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Tournament - Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Bone Saw McGraw

You Be The Judge

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Bone Saw McGraw

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               “Xander, what the hell are you wearing?” Cordelia sized up her dorky friend, pulling out her smart phone. “That is the ugliest suit I have ever seen.”

               “What are you talking about?” Xander raises his arms and spins. “Old school is totally in right now.”

               “Um, no, not that kind of old school. A pink suit is not ‘in’ right now. And the ruffled cuffs are not helping either. You look like a disco drag queen.” Cordelia finished with her phone and put it back in her purse. “I was already feeling icky going to the homecoming dance with a dork, but I thought at least you would dress decently.” She then looked at his car, an old VW bug with a racing striped down the middle. “And that car, Jesus, dump it already.”

               “Hey, this suit is great princess. It’s what my dad wore to his prom, where he asked out my mom. So it has a pretty good batting average. Your loss if you don’t want to show up with the sharpest dressed man at-“

               Xander was cut off by the roar of an engine. A solid black specimen of an American muscle car pulled up to the pair. It’s hood is adorned by a white skull.  “Excuse me miss,” a gruff, middle aged man said, “would you be Cordelia?”

               Cordelia let out a whistle. “See Xander? This is the old school that’s in right now.” She stepped down into the passenger seat, looking at the driver through a panel of protective glass. “Sunnydale high.”

               “On the double.” He revved the engine hard, the car tires squealing as the car bolted off.

               Xander was left on the curb in front of his house, coughing from the fumes. “Alright Herbie, guess it’s just you and me.”



               “Whoa!” Cordelia was taken back by the sudden acceleration. “This thing really goes.” She reached down for a seatbelt, but her hand came back empty.  “Uhh, seatbelts?”

               “I’ve never needed them.” The man pats the dash. “This here car is completely death proof, seatbelts would just ruin the aesthetic.” He turns down an unlit street.

               “This isn’t the way to Sunnydale High.” Cordelia began looking around nervously.

               “No ma’am, but don’t worry your pretty little head. All dressed up to the nines like that, you’ll be making quite the entrance tonight.” The man suddenly yanks on the wheel, the car swerving violently as he stamps down on the accelerator.

               “Hey man, what the hell?!” Cordelia yells as she gets tossed around.

               “You know, there’s a couple things I should tell you. One is that this car is completely death proof, but only if you’re sitting on the driver’s side.” 

               Cordelia’s eyes widened, as she realized the situation she was in. “Sir, please, I just want to go to homecoming…” she was still being tossed about as the car swerved back and forth.

               “And I said I’d get you there, and with style. But you didn’t let me finish,” he finally righted the car, going ever faster now in a straight line,” you said this car really goes. But I also need to show you that it really STOPS!” He slammed on the brakes, sending Cordelia head first into the dash. There was a nauseating crack.

               The man looked over at the limp body of the young woman. “Now, let’s get you to your dance.”



               “Hey Xander, you look snazzy.” Willow excitedly waltzed up to her friend. “I thought you were bringing Cordelia.”

               “Well, she didn’t think I look too snazzy in this, so she decided it was best to have some creep in a muscle car drive her. Where’s she at anyway?”

               “Well, I haven’t seen her.” Willow looks around the room. “I still don’t. Hey Buffy!” She calls over to the Vampire Slayer, who was brushing off the advances of a stoner who had smoked up before the dance.

               “What’s up Willow? Oh, Xander, where’s Cordy?”

               “That’s what I was asking,” Willow said. “She called a ride but she’s not here yet.”

               “That’s weird.” Buffy scanned the crowd before grabbing her friends by the arms. “Let’s head outside and call her. Hopefully, she’s not in too much trouble.”

               The three members of the Scooby gang leave the school gymnasium and head outside. Just as they walk out the doors, Xander hears the familiar sound of an engine.

               He points at the black muscle car as it speeds toward the curb. “Hey, that’s it. Guess the driver got lost.”

               The three start towards the road as the car swerves to a stop. The door opens, and the bloody body of Cordelia falls out in a heap. The car then speeds off.

               “What the hell!?” Buffy yells. She runs in the direction of the car, but it’s far too fast for the slayer to catch. She makes out an important detail on the bumper, a sticker for “The Fight Ring.”

               Xander and Willow were at the body. “Oh my god Buffy,” Willow said. “She’s dead.” A crowd was starting to gather around.

               Buffy wiped a tear from her eye. “Come on you two, we have investigating to do. We’re gonna catch that bastard.”



               The gang pulls up in a shady part of downtown. Cars line the street, and they can hear the din of music and a crowd nearby. The noise comes from an old factory, with blacked out windows and a guard out front. A neon sign reads “The Fight Ring.”

               Buffy and her friends approach the doorman. “We’re looking for a man driving a black muscle car with a white skull on it. Do you know him?”

 The doorman looked the teens up and down, raising an eyebrow as they had not yet changed out of their homecoming dance attire. “Sounds like one of Bone Saw’s friends. But I don’t know if I can let you folks in. This is a 21 and over club. I’ll need to see some ID.”

               “Oh sure,” Buffy says. “I have it right here.” She turns slightly and reaches into her purse, its crimson shade matching her dress, before whipping around and landing a right hook on the guard’s chin. He falls backwards, and Buffy marches into the Fight Ring.

               Inside, a wrestling ring is surrounded by bleachers. Lights are flashing overhead as a large man tosses another man out of the ring.

               “Another one goes down! Can no one hold up against Bone Saw McGraw?!” The voice of an overselling commentator comes from overhead. “Can anyone survive just 3 minutes against the baddest man on Earth? Who is next to face the Fight Ring champion?”

               Buffy charges down towards the ring. Willow reaches out to stop her, but she’s far too fast to be caught by her friend. “Buffy wait, where are you going?”

               “I’m going to find out what Bone Saw knows about the guy who killed Cordy, even if I have to beat it out of him.”

               Buffy comes down ringside and slides into the ring. The wrestler catches a mic tossed to him from outside the ring. “Oh, it looks like Bone Saw has an admirer.” He exaggerates the last word, much to the crowd’s delight. The crowd laughs and cheers. “I like that little dress of yours, maybe I can get it off of you later.”

               “Or are you here to try to claim the prize? 3,000 dollars to whoever can take down the big bad Bone Saw McGraw!”

               “Sure, I’ll take the cash too,” Buffy retorts. “But first, you’re gonna tell me about the asshole in the muscle car who killed my friend tonight.” As Buffy speaks, a cage lowers from the ceiling.

               “Oh, you’ve met my buddy Mike,” Bone Saw says, the microphone away from his face. The cage is closed around them, the door being chained shut. “Well, you’re about to find out he and I have a similar way of treating the ladies.”

               “And you’re about to find out how it feels to have a little lady kick your big ugly ass!”


It’s Buffy vs. Bone Saw McGraw in a cage match. Will the daring damsel prevail and find out how to find Cordelia’s killer, or will Bone Saw enjoy his three minutes of playtime?

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That is just great. Well done classic Buffy dialogue between the characters.

Poor Cordelia. Did no one tell her not to accept rides from strangers?  Great use of the Death Proof car.

Very entertaining. I have to vote Buffy because I want her to solve the mystery in the next match!

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Bone Saw McGraw! While perusing through characters to use for this month's challenge, I came upon him and legit tried to think of a way to use him. What you did was way better than any idea I had. Well done, sir.

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On 10/16/2020 at 9:14 PM, JohnnyChany said:

Bone Saw McGraw! While perusing through characters to use for this month's challenge, I came upon him and legit tried to think of a way to use him. What you did was way better than any idea I had. Well done, sir.

Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing this one. I thought it was about time Bone Saw got in a match.

On 10/17/2020 at 1:11 PM, patrickthekid said:

This is Buffy's to lose, but I would pay to see this fight play out.

I think Buffy has the edge, but Bone Saw was able to put Spidey on the back foot a bit. And we know he's willing to use weapons in the cage.

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Good and entertaining entry, Bergy. There was some weird tense switching throughout, but still a good story.

23 hours ago, Bergy_Berg said:

I think Buffy has the edge, but Bone Saw was able to put Spidey on the back foot a bit. And we know he's willing to use weapons in the cage.

Heh, that's even better for Buffy, who's virtually made a living out of improvising weapons. IIRC, she even slit a vampire's throat with a kick from her ice skate-fitted foot once.

I think Buffy wins the match and makes an even bigger fool out of Bone Saw than Spider-Man did, since Buffy has a lot more combat experience than Spidey did in his match.

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