told Sam about the history of the forest and all the past missing persons. He also made it clear how no bodies were ever recovered. Both of the brothers glanced out at the town. A smile formed across Dean’s face.


“Let’s go kill this evil bastard.” Dean said with that same smile.


A small smile of relief formed over Sam’s face as the Impala started heading for the forest. As they drove down the foggy dark road they saw something in the middle of the road up ahead. “What the hell?!” Dean yelled as he was about to slam on the brakes. Sam glanced at the figure and knew what it was. “Dean, it’s him!” Sam yelled as Dean starting driving faster.


“What are you doing?!” Sam yelled.


“I’m going to ram him!” Dean yelled back as he was getting closer to the Slender-Man.


All of a sudden, the Impala started to die and Dean pulled to the side of the road. Both of the brothers glanced at one another and then back at the area where the Slender-Man stood. “He’s gone…” Dean said as he started to get out of the Impala. “No... He’s after us now…” Sam replied as he looked around in almost every direction. Dean headed for the trunk of the Impala and started getting all the weapons he could carry. Sam did the same and they both stood side by side. “What are we waiting for? Let’s kill this evil son of a bitch.” Sam said. Dean turned and looked at his brother. A smile formed across his face as he and his brother started their hunt.

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Outstanding Set ups is turning into the Boratz show. Congratulations big guy on your December Challenge win.


Jack in the Box vs. Ronald McDonald


You’re traveling to another town… Next stop…




Well, I know it sounds a bit weird for a town but don’t let the name fool you. The town of Maskotville is full of wonderful well-meaning town folks, who enjoy the company of strangers. The mayor of the town is one that is known all throughout as simply Burger King, while ol’ Burger King is pretty well connected throughout the town, there is another one who has a pretty decent role in the town. For many, he is simply an entertainer or a comedian but to some, he is just a simple clown who tries to put a smile on everyone’s’ face. Despite being one of the friendliest towns you’ll ever have the privilege of visiting, it is also a very competitive town. Nearly everyone has something to offer; while it may vary from burgers to fries or milkshakes to frosties, the town welcomes all who wish to compete with its citizens…


Now let’s take a drive down FasFood Ave. Sometimes you will see kids running around with a toy in their hands that they have just gotten from one of their recent meals, while other kids are not exactly running but wobbling instead or rolling in some cases. Yes, it is a sad fact but some of the residents of the great town of Maskotville are in face a little on the heavy side but that does not stop the friendly

competition. On the corner FasFood Ave. there is something quite interesting that usually gets the attention of people who come to visit the dear old town or are just simply passing through. There is a dog that runs around without a leash of course, who can actually talk. This dog known as Gidget to his owner but to many he is known as the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Gidget runs around with his owner and dear friend, who own the small taco stand called Taco Bell.


Now let drive a little further down this famous road and let’s meet Jack Box. He is the town’s sheriff and owner of a small restaurant called Jack in the Box. Many people who come by usually enjoy Jack because of his warm hearted smile and his ever so friendly conversations. With the challenges of owning a small town restaurant, he also keeps the town ever so safe.


Now I must confess that not all the competition in the friend town of Maskotville is in the business of food. There are many other competitions all throughout the town for example; another one of the great attractions would have to be the Energizer Bunny. Now this little guy is one crazy sick freak. Many people always say how he is “going and going and then he is gone.” But this false is many different ways because for one, the Pink Bunny never really leaves but he does cause a lot of ruckus when he continually beats on his drums in the middle of the night. Usually, Sheriff Jack Box is called in because of a noise complaint but eventually they had to come to terms with it. The Bunny would always keep going.


Now let’s move down the road to our next big attraction who is also a prominent member of the town and the committee. This is probably the smallest member of any town that you will ever meet but he does leave a pretty big impression. This little man has traveled the world but he eventually settled down in Maskotville. This guy let me tell you will always leave some kind of impression on you whether it is good or bad, you will never get a normal moment with him. This great man is Geico Gecko. While he works to sell car insurance, he never stops trying to sell his presence as a leader and commander.


Now that I’ve introduced you to some of the members of this great town, let’s move on and begin a journey will leave you either speechless or indifferent. I guess I will begin to tell you about an incident that is about to happen in the town. While I did say the town is a pretty darn friendly place, it also has a couple little dark things stored deep in the freezer. I guess I should stop babbling and just begin the story already so here it goes…


The ever burning sun hid behind the marshmallow shapes clouds, as Sheriff Jack Box drove up onto the scene of a crime. He got out of his truck with that never ending warm smile across his face. After he glanced around at the grizzly scene, he saw something that would almost break any smile on a man but not the sheriff, mainly because he could never stop smiling. He gazed down at the mutilated body of on Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua and his dear owner. Jack took of his yellow hat and waved his hand across his big white head. He watched as Mayor Burger King started to approach him.


“Well this certainly is not good for any day of the week.” Burger King said as he pointed down at all the blood and the guts.


“No, I guess it never is.” Jack Box said as he put his yellow hat back on his big white head.


“You know what you have to do, right?” Burger King asked as he turned his attention to Jack.


“Oh yeah! Now it’s time that I catch me a criminal.” Jack said as he took out a pair of dark sun glass and struggled to put them over his eyes.


“Maybe you should invest in a larger pair of glasses.” Burger King said as he tried to help.


Jack slapped his hand away in frustration. “I got it!” Finally, the glasses covered his blue eyes and Jack looked back at Burger King, “Time to play bad cop.”


“But you just said it was time to catch a criminal… How can it be both time to be bad cop and time to catch a criminal?” Burger King asked with a weird look on his face.


“I don’t know but we will find out.” Jack said as he left.


Now it wasn’t much longer until several other citizens’ corpses were found all throughout the town. The only evidence was a couple spots left from food grease and ketchup. Jack rushed to the end of the town to make sure not another person would meet their grizzly end. As the trail grew thinner, he got a distress call from Mayor Burger King. Jack rushed to city hall and he did it with the protection of Geico insurance, so he was covered during his race against time but sadly not before the urges of hunger took over him. He stopped for a quick burger at McDonalds to give him a little energy boost for his rescue of the Mayor. Now he sat out in his truck in front of city hall which happened to be named after the mayor, Burger King.


As Jack busted inside with the McDonalds’ bag in his hand he raced to find the mayor, only to find him tied up to a chair along with the rest of the town’s council; with the exception of Geico Gecko, who was locked away in an aquarium. Jack searched for the one behind all of this but suddenly he was knocked back on the ground by some force. He pushed himself up to see none other than Ronald McDonald.


“Why Ron? You’ve brought so much laughter for so many years?!” Jack asked in complete and utter surprise.


“Because I am not an Agent of Laughter or Comedy… No… I am an Agent of Chaos!” Ronald McDonald yelled out with a menacing laughter.


“But if you’re not an Agent of Laughter, how come you are laughing right now?” Burger King asked.


“Well mainly because it is supposed to add onto the effect of my villainy.” Ronald McDonald said as he tried to answer the question the best he could.


“And how come you are always smiling? Oh and red and yellow really don’t match with chaos, maybe purple and green would do better… Also Ronald McDonald is not a really good chaotic name, maybe something along the lines of Joker or Killer Clown.” Burger King replied.


“Shut up you big dumb crown wearing…… king.” Ronald McDonald said as he tried to put on a furious face but failed miserably.


“You are a failure at being a villain.” Burger King said as he laughed.


“Oh yeah?!” Ronald McDonald said as he walked up to the mayor.


“Yeah!” Burger King shouted.


“How about now?!” Ronald McDonald said as he poured a pan of hot grease upon the face of Burger King.


Burger King cried out in pain as Ronald McDonald laughed. “And just so you all know, that grease came from my fries.” Ronald said as he looked over at Jack he was trying to do something heroic.


“And to think I ate at your place twice a week!” Jack yelled as he threw the McDonalds’ bag on the ground.


“Is it go time?!” Ronald McDonald yelled.


“Yeah it is go time!” Jack yelled as he took out his gun.


Ronald stopped and looked at Jack for a moment. “How come you didn’t even try to save help the mayor from being burned by my hot grease?”


Jack stopped for a moment and lowered his gun for a second to ponder on the question. Finally, he came up with an answer. “Well to be completely honest with you, I never really like interrupting people when they spoke. I don’t know it is one of those little jack in the boxes

with me.”


“Jack in the boxes?” Ronald asked.


“Yeah… Yeah.. You know it is an old saying.” Jack replied.


“I have honestly never heard it before and it sounds pretty stupid.” Ronald replied.


“I think it sounds pretty cool.” Jack said.


“Really? I just can’t think of why anyone would think it sounds good.” Ronald said.


“CAN’T YOU JUST STOP HIM ALREADY!” Burger King yelled with a horribly scared face.


“He’s right we should finish this.” Jack said as he lifted his gun once again.


“How about we… TAKE THIS TO THE ROOF?!” Ronald yelled as he ran to the roof.


“Damn! I probably should have had some besides a Big Mac, fries, and a super-sized coke.” Jack said as he started chasing after him.


As the two got to the roof, both of them had to take a moment to catch their breath, but finally both of them pointed guns at one another.


“Now what?” Ronald asked


“I honestly do not know, I’ve never done this before.” Jack replied.


“Me neither…. Well granted I did take a couple of the citizens of Maskotville but that’s really not the point. I’ve never been in an actual gunfight before.” Ronald said.


“Yeah so I guess we just run for cover and shoot at each other until one of us gets shot.” Jack said.




“Agreed… TIMES STARTS NOW!” Jack yelled quickly as he ran for cover.


Both men now under the cover of whatever is on top of City Hall or Burger King as some know it, are in an all-out fight to the death. Who will win and who will die?


I guess during this part of this story, you will choose the fate of the survivor so I guess have fun choosing.

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And here comes ThePhenomenalOne to break the combo Boratz had going.






January Challenge!




“I’m sorry to do this to you old friend. I wish it didn’t come to this.” The man says


“You have nothing to be sorry about yet, friend. This is how it is going down then I’m fine with that. Don’t think for one minute that we’re not going to bring it.” The other man says


“Well, it has to come to this, because if we fought, you know you guys wouldn’t stand a chance. Even with you leading them, Cap.” The man behind the cowl smirks as he talks


“Now wait just a minute! We’re both good guys and both agreed that we can’t risk having a member down at this time!” Captain America says firmly.


“Yeah, we didn’t want to have to come to your universe and pick up your slack after we put you in the hospital! Now, 3 on 3, bring your best there Cap.” Batman says as he turns to walk away


“Don’t worry, we will,” the man pauses before finishing his statement “Bruce!”


“What in the hell did you just say?” Batman says with fire in his eyes


“Just be there on time.” Cap says confidently strolling away


2 weeks later, the teams meet up at an underground club. Both teams are standing on opposite ends of the stage, staring each other down. A tall man walks in between both teams on the stage with a microphone in his hand. He nods at each team before he speaks.


“How is everyone feeling tonight?” The man says as he points the mic to the crowd as they all scream at the top of their lungs


“It’s me, ThePhenomenalOne, and we have an absolute crazy battle going on tonight. To my left, we have 5 members of Earth’s mightiest heroes, Hulk, Ms. Marvel, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America!” The crowd goes wild as the team is introduced. “Standing to my right, we have 5 members of the elite, Justice League, Superman, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, The Flash, and Batman!! Alright, yall know the rules. Each member gets up to 30 seconds in this throw down of lyrics. Each team will alternate every 30 seconds. We will then go by the crowd to determine the winner. Captain America won the toss and has decided for the Justice League to go first. So who’s going first for your team guys?”


“The fastest man alive will make this the fastest battle ever!” The Flash says as he grabs the mic


“Ok! Let’s get this started! DJ, spin it!”


“So I’m looking at Earth’s mightiest heroes/ hell, the only thing I see are a bunch of zeroes/so you got a green guy, a tin can, a douche with a shield and 2 blondes with big tits/in other words, you ain’t shit/but you smell like it/just like hulk’s armpits/yall need to quit/and change course/I could beat all of yall without using the speed force/in other words im too fast/run circles around all of yall and smack ms marvel’s fat ass/I'm something that you can't grasp/cuz me and double M will go intangible/pimp slap you in the mandible/dismantle the candle/cut off your head and place it on my mantle/coming at you like Hannibal/Lector, yall need to quit cause Green Lantern has this sector/Ms Marvel's pasty ass needs to get tanner/now go run along before I slap you and turn you back into Bruce Banner!!


"Ohh! That was pretty impressive! Hulk, let's see what ya got. DJ, spin it!"



Hulk smash/hulk grab/hulk flatten tiny Flash’s ass/because Hulk strongest ever!/you ever beating hulk? Never/You guys are out there for justice? You're not even in our league/Hulk doesn't need super speed to grab you and smash you with my knee/and why are you guys wearing your underwear outside of your pants?/If boy scout looks at me again, I'll smash him from here to France/come on Supes, lets dance/Hulk smash all of yall, make you cry, go grab a hanky/I'm warning you, you won't like me I'm angry/you guys are nothing but doo doo, Mr. Hanky/Flash, you look like little rascal, I'm gonna call you Spanky/They ask, hey Hulk, why are you so jolly?/cause I'm a green giant and I just beat the shit out of Wally!


"Wow! Who would've thought that Hulk had such a vocabulary?! Alright, Martian Manhunter, you're up."


"Bitches scream Double M when I walk through the door/snacking on some oreos after smacking up Thor/throw him face down the floor/Ms Marvel? Huge whore/what's the score?/Who cares cause we're winning and not trying/you better cover your ears before i make you start crying/you're on the ground and I'm flying/tell Ms Marvel I'll call her morning, ha I'm lying/after I conquer this rhyme, I'll conquer Asgard/Thor's dumber than a hick who loves NASCAR/I'll do you worse than that lion did Mufasa, call me Scar/we're shooting eagles/yall can't even make par/I'm done with this dumb blonde broad with a bad boob job/I'm keep getting hit after hit, Ty Cobb/It's a shame I have to do this, but I'm gonna teach ya/ (TELEPATHETICALLY) I don't even have to open my mouth to beat ya/ now get the hell off my stage, see yaaaa!!"


"Sniggity snap! Dude just rapped inside my head! Alright Thor, you're up"


"Hath thee have no skill in rhyming?/Too bad you didn't get wiped out with the rest of race, bad timing/I'll finish you off though, don't mind me/don't worry, you can't find me/Cause I'll be throwing parties and pimpin like a prince/they'll ask what happened to you after this/I'll say he hasn't been right since/you're using telepathy but I got in your head/cuddled up in a little ball after the shit I said/now all he does is shit and wet his bed/twitching and shouting random things like a sped/someone needs to put a helmet on that head/poor guy, got him rattled to the bones/now he has to wear a sticker that says Hi, I'm John Jones/I'm too retarded to be left alone/I take a short bus that takes me to my home!/Now where's Wonder Woman at, you need to get on your knees/I'll then pull down my pants and scream at you, HAVE AT THEE!"


"Thor called him retarded! Ok, Superman, you're up!"


"Look, up in the air, it's a bird? It's a plane? Nah bitch it's Superman!/ Coming through with my Superfrands/ grabbing Ms Marvel's jugs with my superhands/yall are stupid man/Hulk, you wanna meet in France? Then I say oui, oui/though that radiation must not have grown your pee pee/Who told me? That's right, Bet-ty/here Hulk, I'll make you a deal/shoot youself in the face and i'll stop giving Betty my "Man of Steel"/then shove a banana up your ass and puke up the peel/just like weezy, I'm eell(ill), and not sick/take your pick/Betty treats me like a tootsie pop and asks, how many licks/I'm done clowning on the Hulk, it's just too easy/get excited when you follow my trail, Reese's pieces/if Ms Marvel was a dwarf, she'd be sleazy/Cap you're greasy/now get your old ass off this stage and collect Social Security!!"


"Superman going crazy on the mic! Cap, you're up."


"Superman, I didn't even begin and you're starting to pout/Well that's what happens when you put Captain America against a stupid boy scout/everyone in here needs to get loud!/ Cause we're rocking this all night/It won't even be a fight after I salp you in the face with some kryptonite/then I'll go pick up Lois, I just might/I don't know though, a ho just ain't my type/get your dumbass back to Krypton/you don't wanna see what happens to Lois with her pants gone/after we're finished, she'll scream damn I think my hips gone!/Supes never does it like that/ he doesn't last long/and I hate it when he asks me to put on a strap on/Damn Supes, I didn't know you went that way/but alls well that ends ok/so I'll end this shit with a *vulgarity* you, and have a nice day!"


"Captain America goes Old School on Superman! Well, that's it! The captain's picked their best three and now it's up to you, the audience, on who won! So don't just sit there, tell us who won?! I'll be back when the results come. Until then, be like me, be phenomenal!"


Ok, I hope you guys enjoy this!! I lost all the saved stuff that I had for the match and had to redo everything!

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And here is Nova Force Nova winning the February 2013 challenge with Princess Azula and Katara fighting over Aang's heart.




The war had ended nearly a month ago. Between the Avatar and the new Firelord, the armies had withdrawn back to their own nations. A hundred years of fighting had indeed "left the world scarred and divided." The Avatar made a promise to heal what he could and set the world on a new path of love and peace. He has done remarkably well in that regard but the world wasn't the only thing that has been damaged, scarred, broken or shattered by the 100 year war.




Firelord Zuko stifles a yawn as he glances over all the paperwork on his desk. Reaching for his fourth cup of tea, he shakes his head. "I knew ruling a nation wasn't easy but I never imagined all this." he says to the shadowy corner where he knew his girlfriend was sitting. Mai stands up and walks over to him, her hands rubbing his shoulders. "You should take it easy. That's your fourth cup. You're going to drive yourself insane staying up all the time...not that I would be adverse to entertaining myself by watching that." She adds slyly.


He smirks at that. "I could always dump you again, spice things up." He bites back. He looks down again. "Listen...something's been on the back of my mind for a few weeks now."


"What is it?" She asks, sitting down across from him.


"It concerns Azula." He replies. To say that statement had a clear reaction was an understatement. Indeed, the tension in the air is palpable. Mai, even with all her skill at controlling emotions, can't stop the split second look of shock, anger and curiosity from showing in her face and eyes. "What about her?" She asks, the last word dripping with venom.


Zuko sighs. "I was thinking...that she deserves a second chance." Predictably, his wife explodes in response. "WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE? SHE NEARLY KILLED YOU, LOCKED ME AND TY LEE IN THE DEEPEST, DARKEST HOLE SHE COULD FIND AND SHE RELISHED IN DESTRUCTION."


Zuko runs a hand through his hair. "Now humor me for a moment. I know she did all those things...but keep in mind who the person who shaped her as an individual was. He made her do what he wanted, molded her to be what he needed, used her like any good tool and then discarded when her usefulness has come to an end. I wasn't much different from her, you must realize that. And I got both my mother and my uncle, both people who truly cared for me. She...she never had a chance to be anything else than what Ozai wanted. Our father has scarred us both...it's just, no one noticed it because only one of us has a scar that can be seen. The struggles of the silent go unseen in the dark. Now that he's no longer in charge, she can finally have the chance to be who she wants to be. I'll let you in on a little secret my uncle revealed to me months ago. I was so conflicted about what I had done in Ba Sing Se because the two bloodlines present in me were on opposite sides in the very beginning of the war. Sozin, my father's grandfather, who started the war when the Avatar died and wiped out the Air Nomads in an attempt to kill the next one...and Roku, my mother's grandfather, the Avatar left behind by his best friend to die. Both of them live on within me...and in one other person. Azula. She deserves a second chance."


Mai gives a quick side glance before returning her gaze to Zuko's golden eyes. "I think you're being naive and idealistic...but that is why I fell in love with you. I'll stand behind whatever you decide. Just one thing...how do you propose to give her a second chance?"


Zuko responds with a tight smile. "I know just the guy to help my sister on her path to finding herself. If he can't do it...no one can."




Aang has been a busy little Avatar. Gliding in and out of towns daily, settling problems in the colonies, attempting to get their plans for Republic City together so the four nations can truly live in harmony...and yet none of that compared to the difficulty of what Firelord Zuko has asked of him recently.


By Agni...how am I supposed to do this? To try and help Azula get better...is it even possible? He wonders to himself. Resting his chin on the palm of his hand, he sighs. I am supposed to restore balance to the world...and everyone in it. And it isn't like I have got anything better to do...I pretty much stabilized this region...and since Katara and I put things on hold until the world is in a stable state...I should reach out to the former Princess.


He frowns. "I just hope I'm not making a big mistake." He says before gliding off in the direction of the Fire Nation.




Zuko stands outside the asylum where his sister, the deposed Princess Azula, now resides. "Aang should be here by now." Zuko remarks. The heart of the Fire Nation isn't that far from the colonies...perhaps he was diverted? Zuko thinks, seriously considering sending another messenger hawk to Aang...at least before a familiar sight comes into view on the horizon. "Finally." Zuko smirks.


As the Avatar flew through the air currents, the wind pushing against his robes and cooling him down, the asylum slowly came closer and closer. Pulling in for a landing, Aang leaps down onto the ground, folding his glider back into his staff and coming to a stop before Zuko. "Hello Sifu Hotman." Aang says in greeting.


Zuko facepalms. "I thought I told you not to call me that."


Aang chuckles. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Especially given what you ask me to do."


Zuko nods. "I understand. It's a daunting task...but you are a smart kid, have the wisdom of hundreds of people and most importantly, lots of patience and kindness. If you can't do this, no one else can..." Zuko admits. "...and I am forced to resign my sister to this place." He adds bitterly. "Don't worry, I'm prepared to do so."


Aang solemnly nods, before embracing his friend in a quick hug. "I better get going, huh?"


"Yeah." Zuko responds. "Good luck." He says as he walks back to the Palace, his administrative duties calling.


"Thanks." The Avatar says to the departing Firelord. "I have a feeling I'm going to need it." Aang states as he walks into the asylum.




It didn't take long for his presence to be noted by the staff. Indeed, almost as soon as he walked in, no less than four attendants waved to him. "Avatar Aang, the Firelord told us you were coming. For Azula, right?" One of them asks.


Aang nods. "That is correct."


"Alright then...second door down the hall on the left side. She is in there...a warning, she can be a bit...temperamental. We'll be outside just in case."


Temperamental? You don't say? Aang thinks. Between that and his history with Azula, that doesn't exactly inspire him. Nevertheless, he steps down the hall before knocking on the right door.


10 seconds pass. 20. 30. Still no response. Deciding to press his luck, Aang opens the door, moving to step in whilst fully expecting a wave of azure fire to come over him.


He is pleasantly surprised when it doesn't. Sparing a glance at the former Princess, he can see why. She's lying on a disheveled bed, with equally disheveled hair and bags under her eyes. "Azula?" he calls out.


The bed shifts, her golden eyes focusing on him. "What do you want, Avatar? Come to gloat?" she asks, her tone dripping with venom.


"No. I just came to help you." He earnestly replies.


"Help me? The individual who for all intents and purposes, killed you? However brief it was...forgive me for not believing your lies." Azula retorts.


"I'm not lying to you Azula, I want to help give you a second chance. To be someone other than your father's tool. To be yourself." Aang responds.


She scrutinizes him for a moment. It might has well have been an eternity. "Why?" She finally asks.


"Everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what their crimes." He remarks.


"Hmph. You're a naive, idealistic fool, Avatar. You're wasting your time. Go away." She demands.


"Azula--" He starts...she doesn't let him finish.


"I SAID GO AWAY! GO BACK TO YOUR PEASANT FRIENDS! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yells, throwing a pillow at him.




Aang lowers his head and moves to exit the room. "I will be back Azula. I won't let your soul fall any further into the abyss...not when I can save it."


"I don't need your pity or your false sympathy." She bites back as Aang closes the door.


Once outside, he exhaled. "That...could have gone better. It could have gone worse too...I guess that's something. I won't let you down Zuko...or you Azula."


Azula hears every word, despite her best efforts not to. Her first thought was to call the Avatar a fool again...and yet deep down, she knew she yearns to hear those words. She shakes her head and tries to sleep, to get away from this revelation and the persistent hallucinations of her mother, Ursa.


It didn't work.


"Daughter?" a voice rang out, soft and melodious.


Azula has, since the end of the war, accepted these hallucinations as her conscience(what was left of it) given form. Her cross to bear. "What do you want now Mother?"


"Don't you think you should give him a chance?"


"Why should I mother? It's like I told you all that time ago. Trust is for fools."


"Is that what you believe...or what your father believes?"


Azula knew what she was hinting at but was reluctant to believe that truth. "I am what he made me, mother. No one can change that."


"You're wrong about that. The person who can change you just left. I know he can help you...if you let him."




Azula closes her eyes and holds her hands over her ears, praying the hallucination would go away if no attention was given to it. Soon enough her efforts led to actual sleep and Azula drifts off to her dreams, one of the places where she didn't have to be herself.




It had been a few days since his visit to the asylum. Aang had been busy lately, assisting the Firelord with peacekeeping and such. As he lands outside, he was glad to get away from it all. He didn't like all the fame, all the crowds. He'd much rather be by himself, humble as he is.


As he made his way inside, he saw no staff at the reception desk. With a shrug, he headed down to Azula's room and knocked before entering. It was empty. Quickly, a bolt of pure terror ran down his spine. Does this mean she escap--


"Ah, Avatar Aang, good to see you." A doctor says as he rounds the corner. "Are you looking for Azula? I didn't receive word of any visits planned today."


"Yeah, it was kind of impulsive. Do you know where she is?" Aang asks.


"Yes, she's out in the park area, under discreet supervision." the doctor answers.


"Thank you." Aang replies before heading that way.


"No problem, just be careful." The doctor notes before heading down the hall.


"No need to tell me twice." Aang remarks.




As he enters the park, he glances left and right before scanning the area for Azula. He spots her sitting against a tree on the far side, partially covered by the shade it provides. He starts walking that way and she seems to not notice. As he nears the princess, his sight of her increases in clarity. What he sees stops him in his tracks. He never thought he would see this...the mighty, cold, calculating, intelligent, cunning, powerful princess, all those layers and defenses have fallen, leaving only what he sees before him. A young teenager, sobbing underneath the tree and the obscurity it provides. Rooted to the spot, Aang quickly thinks about what to do...and makes a decision. Being as light and quiet as he can possibly be, he makes his way to the opposite side of the tree, so Azula doesn't see him. He stands there for a moment, before trying his luck and attempting to see the princess. Stepping to the side, he can see her but she doesn't see him, too lost in her own thoughts. As he steps closer, his foot steps onto a fallen twig. CRACK! Oh Agni, Aang thinks as he ducks back behind the tree.


That moment seems to have slowed down time. The sobs stop, her eyes narrow and she glances where the sound came from. "WHO'S THERE?" she shouts and demands.


A moment passes. Two.


Aang slowly steps out from behind the tree, hands raised. Her eyes get even narrower, her face contorting with rage. She leaps up and steps back a fair amount to put some more distance between them.


Aang only watches as she does so, curious at the action...until he sees a familiar sight. An azure wave of flame, beautiful and deadly. Just like the Princess who conjured it.




As it heads his way, his mind races through dozens of options to blow it aside...he settles on trying something else. Something unpredictable. Something that can show her he can be trusted. This may be the bravest thing I've ever done...or the stupidest. Maybe both. He thinks.


He lets the flame burn him. Her shocked face speaks volumes.


As he burns, he uses his power to cool the flame, before dispersing it. He leaves the burn marks alone as he leans against the tree. As he moves to sit down, he gestures to the princess to join him. As she regains her composure, she stops gaping in shock. "Why...why did you let the flame hit you?" she asks.


"I wanted to prove something to you." Aang answers.


"What did you want to prove, Avatar?" Azula asks.


"I wanted to convince you that I'm going to be here for you." Aang reveals.




"Because...when I saw you crying, I realized something. Look, I know we may have been enemies before...but that doesn't mean we have to hate each other. That's a choice we make ourselves. And when I saw you crying, I didn't see the arrogant and mighty princess. I saw a broken beautiful teenager letting herself feel for once. I realized that I couldn't hate you. You and your brother, you both had your scars. But everyone focused on your brother's...and they never noticed yours. You can pretend to be the hateful, malicious princess but I have seen the true you. A heart of stone, of malice can not shed tears like you did. I let the flames hit me because I wanted to prove to you that I am willing to brave anything to help you. I know you push people away, as you see being close to someone as a sign of weakness. Trust me, it's the opposite. It strengthens you. Two heads are better than one. If it takes being burned to get to know the real you, then that is what I will do."


Azula stands there speechless, unsure of what to say. Aang pats the grass near him and she reluctantly moves there and sits down, a strange feeling coming over her. It felt good.


"You've been the brother of Zuko, the daughter of Ozai. I think it is time for you to be yourself. You have been repressed by your father but I know you have it within you to step out of his shadow. You can be so much more." Aang says.


Azula sighs and shakes her head. "I'm not sure if I want to be."


Aang nods. "Let's find out together." he remarks.


God, he's so corny, so sappy, so naive...and yet, his words resonate within me. I shudder to think the child Avatar may be onto something. Azula thinks, as she gives a slight smirk.


Aang watches the princess, sees the edge of her mouth tilt upwards in a smirk.


He smiles in return. Progress! Success!




"Are you going to get those burns healed by that peasant waterbender?" Azula asks.


He frowns. Still have a long ways to go. "No." he responds.


"Why not?" she retorts.


"I want them to serve as a physical reminder. Everytime you see me you will realize that I took the worst thing you could do to me and I did it all for you. You deserve your second chance. I'm going to help you get it."


Once again she is speechless. Words can't describe the emotions running though her at that moment. Her old self would have called it weak. She no longer wants to be her old self.


"Azula!" a doctor's voice calls for her.


The pair stand up slowly. Azula, still confused and somewhat dazed by vertigo wobbles and nearly falls...Aang catches her at the last second, helping her up. "You okay?" he asks. She doesn't know what to say back, so she does something else. Aang didn't see that coming but is pleasantly surprised it did. As Aang pats her on the back, she releases her hug. Actions do speak louder than words.


Yet...she has taken one of the things he said to heart. "Thank you Avat...Aang. For everything." she says as she walks away. Good things come in pairs.




"Anytime, Azula."




Another week passed. More missions, more errands. The life of an Avatar was busy to say the least. Yet it all passed by like a blur to Aang. He was focusing on one thing, Azula. He didn't understand why she was on his mind all the time. Yeah helping her is important but to be thinking about her all the time...it was driving him crazy. He didn't think it was love, at least not in the romantic sense. He loved Katara...yet they had grown a bit distant since the end of the war. Okay, fairly distant but that was not intentional...he hoped these sessions with Azula were just that. He didn't want to help her find her way only to break her heart.


This could be problematic. He thinks as he lands outside the aslyum again.





As he enters the building, the staff nod to him. He returns the nod, already heading for Azula's room. He knocks. "Come in Aang."


He does so. "Good morning Azula."


"Indeed it is. Having all the peasants around, cluttering up the place, that is so good."


"Well, better enjoy these good times, as they may be over soon." Aang reveals.


"Really? Amusing...well um, listen Aang. I wanted to um..." She trails off.


"Wanted to what?" Aang inquires.


She turns her gaze to the ground. "Apologize. For...for burning you. I made my father proud by doing that. I also disappointed myself by doing it. All I wanted was someone to truly love me for me. I liked to pretend my father did but everytime I looked at my mother and brother together, I knew it wasn't love between us. Not truly. I just felt hollow inside...Zuko got Mother's attention always and I was jealous. That pushed me to my father even more and I lost myself. I become a tool, to be used and discarded. Everyone gave up on me, understandably of course. When I tried to kill my own brother, one of two people in this world who genuinely care about me, I just snapped. It was a long time coming but that was the breaking point. Then you came in and endured searing hot flame just to prove that you cared. It was hard coming to terms with that fact but my old self would have found it impossible. I don't want to have to have all these layers to protect me, to keep others away. I want to know, have to know what it is to be safe. To be secure. To be loved. You are the only person who makes me feel like I can live forever, with you...my love."


"That sounds a lot like something Toph asked of me once."


"What did Toph ask?"


"We had just learned that my friend and mentor, Monk Gyatso had been close friends with my predecessor Avatar Roku, your grandfather. Roku told me about it and explained that is why we were so close. We were silent for a while, before she asked me: "Do you really think friendships can transcend lifetimes?"


"How did you answer?" Azula asks, curious.


Aang smiles. "I don't see why not." he repeats from memory.


She sheds a tear at that, the emotions nearly overwhelming her before she remembers her dignity. "That means more to me than you can ever know." she states as she looks to the sky.


As the words fade away, Azula quickly steps forward. Wrapping her arms around Aang, she leans in to kiss him. Aang nearly jumped in surprise at first but as the kiss deepens, he returns the kiss in earnest. It feels like a lifetime passes by before Aang remembers what's happening. The reality sinks in. AGNI! I'm kissing Azula! AZULA! As his mind races with that fact, he breaks off the kiss. "I'm sorry Azula..." He begins, his face red. "I have to go, Zuko has a meeting planned soon and I need to be there."


Her face drops. "Oh. So it isn't enough that Zuko gets my mother, he gets you too? Figures."


"What? No no no, Azula it is nothing like that. The meeting concerns you."


"Oh really? Concerning my imminent release no doubt." she replies sarcastically.


"Actually, it does. Zuko was incredulous when I told him about all the progress I had made. So fast. It sounded too good to be true...he thinks you're faking it to get out of here. Maybe I'm making a mistake here but I don't believe that at all. You acknowledged yourself as a good liar and I admit that you are, but I feel you're more sincere than he thinks you are."




"Yes. His mantra was 'Azula always lies' for a reason." Aang remarks.


"Funny. I tried so hard to be perfection made form and look what that got me. Father disowned me. Mother left me. Brother confined me to this hole. Uncle never cared. What kind of person I was...that no one wanted me. My family doesn't even want me." Azula admits.


He lays a hand on her shoulder. "Your brother does. He wanted me to do this and you know it. Now is your chance to repent. If it is what you want. I leave it to you. Now I must go talk to Zuko. I'll be back." Aang says as he departs.


Azula nods, before going back to lie down on the bed. "I'll be waiting." she whispers. Oh, how much she has changed so fast...all thanks to the catalyst, the Avatar.


She recalls the last time she had felt like this, the last time she had been truly at peace and happy. It had been a few years she realizes as she loses herself in her flashback.


Punch. Kick. Flourish. Jump. Azula was going through the motions, attempting to learn a kata that should have been out of her reach for another 5 years. She was indeed a prodigy.


She fell over on the fourth move of the set. She was not perfect however. Father would be displeased. As the pale blue flame faded from existence, she felt a pair of hands grab her from behind.


Turning around swiftly, she found her cousin. "Lu Ten!" she exclaims.


"Evening Azula. Isn't it past your bed time?"


"Please don't tell mommy or daddy!" she pleads. "I only wanted to practice my bending."


Lu Ten nods. "Only if you promise to go to bed."


"I will." She says, smiling in appreciation.


"Good." he replies before scooping her up in his arms and tickling her.


"Ahahahahahahaha!" she lets out. "Lu Ten...please stop...Please!" She says in between fits of gleeful laughter.


"Alright Azula." He remarks as he carries her to her room. She was content resting in her cousin's arms. He loved her for her and nothing else, unlike her father. Lifting her gaze to the clear night sky, a question popped into her mind.


"Lu Ten, can I ask you a question?"


"You already did but go ahead."


She hesitates for a moment before quietly asking "What are stars made out of?"


"Big balls of fire, millions of miles away."


"They're made of fire? So I can bend them?" She wonders, excitement filling her.


He chuckles. "If you ever get close enough, maybe you can."


She smiles before closing her eyes and drifting away into her dreams. She dreams that one day, she would bend the stars.



As Aang enters the office of the Firelord he is surprised to see all the faces he sees. Zuko sitting at his desk, Mai right beside him sitting on the desk, Sokka on a couch nearby snacking on fireflakes, Toph leaning against the wall in her usual manner, Suki and Ty Lee flanking Zuko on either side as his bodyguards, Iroh standing behind Zuko's shoulder and Katara running his way. She jumped into his arms. "AANG! It's been so long." she states. "Yeah." he replies meekly. How do I tell her? Can I tell her? What haunts him the most is that he doesn't know the answer. She tilts her head, puzzled, before letting go.


"Well finally! The whole gang is here!" Sokka exclaims with his mouth full, spreading fireflakes everywhere.


"Sokka, please don't make a mess." Zuko asks as he facepalms.


"Nice job Sokka." Toph snickers. "So Aang, how's rehab with Princess Psycho?"


"She's not crazy...just confused." Aang reveals. "I've made a lot of progress with her. I can understand how it might seem fake or forced, given the speed of her change but I believe her to be completely sincere."


"Are you sure she's not playing you? She has fooled a lot of people." Katara wonders.


"No. I really don't that is the case. Like I said, she's just lost. Look at Zuko. He was scarred by his father, he was as lost as they come. She is scarred as well, she should have the same chance he had. They share blood, she has the same conflicts he does. It's just, she never had a good support. All she had was Ozai. Plus, I've seen her hopes, her dreams, her fears, her ambitions...everything. It's hard not to get close, to not trust someone when they pour out their soul and reveal the very best and worst of themselves." Aang remarks with all his Air Nomad monk wisdom.


Zuko asks the question on everyone's mind. "So...you believe her ready to come out?"


The answer comes without hesitation. "Yes." Aang says.


Zuko folds his hands and nods. "Very well, I'll notify the staff to let her out with basic provisions."


Katara crosses her arms. "You're going to bring her here?"


Zuko shakes his head. "No. I leave it to her to decide what she wants."


"Why?" Sokka asks.


"This was always about choice. Her choice. This whole thing, Aang's rehab of sorts, it would never have worked if Azula herself didn't want a second chance. So, I'm giving her a second chance, she can do what she wants with it." Zuko answers.


Katara's eyes narrow. "And if she makes the wrong choice?"


"Then everything she does is on us." Aang and Zuko admit at the same time.




Azula gazes across the blue sky, ganders at the green trees, glances at the various towns dotting the landscape. Taking in all those sights is amazing, after more than a month of staring at nothing but a 5 by 7 foot gray desolate room. She closes her eyes after appreciating the view. "It feels like ages since I've just stared at the horizon." she murmurs. Thank you Aang...and Zuko, her idiot brother who didn't want to give up on her so easily.


It was ironic though. She was finally free...and yet she felt more trapped than ever. She didn't know what to do. A whole world of possibilities was out there. Hours passed by as she simply stood there, unsure of what she wanted. Finally she decided to head to the Fire Nation Palace to meet with Zuko. She owed him that much.




It had been a long trek, mostly uneventful, except for one detail. The various towns she had passed, their townspeople had cowed in fear at the sight of her. Apparently they had heard of her cruelty and madness. There was a time such acts would have pleased her. That time was long gone. It had fueled her arrogance, her belief in her own superiority and in the end, that destroyed her. She didn't know what to feel about it now so she just tredged onwards.


As she arrived at the palace, her brother Zuko met her at the front of the Palace. "Azula, I'm glad you made it!"


"Zuko." She replies evenly. "You thought I couldn't handle it?" She snarks before bowing to the Fire Lord as is customary.


"Come now Azula, you don't have to bow to me. I view you as an equal and my sister. And I knew you could make it, I just wanted to say I'm glad to see you, that's all." Zuko remarks before moving closer for a tight bear hug.


Azula does nothing for a second or two, before returning the embrace, albeit with less enthusiasm. "Thank you...Zu-zu."


She smiles when he grimaces at the sound of that accursed nickname. "So, how did you know I was coming?" she asks.


"Are you kidding? The villages you traveled through were beside themselves with stories and gossip about it."


"I suppose they were."


"I'll admit I was surprised. I didn't figure you'd come here."


"Where do you think I would go?"


"To find Aang."


"I'm not like you Zu-Zu, chasing after the Avatar all over the world."


"That's a low blow."


"I came here as I believed this was the best place to await the Avatar's return. I'm hated by the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes. The only solace I could find is here, with your good graces."


"That's it? No ulterior motives?"


She mockingly feigns shock. "What, don't you trust me?"


"I know you too well." He snickers.


"Now who is it who delivers the low blow?"


They both stare at each other for a moment, tension building...before both start laughing. "I'll admit, I missed bantering with you." Zuko admits. 'However I must tell you the Avatar is not here yet. A number of his friends are though. Play nice." Zuko states before walking towards his quarters.


"I'll do my best, Zu-zu."




The water peasant is the first one she runs into.


"Princess." the waterbender says, looking for an excuse to quit being civil.




She finds it.




"I have a name you know?"


"I'm sorry, did you call me by my name, peasant?"


Katara's eyes narrow. "That's different."




"I'm not the crazy girl who nearly killed the last chance for the world, who nearly killed her own sibling."


"I did what I had to. I had no choice."


"Really, princess?"


"You have seen what our father did to my brother's face. Do you think I would be any different?"


"I don't see any scars on your face."


"Zuko and I are the same...and yet different. He carries a physical scar, nothing can change that. I carried mental scars...and the damage those caused can be fixed. Have been fixed."


"By Aang?"




Katara laughs. "I told this to your brother once, I will tell it to you, simply because Aang believes in you. Take one step backward, give me one reason to believe you might hurt Aang and I will end you. Permanently." She coldly states before walking away.




Sokka and Toph are next.


"So, Princess Psycho at last." Toph greets, blunt as always.


"Excuse me?" Azula asks.


Sokka snickers. "Ignore her, she hasn't had her daily medication. She's kind of grumpy."


Toph playfully punches him in the arm. "Hey that hurt."


"Who's laughing now Sokka? I thought you said you were tough."


Sokka ignores her. "So, Azula...I take from that shouting match I heard earlier that you met my sister."


"Yes, the peasant was--"


Sokka held up a hand. "First of all, her name is Katara, I'm Sokka and this is Toph. I'd appreciate it if you used our names."


Azula starts to fume, perturbed by the arrogance of the water peasant, before she exhales and lets it go.




"Very well. Only because Zu-Zu asked."


"Now I--" Sokka starts before Toph interrupts, feeling something with her trusty feet. "Hey morons, Aang's here!"


"Oh great, more oogies between my sister and the avatar." Sokka murmurs as he and Toph exit the room, leaving Azula alone with her thoughts.




Aang has barely touched down on the outskirts of the palace before he is bum rushed by his GAang as Sokka so eloquently put it. Katara catches him in a hug so tight that when it ends he has to struggle to regain his breath.


"Nice to see you too Katara." He says between breaths.


"How was the mission?" she wonders.


"Not good. The Yu Dao issue is...full of tension. Zuko won't be pleased." Aang answers.


"Indeed he isn't." The Fire Lord cuts in. "However he is willing to overlook it because someone more important to me than the colony debacle has arrived."




Zuko nods.


"How is she?"


"Princess Psycho is okay I guess Aang. She hasn't burned down the palace at least." Toph jokes.


"This is no laughing matter Toph. And please stop with the nicknames." Aang demands.


"Ok fine sheesh, don't get your robes in a bunch. Go ask her if you need to." Toph retorts, pointing a thumb behind her to a shadowed pillar Azula was hiding behind.


Dammit Earthbender Azula thinks before stepping out from behind the pillar, hoping to meet Aang alone.


"Hi Azula." Aang eagerly greets.


"Hello Aang." Azula returns. "Um...can we have a moment alone?"




"Why? So you can kill him?" Katara accuses.


"Katara, take it easy. I can take care of myself." Aang remarks. "Alright Azula, lead the way."


The pair depart, heading for a quiet room.




"I want to tell you something Aang." Azula says as the Avatar closes the door behind him.


"Fair enough. Go ahead." he replies.


"I just want you to know that you're important to me, more than you can ever know. I stood there and heard and watched as the waterbender..." Azula starts before remembering her promise "...Katara, showed her affection for you through her actions. What you and her share...that's what I want."


It was at that moment Katara burst in, no longer content to eavesdrop at the door. "You what?!" she angrily asks.




"So it isn't enough for you to try to murder him, now you want to take him from me another way?" Katara seethes.


"It...it isn't like that..." Azula tries to explain.


"Then what is it like?" Katara demands to know.


"Do you know what it is like, to grow up like I did? To have your domineering father make himself the only one that can shape your worldview. To see your mother leave you, watch your brother be scarred and banished, look as your fuddy duddy uncle departs and to be forced to pretend that you don't care about any of it, lest my father do the same to me? My mother loved Zuko, my Uncle loved Zuko. I thought I had my father's love but it wasn't love. Not really. Not that I care anymore. I just want to know what real love is. Is that too much to ask?"


"You aren't the only one with a difficult childhood. You just have to deal." Katara retorts.


"I agree. This is how I do it." Azula tells them both.


"Well, it appears we are at the crossroads of destiny yet again. I sense neither will budge on this issue, princess."


"Indeed. I need him more than anything, anyone. He's proven he's willing to enter the fire to help me. No one else has."


"Well Aang...it seems you must choose, it will only get more intense, more awkward if you don't."


Aang stands there, speechless. He couldn't believe this was happening. He never imagined this would happen...two teenage girls asking for the same thing of him, love. One as cool and soothing as water, the other as brash and passionate as fire. It was like the world had ended, he was so confused. He didn't know what to do.


He ran his hands down his face, pacing back and forth. "Just, just give me some time to think." He says as his eyes glance back and forth between Katara's pure blue eyes and Azula's shiny gold ones. "I don't know, I don't know!" He really didn't. Katara and him had been through so much through the war, had gotten so close over all their adventures...and yet had drifted slowly apart since the war's end. Azula had shown him everything she is, a troubled soul just begging for love and help...even the Avatar, with all his wisdom, didn't know.


Azula closes her eyes and frowns, steeling herself for what she feels she has to do given his admission. Her tears fall unabated and in the eyes of others, intentionally, unlike that day in the park. She starts to move, an intricate set of motions.




Their elegance belied their deadliness. As she starts to glow with the energy, she aims her fingers at the Avatar, even if it breaks her in more ways than one to do. She lets the lightning go.


Aang was caught almost completely unaware. He moves to get into position to redirect it. He semi does, allowing the majority of the lightning to fly into the sky. The remainder however, stays within. The Avatar falls to the ground, in a semi-seizure, spasming as the lightning courses through his body whilst it goes into shock.


Azula continues to cry. "This...this isn't how I wanted it Aang. I may have enjoyed this once but now it is just torture to me."


Katara finally got over her shock. "I knew you hadn't changed!" Katara screams.


"Oh I have." Azula admits. "Don't misunderstand me, I'm not doing this out of hate. I'm doing it out of love!"






"You, you would really go that far?"


"I have no choice. My father ruined my first chance, you ruined my second Katara. And this, I can't accept."


"We always have a choice Azula."


"That's easy for you to say. Your past was nothing like mine."


"Trust me Azula, our past doesn't have to define who we are. We can be so much more."


Azula grimaces, not wanting to accept the bitter truth. "Even if I believed you, it is too late. The damage is done." She gestures to Aang.


"I can heal him."


"I no longer believe that. The physical injury, yes. The broken bond, the broken trust. Those things are not easily healed."


"Aang has it in him to--"


"Don't patronize me, I KNOW WHAT HE IS CAPABLE OF. You and your friends aren't as capable or forgiving."


"You don't know that."


"I know that you defeated me last time. I WILL NOT LET A COMMON PEASANT SUCH AS YOU BEAT ROYALTY AGAIN. You have no idea how losing everything to a common piece of trash like you is. I'm of royal blood, through and through. By Agni, I have the blood of an Avatar within me. WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL YOU WATER TRIBE PEASANT? I'm going to tear you apart to find out if I have to!" Azula says, her anger overwhelming her.


"Azula, it isn't something found within your physical body. It's your personality that makes you special. What makes anyone special."


"Spoken like a true peasant. Let's finish this."




"ENOUGH WORDS. This can only end one way. Your death...or mine."


"I'm sorry Azula." Katara says, meaning it truly.


"No need to apologize. I made my choice." Azula remarks.


"In a perfect world, you shouldn't have had to."


"I longed for perfection once. I don't want it anymore. Bring your best or I will end you. Permanently. Isn't that what you said? Let's see how tough you really are peasant. You took everything from me...NOW I WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU! " Azula yells before cutting the conversation short by firing a blast of azul flame at the waterbender, who blocked it with a stream of water from one of her many gourds on her belt. The duel began.


Some scars ran too deep to be healed, despite the best of efforts.



Author's Note: What follows after this was edited in after the match ended, just for kicks as I had fun writing this story(which is the point, amirite?) Two endings follow, one true ending going by the votes and the alternate ending in which the other individual won. First is the true ending. Cheers and enjoy!




To say Azula has lost it is an understatement. Indeed the sheer ferocity and amount of flames getting launched was nearly overwhelming.


Katara couldn't even make an offensive move, she was kept on defense. And with her lesser stamina, she would lose to Azula at this rate. "Princess! Azula! Please stop this, you don't have to do this!" she pleads.


Azula snarls. "Yes I do! You, a mere peasant, have ruined everything! If you and him hadn't fallen for each other, I still could have had a chance at redemption! Now all I have is rage and hate and jealousy and sadness and I'm going to take it out on you!"


Katara deflects another incoming flame. "Azula, you can still have him as a friend, he won't abandon you like your mother or your father! We can work something out!"


"Don't compare him to my mother or father! My mother hated me and my father used me. They're nothing like him! 'Work something out?' I don't want a friend, I have poured out my soul to him, I want the same in return! I have the rational solution right here! Taking you out."




"SHUT UP PEASANT! I will endure no more of you! Now you die!" Azula pronounces as she fires off the biggest plume of flame she has ever made. It overwhelms Katara with ease, knocking her to the ground as she tumbles and rolls several feet.


Katara groans in pain and looks up at the Princess. "Azula please--"


"Shut up I said!"


"Don't do this!"


"Watch me." Azula exclaims as she starts to go through the familiar lightning kata. Slowly however, to emphasize the action and put true fear into the peasant's eyes.


"We can work it out!" Katara yells as she starts to cry. Her mom tendencies were showing, even now.


"Very soon peasant, this will all be over!"


"It doesn't have to be like this!"




"We can--"


"THIS WILL SILENCE YOU FOR ALL TIME! YOU WILL NEVER RISE FROM THE ASHES OF YOUR DEFEAT!" Azula shouts as she finishes her kata, moving her hand into position to aim at the peasant.


"Azula...I'm sorry." Katara quietly admits, closing her eyes as she launches the ice projectile she had formed moments ago behind the Princess's back.


It comes forward, impaling Azula from behind. Death was instantaneous.


Katara couldn't bear to look at her handiwork, averting her eyes to the ground where she let tears fall unabated.


"Uh..." Aang stirs. Katara looks his way. In the midst of everything she had forgotten about him. Standing up she makes his way toward him, pulling out some water for a quick healing session.


As the cool and refreshing water eases his pain, Aang opens his eyes to see the beautiful face of Katara. "Thank you Katara." He whispers.


She looks away. "Don't thank me for this." She replies.


"Why not?" He asks.


In response she helps him onto his feet before turning him in the direction of the Princess.


She stares at his eyes as a million different emotions seem to run through them in less time than it took to blink. "By Agni..."


Katara continues to cry. "She...she couldn't be talked down! She was about to kill me. I did what I had to, but it still doesn't feel right. Or just."


"No, justice hasn't been done here. I'm not sure if it ever could have been done here. The damage Ozai put on her as he influenced her, it led her to believe this was the only choice she could make." Aang states. "Damn that man." he coldly adds.


"Come on, let's go back to the palace...I can't take this sight any longer."


"Not yet." Aang retorts as he makes his way closer to the fallen princess. Grasping her limp right hand, holding it within his own, he sheds a few tears. "I'm sorry Azula. I hope you find the peace in death, that I could not give you in life."




Author's note: And here's the alternate ending!



As the waterbender falls to Azula's blinding azul flames, the princess couldn't help but fall to the ground all the same. Sure, she feels a little better after beating the peasant...but the cost may have been too high. As she stares at the unmoving body of the peasant, Aang stirs, fully conscious.


"Hello?" he asks weakly. "Anyone there?"


Azula nearly jumps in surprise. "Aang?"


"Azula, where are you?"


"I'm coming." she says as she stands and walks over.


As she comes into view, he can't help but notice the battle damage her clothes have received. Between that and his unconsciousness, he is concerned. "What happened? I don't..don't recall much."


"It's hard to explain." She reveals, kneeling down to help him up.


"Hard to explain how?" He asks as he grasps her shoulder for support, before feeling something. "Your shoulder...it's wet! Why--" he starts to ask. Glancing around, he cuts the question short when he spots the fallen form of Katara.


Running toward her, he holds his fingers to her neck feeling for a pulse. Not finding one, he turns Katara over. Seeing several burn marks, he looks to Azula. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" he shouts.


She doesn't waver. "What I had to. You couldn't choose between us, so I had to make a choice. I chose to cut out the other option. If I couldn't have you, neither could she. I don't regret it."


He looks away, tears in his eyes. "If I had known helping you would have lead to this...I would have--"


"What? Let me rot in the asylum? Because in the grand scheme of things, she is more important than I am?" Azula asks.


That question is armor piercing. Aang doesn't want to admit it but deep down he knows it is true. In the end, neither was more important to the overall balance than the other.


"She was my first love, she kept us going when things looked to be at their roughest during the war...and you killed her. And I gave you the motive, the opportunity. It's my fault." Aang admits before grabbing his trusty stuff and gliding off into the horizon leaving behind two cold individuals, one alive and one dead.


That was the last time Aang and Azula saw each other. The broken down Avatar pushed himself even further into his work, attempting to fix everything as penance for the sins he thought he had led to occur.


As for the Princess, she doesn't know what to do. She simply sat there for the longest time before she dimly heard some footsteps heading her way. Glancing that way she spots the familiar entourage, her brother Zuko, Mai, the earthbender and the other water tribe peasant.


She smiles one last time. "Thank you Zuko." she whispers before performing her final action. As she goes through the motions of generating lightning, she is about to release it. Turning her hand towards herself, she releases it. The lightning sears her right above her heart, overpowering her with sheer pain before everything fades to black.




Thanks for reading! Until next time!

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Here is deojusto's April Fools fight between Rocky Balboa and Jason Vorhees.




Rocky Balboa vs Jason Voorhees:



Harley: Welllllllll helllllo boxing fans, and welcome to Camp Crystal Lake where we’re here to bring you one heck of a slobber-knocker. With me as always is my second-best gal-pal, Callisto, who will take over as soon as she’s done plucking the hairs from her upper-lip. Cal?


Callisto: Hey Harley, still see you’re using a paint roller to put on lipstick, so you’ll have to forgive me if it takes me more time to get ready. Anyway, we do have one amazing match up tonight in this makeshift arena constructed from the remains of the once beautiful Camp Crystal lake. Our champion is the one, the only, Rocky Balboa. His story is one of perseverance, heart, and eventually, victory. Tonight’s challenger also has tons of heart,


Harley: Probably because he collects them from his victims.


Callisto: That’s right, it’s Camp Crystal Lake’s very own champion, Jason Voorhees. Boxing fans may remember Jason’s foray into boxing earlier this month when he went six rounds with Apollo Creed. The match ended tragically when during the round six intermission, Jason produced a machete and chopped off Apollo’s head.


Harley: I’m guessing that was not legal.


Callisto: That’s correct Harley, the controversial move violated both the stated rules of the World Boxing Association, as well as section 19 of the US penal code. While guarantees have been made that Voorhees will not be allowed to use the machete in future bouts, some question whether it was a good idea to allow him into the sport at all. Balboa made some incendiary statements during the weigh in, where he stated that he disapproved of pre-meditated murder, and claimed that he was taking on Voorhees to avenge his fallen comrade. Let’s listen,


Rocky: I’dda know, is like, it ain’t about how many hits you gonna take, it’s about the heart of the champion and eye of the tiger, cause at the end of the day you look at the guy who’s still standing, and then you know, that that’s the guy, who’s not the guy on the floor. Cause that’s what it all comes down to.


Callisto: Stunning words. Stunning, incomprehensibly slurred words, from an incomprehensible talent in the sport. We’ve also asked the challenger to respond to this statement, and by comparison his answer appeared to be clever, coherent, and concise.


Harley: But Cal, he didn’t say anything.


Callisto: Yes Harley, thanks for explaining the joke. With that we go now to our guest commentator, recently revived by the waters of Camp Crystal Lake and then re-capitated by the surgical talents of our very own Dr. Harley Quinzel; please welcome Apollo Creed.


Apollo: (unclear murmuring)


Callisto: I’m sorry Apollo, could you please speak into the microphone we gave you.


Apollo: (Loud muffling)… Oh sorry about that Miss Callisto, your friend sowed my head on backwards.


Callisto: That’s perfectly all right. Now Apollo, you’ve faced the challenger in the ring, and not only lost, but were mutilated and murdered in the process. What are your feelings coming away from that fight? Any regrets?


Apollo: Well Callisto, I’ll say this; I’m now a walking abomination, an affront to nature and God, neither alive nor dead, and unfit to exist in either this world or the next. My every waking moment is filled with misery as I now know what it is to be a walking husk of what once was a man. I am one of the damned, cursed to perpetuate myself in a state of half-life for all eternity, only serving to warn the rest of mankind of the cruel machinations of fate and destiny.


Callisto: Hmmmm, you’re a real downer. I’m kind of wish we hadn’t brought you back.


Apollo: So am I.


Callisto: Ok, well tell me this. As the only man who has fought both the Champion and the Challenger, what would you say their chances are?


Apollo: Well Balboa’s got the skill, you have to admit that, because of the two of them he’s the only one with any actual training as a boxer. He’s also faster, and for once in his life may actually have an intellectual advantage. Voorhees on the other hand trades his lack of grace, skill, and intelligence for being a giant monster.


Callisto: So you expect him to use more of a rope-a-dope strategy.


Apollo: I do. Assuming the referee manages to remove Jason’s machete, the big man’s best strategy may be to allow Rocky to pound him continuously until he loses energy and then to strike when the moment is right, and rip Rock’s head clean off.


Callisto: Ok, well we’ll be checking in with you throughout the night, but it looks like both men have entered the ring and the fight is about to begin. If you’re just joining us, here are some quick facts: I’m Callisto and I’m just great. Also, Rocky Balboa will be sporting the white and red trunks, Voorhees the green and brown overcoat, and the match will go to either a knock-out, murder, or the end of ten rounds. Any use of foreign weapons is of course forbidden and will result in a disqualification, and flamingos can only eat when their heads are upside down. Those were my quick facts, now back to Harley who’s in the ring.


(We turn to Harley who is now in a skimpy referee costume and standing in the center of the ring. Jason stands to one side of her, Rocky to the other.)


Harley: OK you mooks I want a clean fight, ya hear? No kicking, no biting, no disemboweling, and HEY!


(Harley quickly nabs a bloodied ax that was poking out from Jason’s waistband)


Harley: What did I say about sneaking in weapons?


Jason: …


Harley: That’s right, I said DON’T. I’m watching you big guy!


Jason: …


Harley: Ok then, without further ado let’s play ball!


(The bell rings twice, Harley steps away and the match begins.)

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Congrats, xLEGACYx. Your spot on this topic was well-deserved. 


Celtic Predator vs. Wolverine


Cetanu was a great warrior among the yautja.  He had gained glory and respect through his many years.  He had hunted the hard meat many times.  He occasionally traveled to Earth to hunt the oomans.  Cetanu always had a slight fascination with them.  He admired there courage.  While not the strongest or fastest, the oomans seemed to have a pride about them.  They would never simply give up.  This is what made the oomans such a favorite for Cetanu to hunt.  Throughout the ages he had hunted them.  Some had proven so great of warriors that Cetanu adopted certain techniques from them, such as sword play.  As he ship continued its course towards Earth, Cetanu left the bridge.  He walked through the dark corridors of his ship.  Stopping in front of a door, it slid open.  A wall adorned with skulls was laid out before him.  Skulls of all sorts of creatures hung from spikes.  Although none were more coveted than the two ooman skulls Cetanu had in the center.  Just below them laid those warriors weapons.  Two samurai katanas were crossed and placed at the foot of the skulls.  These weapons Cetanu had come to admire.  The two oomans the wielded them had taken such care in there crafting.  Cetanu had rarely come across such warriors that took such pride in there weapons as him.  Reaching out, he grabbed the pair of swords and attached them to his waist.  Stepping back the door slid closed.  Brandishing the swords, Cetanu admired the blades for a moment before sheathing them and returning to the bridge.  It would not be long now.  His ship had entered the galaxy that the ooman's called home.
Virginia, May 1863
The Civil War had been going on now for almost two years.  The Confederacy had made its way North to Virginia.  General Lee had divided his force to take on the much larger force of Union soldiers.  He appointed his two best soldiers to go with each company.  He sent James Howlett to go with the frontal attack force and Victor Creed to go with the other half and attack from the rear.  Both seemed to enjoy the chaos they were capable of creating.  It seemed to General Lee that they were almost born for war.
James sat in the dark on the warm spring night of May 2nd 1863.  Holding his musket in both hands, he sat behind a barricade built of wooden posts.  He tugged on his uniform readjusting it away from his neck.  Leaning back, he lowered his hat down over his eyes.  He meant to get some rest because he knew what to expect of the battle to come tomorrow. The men around him all looked to him due to his experience in this war.  Even from time to time James’ commanding officer would ask him for advice.   As the fires burned throughout the night, the other soldiers continued to prepare for the day ahead.  
As the sun began to rise, the fog began to lift from the field they were set up in.  James raised his hat as he awoke.  Some of the men had drifted off through the night, others still looked just as on edge as when James had gone to sleep.  Standing to his feet, he began to stretch as he walked towards and opening to get a better view of his opposition.  Topping a slight hill he stood and watched the enemy encampment.  Other soldiers began making there way to the top of the hill.  A man stepped up next to James and they two stood in silence.  Just as the soldier began to speak, a boom sounded from across the field.  James grabbed the soldier and both hit the ground and tumbled down the hill.  At second later the ground erupted in dirt and grass as a cannonball shot across the hill.  The commander ordered his men to arms.  James grabbed his musket and attached his bayonet.  He took off to the tree line and began his way closer to the enemy, some of the soldiers followed suit.  He sprinted through the trees and suddenly stopped.  A strange smell caught his attention.  He slowly searched the trees and surrounding area with his eyes.  Another cannon fire erupted and snapped James back to attention.  He saw nothing and continued on with his attack.
Cetanu (aka “God of Death) clung to the trees high above the forest floor.  He had been there throughout the night watching both encampments of the oomans (aka humans).  He had made his way to the top tiers of the yautja society by being the best.  He began as an unblooded and rapidly made his way through the ranks.  As a warrior he had developed legends about himself among the other yautja.  He had made it a tradition of his own now to visit Earth every other decade in search for ooman trophies.  As he hid in the trees he noticed a group of men running through the forest.  It was a small group of men but he could tell they were warriors nun the less.  What was strange was that the leader of the men came to a halt for no apparent reason.  Then Cetanu realized that the man could sense his presence.  Centanu watched as the man carefully searched the trees.  Then the man stopped and stared directly towards Cetanu.  Just then an explosion erupted in the distance.  The man snapped his head around and he and his men continued on.  This ooman interested Cetanu so he began to follow him through the tree and watch and record him from a distance.
James emerged from the forest back onto the field of battle.  He now charged with his small group of men into the enemy from the side.  His musket held at the ready, he ran into battle.  He leapt over a barricade and landed among the Union soldiers.  Using his musket he slashed and hacked at his enemies with the bayonet.  As an enemy approached he stabbed the closes and them twirling around shot another approaching from the rear.  A Union soldier grabbed James from behind and held him in place long enough for another to stab him with the bayonet.  James grimaced but to the soldiers surprise, then man did not falter.  Instead a rage formed in his eyes as he grabbed the man that had stabbed him.  He pulled the man closer, causing the bayonet to plunge further.  It impaled the man holding James from behind.  In fear, the soldier tried to pull his musket away to no avail.  James grabbed the man by his jacket with his left hand.  Raising his right back as claws began to emerge.  Then striking, he buried his claws into the soldiers chest.  Disposing of the two men, he turned to continue his attack.  When he turned around, a firing line had formed.  Exposing both his claws,  he charged the men.  The firing line let loose a barrage of lead.  James continued forward but the force was too much, as he dropped to the ground and his claws retracted.  He laid in the mud motionless.
Cetanu had watched as the ooman tore through the forces he encountered.  He was impressed at this oomans tenacity and rage.  It was a true warrior.  Then as two other oomans grabbed hold he saw the determination and unwillingness to submit.  Cetanu thought this ooman would be a true prize to behold.  At the same moment, Cetanu watched as men approached from all sides surrounding the warrior ooman.  He was disheartened to see them all fire on him in such a cowardly way.  He would have made a great hunt indeed.  With that, Cetanu left the battle area with the other trophies he had claimed over the past few days for his ship and returned home.
France, August 1918
James Howlett was now known as Logan.  He had survived along with his brother Victor Creed and had barely aged a day since the Civil War.  The two men had been little more than shadows and whispers in towns until another major war had started.  Now the two brothers had enlisted to join the fight against the central powers.  They had been sent with other platoons of soldiers to help the French take back the land they had been forced from.  Since there last war, the scenery had changed.  Weapons were stronger and battle tactics had changed.  This worked out perfectly for Logan.
Logan sat in a fox hole next to Victor as the two of them readied there weapons.  The Germans had dug in and the fight was taking place from trench to trench.  As bullets whizzed over there heads, Logan and Victor grinned with anticipation.  As most men would shoot from the fox hole, this was not Logan and Victor’s style.  Logan fired a magazine at the enemy to get there heads down.  At the same time, Victor went sprinting across the open ground towards the enemy trenches.  As Logan stopped firing, the Germans popped back up to return fire but it was too late.  Victor lunged down into the fox whole and began firing away.  With the Germans occupied by Victor, Logan sprinted to help his brother and join in on the action.  Dropping into the trench Logan drove his machine gun into the chest of a German soldier as he began to pull the trigger.  The soldier fell to the ground riddled with bullets.  Then turning he fired at a few soldiers that emerged coming over the hill to help there allies.  More men poured in through the trenches.  In the close quarters, the soldiers had a hard time shooting without hitting their own men.  This afforded Logan and Victor to get a little more hands on.  The two men began to rip and slash at the enemy.  Claws and nails tore through the men like a hot knife through butter.  As the sun began to rise, Victor and Logan emerged from the trenches.  There clothes were torn and they were covered in blood.  There allies rushed to aid them.  As the came to the trench Logan and Victor had crawled out of the men were shocked.  Piles of bodies laid strewn throughout the fox hole.  None of the Allied soldiers could believe that these two men alone had done all this.  As Logan began to walk towards his encampment, he caught a shimmer in the distance.  It was brief but somehow he felt as if someone or something had been watching him.
Cetanu had once again returned to the Earth for the hunt.  He was mildly impressed with the advancements the oomans had made in the last 50 years.  Turning on his cloak, he emersed himself among the ooman trenches.  He made his way undetected among the frightened ooman.  As the battle erupted between the two factions, Cetanu watched and studied the soldiers.  Occasionally he would find one or two that seemed to excel in the closeness of the trench warfare.  Those were the oomans Cetanu was looking for.  Ones that could put up a possible fight.  He would brandish his blades and drop his cloak.  The oomans he encountered would fight back but there fear prevented them from presenting any real challenge.  As the fighting began to die down.  Leaping from the trench, Cetanu landed back on top the battlefield.  That’s when he saw him.  He saw from a distance a man he had seen many years ago.  He was cloaked to prevent his presence from being known but once again he felt as if the ooman knew he was there.  Replaying an old vid in his mask, he realized that the ooman looked almost identical to the one he had seen die many years ago.  This must have been a distant ancestor, he thought.  With his time on Earth up, he recorded the ooman’s face and returned to his ship as the ooman returned to his fellow soldiers.
Logan and Victor returned to camp that night.  As the men sat down, Logan ordered a drank.  Taking a sip, he asked Victor.  â€œIn all our years of fighting, have you ever felt as if death was watching us?  We have died in front of men, only to heal and move on to another fight.  Several times I have felt as if something is watching or maybe hunting me.”  Victor looked at Logan and smirked, â€œI think your letting all the death and destruction we had out to the enemy get in your head little brother.  You just need to relax and revel in the fun we have.” Logan sat his glass down, â€œYeah maybe, but something didn’t feel right today.  We did our job but it felt like something was in the distance waiting for me.”  The two brothers continued through out the night, drinking and talking.  As Logan headed back to his tent, he could help but feel as if something was out there and waiting for him.
Normandy, June 1944
Logan stood among the soldiers in the rain as the amphibious landing vehicle made its way towards the beach.  A cigar in his mouth, he looked at the men around him.  Many looked fresh out of boot camp.  Gripping his rifle he prepared as the vehicle neared the beach.  He could now see the bunkers on the coast through the fog.  Suddenly the air erupted with gun fire from the Cliffside bunkers.  Bullets zipped through the air and mortars blew all around.  Suddenly a mortar round struck the vehicle and the men were thrown out.  Underwater Logan could see the men struggle for the surface.  Bullets ripped through the water and men as the strived towards the air.  Logan remained underwater and began swimming closer to the shore.  Crawling from the water, he held up behind a broken down vehicle.  Then sprinting he dodged mortar fire as he made his way to the bottom of the cliffs.  Reaching the bottom, he then began to scale the cliff directly beneath one of the bunkers.  As he neared the opening facing the sea he stopped.  Pulling a grenade from his hip, he took out the pin and tossed it inside.  After the explosion he jumped through the view port and ravaged the men that were still alive.  Turning the turret to the right, he faced it at the other bunker.  He let loose with a barrage of gun fire and neutralized it, allowing the other soldiers to gain ground.  As he exited he saw something.  A man was suspended in the air by what looked like nothing.  The Logan saw it.  A shimmer of light and then he saw two yellow eyes flash just before the German soldier was ripped in half.  Logan pointed his machine gun towards the figure but it was gone and so was the soldiers head.  Logan saw some sort of fluorescent green liquid around the spot the being had been standing.  The smell of it also reminded him of that battle in Virginia almost 80 years ago.
Cetanu had returned to the Earth after other yautja talking about a great hunt that the blooded yautja had had on Earth.  They had spoke of a great war on the Earth with soldiers from around the planet.  He could not let this opportunity pass him by.  He had landed his ship not far from the coast.  For now it seemed the ooman soldiers were concentrated in that area.  He had made his way to the cliff side.  He had seen the many vehicles approaching the shore.  As gunfire shot out, Cetanu commenced to hunting.  He had stepped into the door frame of one of the concrete bunkers.  A ooman began to run out when it ran into Cetanu.  The ooman looked confused, then Cetanu deactivated his cloak and the man stood wide eyed in fear.  He began began firing but was too late.  Cetanu had already moved and his wrist blade had cut off the soldiers arm.  More men began to try to enter the bunker from the outside, only to encounter the “God of Death”.  He turned and his plasma caster erupted with a blue light.  The soldier in its path head erupted.  The other soldiers looked stunned.  Pulling out twin katanas, Cetanu moved with the grace of a master swords man.  He moved and cut down the men.  Only one soldier had managed to hit him.  Stabbing him through the gut he watched the man’s life fade from his eyes.  Reactivating his cloak, he grabbed the man by the neck and lifted him off the ground.  At that time someone emerged from the bunker.  Cetanu looked to his left and saw something that amazed him.  He saw the one ooman he thought should be long dead for someone of its species.  He could see the recognition in the ooman’s eyes.  This told Cetanu that it was no ancestor.  This was the same ooman he had encountered before.  As the soldier raised its gun, Cetanu disappeared.  He wanted to observe this ooman closer.  This one would make a great hunt but he wanted to understand it more before charging blindly into battle with a warrior that had lived this long.
Logan could no longer assume that something was near.  This was definitive proof.  Meeting up with his brother, Logan told Victor at of what he had seen.  â€œThe man was lifted from the ground into thin air.  Then something allowed me to know it was there.  When I went to fire on it, it was gone.  I ran over to the area and the dead guy’s head was missing and some sort of bright green liquid was left behind.”  Victor looked at his brother quizzically.  â€œI think your losing it Jimmy.  Don’t go freaking out on me while we are over here.  When we get done with this, we can cool out for awhile but keep your head on straight for now.”  With that the two men continued there tour in the war.  Almost the entire war, Logan felt as if something was watching.  He never caught the scent or saw the figure but he could feel it watching from a distance or from the shadows.
Cetanu followed quietly as he watched Logan from his vantage points.  He noticed that Logan wasn’t alone.  Another soldier stayed with him through out the battles.  He watched as the two oomans waged bloody war up close and personal with there enemies.  He watched as the men endured injury after injury and seemed to recover and come back for more.  Its interested Cetanu that there was not one but two oomans that seemed to be great warriors.  He would like to hunt them both but wanted to go after the first that he had been seeing for so long.  As his hunt came to an end, he returned to his ship.  He would leave for now but he felt safe in assuming his prey would be here when he returned.  Climbing aboard his ship, he removed his helmet and plugged it into the control panel.  He activated the engines and plotted his course home.  As the ship took off, he played his vids of Logan over and over.  Every battle recorded for the future.
Vietnam, July 1969
Logan marched through the jungle with his platoon.  The jungle as of late seemed to be eerily quite.  Normally animals were a constant noise.  It seemed as if they knew something that no one else did.  As the platoon continued forwards, they came to the foot of a mountain.  As the neared they could see smoke coming from several openings that led underground.  Logan went in to investigate with a few men, as the rest set up a perimeter.  Logan crept through the smoky tunnels.  The Vietcong laid strewn throughout the floors.  All of them dead.  All of them looked as if they had been slashed apart.  Suddenly Logan heard screams and gunfire from outside.  He ran towards the opening he had come in.  Emerging from the tunnel, his platoon laid wasted.  Some looked burnt while others looked hacked up, similar to the men inside the tunnels.  Logan scanned the area for his attackers.  That’s when he smelled it.  It was and odor he remembered from many years ago.  It was unmistakable.  Then a shimmer and a flash of yellow eyes revealed what he had figured out.  The creature that had been hunting him had finally chosen his time.  It deactivated its cloak.  The men beside Logan opened fire.  Blue blasts erupted and the other soldiers sizzled and fell to the ground.  Logan looked to his left and right at his fallen comrades.  The figure emerged from the shadows and Logan saw it for its true self for the first time.  It was monstrous and looked like some form of demon.
Cetanu had come to this island in search of the greatest battle.  He knew if the heat of the battle was here, so would he prey.  He had seen him in the jungle and predicted his path.  Moving ahead, Cetanu had found the ooman mountain stronghold.  He entered and tore the soldiers apart.  It took a long time but it the closeness of the tunnels, the oomans numbers counted for nothing.  Waiting in the trees above, he watched as his prey neared the mountain.  As he and a couple ooman’s entered he waited for them to get deep into the caverns.  As the rest of the oomans waited outside, Cetanu dropped from the trees between them.  He pulled out his katanas and stabbed two oomans in the neck.  His plasma caster erupted rapidly and killed two others.  As the other soldiers turned to see the commotion they were awestruck.  This massive figure moved through the shadows so swiftly that they couldn’t get a bead on it.  Cetanu lunged towards a soldier holding a light machine gun and impaled him with a sword.  Then reaching into his waist band, he pulled out a shuriken.  Tossing it through the air, it sliced through three men and returned to Cetanu’s hand.  One last soldier ran for the tunnel opening and had a hole blown through him by Cetanu’s plasma caster.  At that time he could hear his prey returning.  Now they were face to face.  Deactivating his cloak, his prey saw him for the first time.  He let loose two plasma blasts that killed the soldiers standing to his prey’s left and right.
Now Cetanu and Logan stood facing one another for the third time.  Both the Predator and the man knew only one of them would leave this place alive.  Cetanu through one of his katanas through the air.  It landed blade first into the ground at his prey’s feet.  Logan looked at the creature and realized what it wanted.  The creature wanted a challenge.  It wanted to make this fight trophy worthy.  Logan never being one to back away from a challenge grabbed the hilt of the sword.  He slung his rifle over his shoulder.  Cetanu seeing his prey accept the challenge, removed his face mask.  The hiss of the mask sounded as Cetanu released the snaps on his helmet.  With his katana in his hand, he spread his arms wide and growled.  The noise echoed through the jungle.  Logan tightened his grip around the sword and prepared for the fight of his life.
Cetanu w/ wrist blades, one shuriken, one katana, and one scatter gun
he is wearing light armor, similar to the original Predator movie
(This is movie verse Wolverine)
Logan w/ bone claws, one katana, two grenades, and one M16 with two mags
The battle takes place at night in the Vietnam jungle.

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So we can preserve at least some of CBUB's greatest matches, we're going to see about moving the contents of this thread to at least one of the replacement sites. If there are any more great matches you guys want to post here and preserve, it had better be done within these final days. 


To follow suit, I'm now posting one of my favorites in my time here. IMO, this match was great because of the characterization, the elaboration of its parameters, and the continuity with the previous matches in its arc. It was made by one of the better CBUB writers who at the time made the unfortunate mistake of multi-ing, but has since repented and made it back on CBUB Top Match Creators List.


Of course, I cut out all of the recap kibble in the beginning so just the match itself can be read.


Hercules, Esmeralda, and Shego vs. Thailog, Demona, and Genie (Aladdin) by MonMataKey


As Hercules walked through a garden he was stopped by the Weird Sisters disguised as three beautiful greek women. 
"Can I help you?" asked Hercules.
"We bring grave news from Agrabah," announced Phoebe.
"Agrabah, that's Aladdin's stomping grounds," replied Hercules.
"Not anymore. Aladdin is dead!" said Seline, "He was killed by a gargoyle named Thailog. Following Aladdin's death, Thailog took over Agrabah and made an alliance with another gargoyle named Demona."
"Demona, herself, had taken over the Land of the Black Sands from the sorcerer, Mozenrath. With the vast amount of magical knowledge that Mozenrath had accumulated, Thailog and Demona were able to capture and enslave Aladdin's genie," added Luna.
"Wait! What? Slow down," said Hercules. "What is going on?"
Luna stared intently at Hercules. "The important thing that you need to know is that with their combined might, they have taken control of the Seven Deserts and Greece will not be far behind."
"That's awful. I can't believe Aladdin is dead. How do I know you are telling the truth?" Hercules questioned.
"Don't take our word for it," said Phoebe. 
The Weird Sisters waved their hands in the air and the gypsy, Esmeralda, appeared before Hercules.
"Are you Hercules?" she asked.
Confusion spread across Hercules's face. 
"Please, I need your help. I was tricked by that evil creature and it is partly my fault that Aladdin is dead. You have no idea how horrible it is there. I was lucky to escape with my life. Outside of Agrabah, I met these three witches."
Hercules looked back at the Weird Sisters. "So you three are witches?"
"That's right they're witches!" hollered Phil as he joined the group. "Not just any witches either, they are children of Oberon. I could smell them a mile away. They have no business here in Greece."
"Be quiet you goat legged buffon!" Seline demanded. "This does not concern you."
"I think I have had more than enough of witches lately," said Hercules.
"Ah, you mean Maleficent, do you not? How is it that you think she came here? Surely you must have realized she was unlike anything you had ever seen before. That is because she was unlike anything in this world. She did not belong here," Luna explained. "Something major is going down that is undoing the balance of your very existence here. It is so critical, that Lord Oberon himself went down to the Underworld and confronted Hades to prevent him from interfering in our dealings with you. How else would we have gotten so close?" 
Phil grudgingly nodded his head. "Ok, you make a fair point."
"At the center of this problem is Thailog and Demona. The more powerful they become, they more unstable the world around us becomes. They have to be stopped before everything begins to fall apart," concluded Phoebe.
"Well my boy Herc has fought the biggest and the baddest, a couple of gargoyles should be no problem," Phil stated with confidence.
"No offense, but arrogance will get us nowhere," Esmeralda said sharply. "I have seen these gargoyles in battle. They are ferocious warriors. And that was before they enslaved Genie. Now, with his powers under their control they look unstoppable. Demona wished to become an all powerful sorceress and Thailog wished to become the most brilliant war tactician in the world. Then there is their ever growing army of Mamluks and undead gargoyles that Demona raised while in the Land of the Black Sands. It is all so terrible."
Hercules and Phil stood in silence for a moment before Phil finally spoke, "Wow."
"That sounds pretty scary, but I'm sure I can still take them. Right, Phil?" 
Phil shook his head and messaged his forehead. "I hope so, kid. I mean, magically enhanced gargoyle warriors with a genie and an army of zombies? This is definitely the major leagues of heroism. We can't rush into this though, you're a demigod not a god. There is a good chance you will die out there."
"The key to defeating them is their control of the genie," said Luna. "While still formidable without him, their overwhelming power would be greatly deminished."
"How do we free him?" asked Hercules.
Esmeralda answered, "We have to destroy the crystal that Demona and Thailog are using to control the Genie. It is presently located in the palace dungeon right above the spot where Thailog buried Aladdin. During my time in Agrabah, I learned all the secret passages of the palace. Many that Thailog, himself, isn't even aware of. That is how I escaped. So I can get to it. But, the palace is swarmed with undead mamluks and gargoyles protecting the crystal. If I were to get caught I would surely perish."
"So you want me to come with you for protection?" Hercules guessed.
"No," responded Phoebe. "We already have someone to go with Esmeralda on her mission to the palace dungeon. She was a prisoner of Mozenrath's before his defeat at the hands of Demona. Demona banished her from the Land of the Black Sands for being a "useless human" and sent some Mamluks to follow her and finish her off shortly thereafter. Through her own grit and skill she defeated them and that is when we found her."
The Weird Sisters waved their hands in the air and Shego appeared.
"Uh.. hello everyone, I'm Shego. I'm eager for some revenge so let's get this show on the road," she said.
"Have you done this sort of thing before?" asked Esmeralda.
"I have broken into many maximum security facilities in my time, this will be no different," Shego assured.
"Ok if these two ladies are going to be the ones going after the crystal, what exactly is it that you want Herc to do?" Phil questioned.
"Haven't we made it obvious? Fight Thailog and Demona, of course, and draw them away from the palace," said Seline.
"You want me to be a decoy?!?" Hercules said in shock.
"If that is how you chose to see it," replied Luna. "The truth is that even without the genie's powers, you are the only one strong enough to defeat them. With the genie under their control, you are the only one who even stands a chance for a prolonged battle."
"So it will just be a battle between them and me. If Esmeralda and Shego succeed, the battle will become easier. If they fail, it will get much harder."
"Essentially, that is what it all boils down to," Esmeralda said softly.
Phil threw his hands in the air. "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! If Thailog wished to become the smartest war tactician before you escaped, how do you know that your escape wasn't part of his plan? This whole thing could be an elaborate death trap just waiting for us."
"You are right. It is possible. But, what other choice do we have? No one said it would be easy," replied Esmeralda.
"Even if it isn't a trap, I'm going to have a think of a way to get both of Thailog and Demona to leave the palace. Man, this is hard," said Hercules. 
Shego turned toward the Weird Sisters, "Can't you three help us?" 
Phoebe responded, "I'm afraid not. We are not allowed to directly engage Demona and Thailog unless they attack Avalon. But, we will be watching. Good luck." 
With that the Weird Sisters disappeared and the three unlikely teammates began to plan their attack. 

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