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Versam

Match Showdown 01 - Panty & Stocking VS Ronald McDonald

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Versam VS SSJRuss: Match Showdown - Round One

***

That “Numbah Two No Onions Large with a Coke” Life

Stocking bit into a burger, grease dripping down the corner of her cheek and down her chin. It was almost as bad as the smell --stale fries and mystery meat. And not the good kind of mystery meat.

I was going to be sick. “What the fuck are you eating?”

Stocking looked up like she hadn’t heard me. “Go away, Panty. I’m relaxing.”

“Because clogged arteries totally help me unwind.” I picked up the bag next to her, scowling at the golden arches. “Fucking McDonalds!? Who the fuck are we? Donald Trump!?” I turned the bag upside down, letting a rain of salt and golden fries shower out.

"NOOOO!" Stocking screamed and dove off the couch to save a couple fries with open palms. But in her panic, she'd tossed her burger aside, splattering ketchup all over the kitchen tiles. "YOU WHORE! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!?"

I raised my hands in surrender even though I'd already won. "Don't get your stockings in a twist. I thought you were only into sweets. Since when did you cross over into fatso territory?"

Stocking gave up on the fast food mess and stood up, wiping grease and salt off on the front of her dress. "It's not fatso territory. It's happy weight."

I gave her a once over. She HAD gained weight recently. But I’d been too busy getting my freak on to bother with Stocking’s life crisis. "Does this have anything to do with that new dick you're riding?"

Her face went ketchup red. "We-- I-- We aren't--!"

"Oh, right. Chastity and all that. Till marriage, amiright?” I couldn’t help but laugh at my own joke.

Stocking looked like she was going to strike me down herself. Or have a stroke. The latter was more likely. "What do you want, Panty?"

Chuck, who had wandered into the room behind me, licked at the remnants of Stocking's McHeartAttack. I nodded in his direction and, as if on cue, he was struck by lightning.

Stocking rolled her eyes so hard she looked like she went blind. But then she walked out, waving behind her. "I'll get the Hummer."

That left me to retrieve the envelope Chuck had puked up. Another clue to another demon. As if we didn't already do enough cleaning up in Daten City.

It was a real creep this time. Red hair. Red lips. Pasty white.

Stocking revved the Hummer and I jumped into the passenger seat, shoving the envelope into my tits. "Take the Interstate. East. Three miles."

Stocking was uncharacteristically quiet for being so pissed at me. Even weirder, she didn’t look pissed. Just sad.

After a mile, she sighed. And I prepared for some annoying bit about her feelings.

“Panty,” she started, right on cue. Thank the Big Guy she was driving so she couldn’t see me fake gagging. “I think I’m getting married.”

I did a double take. “Married!? You THINK you’re getting married? How the fuck don’t you KNOW!?” I may have raised my voice a bit. But in my defense, I had to shout over the noise of the engine and late afternoon traffic.

Stocking only smiled to herself and I wanted to bash her face into the steering wheel. She’d only known this guy for a few weeks! How was marriage on the table!?

The Hummer slowed as she pulled into a brightly lit parking lot. Brightly lit by fuck-off golden arches. 

“WHY THE FUCK ARE WE AT MCDONALDS!?”

That lit a fire under her. “BECAUSE YOU SPILLED MY FRIES, YOU CUNT!”

“EAT THIS SHIT ON YOUR OWN TIME!”

“I CAN’T GO SLAY DEMONS WITH NO FOOD IN MY BELLY!”

We pulled up to the ordering menu and I just leaned into my seat, arms crossed. She was driving and we were already here. I let it go.

The speakers buzzed with old-ass static and a woman’s voice said, “Thank you for choosing McDonald's. What can I get started for you today?”

Stocking practically wet herself in excitement. “Numbah two. No onions. Large with a Coke.”

“Eight Eleven. Please pull up to the first window.”

“Thank you!” Stocking chirped.

I gawked at her, openly disgusted. “You didn’t even have to look at the menu!” She ignored me, so I continued, “How many times have you been here!? This is exactly why you’re getting fat!”

“It’s happy weight!”

“More like Happy Meals!”

Stocking bottled up her rage, but I could see the smoke billowing from her ears as she turned away from me to pay for her edible trash. But I couldn’t help but to be confused. Stocking was a sweets girl. Why had she switched to greasy salt-covered salt?

At the second window, Stocking squealed as a familiar-looking clown handed her McDonald’s signature brown baggie. Red hair. Red lips. Pasty white. I’d seen this freak somewhere before…

“This is great timing!” Stocking said, excitedly looking between me and the clown. “Panty, I want to introduce you to Ronald!”

I squinted, suspicious. “Like Ronald-fucking-McDonald?”

Stocking smacked my shoulder. “This is my boyfriend, you twat!”

And suddenly it all made sense.

Ronald leaned out the window, attempting to shake my hand as the smell of grease and stale fries wafted from the kitchen behind him. His smile was too nice --eerily so. His eyes, tiny and black, had glowing gold arches in their irises. 

Stocking looked back at me, eagerly awaiting my approval. But her eyes had golden arches too… 

I yanked the envelope out of my cleavage, comparing the demon we’d been sent to hunt with the red-haired freak in front of me. They were one and the same. And Stocking had already fallen victim to his addiction hypnosis. 

I pulled off my panties, summoning Backlace. “Repent, McFucker!”

 

***

 

Panty & Stocking (with Stocking currently hypnotized) VS Ronald McDonald (demonized)

Ronald wins if he can defeat Panty and keep Stocking "Happy".

Panty & Stocking win if Panty can snap Stocking out her trance and/or defeat Ronald.

 

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Let the challenge begin, huh?

This is an excellent match. You write well and there were parts of this that killed me. I don't know how I can follow this one, but I'm not going down round one. I'll see you in a few days with something excellent 🙂

And if Ronald is a demon, does he still keep his usual abilities? He has his own respect thread so I'm using that to judge who would win.

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Huh, wonder what happened with this match's number? I saw the beginning of the thread title simply say "Match" without a match number before the edit. Just curious if this was a site glitch. 

Anyways, after seeing some clips of Panty and Stocking, my first thoughts were "Angels on stripper poles? Dafaq did I just watch?! And why does this Stocking chick look like the human version of Twilight Sparkle?"

Can't help but laugh at the dialogue, though. :D The show kinda looks like what Stripperella was trying to be.

As for the match, from what I can tell, you seem to have Panty and Stocking right in character here. I don't know about a demon version of Ronald McDonald, but this version could probably give the ladies a good fight.

Good match.

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On 10/8/2020 at 7:52 AM, SSJRuss said:

And if Ronald is a demon, does he still keep his usual abilities? He has his own respect thread so I'm using that to judge who would win.

I imagine so. If he didn't, I'd be just making up feats. Just wanted to make it as evenly matched as I could by giving him more of a supernatural element like the ladies.

9 hours ago, DSkillz said:

Huh, wonder what happened with this match's number? I saw the beginning of the thread title simply say "Match" without a match number before the edit. Just curious if this was a site glitch.

I'm not sure. I didn't see that. But I was editing it, so that might've effected it. Russ convinced me to do a match challenge with him (we give each other characters and have to come up with matches for them), so we had to argue over how it should be titled. For consistency.

9 hours ago, DSkillz said:

Anyways, after seeing some clips of Panty and Stocking, my first thoughts were "Angels on stripper poles? Dafaq did I just watch?! And why does this Stocking chick look like the human version of Twilight Sparkle?"

Can't help but laugh at the dialogue, though. :D The show kinda looks like what Stripperella was trying to be.

As for the match, from what I can tell, you seem to have Panty and Stocking right in character here.

RIGHT!!! That show is a trip 🤣 I was thrilled when Russ put them on my list cuz I know their voices SO WELL. And they always fight some ridiculous monster, so what's more ridiculous than McDonalds? Overall, I think they still have it in the bag. It feels like a match that'd be in a typical episode.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Versam said:

I imagine so. If he didn't, I'd be just making up feats. Just wanted to make it as evenly matched as I could by giving him more of a supernatural element like the ladies.

True. It would be even if we just pick a few of his less ridiculous feats. I could see him having burger/fast food related attacks like giant fries or super spicy demon ketchup.

I like Panty's chances. I think you said it already but she regularly fights demons. Ronald doesn't seem very different then some of the other wacky demons they have faced.

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I had no idea who Panty and Stocking were and this match led me down an entertaing rabbit hole. Good read and fun fight.

 

 

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Match Final Results

RATINGS SCORE: 4.67
0 regular members rated the match.
3 CBUB Match Judges rated the match.

MATCH SCORE
Panty And Stocking: 8
Ronald McDonald: 1

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