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By UMPIRE

Tournament - The Kraken (Clash of the Titans) vs. Midgard Serpent

MATCH SCORE
The Kraken (Clash of the Titans): 2
Midgard Serpent: 3

By UMPIRE

Siegfried vs. Gill

MATCH SCORE
Siegfried: 4
Gill: 1

By UMPIRE

Michelangelo (Mirage) vs. Michelangelo (2012)

MATCH SCORE
Michelangelo (Mirage): 7
Michelangelo (2012): 0

By UMPIRE

Cybermen (Mondasian) vs. April O'Neil

MATCH SCORE
Cybermen (Mondasian): 3
April O'Neil: 0

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Doogie Howser vs. Beverly Crusher

MATCH SCORE
Doogie Howser: 1
Beverly Crusher: 10

By UMPIRE

11:6 - The Derelict (LV-426) vs. Penny (Inspector Gadget)

MATCH SCORE
The Derelict (LV-426): 8
Penny (Inspector Gadget): 4

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Catwoman vs. Arsene Lupin III

MATCH SCORE
Catwoman: 2
Arsene Lupin III: 9

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Tinker Bell vs. Princess Aurora

MATCH SCORE
Tinker Bell: 8
Princess Aurora: 4

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Batman (Richard Grayson) vs. Leonardo (TMNT)

MATCH SCORE
Batman (Richard Grayson): 3
Leonardo (TMNT): 8

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Neal Caffrey vs. Dominic Toretto

MATCH SCORE
Neal Caffrey: 10
Dominic Toretto: 2

By UMPIRE

11:6 - The Death Star vs. Ron Stoppable

MATCH SCORE
The Death Star: 4
Ron Stoppable: 10

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Anna Of Arendelle vs. Belle (Disney)

MATCH SCORE
Anna Of Arendelle: 12
Belle (Disney): 4

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Carlton Banks vs. Konohagakure

MATCH SCORE
Carlton Banks: 10
Konohagakure: 2

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Tiana (Disney) vs. Pocahontas

MATCH SCORE
Tiana (Disney): 3
Pocahontas: 10

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Raphael (TMNT) vs. Lady Shiva

MATCH SCORE
Raphael (TMNT): 5
Lady Shiva: 9

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Snake-Eyes vs. Raiden (Metal Gear)

MATCH SCORE
Snake-Eyes: 4
Raiden (Metal Gear): 6

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Shinobi (Joe Musashi) vs. Michelangelo (1987)

MATCH SCORE
Shinobi (Joe Musashi): 6
Michelangelo (1987): 3

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Sir John Falstaff vs. Vice City

MATCH SCORE
Sir John Falstaff: 10
Vice City: 2

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Arthur Morgan vs. Nathan Drake

MATCH SCORE
Arthur Morgan: 9
Nathan Drake: 2

By UMPIRE

11:6 - Dwight Schrute vs. Remnant

MATCH SCORE
Dwight Schrute: 4
Remnant: 6

Match 16681 Hit-Girl vs. Elle Driver


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Previously on One Night in Sin City:

 

“Remember to take only one pain pill at time, it’ll dull the pain for a bit but more then six and you’ll be foaming at the mouth in seconds. And take some adrenaline shots just in case you need some extra energy. Oh and don’t forget Marv’s medicine, make certain he doesn’t forget to take it.”

 

“Thanks again for your hospitality Claire. I promise I’ll pay you and Lucille back once this is over.”

 

“Oh don’t even worry about that, I just wish we could do more to help find your son.”

 

“You’ve done more then most others would have done Claire. I promise I won’t forget this.”

 

They say that this rotten city soils everything it doesn’t corrupt, but I beg to differ. Claire, she went out of her way to house and heal a complete stranger, all because she couldn’t stand the thought of a child lost somewhere in this dark city, silently hoping that his daddy will come and save him. Claire’s part of my familia now, my circle of people who I’d never turn my back on, ever.

 

“And I better not hear one report of you killing any fucking cops while your out! It’s been a pain in my ass keeping your ugly mug from a life sentence all these years. So you better not blow it now!”

 

“Get off my back you nagging broad! I ain’t looking to get locked up for good, but dammit I just gotta make sure whoever’s been screwing with us pays for it Lucille! I just gotta!”

 

Claire’s girlfriend Lucille is another I’d gladly call family. She’s a rough, no-nonsense type of woman, whose really a big softy at heart. Kinda reminds me of Letty. And Marv… Well… He’s alright. I guess. We’ll see.

 

“So your friend Checkers is already at the farmhouse? Hogging all the goddamn fun to himself?” (deckard shaw vs kevin

 

 

“It’s Deckard and yes he is. So hurry up, we should have been out of here by now.”

 

“Alright already padre, let’s roll then.”

 

The big crazy guy and me gathered our guns and our medicine and walked out to his car. It’s a damn fine Nissan Altima, almost too good for Mr. Conan in a trench coat.

 

“Marv! One more thing before you go: remember that ex-cop that I’ve been telling you about? I don’t know how, but he someone managed to make his parole.(john hartigan vs ms perkins) I know the bad press he’s got but I got a feeling he’s not the bad guy their making him out to be. If you see him, say your a friend of mine and I think he’ll help you.”

 

“Thanks for the tip Lucille. You and Claire keep your heads down until this blows over okay?”

 

Hopping in the car, Marv gave me a dirty look as he saw me in the drivers seat.

 

“And just who the hell said you could drive my new darling?”

 

“Just sit back and relax big man, I’m gonna show you how to make her purr.”

 

“Lucille, you think their gonna be alright?”

 

Lucille smiled and squeezed her girlfriends hand as they watched Marv and Dom drive off.

 

“Their gonna be just fine Claire. But whoever their going to war with, he’s probably shitting himself right about now.”

 

************************************

 

Can’t die… Not like this… Not with him and the others… Still alive! (john hartigan vs ms perkins)

 

I weakly pulled myself across the grassy field, leaving a heavy coat of red blood in my wake. I couldn’t believe how fucking fucked this all was! I survived getting shot in the head and all out assault on a yakuza boss, only to die out here at the hands of entirely unrelated women.

 

Dammit don’t think… like that… you can make it… to the road… almost there.

 

And then what? Hope that someone actually sees a women covered on the edge of the road and stops? That their’s a hospital even remotely close to here? That they won’t just take what little I got and leave me here?

 

Shut up… and move you bitch… a little further… one more pull… no don’t look at your right hand! 

 

I accidentally try to grab the edge of the road with my dominant hand, only to see nothing but a bloody stump. Oh yeah, that Miho bitch cut it off during the last strike. I stare at the stump almost fascinatingly as it continued to spurt out more blood still.

 

No Beatrix… look away… please look away… you can’t give in… not after everything… don’t let them…

 

I can barely hear the panicking voice in the back of my head now, I feel as though I’m slowly drifting away from it, away from my fears, away from the whole world itself. It’s like I’m slowly falling asleep. To a dream that I know will never end, where I’ll finally get to see her again.

 

My baby. Don’t worry sweetheart, Mommy is finally coming to see you. I’m sorry I made you wait so long.

 

*VROOM! VROOM!*

 

************************************

 

I feel. Warm and secure. Am I dead?

 

I slowly opened my eyes, my head felt like it had been underwater for so long and had just now come up for air. I see… a brown ceiling with a fan currently spinning on medium speed.

 

I’m… Alive?.. But how?

 

“Well your one tough old lady, I’ll give you that at least.”

 

I moved on instinct, reaching for something on the nearby table, something to defend myself with. A hand grabbed the back of my hair and yanked my head back, a knife placed under my throat stopped me in my tracks.

 

“The last couple of hours I had to stitch your body back together, used the last of my anethesia to keep you from tearing your stitches in your sleep, and had to rob a blood bank to put some of that life juice back in your body. Don’t force me to kill you after all of that.”

 

Having no other option, I relaxed in her grip and she pushed me back to my original position in the bed, her knife still at my neck kept me from trying anything else.

 

Now that I got a good look at my rescuer/captor, she was wearing some kind of purple leathered outfit with a purple wig to match. Did Halloween come early this year or is she one of those cosplayer kids? She is young though, despite her mask I could tell she couldn’t be more then 16 years old, almost too young to be so comfortable holding someone at knife point.

 

“Now as you could imagine keeping you alive all throughout the night has been very exhausting and stressful, so I think I’m owed a couple of questions. Like how the hell did you end up cut open on the side of the road?”

 

“I… Oh God it was so horrible you don’t understand! I was walking home late from work alone, my friends have told me not to do that, but while crossing the road I saw this man in a black mask, and before I could run he grabbed me and- oh God I can’t even describe to you the things he did to me!”

 

“Uh-huh. What’d you say your name was again?”

 

“I-I’m Arlene. Arlene Machiavelli. I can’t thank you enough for saving my life! If there’s-”

 

The little brat back handed me across the face so hard, for a second I worried she broke my nose.


“Liar, liar, pants on fire. Your name is Beatrix. I know that cause your friend Zero texted you, wanting to know if the ‘job’ is done yet. Try again skank!” (beatrix kiddo vs miho

 

“You.. You don’t understand.”

 

“I understand what a botched hit job looks like, the only question is who were you after and why?”

 

“I can’t tell you that!”

 

“Can’t or won’t?”

 

“I’m trying to protect you, you fucking little idiot! If the people I’m hunting for, hell if the people I’m working for found out about you, they’ll kill you and anyone who tries to figure out why you suddenly dropped dead. So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave this city right now and forget you ever saw me!”

 

“Protect me? Bitch do you not recognize the costume? I’m Hit-Girl.”

 

“…Who?”

 

“Hit-Girl. C’mon I was all over the news for a whole fucking year! The D’Amico penthouse massacre? The Battle of Times Square? What were you under a rock for the last two years?”

 

“In a coma. For four years.”

 

“…Oh. Your the Jane Doe of El Paso. The one who survived the Two Pines shooting, tanked a bullet to the head, and destroyed the O-Ren Ishii Yakuza Syndicate.”

 

The kid withdrew her knife from my throat and took a step back in amazement. The Jane Doe of El Paso? Well as far as nicknames go, I think I prefer Black Mamba.

 

“You were going after the fuckers who tried to kill you huh? Is that what your doing in Sin City?”

 

“Like I said kid, just forget you ever saw me,” Managing to slowly sit up, I looked over the room and saw the kid had left my stuff in a neat pile on a table. “Thank you for nursing me back to health, but you don’t want to get mixed up in my shit.”

 

“Your missing your dominant hand. I don’t wanna kick you while your down, but you won’t be killing anyone without that hand.”

 

I wanted to tell her to shut-up. That I was fine, that I’d learn how to hold my sword or my guns with my left hand, that she was a young idiot who had no idea what I was capable of. But I didn’t, cause deep down I knew that she was right. And as tried picking up some of my stuff with my left hand only for it to slip and drop to the floor, I had to accept the reality that I was no match for Bill, that whore Miho, or the remaining members of my Squad without my hand.

 

*RING! RING! RING!*

 

“You should probably answer that. Your friend Zero has been trying to reach you for an hour now.”

 

Great, just what the hell was I supposed to tell Zero now? Sighing, I managed to pick up the phone with my useless left hand and answer.

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“Ms. Beatrix? Good, thought we lost you for a second there.”

 

“McCarthy and Miho have managed to elude me for the moment, but I’ll find them again soon enough.”

 

“I fear you have a more immediate problem coming your way. One of your former comrades in arms is in Basin City, I think she’s looking for you.”

 

“How do you know that? Never mind, where is she now?”

 

“She appears to be checking in at a motel for the evening. A small, run-down joint called Mimi’s… Ms. Beatrix? Are you still there?”

 

“Kid where are we right now?”

 

“Mimi’s motel, room 28. Why?”

 

“Zero where is she? What’s she doing?”

 

“She’s in room 27 now, she’s opening her suitcase and- SHIT! BEATRIX SHE HAS AN UZI! GET DOWN!”

 

Without thinking I tackled Hit-Girl behind a table and kicked it over for cover, just as a spray of thousands of bullets ripped through the room from the opposite wall. We kept as low to the floor as possible until the bullets finally stopped. Carefully peaking around the the table, I looked over at the now Swiss cheesed wall until I saw a familiar one-eyed bitch peering at me through it.

 

“Glad to see your still alive B. When I found your hand lying on the ground at the Tar Pits, I thought I missed my chance at killing you. I also found this baby too.”

 

Through the hole in the wall Elle Driver held her newly scavenged prize: my Hattori Hanzō sword. Dammit. I turned back to Hit-Girl and whispered as low as I could:

 

“Kid you have to get out of here! I’m the one she wants, just run as soon as-”

 

“Shut! Up! I am not leaving you! I’m fucking Hit-Girl and I don’t run from dick!”

 

From the pocket of her belt she pulled out a grenade and smirked confidently.

 

“You stay behind cover. I’m gonna kill this mega cunt.”

 

“Not gonna reply B? Too scared? You should be, cause I’m kill you with your own fucking-”

 

*BOOM!*

 

Elle Driver was knocked backwards from the force of the grenade blast! As she slowly recovered from the shock of the blast she saw through the light smoke a hole through the wall separating the two rooms. And from that hole emerged a short figure wielding a bladed stick coming right at her!

 

Elle rolled away just before the blade struck the ground she just occupied! Getting to her feet, she block and parried the stick blade with her sheathed katana, managing to smack the girl across the face with the covered head.

 

Hit-Girl growled, drove her blade into the ground, and spun around it with her feet outstretched, catching Elle in the chin and knocking her onto the bed. The one-eyed assassin snarled in anger and unsheathed her katana! She cut through the blade of the stick like butter and then slashed the remains of it in two when the young heroine attempted to block her strike.

 

Getting over her surprise of how sharp the sword was, Hit-Girl ducking under the next slash and swung her weapon (now essentially a wooden club) into her enemies shin. As Elle Driver cried out in pain, Hit-Girl next swung and hit the Viper Squad members wrist! Forcing her to drop her katana as yet another swing from Hit-Girl’s club smacked her in the face knocking her back again.

 

Hit-Girl attempted a fourth strike but Ms. Driver was ready this time: catching the purple haired girls wrist and driving her other fist into Hit-Girls stomach. As the air left Hit-Girls lungs, Elle took a firm hold of the younger girl’s wrists and with all her might flung her against the wall of the room hard!

 

As the purple suited heroine tried to get up, Elle grabbed the back of her head and slammed her face into the wall once, then twice! But before the third time, Hit-Girl pulled her butterfly knife from her belt and stabbed Elle in the upper thigh! As Elle yelled in surprise and pain, Hit-Girl spun around and jumped on the assassin’s back. Her legs locked around Elle’s midsection and her armed wrapped around Elle’s neck, putting her in a sleeper hold. Elle choked out a curse as the pressure on her neck drove her to her knees. Not able to dislodge Hit-Girl’s strong from around her throat, she instead drove her elbow into the purple haired girl’s abs three times until her opponent’s grip weakened, allowing Elle to throw the girl over her head and across the floor!

 

Elle paused briefly to pull out the butterfly knife lodged in her thigh. Hit-Girl pushed herself back up to her feet, rubbing her tender abs for a second but getting ready as Elle threw away the knife that had previously been in her leg.

 

“This isn’t your fight you little shit. Walk away while you still can.”

 

“Bitch, I’m gonna walk over your corpse in three minutes flat.”

 

************************************

 

Hit-Girl vs Elle Driver

 

The two start out in a hand to hand fight, but are both free to use whatever weapons they can find in the motel room, including the currently discarded butterfly knife and the Hattori Hanzō katana.

 

Who wins? Who dies?

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As much as I remember enjoying Hit Girl in Kick Ass, I had forgotten how skilled with guns she actually was until I watched that Youtube clip. I just remembered her dismembering seemingly common thugs. The video clip was good enough to get me to change my vote, she is definitely a force to be reckoned with in this arc.

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Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.70 - JohnnyChany

FPA Calculation:
1 Total Votes cast
4.70 Total Combined Score
4.70 / 1 = 4.70 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Hit-Girl: 3
Elle Driver: 0

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  • 3 weeks later...

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