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11:9 - Batman (Richard Grayson) vs. Raiden (Metal Gear)

MATCH SCORE
Batman (Richard Grayson): 7
Raiden (Metal Gear): 2

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Odie vs. Eternia

MATCH SCORE
Odie: 4
Eternia: 3

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Middle-Earth vs. Ronald Weasley

MATCH SCORE
Middle-Earth: 3
Ronald Weasley: 6

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Perry The Platypus vs. Raccoon City

MATCH SCORE
Perry The Platypus: 2
Raccoon City: 7

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Tobias Beckett vs. Kasumi Goto

MATCH SCORE
Tobias Beckett: 5
Kasumi Goto: 2

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Princess Merida vs. Mulan

MATCH SCORE
Princess Merida: 1
Mulan: 9

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Knock Out (Prime) vs. Beast

MATCH SCORE
Knock Out (Prime): 0
Beast: 8

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Catwoman vs. Dominic Toretto

MATCH SCORE
Catwoman: 8
Dominic Toretto: 2

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Mickey Goodmill vs. Herman Boone

MATCH SCORE
Mickey Goodmill: 6
Herman Boone: 5

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Mordin Solus vs. Doogie Howser

MATCH SCORE
Mordin Solus: 3
Doogie Howser: 5

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Nightwing vs. Jinx

MATCH SCORE
Nightwing: 8
Jinx: 1

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Sasuke (Ganbare Goemon) vs. Shinobi (Joe Musashi)

MATCH SCORE
Sasuke (Ganbare Goemon): 8
Shinobi (Joe Musashi): 0

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Neal Caffrey vs. Arthur Morgan

MATCH SCORE
Neal Caffrey: 2
Arthur Morgan: 5

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) vs. Cassandra Cain

MATCH SCORE
Scorpion (Mortal Kombat): 8
Cassandra Cain: 2

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Nathan Drake vs. Hasky

MATCH SCORE
Nathan Drake: 3
Hasky: 6

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Star Butterfly vs. Kida

MATCH SCORE
Star Butterfly: 2
Kida: 5

By UMPIRE

11:9 - Leonard McCoy (Star Trek 2009) vs. Hawkeye Pierce

MATCH SCORE
Leonard McCoy (Star Trek 2009): 9
Hawkeye Pierce: 2

By UMPIRE

Terror Toad vs. Moon Rock Aliens

MATCH SCORE
Terror Toad: 1
Moon Rock Aliens: 3

By UMPIRE

Inigo Montoya vs. Oberyn Martell

MATCH SCORE
Inigo Montoya: 3
Oberyn Martell: 1

By UMPIRE

William Riker vs. Demona

MATCH SCORE
William Riker: 1
Demona: 4

Match 16749 Kick-Ass vs. The Yellow Bastard


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Previously on One Night in Sin City:

 

C’mon old man, push through it! Nancy’s counting on you! So don’t you dare let her down! 

 

Ignoring the bullet wounds to my shoulder and leg I unload the rest of my rounds on on the vanity table. Reloading my pistols I tried taking the long way around, hoping to get the drop on her. 

 

I crept silently towards the backside of the table, just a few more feet and then I’ll have her in my sites. Then I can get Nancy as far away from that fucking lunatic as possible.

 

*Crack!*

 

Fuck! I stepped on a broken glass!

 

*BANG!*

 

*BANG!*

 

*BANG!*

 

*BANG!*

 

Stupid old man! You missed her twice!

 

I hit the ground hard. Two bullet wounds in my chest, gushing out blood like a water fountain. I remember this pain, the throbbing and numb pain that comes from getting shot up like a turkey on the day before Thanksgiving. Just like eight years ago when my own partner shot me in the back, but there won’t be any backup coming for me this time.

 

Then stop wasting time and get the fuck up! C’mon you stupid old man! You can still save her! Get up!

 

I try to will my myself back up, like a fat guy trying to do his first push-up. But my body is slowly shutting down, no matter how much my brain screams at me to get up and move my muscles refuse to obey. As my body pathetically flops back down, I can hear the glass being scattered about as Junior’s tracker comes to finish me off.

 

I lay my head down as I realize I’ve failed. I open my eyes for the last time as I see beautiful Nancy Callahan huddled in the corner, crying as she realizes that I’m about to die too.

 

I’m sorry Nancy. I love you.

 

*BANG!*

 

************************************

 

“I fear that Mr. Wallace has refused my generous offer. You know what to do now right?”

 

“Da. Tonight he will die.” (wallace vs mother russia)

 

 

Satisfied that my Russian friend will handle it, I hang up the phone and get more comfortable on the couch I was sitting in.

 

Manute and I were waiting in the living room of Senator Roark’s compound. I had offered to have the meeting in his office at city hall, but he had insisted on meeting here, away from any witnesses and surrounding by heavily armed men on his payroll.

 

“You know that he’s planning on killing us here, right?”

 

“Yes Manute, I am all too aware.”

 

Finally Senator Roark himself strides into the room, flanked by four of his men. He did not look happy to see me.

 

“Hello again Senator. Lovely place you got here, might I ask where you bought these very comfy couches from?”

 

“Hartigan was released from prison this morning. On your orders!”

 

“My orders? Senator I’m not a government official like you. How exactly would I order a prisoner’s release?”

 

Roark pulled out his gun and aimed it right at my head. I couldn’t help but smirk a bit at just how furious I’ve made him.

 

“I own this city you little shit. You really thought I wouldn’t find out the second you tried to go against me?”

 

“But you didn’t find out the ‘second I went against you’ did you Senator? That’s what your really upset about. I turned some of your best men against you didn’t I?”

 

The now enraged Roark grabbed me by my throat and forced his gun against face so hard I imagine it’ll be outlined into my skin for a while.

 

“The only reason your still breathing right now is because I’m gonna make sure you die as slowly and painfully as possible. But not before I find out why the hell your luring so many ‘freaks’ into my city.”

 

“That’s one of your main problems Senator. Your threatened by these ‘freaks’ because their so different from you: exceptional, unique, heroic. And your absolutely terrified at the thought of them. Me on the other hand…”

 

A snap and a pained yelp sounded out as Manute gripped one of his large hands around Roark’s wrist and forced it off away from his employer.

 

“I’m so obsessed with them.”

 

“Aaaaahhh! Goddamnit! Shoot him! Shoot both of them!”

 

*SLASH!

 

The four men were cut almost in half before they could even lift their guns. Another man armed with a katana sword had arrived and not a moment too soon.

 

“Bill. So glad you could join us.”

 

“Eh, felt like brushing up on my swordplay.”

 

“Cassian, Vernita have you cleared out the remaining bodyguards?” I asked into my headphone.

 

“Roger perimeter clear. Every guard that was loyal to Roark is dead.” 

 

“Good. Cassian the package should be arriving at the airport now, make sure it reaches this compound.”

 

Smiling at how perfectly the plan had gone, I turn my attention back to Senator Roark. Watching the son of a bitch whimper in pain as Manute kept his arm twisted behind his back was the perfect cherry on top.

 

“You really are a cliche, relic of a villain aren’t you? Right down to having worthless, dime of dozen mooks. You don’t belong in my my game Roark, it deserves a better villain then you.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare- aaarrrghh! You wouldn’t kill me! I’m a fucking US Senator!”

 

“Oh I won’t kill you just yet Senator, not until the game is over anyway. Until then you’ll live long enough to watch your empire be torn to pieces.”

 

Manute ‘escorted’ the Senator to one of the backrooms until I have need of him again. That just left me and Bill in the living room, something I found suspicious.

 

“I thought Ms. Driver would be with you Snake Charmer.”

 

“Like I told you Zero, she won’t be able to resist going after Beatrix. If she hasn’t found her by now, she will soon.”

 

“Dammit! I better give her a call, she can’t die just yet.” (hit-girl vs elle driver)

 

 

“You sure about that? If she finds out you’ve been playing her, it won’t be pretty.”

 

“I’ll cross that road when I get there. But first things first.”

 

Taking out my phone, I logged into the Instagram post of another one of my favorite heroes. Bill looked over my shoulder as I typed of a post that I know he won’t be able to resist.

 

“Who the fuck is Kick-Ass?”

 

“My backup plan, in case an old man doesn’t come through for me.”

 

************************************

 

Last year I finally understood why no one else tried to be a superhero before me. It's because the real world needs real heroes, and not some punk in a wetsuit playing dress-up, but a genuine badass who can really kick ass.

 

And that’s what I did. Or really I guess that’s what Justice Forever did. They became a seriously badass organization that really made New York City a safer, happier place to live in. The only problem was that they were a bit too good at the job, better then I ever was or could hope to be. So when I finally graduated I figured it was time for me to head out, didn’t actually have a plan for where I was going but I figured I’d eventually figure it out.

 

After a few wacky adventures that included car chases, hitchhiking along the hot as hell highway, and running amuck of an evil nudist colony, I got a post on my old Kick-Ass Instagram that really got my attention: apparently there’s this city out west that was in bad need of a superhero, like really, REALLY BAD! Like username ZERO’S GAME described it as like Gotham City if Batman was never born! But hey the place couldn’t be any worse then New York right?

 

*Buzz! Buzz!*

 

Another post from ZERO’s GAME brought me to this abandoned building in the cities Projects. It said that some pedophile was keeping little girls locked up in there. Alright Kick-Ass, time to earn your moniker.

 

“Beat it freak! Unless you want one of us to toss you in that dumpster!”

 

“Oh no, no, I’m just standing around… Yah!”

 

Baton to the two creeps throats, then one to the back of the head each and their out. Mindy called it the instant KO move.

 

The inside of the place definitely looked creepy enough to be a child molesters hideout. With the damaged furniture, broken windows, and the disgusting smell that I just couldn’t place. I found the girls in a cage in the corner, I couldn’t get it open but one of the girls managed to tell me that whoever did this was upstairs and had the key on them. She called him the ‘Yellow Bastard,” and I really hoped that wasn’t an Asian slur, because that wouldn’t be cool.

 

Once I went upstairs that disgusting smell from before got even worst, but I could also smell something else, something like the decaying of a rotten corpse. What the fuck is this place? I also heard the sound of someone whimpering in the other room and I followed it to find another girl crying as she was tied to a bed. She was older then the others though, closer to my age in fact.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m gonna get you out of here I promise.”

 

“John.. Oh John I’m so sorry..”

 

“John? Who’s John?”

 

She pointed to the corner and when I looked over I nearly shit myself as I saw the stringed up body of some old guy staring back towards us!

 

What the fucking hell? What kind of sick asshole would aaarrrghh!

 

“Well, well, looks like we got ourselves a party crasher. And just who might you be?” 

 

The guy drove his blade further into my back as he asked that question. Thank God for the metal plates and braces in my back, it would have hurt like hell. I slammed my shoulder back into the psycho’s nose, he cursed as he was knocked backwards. I turned around and got a good look at this asshole and had a sudden epiphany as to why he’s called the Yellow Bastard.

 

“I’m Kick-Ass, look me up! Now these girls are leaving with me! The only question is whether your going to the cops or the hospital!”

 

“You fucking green fuck! I’m gonna gut you like a fucking fish!”

 

“Hospital it is, bitch!”

 

************************************

 

Movie versions of each character. Kick-Ass has his batons and the suit he had at the end of the second movie. The Yellow Bastard has his knife.

 

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I'm probably gonna with Kick-Ass here, especially considering he has maybe... a year to a couple years of training under his belt with Hit-Girl here. And since this is Kick-Ass at the end of the second movie, he's got some modicum of experience. So I'm gonna with Kick-Ass.

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On 7/11/2021 at 9:09 AM, RakaiThwei said:

I'm probably gonna with Kick-Ass here, especially considering he has maybe... a year to a couple years of training under his belt with Hit-Girl here. And since this is Kick-Ass at the end of the second movie, he's got some modicum of experience. So I'm gonna with Kick-Ass.

Don't forget he's got some metal platting on his skeleton because of severe injuries he suffered in his first time as a super hero, so it helps him deal with a ton of pain.

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Some really great work mixing all the different tones, Pizzaguy. I enjoyed the way you handled Hartigan's defeat and I am fully invested in finding out what Zero is up to. As for this fight, I can't in good conscience vote for the Yellow Bastard. Even if he is still on the inexperienced side, Kick Ass has the skills and the determination to take the creep down.

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Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - JohnnyChany
4.80 - Culwych1

FPA Calculation:
2 Total Votes cast
9.80 Total Combined Score
9.80 / 2 = 4.90 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Kick-Ass: 4
The Yellow Bastard: 1

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