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patrickthekid

Match 15601 Joxer the Mighty vs. Xander Harris

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It was an exciting time for all in the Omniverse. Thousands of people for infinite worlds await in line for the grand reopening of Khazan, the nexus of all realities. After the planet was deemed off limits to all, it has now been reopened for the masses. Along with old allies, new applicants lined up by the thousands for the chance to experience the sights of Khazan City.

It is there where one tall, skinny man brandishing armor that just didn't fit well in all manner of ways was sitting in a... wall? The way the buildings have gotten so tall have always bothered him, even if he has been living in Khazan for years. Yet he was waiting for an old friend to come by. Rather impatiently. He was tapping his toes until finally...

A shorter man with black hair and an eyepatch over his left eye. Or what's left of it anyways.

"It's about time you showed up," the taller man spoke up, his voice teeming with imitation. "I've been waiting on this corner for hours."

"Well, what's a man to do when he gets to see his own idol Nick Fury again after so many years." A beat. "He totally missed he too by the way."

The two stared at each other tensely for a few seconds... only to break the staredown with a hug.

"Man, it's been far too long Joxer," the shorter man said.

"No need to lay it in thick Xander," Joxer replied before taking a step back. "How's Dawn?"

"You know the usual. Helping her with her energy problems. Dodging glances from angry older sister slayer. At least it's better than unsuspectingly dating demons." He chuckled nervously. "How's Meg?"

"Still the most wonderful woman in the world. Even gave me the idea to set up a Xena and Gabrielle souvenir shop in Khazan."

Joxer's eyes beamed... only to dim a bit at the situation of his life. He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Tough luck on Gabrielle. Hard to fight literal destiny. Even we struggled with that."

"Pfft. It's all in the past now," Joxer waved him off. "Besides, I still need to work on living up to their name as a grand warrior."

Xander tried his best to stifle a laugh, but Joxer heard it loud and clear. "Is something funny to you?"

Xander wiped his nose as he tried to stop smiling. "Nothing. Just that I find it hard to believe you could be a warrior. Didn't you fail to do so after 25 years of trying?"

"Oh you're one to talk. How many times did Buffy have to bail you out of your own messes?"

"Well at least I didn't die from one."

His mouth closed too late to stop the latest insult from escaping his mouth. Joxer's jaws went wide with shock only to grimace as his left hand squeezed into a fist. His right hand shoved Xander back as he stepped forward. "Oh... oh. It's on now buddy. You think I haven't noticed the scoreboard? We haven't faced each other in a match yet. Likely because you're too chicken to face me. Well, it's high time I change that. You and me. Khazan Arena. Right now."

Not wanting to look weak, Xander sidestepped and held his hands up high. "Oh it's on like Donkey Kong. You better bring a coffin, because I'm putting you in six feet under for your second time..."

...

It was a bright and sunny day in the Arena. Perfect weather for a fight. Unfortunately, the crowds weren't nearly as filled as per usual. It appeared that everyone knows what to expect from the two men and were not impressed. With that said, they two had enough connections to pull all the strings so that the spectacle would be commentated by the very best. And so...

"And welcome back folks to what looks to be a rather interesting grudge match her in Khazan Arena. I'm Pat Summers."

"And I'm Jay Peoples. And we have ourselves a battle of the male sidekicks. While we have had many storied matches between the Warrior Princess and the Vampire Slayer, we have yet to see their two male allies land blows."

"Part of it has to deal with the fact that the two are usually pretty chummy with each other. But this latest spite has finally brought the two to blows."

"And the audience will be the ultimate benefit of it all. We have ourselves a classic sand match filled with all sorts of destructive goodies familiar to both our fighters. Swords, arrows, guns and the like. It will be up to them to arm themselves and go for the kill."

"Which will make things all the more interesting in what sort of strategy these two... lesser than stellar combatants will bring to the table. It may not look like much on paper, but crazier things have happened in this arena..."

And indeed things were about to become weird. Two witches, each hoping that the other would win cast a spell on their patron in the hopes of bringing them to their best physical shape.

So here is the scenario: Both are unarmed and 100 feet away from each other. Weapons are scattered around the arena. But there's a twist. Joxer has been turned into his best self in 'From Him the Bell Tolls' while Xander is at his military persona from 'Halloween'

se the EDIT function at any time in the future to update this post.

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Ah, one of CBUB's most prolific match-makers jumps back in the saddle. :)

Good set-up and match-up of screw-up characters, patrickthekid. I don't know much about Buffy, but you really have Joxer in character here. The way he and Xander came to blows was kind of hilarious! :D

As for the match, after watching a clip of Xander fight in Buffy's Halloween episode, I think Joxer wins this. Joxer seemed to take his foes down with a good deal less effort in Xena's For Him the Bell Tolls.

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Nice match. I seem to remember Joxer the Mighty popping up alot in the old CBUB days, but looking at his record I may be mistaken. I'm leaning toward him here although it is in large part to my complete lack of Xander knowledge.

Interestingly enough I really liked the show Angel, but never watched a single episode of Buffy.

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Match Final Results

RATINGS SCORE: 4.00
0 regular members rated the match.
2 CBUB Match Judges rated the match.

MATCH SCORE
Joxer the Mighty: 3
Xander Harris: 1

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On 1/3/2021 at 2:41 AM, JohnnyChany said:

Nice match. I seem to remember Joxer the Mighty popping up alot in the old CBUB days, but looking at his record I may be mistaken. I'm leaning toward him here although it is in large part to my complete lack of Xander knowledge.

Interestingly enough I really liked the show Angel, but never watched a single episode of Buffy.

Never seen either but Buffy is on my 'to watch' list.

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Thanks for the compliments. It's a match that's been on the top of my head for a while and I plan to make more in the future. I think I'll add some more Xena characters as well.

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Great match (sorry a bit late to this), definitely has made me want to revisit both shows.

Look forward to more!

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