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Homer Simpson vs. Stewie Griffin

Match 14683 by Gronaldra
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Scandal Savage vs. X-23

Scandal Savage: 0
X-23: 14

Yang Xiao Long vs. Joe Fixit

Yang Xiao Long: 13
Joe Fixit: 9

Jason Voorhees vs. Mr. Hercule Satan

Jason Voorhees: 4
Mr. Hercule Satan: 12

Accelerator vs. Dio Brando

Accelerator: 9
Dio Brando: 3

Samurai Jack vs. Furher King Bradley

Samurai Jack: 7
Furher King Bradley: 6


Match 13599 Donkey Kong vs. Wario

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ADMIN EDIT: Attention, CBUB. This match was plagiarized from another site, so disregard this as something original from this user. Here is the original scenario: 





Deep in a vast jungle, there lay a cave just below a treehouse with the large initials "DK" just at the door. The door of mentioned house opened and the tie-wearing, muscle-bound ape known as Donkey Kong stepped over the threshold.

A sinister snicker caught his ear, though, and he looked down at the source of the noise to see Wario emerge from the entrance to his banana hoard. His large teeth and mustache were unmistakable.

The thing that Donkey Kong noticed, upon closer inspection, was that Wario was holding at least five golden bananas in his grubby mitts. The sight was enough to light a fire in DK's gut.

The ape leapt down from his treehouse, landing right behind Wario with enough force to create a small shockwave. It was enough to surprise Wario and get him to turn around to see who did such a thing.

DK roared and beat his chest in rage, then glowered at the little troll-like man. Wario, always loving a challenge, flexed his muscles, then stared the ape down with a glare of his own.

Both man and ape rushed forward and threw a fist at the other. Both fists collided and, after a quick recuperation, they threw another that collided with another. Each fist met the other's in a heavy-duty slugfest that rumbled through the whole jungle.

Growing tired of the pattern, Donkey Kong began to spin with his fists outstretched, his whole body resembling a giant, furry propeller. His fists pummeled Wario through the entire combo and he followed it up with a powerful right hook that sent Wario rolling backwards.

Wario ground to a halt, then looked over and saw a rock on the ground. He picked it up, reared back his arm, then threw it at Donkey Kong like a fastball.

The rock clunked DK in the head, causing stars to circle his head, and Wario charged again. He grabbed Donkey Kong, jumped into the air, spun around like a tornado, then slammed Donkey Kong into the ground in a piledrive before shoulder-tackling him away.

DK rolled across the ground, then got up, clutching his head, and returned his focus to the current thief. Wario took out a special pot with the horns of a bull on it and it seemed to absorb into his body before Wario gained a bull-horned helmet and charged like mentioned animal.

Donkey Kong stood his ground and, just when Wario was in range, DK raised his arms and slammed the ground with them, creating a small tremor: one small enough to send Wario off his feet and sent him crashing into the ground. DK followed up the attack with a one-two punch where one fist pounded Wario into the ground and the other sent him flying forward into the dense tree cover.

DK gave chase and what followed was a series of punch impacts, smashing and splintering wood, and grunts in pain and war cries until they reached the edge of the trees.

Wario flew out of the clearing, then looked up and saw his trusted sports car just in front of a factory building. What this was doing out in the middle of a jungle was beyond even himself, but it was a welcome addition to the fight.

Donkey Kong burst from the foliage only to see Wario get in his car and rev its engine. Wario cackled as he put his petal to the metal and charged at top speed (odd, seeing as how cars needed time to build speed).

Donkey Kong leapt out of the way, the purple car just missing him, and his eyes scoured the place, trying to find anything that would give him a hand. His answer came in the form of a wooden crate with the head of a rhino on its side.

Donkey Kong leapt on top of the crate and, with a single strike of his fist, he smashed it open to reveal a bulky, single-horned rhinoceros. DK hopped onto the beast's back, then pointed it in the direction of Wario's car. The rhino, Rambi, got the message, and began to rapidly scuff the ground with his foot, as though he were building up energy.

Wario made a wide turn, then sped back at DK, intent on turning the ape and rhino combo into roadkill. After building enough energy, Rambi charged, his very footsteps seeming to shake the ground.

Both vehicle and beast crossed the distance with terrifying speed, but the result when they collided was not as Wario would have hoped. The minute Rambi's horn came in contact with the car, the whole car flipped into the air, catapulting Wario from the driver's seat.

Wario landed on the ground with a "thud", then got up to see Rambi turn around and come rumbling back at him.

Wario took out a new pot, this one looking like a dragon, and instantly gained a hat that resembled a dragon's head. When Rambi got close, Wario unleashed a stream of fire from the dragon hat's nostrils.

The minute the flames touched Rambi, the rhino grunted in pain and bucked Donkey Kong off his back before taking off into the jungle depths.

Donkey Kong groaned as he got back to his feet, then took out a gun that looked like it was carved from a log and took aim at Wario. One pull of the trigger later and a coconut blasted from the barrel, clunking Wario in the forehead with the hard-shelled fruit and dazing him.

The injury rid Wario of his dragon hat for some convoluted video-game-esque reason and then a thought occurred to him. When DK fired the next coconut, Wario opened his gigantic maw, and swallowed the coconut whole.

DK, shocked by what he had seen, fired again to make sure that he had seen what he thought he saw. Wario proved him correct by eating all six coconuts fired.

DK grunted in disdain, then a lightbulb appeared over his head as he took something from his invisible pockets. It was an orange with what appeared to be a windup key in place of the stem. He lobbed it at Wario, who swallowed it whole. What harm would an orange do?

Wario's whole body puffed out slightly after a second's wait and, when he opened his mouth, smoke billowed from it as well as his nostrils.

Furious that he had been tricked that easily, Wario darted over to Donkey Kong, seized the big monkey by the tie, then spun him around and threw him right into the factory door. Mario's antihero lookalike followed suit, as he was not quite through with DK yet.
Donkey Kong landed on the floor, then saw that the factory was, oddly enough, a barrel factory. A toothy grin crossed the ape's face: a barrel factory was home-sweet-home to him.

DK climbed a ladder all the way to the top, then saw Wario walk right in through the door. The gorilla's response was to pick up a wooden barrel and toss it at Wario. The barrel rolled down a set of steel platforms and Wario jumped over it. Every time Wario did this, a strange jingle would play that most people would associate with earning bonus points.

After jumping over at least three of these barrels, Wario paused, then a thought occurred to him. Rather than jump over the next barrel, he shoulder-charged it and shattered it to splinters. He cursed himself for not doing this earlier.

Donkey Kong continued his barrel assault only to see Wario sock each one away with his fists, the little troll getting ever closer and even ascending ladders to get there. The ape got a devious thought, there and then, and picked up a barrel that had white letters spelling out "TNT" and lobbed it at Wario.

Wario, acting purely on instinct as to what worked, punched the oncoming barrel…


The explosion sent Wario rocketing backwards and smashing through the factory walls with a cry in both pain and surprise.

Donkey Kong leaped down from his position, then sprinted out the hole and chased after Wario.

Wario landed on his feet and, for reasons yet-to-be-known in their wall of existence, changed form. He was now wearing a white lab coat, a strange helmet/visor combination, and had an extendable arm with a boxing glove on the end.

Genius Wario worked the arm and the boxing glove flew forward, narrowly missing Donkey Kong's head. DK recognized the challenge, pulled back his fist, then smashed it into Wario's second attack. The extendable arm, on contact, broke in a shower of metal and bolts.

Wario quickly changed form again, this time donning a space helmet and brandishing a laser. DK yelped in surprise, then ducked as a thin beam of blue energy passed right over him. Cosmic Wario re-aimed his blaster only to see DK jump in the air.

Wario snickered as he fired again, catching DK right out of the air. The blast hurt him, clearly, but not enough to hinder him for long.

Donkey Kong saw Wario aim his blaster again, but actually ran at Wario rather than away. When Wario fired his blaster, DK actually rolled under the blast and bombarded Wario like a bowling ball. Wario flew into the air, landed on the ground, and lost his ability in an instant.

In another puff of smoke, Wario donned a beret and a canvas stood in front of him. With a swift movement of his brush…a box appeared in front of him.

DK, not the least bit impressed, simply took the box in one hand and belted Wario over the head with it, ending that act completely.

In another puff of smoke, Wario was clad in a blue jumpsuit with a yellow lightning-bolt down the center and his hair was spiked and bright-orange.

Wario pointed a finger at Donkey Kong and a ball of electricity flew at Donkey Kong. DK's whole body jerked as the bolt hit him, earning a mischievous snicker from Wario.

DK came back to his senses, then an series of orange orbs began to come from his body like fireflies. He brought both his fists into the air, then slammed them both into the ground, creating a giant, yellow shockwave.

The shockwave slammed into Wario, sending him flying backward and landing flat on his back. Wario ditched his disguise, then felt something building up in his gut.

DK, wanting to end this fight here and now, whipped out a pair of bongos and beat them in a swift, musical medley. At the same time, Wario turned his backside towards DK and unleashed a blast of gas just as DK finished the melody and a sound wave blasted through the air.

The resulting blasts blew each one away and sent them tumbling across the ground like skipping stones. Both skidded to a halt and, as they got back to their feet, they noticed their ultimate weapons not far away.

Wario picked up a sparkling piece of garlic and popped it into his mouth. He spun around twice and, in a flash of light, he wore a pink jumpsuit and a purple cowl-and-cape combination. He had turned into Wario-Man.

Donkey, on the other hand, noticed a barrel floating in midair with his head on it. He hopped into the barrel, which warped and hummed with an unknown energy before it burst into splinters. When DK emerged, his whole body was glowing with a vast energy. He had turned into the Strong Kong.

Wario charged, as did DK, and both slammed into each other with enough force to shake the ground. Wario had seized DK around the midsection while DK had Wario's shoulders in his grasp. Both were pushing each other, trying to make the other lose his balance while maintaining their own.

In the end, Donkey Kong's strength won out and he flipped Wario clean into the air before bounding after him. DK pulled back a fist only for Wario to deliver a sharp uppercut that propelled both himself and Donkey Kong skyrocketing.

After a very high ascension, both fell to terra firma like a pair of comets, punching and kicking each other all the way down, leaving a trail of fire in their wakes.

Wario grinned, then grabbed Donkey by the tie. The little troll then reversed position so that DK was above him, then used all the strength he could muster to toss Donkey Kong back to the planet.

Donkey smashed into the ground with a resounding BOOM. The very impact sent birds flocking from their roosts to find a safer haven.

The impact had no effect on DK's body thanks to the Strong Kong, but he still had to shake the cobwebs out of his head before getting back on his feet.

Wario-Man landed just in front of him, but in a puff of yellow smoke, he was back to plain-ol' Wario. He looked himself over, then back to the still-glowing Donkey Kong and cried out in panic before taking off, Donkey Kong in hot pursuit.

Wario searched high and low for anything that would give him an advantage and spotted it in the form of his custom-built motorcycle.

Donkey screeched to a halt as Wario hopped on his bike and revved it up before speeding at Donkey Kong, intent on making the monkey into roadkill.

DK scrunched his eyebrows, then reared back his head and, just as the motorcycle closed the distance, DK slammed his head into its front wheel.

Once again, Wario was catapulted through the air and landed with a "thud". He dusted himself off, then decided to take the ape once and for all. He put on another hat, this one with a rabbit-like shape to it. Rabbit ears appeared on Wario's hat and thrusters in the back.

Fire erupted from the thrusters and Wario flew forward at Donkey Kong, fist extended and ready to take the ape's head off.

DK accepted the challenge, spinning his right hand faster and faster with each rotation, all while Wario was getting ever closer.

DK finished charging his punch, then jumped in the air to meet Wario. The whole world seemed to slow to an almost standstill as DK threw his punch…

Direct hit.

Wario's head flew clean off his shoulders. The combined forward-going momentum of the Jet Pot combined with DK's overwhelmingly-strong punch was too much for even Wario to handle.

Both landed on the ground, DK on his feet, and Wario's headless corpse tumbling across the landscape, dyeing the jungle floor red with blood that oozed from his headless neck.

DK looked at his bested adversary, then reared back, beat his chest, and unleashed a Tarzan-esque yell in victory.


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Yeah, just like your other Nintendo match, works great as a recap. Since the match decides the victor for itself, though, it leaves no room for debate.

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Match Final Results


C Great as a match recap, but you can't debate on a match where the story already decides the outcome.


Donkey Kong: 13

Wario: 4

FPA: 2.0


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