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  1. WHAT'S ALREADY DEAD By HulkSmashSpammers (AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place after the first ending of Star Fox Command. SPOILERS!) ------------------------------------- "It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways." -Buddha "It's so boring on this ship! Give me something to shoot at!" complained Falco loudly to himself. A soft sobbing was heard outside the door of Fox's room. It wasn't normal for the brave leader of the Star Fox team to do this. Well, at least, there once was a point where this wouldn't be normal for it to be normal. But since the day Krystal finally left for good, Fox was a lot more quiet. He would always act as if nothing's wrong, and you wouldn't be able to tell that anything even was, yet every time he stepped out of his bedroom, you could see some wet, messy fur beneath his eyes, as if his heart was being broken again and again, and one of the worst days in Fox's life since he was told of his father's passing, was being repeated in a never-ending, insufferable cycle. Falco knocked on his door. The sobbing ceased. "Don't tell me you're still not over her." He said. "I'm okay." Said Fox. "I just had some allergies." Falco turned the doorknob, presuming it was safe to walk in. He pushed the door forward and walked over to his long-time pilot companion. Fox was finally caught in the act. He was holding a picture frame of him and Krystal on a picnic in a Cornerian valley, one of the most beautiful landmarks on the planet. And luckily, it was one of the only places not rummaged during the Lylat, Aparoid, and Anglar Wars. Perhaps, even those life forms had a soft spot for this particular beauty. Fox had fallen asleep during the photo and Krystal was smiling and giving him a loving kiss on the forehead. That photo, once in Fox's heart, had turned into something ugly, and the glass of the picture frame was stained with the red-green-blue particles of Fox's heartbroken, lovesick tears of despair. They were so sizable, you may think someone spilt their drink on it. "Sheesh." Falco muttered. "Is it the sob flu?" "Leave me alone, Falco." Said Fox. "Every squad leader needs his space every once in a while. You, of all people, should know that." "Fox, you can't dwell on the past forever." Said Falco. "You need to get on with your life! Look what this is doing to you! You can't even fly your arwing correctly anymore!" "YOU THINK I DON'T WANT TO, FALCO?!" Bellowed Fox in Falco's face. Falco got so startled, he nearly toppled backward. Fox had never yelled at him before, and there had been times in their relationship where Falco had been a real sarcastic prick towards him. He was so patient, he would be there to save his feathered ass without retorting even slightly. How could the departure of a single Star Fox pilot have changed its leader so drastically? "Y'know, Fox," Falco said sternly. "You can be a real asshole. You need to at least gain a hobby, instead of sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Otherwise, the leader of Star Fox, the brave, intergalactic hero who the people of Corneria and the rest of the Lylat System have deeply embraced and entrusted their lives to, the superior pilot who Slippy depended on, the man who Peppy cared for like a son when your father died, and my most reliable partner, through good and bad, who I have always looked up to...really is dead. And never coming back..." Falco stormed out of the room, not forgetting to be so kind as to slam the door on his way out, let alone not even saying "goodbye". Fox jumped. He had never heard Falco call him his role model before, nor ever even attempt to give him pep talk, but he still didn't care. What was the point? Fox, unable to take anymore of the pain in his heart, finally decided to take action...but not in the most reasonable of solutions. He took his pistol and stared at it for five minutes. Had it finally come down to this? Was this how it would all end? Fox aimed the laser pistol at the side of his head. All it took was one, simple, single, swift movement of his right index finger to finally liberate himself of the unloved, unwanted shell of a hero who had done too much for the world around him to receive what he had in return. Was he finally going to do it? No. He forgot to close his eyes again. That was the most important part. Because of this, he once again caught a glimpse of his photograph. He felt a very hulking and powerful sensation in his chest, and he collapsed, and began sobbing loudly and erratically. Once he felt that he could sob no longer, as his eyes were exhausted from producing tears, he looked at the photo again, and felt an emotion he had never felt so intensely before: HATRED. Fox glared at the once beautiful image, as if concentrating all of the rage in his body into it. To share his pain, suffering, and anger for this now haunting reminder. As he stared into it, he turned his gun gently away from himself and directly at the photo and, with perfect accuracy, blew a hole through Krystal's smiling visage. Falco was on the TV, watching the G-Zero Grand Prix. " Boy, I'd sure love to do that stuff once I retire." He said to himself as he watched a racer slam another into fiery, chaotic oblivion. He was knocked away from his fantasy when he heard a sudden door slam. Falco turned his head to see Fox walking toward the door to the Arwing room. "Hey, Fox!" Falco called. "You feeling any better?" Fox wasn't saying a word. He just continued walking, like a zombie or a robot. "Yo, Fox!" Falco was starting to get impatient. He put his DVR on pause and stormed over to him. "What is your problem? I'M TALKING TO YOU!" yelled Falco. "Quit ignoring me like a child!" "Shut your beak, Falco." snapped Fox as he gave Falco an unusually menacing glare, as if he was a pissed-off wild animal, ready to maul Falco in the blink of an eye. "There's something I have to do." "Really? And what would that be? Getting a drink at the Cornerian --" "None of your business!" Fox hissed as he shoved Falco aside. Falco growled angrily as Fox slammed the door. "Man, he's starting to piss me off!" He yelled. - - - Panther, Wolf, Krystal, and Leon were having drinks at the Corneria City Nightclub. Wolf and Leon were seated at the bar. Leon was cackling about stories of how many of the Anglar Empire's cronies he had "made suffer", and Wolf didn't exactly talk much. Only to the bartender when he wanted another drink of Wolfgang's Blood Red, the latest alcohol the place began serving. Other than that, the only noises you'd hear from him would be embarrassed grunts whenever Leon did that godforsaken hyena laugh whenever he'd finish a story. It was like claws on a chalkboard. Panther and Krystal, meanwhile, had a seat in one of the fancier dining room tables, which was one of the closest seats to the stage. Standing on it was a dog with a black leather jacket playing some soft, romantic jazz. Even if you weren't a music person, it was the kind so entrancing, you wouldn't say a word. Panther put his arm around Krystal, and smiled at her as she sank her teeth into her double cheeseburger deluxe special, moaning with delight. Her and Panther had fought up an appetite. A big one. And the reward money they had earned from blowing Octoman to bits...it was a fortune. Talk about delicious rewards, as Panther would put it. "Would you like a third serving, my dear Krystal?" Purred Panther. "Our day was long and fulfilling, and we are now as rich as we are hungry for some first class goodness." "Of course!" Krystal smiled at him, with some ketchup on her upper lip. "Aren't you hungry, dear?" "Oh, very, darling." Panther laughed. He then leaned his head gently toward her ear. "But I don't care for food right now." he purred. "I am, however, craving for --" Wolf choked on his sixth shot of Blood Red and Leon yelped as a loud shattering of glass was heard. Everyone gasped in horror. And then silence. All except for what went on at the bar table near the entrance door at the very back. "Tell me where they are or you'll need a body bag!" Krystal knew that voice all too well. It was her blasted ex. She grunted as she crouched under the table and got out her phone. She opened her contacts and called the only person she knew who could stop him. * * * Falco was watching an episode of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Captain Lou Albano had just realized he had thrown Magic Johnson's bowling trophy into the furnace by mistake. His eyes were widened in great horror as he glanced at Luigi. "Uh ohhhhh...." He gasped in comedic fashion as the studio laughed. Falco was trying his best not to laugh at this scene. It wasn't known for its laughs, or for its animation quality for the cartoon segments. But this scene was so over exaggerated, Falco couldn't help himself. "So glad they decided to rerun this!" He laughed insanely. "Such nostalgic value!" Falco then hit the pause button, as he felt his phone vibrating. Falco was an Answer button away from some shocking news. "Krystal? Sup?" asked Falco. "Falco! It's Fox! He's gone berserk!" Whispered Krystal, trying not to panic too loudly. "He's just attacked one of the bartenders and is coming for --" The signal was cut off. "ROB! Trace Krystal's location!" "Krystal's communicator is located in the Corneria City Nightclub." "Gotcha! My Arwing repairs ready yet?" he asked. "Arwing repairs are 150% complete." "150?" "I have included a Plasma shot with an extra speed boost upgrade." "Thanks, ROB." Falco said as he darted for the Arwing room. "Gratitude much appreciated." said ROB as he resumed typing on the Great Fox's computers. * * * Wolf and Fox were engaged in intense fisticuffs as Panther held Krystal tightly close to comfort her as she gasped in shock. Wolf took Fox to the ground with a swift roundhouse kick and then leaped on top of him. "You'd better get your act together, Fox! Lest I cut you down to size like a hot knife through butter!" He yelled in Fox's face, his claws aimed for his neck as they glistened within the purple light of the disco ball. Fox glared at him, unfazed by his loud, furious threats. "Your pistol's missing." Replied Fox. Before Wolf could realize Fox had tricked him, and his pistol was still in his holster, Fox fiercely kneed him in the stomach at the blink of an eye. Wolf flew into the air and landed on his back, panting profusely, unable to find the energy to get himself back on his feet. Child's play. Fox pointed his gun at Wolf's forehead. It was finally time to kill this meddling scumbag once and for all. And not a moment too soon. "I've always known you and your little group of wannabe Star Fox members were no match for me, Wolf." He taunted. "I'm sick of your foolishness, Fox." "Well, good! Because I'm just sick of you in general!" BAM! The sound of his laser pistol echoed loudly as it pierced through Wolf's skull. A bloody hole was implanted in his forehead as his corpse stared off into space. The leader of Star Wolf was in a different place now. Everyone in the room panicked at their traumatic encounter with death. Fox just smirked and chuckled as a drop of Wolf's blood stained his front teeth. He didn't stop there. He stepped on over to Leon, who was too confused by all the chaos to notice Fox's pistol directed toward him. BAM! Leon's head landed against the flat bar room table. "How ironic. You've always loved watching people's suffering, you scaly sadist." He said to Leon's body. "How did yours feel?" Fox then went to finish what he started. He headed for the stage. The musician shrieked and ran off as Fox took a glance at him. "Coward." Fox mumbled. He looked around and caught a glimpse of Panther wrapped protectively around Krystal. "Come out of there, you blackhearted scoundrel!" Fox bellowed as he directed his gun toward Panther. A bottle near Fox shattered into pieces from a swift laser. "I should be saying the same to you, you dirty traitor!" yelled a familiar voice. Fox looked behind him to see Falco, his gun pointed in his direction. Falco strafed slowly towards him, his gun ready to fire. Fox laughed. "Seriously? I'm the traitor, Falco?" asked Fox. "Isn't Krystal the one who chose to leave my side? To selfishly betray MY team and leave me by my lonesome for some cocky feline?" "No, Fox!" Falco yelled. "The real traitor of the Star Fox team is you!" Fox glared in great anger and disbelief at this wingmate of his who was once his most trusted ally. "First of all, you're the one who forced Krystal to leave in the first place! She never betrayed you, you betrayed her! Along with the love of your life, you've also betrayed your duties to protect Lylat, all because you've been too busy victimizing yourself to even give a damn about the world around you! And now you're not just ignoring them, you're destroying them! OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU HYPOCRIT!!" Fox's glare normalized. He took a glimpse of his pistol, and then of Falco. Then of Panther and Krystal. He started to cry. He went over to Krystal and opened his arms. "Krystal...." Sobbed Fox. "I'm....so..... sorry." Fox was crying so profusely, he could barely make out a sentence, but Krystal understood. She came out from under the table and hugged him, moved by him. She was going to hug him one last time before walking out with Panther. Fox needs a hug more than anything, she thought. Fox slowly aimed his pistol, and pointed it to the back of her head. BAM! Krystal fell to the floor. Panther screamed as he held Krystal's shell tightly in his arms. "You can't kill what's already dead to you." Said Fox, with a psychotic grin. "You bastard!!" Shrieked Falco. "You double-crossing, backstabbing son of a bitch!!" Before Fox could laugh like a murderous hyena, a laser was fired by a grief-stricken Panther. "You took her away..." Hissed Panther. "YOU TOOK THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!" Usually, Panther wasn't the type of guy who was a loudmouth. He was always the calm, laid back member of Star Wolf. This was the first time anything had set him off. "Then don't keep her waiting, scoundrel!!" Fox yelled as he blew away the last Star Wolf member. Falco was too startled to even react as Fox kneeled down and placed Panther's gun against Krystal's head. "You two have fun in Hell, now." grinned Fox. "But not too much fun." By now, almost everyone in the bar had fled. Those who weren't either dead from shock or shot to death like the first bartender were just too scared for their lives to even make a sound. Fox felt a powerful force against his back, and he was launched into the stage's left amplifier. As he came to, he felt a lump on his head and tasted blood in his throat. Fox was pretty angry before, to a homicidal level of no return. But now he was livid beyond the normal limit of anger. He was like a completely different person, almost like a wild animal of savage proportions. He turned and saw Falco. He had kicked him with the strength of a mule. Fox roared as he darted at him at rage-induced speed that would scare off a rhino. Falco felt Fox's fist penetrate against the front of his beak as he was rocketed against the first bar room table, knocking it over, the glasses and bottles crumbling like they were cookies. Falco got up and felt a crack in his beak. It was painful, but he had to ignore it....he had a much bigger problem to worry about. He ran back toward his attacker, who shot a laser in his direction. Falco, following his instincts, grabbed his reflector device and boomeranged it. The circular mirror-like object deflected the laser, and it turned back and struck one of the top amplifiers. Slowly, the amplifier unhinged, and fell towards Fox, who dodged it in the nick of time, but dropped his pistol, which was crushed on impact. Fox cursed before being tackled by Falco at full force. Falco pointed his gun against Fox's head. "I'm sure you won't be seeing your father where you're going, Fox." Spoke Falco severely. "He'd be too ashamed of you anyway." "I was doing what was right!!" yelled Fox. "I was doing what was right for the team! You can't kill me! You'll be reduced to nothing without me! I built this team with my bare hands! I've killed Gods, aliens, and fish with the press of a button!! And I, the man who's responsible for your lives, who has bent over backwards for you with somersaults, barrel rolls, and those blasted U-turns, techniques none of you ungrateful pilots would care to do for shit, will give you all your comeuppances, even if I have to destroy you one member at a time! I've accomplished something none of you could ever achieve in a million years! I finally took out Star Wolf! It was so easy, yet you wouldn't be able to do jack without my help! I'm not a traitor of the team...I'm the sole member. I AM STAR FOX! STAR FOX IS ME! And you're nothing more than a walking lump of Arwing fodder!" Fox flipped Falco over and jumped on top of him as they wrestled for Falco's pistol, which slid away from the impact. Finally, after a long and desperate struggle, a voice cried, "FOR STAR FOX!" and... BAM! From the ashes, two silhouettes arose from the rubble. One was dragging the other, who now remained lifeless. The walking shadow-like figure was out of breath, but triumphant. The victor's name....began with an "F".
  2. Litwak had just brought in a Marvel Super Heroes arcade machine. Great idea that was. The Hulk just couldn't stay in place. Anyone that tried playing with him would start reporting that the Hulk charged off-screen and never returned. Another reported this Hulk character game-jumping repeatedly, tearing apart Tapper's bar, decimating Sugar Rush raceway, knocking out everyone in Hero's Duty, ripping the Death Star vector after vector in Star Wars Arcade, and finally, turning to Fix-It Felix Jr. ------------- Things were going as usual in this one. They hadn't been played yet that day. Felix was enjoying some more fresh pie with his new wife, Calhoun, as her game was put out of order, Ralph was napping in his dump, as he had gotten too anxious over the mysterious events. Things got quiet again. Then they got their player. A coin went into their slot, and Felix, Ralph, and the Nicelanders quickly assumed their rightful positions. Ralph began punching holes through the building as usual, right after angrily shouting his trademark catchphrase. Felix started fixing. Eventually, the level was beaten. Felix got a medal, and Ralph was grabbed by the Nicelanders to be thrown off. He saw the Hulk figure leaping high into the air, but he was thrown off the building before he could warn everyone. As Ralph careened toward the puddle of mud that awaited him, his fall was broken when the Hulk threw a powerful mid-air jab that knocked him through the building and into the Dump. Calhoun ran out of the building and fired at the large, green creature, but the bullets, naturally, were ineffective against his regenerating green skin. He took Calhoun by the neck and gave her an angry glare, his wrinkled face, his squinted eyes, the veins on his face. A glare so angry that it could frighten even gods. The Hulk raised his arm to spike her into the ground, only to be stopped when he felt something hitting his left ankle. It was Felix with his golden hammer. "Lay your hands off my wife, you beast!!" he shouted, jabbing him with every ounce of strength in his small body. The Hulk gently dropped Calhoun, who, upon landing, struggled to catch her breath. Felix felt his giant, green hand quickly grab his small body as he gave him a similar look, but angrier. Such rage, Felix, gasping for air, felt like his insides were going to burst. "Who does little man think he is?!" cried the Hulk. Felix wished he could cover his ears, if only his arms weren't caught in the Hulk's grasp. "HULK SMASH PUNY HAT MAN!!" He bellowed as he spiked Felix into the ground, and began pounding away at him. "FELIX!!" cried Ralph as he darted and hammered Hulk across the jaw. Hulk toppled over and quickly got up. Felix was injured. How strange. Usually, he'd regenerate after an injury, as the world around him was his own, but perhaps the rules were differential if his attacker was not from his world. It would take him some more time. As Calhoun cradled poor Felix in her arms, her flashbacks of her programmed traumatic experience with her fiancée being devoured by a tremendous cybug, she began sobbing. It was blatantly obvious that he would regenerate himself, but she had never seen a man go through so much, just to protect her. She had seen a lot of men in her home game. Big men, and they never even had the courage that this little husband of hers had. As Ralph shed a tear from this emotional scene, he was rudely interrupted by the Hulk's fist in his face. Ralph was on the ground when another came, which this time, Ralph grabbed, and gripped it so fiercefully, the Hulk was screaming in pain. Ralph was livid. Sure, he had sounded angry in his own arcade game, but this time, he had a reason to be so furious. And a damned good one. Anyone who messed with his friends, messed with him, and those messed with him, would get wrecked. Ralph had developed a plan to finally put the Hulk away. He couldn't just capture the guy and put him back in his game. He had to wipe him out for good. He knew the only place where he could take him out the fastest. It had worked perfectly. Ralph had the Hulk pursue him through Game Central Station, and from there, the two brutes ran to the now decimated Sugar Rush, where they met at the top of Diet Cola Mountain. There, they darted at each other, swiftly, like great, galloping horses with the strength of a thousand wrecking balls. Who will stand proud? Who will fall to their death? The fate of two arcade games lies in the balance.
  3. Brian was at the Drunken Clam with his buddies. He had a wide grin on his face, like a child being told he was going to Chuck E. Cheese for the weekend with the only family member in his household who doesn't molest him. His friends, Peter, Quagmire, and Joe were looking glum. "What you smiling about, Brian?" Peter asked. "The Patriots are out again and now our lives are temporarily without meaning once more." "Well, my good friends," said Brian. "I'm not gonna be alone THIS Valentine's Day." "Who'd you meet this time?" asked Quagmire, his head on the table, unsurprised. "I met a woman online who's from Rhode Island. Her user name is notatallunder18. We're actually gonna spend Valentine's Day together at my place." Brian went into tears. "I've....I've never felt so happy in my life. Finally, I have a woman to grow old with..." Brian was about to cry in happiness, but then Quagmire interrupted him. "Brian?" said Quagmire. "I've....I've got a night with that same woman on Valentine's Day." "Well, congrats, man! Wishing you the best of- wait, what?" "Her and I had arranged to meet at my place for V-Day the night before." Quagmire explained. "Dumbass." Quagmire downed his beer in one big gulp, laid down his money for the bartender, and walked off about 'how Brian always ruins everything' and how 'it's hysterical and depressing how he sucks more at getting women than Charlie Sheen." Peter and Joe bursted with laughter. "It's...it's funny because --" "YES, PETER!! I GET IT!! I'VE SEEN TWO AND A HALF MEN!! (TV CENSOR), YOUR JOKES HAVE BEEN SUCKING SO F(TV CENSOR)CKING BAD!!! GOD, I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE FU(TV CENSOR)ING CR(TV CENSOR)P TONIGHT!!" Brian turned his head to look at the audience. "AND CR(TV CENSOR)P ISN'T A FU(TV CENSOR)KING SWEAR WORD, YOU TV CENSORING DUMBASSES!! THIS ISN'T EVEN AN ACTUAL EPISODE! ALL IT IS IS A (TV CENSORING) FAN FICTION WRITTEN BY SOME INDEFINITELY MORBIDLY OBESE, ACNE-TESTICLED, NEARSIGHTED, HUMAN CLUSTERF(TV CENSOR)CK OF A CLUSTER F(TV CENSOR)CK WHO'S PROBABLY STILL LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS AT AGE THIRTY-F(TV CENSOR)KING SIX!!" Brian began panting heavily. "S....Sorry. I went way off-track there." Brian said, calmly. Brian downed his beer and laid his tab. He then saw Peter and Joe covering their ears, blood trickling down. "Ugh...don't tell me you got offended by all that..." Brian grumbled. "Nah. It was those loud censors." said Peter. "What?" asked Joe. "Great. Now I can't walk or hear. THIS IS PERFECT!!" --February 14th, 2013, Quagmire's House-- Quagmire heard the doorbell and walked over to the front door. When he opened it, he saw a woman of rather short stature with a high-pitched voice, brunette hair, and a Twilight T-Shirt with Edward hugging Belle. "Hi, I'm Elizabeth Hamilton, notatallunder18?" she said, smiling. "Oh, hi." Quagmire smiled back. "Come on in." Quagmire went to escort her up the stairs to his room, when Brian appeared from behind the wall. "Hello, Elizabeth Hamilton?" Brian asked. "I'm uh...the guy you met from online?" "Oh. Which one? Martiniman55 or CatsFTW61?" Elizabeth asked. "Which one did you arrange to meet with tonight again?" Brian asked. "CatsFTW61." she replied. "I'm the guy." said Brian as she took her hand. "WHAT?? But --" "Cool. Just let me get dressed." she told him as she went into Quagmire's bathroom. "Oh, (TV CENSOR) you, Brian!!" yelled Quagmire. "You know, I actually loved this girl?? I LOVED HER!! I F(TV CENSOR)ING hate you, you stupid asshole!" Quagmire, in tears, ran to the front door, but bumped into a man in a business suit and a brown, stylish haircut. "Hey, watch where you're going!" "Glenn Quagmire?" asked the man. "You can't have her." he snapped. "I'm not here for her, though." the man responded. "I'm Chris Hansen, Dateline NBC." Quagmire happily shook hands with him. "Chris Hansen? Oh, Im a big fan of yours!" giggled Quagmire excitedly. "Why don't you sit down and make yourself at home." "No, I'd recommend that YOU'D have a seat, sir?" asked Hansen. "Oh, it's fine. I'm good." said Quagmire. "No, I insist." said Chris Hansen. "Why don't you have a seat over there, sir?" "Oh, you're so kind- wait umm...what do you mean by that, sir?" "I just want you to....have a seat." Hansen insisted. Quagmire nervously sat down. "So, Mr. Quagmire, how long have you been dating these online fifteen year olds?" "Fifteen year olds?" asked Quagmire, outraged. "Sir, I just want to tell you that Ive banged tons of women in my life, and not ONE of them was fifteen! Well, except Meg during Season 1 off-screen. *giggity* But STILL! I don't do that at all!" "Can you explain your chat conversations with a user by the name of 'notatallunder18' for me then?" asked Hansen. "Oh, you mean the not-underage chick? She's upstairs getting banged by Brian." -----UPSTAIRS------- Brian was in Quagmire's bed violently humping Elizabeth under the covers when a police officer forcefully kicked the door open with his foot. "Dont move! Police!" they shouted as they pointed their guns. Brian came out from under the covers frantically with his arms raised, and without even thinking, got on all fours and darted past the cops as they constantly fired at him. ---OUTSIDE--- Brian ran through Quagmire's front door and went back to the Griffin House, hiding behind a bush. Then, he jumped. Quagmire was right next to him. Quagmire grabbed Brian. "SHH! They'll notice us." said Quagmire. "Glenn, why the he'll did you call the cops on me??" Brian loudly whispered. "I didn't, you dumbass!" yelled Quagmire. "I guess that judging by Chris Hansen's cameo, the cops firing at you, and Elizabeth's love for Twilight, this was a predator trap from Chris Hansen." "FREEZE! Police!" The cops opened fire at the bush before finding out they were in Brian's car. Brian was at the wheel and Quagmire was in the front seat, shooting his pistol at them. "Where'd you get that?" asked Brian. "Got laid at a pro-gun meeting." said Quagmire. "SHUT UP AND KEEP DRIVING!" The police sirens grew louder as Brian increased pressure on the front pedal. "By the way, did you manage to get Hansen's autograph?" asked Brian. "Agh! I should've remembered!" said Quagmire as he face-palmed. "Speaking of which, whatever happened to that woman?" -----QUAGMIRE'S BEDROOM----- Stewie was removing his Twilight T-shirt and his brunette wig. "Well, that was a lot smaller than I had anticipated." he mumbled.
  4. Please help! I've only made a few matches with very average reviews, and can't seem to come up with anything else. Any tips on how to erase this block?
  5. Pit slowly worked his eyes open. He found himself in a strange gorge. It was completely grey, foggy, and rocky. He couldn't remember what had happened. All he remembered was that he was flying through Skyworld. Palutena was acting a little strange, because she was vowing vengeance against the humans. Something Pit never believed Palutena would do and he wouldn't have it. He flew as fast and forcefully as he could to break through the forcefield, and in what seemed like a split second, Pit saw black. "Where am I?" Pit asked. He darted toward the edge to see a gargantuous, purple dragon-like creature. "What the heck is that thing?" Pit asked himself. Then, he saw a buff man with red hair, a brown headband, and an orange plate of armor, who was in fierce combat with the beast. "Lady Palutena? Viridi? Hades?" Pit called out. No answer. No advice from Palutena, no nagging from Viridi, no torment from Hades. Pit was getting a bit lonely. "Answer me! Someone! Please say something!" Pit wailed. "I don't care who I end up talking to...I just want to be able to speak to someone. Heck, I don't even care if it's Hades laughing at me again. Wow...never thought I'd start to miss that." During the battle with the purple being, the man was eaten alive. The crowd gasped. Philoctetes was devastated. He's lost another warrior-in- training. Hades on the other hand was ecstatic. Now nothing would stand in his way of finally taking control of Olympus, and the universe. "That man's in trouble!!" cried Pit as he flew down to action. Pit split his bow into two semi-daggers and cut through the Hydra's head. The crowd started mumbling loudly. "Great, Pit." he mumbled to himself. "Might as well have just rescued a digested appetizer." Lo, and behold, Hercules staggered out of the Hydra's slit neck. "WHAT??" Hades cried out in great anger, his pale blue skin becoming a furious red, the blue flames on his scalp changing the same color and roaring like a hungry lion. "That puny, winged rat!! Is he another one of Daddy's little boys?" Hercules couldn't believe it himself, but his emotions were mutual with Hades. He wasn't yelling like Hades, but he grabbed Pit by the collar, slammed him into the rocky walls and gave him a very stern look. "That thing was mine." Hercules hissed. "I guess you must be grateful for me saving your skin from being devoured like a chicken dinner." Pit retorted. Herc's grimace got angrier as his grip on Pit's neck strengthened. Pit kicked Herc in the groin. He went down to his knees as Pit broke free. "Oh! Sorry....I was....aiming for the gut." chuckled Pit. He really was telling the truth, but Herc was even angrier than before. "Yeah! YEAH! Get 'em, Herc!" cried Hades. "Show angelboy who's boss!" Pit took a look at him. He looked different than the Hades he knew. He wasn't cracking jokes, or talking in a British accent, or rambling on about how souls taste like bacon. Also, his skin looked a pale blue color. "Wow, Hades." Pit said. "You don't look too good. Sore throat? The flu? Maybe you should get some --" Pit felt Herc's fist against his jaw, which felt like a speeding cannonball. Pit flew into the wall swiftly like a shooting star, and the impact was so great, the rocky wall of the gorge crumbled up. The Hydra had just grown two more heads and felt like a million bucks, but it was short-lived. He was crushed and buried in the avalanche of rocks that toppled on top of him. After lifting a big rock off himself, Pit ran at Hercules, firing arrows as he went. Herc knocked the arrows away, but one got him in the chest. It was powerful enough to push him backward, but he removed it from his chest and resumed charging. Pit put his bow into melée mode and the battle commenced. Hades sat back on his throne and was snacking on a basket of popcorn. "And the benches...are....emptied." Who will win in this Olympic fight to the finish?
  6. The Joker was laying back and reclining on his lounge chair in his Japanese apartment, with his girlfriend, Harley Quinn’s arms wrapped adoringly around his neck. “Ahh, you know, Harley? As fun as it can be to do crime in Gotham and have a few laughs with the Bat, it can still be very stressful.†Said the Joker to Harley. “Even us criminals need a vacation every once in a while.†“I couldn’t agree more, Mr. J! Besides, I was getting tired from staring at that red, cloudy sky all the time.†Harley agreed. “I know, and besides, I doubt we’ll ever get bored here.†Smiled the Joker. “I hear the Japanese police force is a lot more of a challenge, and if I see anymore of these Japanese game shows, I might blow a funny fuse.†Joker picked up his remote and hit the Power button. The television faded to black. “Come, pudding. Let’s go for a stroll down Kyoto.†Chuckled the Joker. Meanwhile, Usagi was playing video games with Ami, Minako, Rei, and Makoto at Usagi’s house. They had just finished their homework, and had never had such a happy sleepover in all the time they had known each other. That was until they heard a loud noise that sounded like gunfire, and clown-like laughter echoing from miles away. “An explosion!†Rei shouted in surprise. “Let’s go, everyone!†“But we’re about to get past the airship!†whimpered Usagi as she pointed to the television screen, which displayed a pause screen on New Super Mario Bros. Wii. “Get a grip, Usagi!†Rei bellowed as she grabbed her firmly by the neck and dragged her outside. The Joker was having the time of his life as Japanese citizens were running and screaming out of the jewelry store. “Talk about target consumers!†The Joker laughed loudly as he held his finger on the trigger of his Tommy gun. “Hold it right there!†yelled Sailor Mars. The Joker saw four Japanese schoolgirls standing before him. “Ooooh! Sorry, ladies! Sometimes, I don’t even know how sexy I am!†Joker felt a slap from Harley. He glared at her and raised his fist. “Um…well. Four against two.†The Joker laughed nervously. “Four…?†asked Sailor Mercury. The Scouts looked and saw Sailor Moon looking at some jewelry. She felt a punch in the face from Mars and almost cried when she hit the floor. “DON’T LOSE FOCUS!†yelled Mars. So, that’s my fight. Decided the Joker needed a breath of fresh air from the streets of Gotham. What do you think? Will it be the clown prince of crime? Or the Sailor Scouts?
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