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El Wookiee

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About El Wookiee

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    Cannon Fodder

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    Junk Food Valhalla
  1. Batman; Stacker Pentecost from Pacific Rim strong leader, oh yeah Nightwing; Jason Bourne, from the movies not the book Robin; Jack from Kickin' It, 15 and a master of hand to hand combat Batgirl; Sydney Bristow, she's kicked more ass than you've ever sat on Oracle; ARIIA, from Eagle Eye
  2. Gentlemen, it has been an honor Even in Hell, this was wrong. If Mephisto ever found another doing what he was doing, their suffering would be epic. But Mephisto had never been accused of fairness, and this was his plan after all. In this bleak and forgotten corner of Hell the black cauldron churned and boiled its putrid green contents as the Lord of Lies added a ghostly white liquid to the mix. The cries of the damned souls could be heard screaming a mad plea for mercy but were cut off and forever silenced as they dissolved into the cauldron’s sacrilegious slop. Mephisto chanted one last profane incantation and it turned menstrual blood red. He plunged a filth crusted finger into the mix, brought it to his lips and made a sickening smacking noise as he licked it clean. "Devilishly good," he thought to himself. Months had been spent on these preparations, so many of Hell’s arcane treasures had to be sacrificed to make this happen. As the cauldron began to roil more, one more ingredient was added. It was a shame to go through all the trouble to take possession of a Cosmic Cube, but its power would be a pittance compared to what he would wield when his scheme came to fruition. He tossed the Cube into the cauldron and it melted like an ice cube in lava. Suddenly the cauldron exploded and spewed an unholy fire into the air, the ground shook and creation itself seemed to revolt at what had just happen. There it was, laying in the wreckage, a black metal box, the size of a football. Picking it up he unhinged his jaw and swallowed it whole, he mustn’t loose this or all his designs would falter. With the black box secured he opened a dark portal and was sent blazing through the time/space of the multiverse like a metaphysical comet. When Mephisto came to rest finally, he looked about. The magic of this world was very different from anything he had ever felt. The air had a sickening sweetness to it. The sky was bright and cheerful. Of course Mephisto retched. But he was here, where he needed to be. More importantly, he was where he wanted to be. Now, to find those Dragon Balls. King Kai stood on the Lookout when he suddenly clutched at chest in pain. "Argh! What’s this power I’m sensing? It’s terrifying! I have to warn Goku!" he cried out in a fear. King Kai reached out telepathically to his student, "Goku! Goku!" The Saiyan was of course training by sparring with Pikkon when he heard King Kai’s message, he looked to the sky with his usual good nature. "Hi King Kai, what can I do for you?" "Goku, I’ve sensed something has entered our universe. I sense it is both evil and incredibly powerful. That’s all I know now for sure but I’ll keep an eye out for anything strange. But tell your friends to be ready for anything too," "I will King Kai, anything else?" "Yes," King Kai replied solemnly. "There’s something else. I hope I’m wrong but I sense this being has brought something with it. And if I’m right about what it is, the evil presence will be the least of our troubles."   Mephisto stood before the 7 Dragon Balls. He spoke the summons to bring the Eternal Dragon and then wasted no time with pleasantries. "Dragon," he shouted holding up the small black box in his hand for Shenron to see. "Bring this to life!" The Dragon stared at the box for a moment and then revolted in disbelief. "No! Do you know what this is? What you are asking of me?" he roared. "Pathetic excuse for a dragon! I did NOT ask you, I DEMAND you bring this to life, NOW!" Shenron groaned but he abided. He made a sound like a great oak tree that was about to snap. Lighting and darkness filled the day sky as he granted Mephisto’s wish. And then, he spoke in a weary voice. "It is done. Farewell." He could not have left any sooner. Mephisto didn’t care. All that mattered to him now was the box was "alive". It had grown, now it resembled a wood burning stove crafted in Hell. Dark runes skittered across its soulless black surface. Ancient demonic faces hung on the front plate while a rusty chimney rose in the back, twisted and bent in defiance of logic. He opened the door and disgorged a gout of flame from his mouth, and stood back in anticipation. After what felt like an eternity for the demon, it happened. A tiny, tiny wisp of scarlet smoke escaped the chimney. What was that emotion the mortal sheep were always talking about? Joy? Happiness? Elation? Maybe that was what Mephisto was feeling. He let out a slight chuckle. A chuckle that quickly grew into a maddening atrocious laugh that filled the air. "Soon," he thought to himself, scrapping his fingernails across the furnace’s surface. "Soon." Hercule stood and posed for a group of his fans. They cheered, they took pictures, and they wanted his autograph. The kind of thing Hercule was use to. One young man was over joyed to meet his idol. "Hey! Calm down there buddy! As awesome as The Champ is, you’re still going have to wait for some face time with me," Hercule said to the super fan wearing a red bandana. "I Know! I Know! But you’re just so awesome man!" "I Know that! Everybody knows that!" Hercules snorted as he waved to the rest of the crowd. "I mean you’re such an inspiration to me!" the super fan continued without catching his breath. "Everything I’ve ever done in life was because I followed your way of doing things. Those stupid aliens, they’re nothing compared to you! You’re the real deal Hercule!" The world Champ beamed with pride over hearing that. The young super fan took off his bandana. "I would be sooo honored if you took this into you next fight! It’s always and I mean always brought me good luck! Please take this!" he begged handing Hercule the bandana. "Hey," Hercule said to himself, "Maybe it’s some kind of magic good luck thing. Damn right I’m taking this rag!" Of course he didn’t say that out loud. "Hey! I’m the best in the world! I don’t need no luck! But anything for a fan!" he stood next to the young man for a picture. "Keep living the dream people!" A wicked smile grew across the super fan’s face… Bulma stood at the makeup counter waiting for somebody, anybody, to help her. What she got was a tragically old woman that looked like she should have retired decades ago with a huge, terrifying mole on the bottom of her chin. "Can I help you dearie?" she asked in a sweet but crackling voice. "Yes I’m looking for a particular eye shadow," Bulma replied. "Of course," the clerk said as she turned her back on Bulma, "and maybe I’ll get you something for those wrinkles too." "WRINKLES?!?!?" Bulma exploded. "Well they are obvious," the old woman soothed. "Oh, it must be hard on you, knowing that you’re not getting any younger, while you’re boyfriend doesn’t seem to age at all." Those words were like a hot knife to Bulma’s vanity. "And let’s not forget, there are always younger girls than you. Ohh, sorry if I hurt you dearie, but I can help. I can give you this special cream that will take 20 years off of your face. I promise, you’ll be the envy of all the young ladies," the clerk said holding a red jar in front of Bulma. "Of course, you could always grow old gracefully like me," she said with a fake smile plastered on her face. There simply wasn’t enough make up in the world to hide the age on the old crone’s face. Bulma didn’t waste a second. "I’ll take the cream," she demanded. A wicked smile grew on the old woman’s face… Master Roshi sat on a bench near the beach watching all the young girls like a hawk in a creepy old man kind of way. He was so focused on leering at them he didn’t notice the buxom blonde wearing a bikini top and Daisy Dukes that roller bladed up to him. "Wow! I know you! You’re Master Roshi! You’re, like famous at fighting and stuff!" she said in a giggly manner. Master Roshi was so awe stuck by her he literally was speechless; all he could do was gawk at her silently. "You know," she continued, leaning in close to him, "If you show me some of your moves, I’ll show you some of mine," she said in a playful way, her breast one hiccup from falling out of that red bikini top. It took a second for it to click with Master Roshi but when it did he did jump up, very excited with a small trickle of blood coming from his nose. "Well all righty then! Let’s go sweet thing!" A wicked smile grew on the young girl’s face… The rest of the seven pieces fell into temptation just as easily. All it took to coax Lord Jaguar was a hill of red diamonds. Yajirobe was offered a new pasta dish that he couldn’t stop eating once he tasted the red sauce. Mercenary Tao was given a New Red Ribbon Army to use to spread his wrath and destruction. Oolong was given a red leather recliner that was just too comfortable to get out of. His inverted heptagram was complete. Now was the time for him to rule the whole of the universe. On King Kai’s Look Out, the Z-Fighters had assembled. "Thank you all for coming. As you know something has entered our universe that doesn’t belong here," King Kai began. "I fear that we are in terrible danger." It was at that moment Mephisto began the final step in his infernal plans. Seven trapped mortals full wrath, pride, lust, greed, gluttony, sloth and envy wailed in agony. That was the ignition point that he had waited for that was going to change the universe. "Arrgh! It’s just as I feared!" King Kai screamed. "I had always thought it was just a myth, but it’s really here! In our universe!" "What is it King Kai? What’s happening?" Goku asked. "It’s the Ignem Diabolicae!" King Kai cried. "It’s the most insidious of mystic objects. It burns the very fabric of the universe and then rebuilds a nether world out of the ashes. " "What…what do you mean?" Goku asked. "He’s trying to turn our whole universe into a version of Hell where he can rule!" A shocked silence fell over the Z Fighters. "Come now Kakarot, you’re not going to listen to this old fool. What he’s saying is simply impossible," Vegeta scolded finally. "Believe what you will, but I’m telling you that this is happening. He’s already turned a small patch of our universe into his new home. And it will quickly spread like a cancer. It will only be a few days before he turns our entire universe into a new Hell that he’ll lord over." The Z Fighters all gasped in disbelief. "Furthermore, all of the universe’s inhabitants will fall under his power as well. This is terrible. You must stop him!" King Kai cried. All but one of the Z-Fighters left immediately to face Mephisto. 18 gently handed Marion to Krillen and gave both a quick kiss. "Keep her safe, and have dinner ready for me when I get back," she commanded. She then left to catch up with the rest. Following King Kai’s advice they flew straight away towards the source of the disturbance, but they were not ready for what greeted them. There was a clear divide between their world and Mephisto’s new Hell. Thousands of miles of landscape were now fire, infernal beings, shrieks of terror and rivers of bloody lava. There was little light and the air reeked of offal and nightmares. And they could see it was rapidly expanding. The Z Fighters flew to the center of the inferno to find Mephisto, the Ignem Diabolicae which was now the size of a large house, and their friends, locked inside of soul cages. Each cage sat on a point forming an inverted 7 pointed star and poured mystic energy into the Ignem Diabolicae, fueling it. And now the Ignem Diabolicae was burning through the universe at a terrifying rate. "Let them go!" demanded Goku as the seven Z Fighters floated above Mephisto. But the Lord of the Pit didn’t acknowledge them he just stood next Ignem Diabolicae watching with glee as his plans unfolded. "I said, Let! Them! Go!" Goku again boomed, this time launching a Ki burst at him. Mephisto never even looked at the Saiyan. He simply backhanded the Ki burst away once it got close enough. "Ok then! Watch this!" Gotenks shouted. He formed dozen of Kamikaze Ghosts that dive bombed Mephisto. Still without even looking, an immense wall of demons emerged, blocking the attack with an explosion when the Ghost impacted on them. "Hmmph! Never send a boy to do a royal’s work," Vegeta snorted. He fired a massive volley of Ki bolted that drowned Mephisto and the Ignem Diabolicae beneath it. "See Kakarot? This is how a true Saiyan deals with an enemy!" He then rushed down to finish the job in glorious hand to hand combat. But without any warning Mephisto flew up and out of the conflagration. Like a macabre angel he rushed Vegeta at a blinding speed. Before the Saiyan Prince could react, Mephisto’s arm morphed into a six headed serpent. One serpent each wrapped around a limb with one wrapped around his neck. As he struggled to free himself the final snake looked him in the eye. "I should have used you for pride instead of that fool that called himself Satan," he mused. "Hey Red!" 18 said standing next to the Ignem Diabolicae charging up an energy attack. Before Mephisto could stop her she destroyed it in a fiery explosion flinging everyone but Mephisto away. He knelt there for a moment among his now charred and shattered dreams of power. He let loose a roar of anger, grief and vengeance as he grew to the size of a dark titan. He snatched up 18 in one hand and grinded her into the side of nearby mountain. "You WON’T pay for that!" he began, "Paying for it implies that someday your suffering would be completed! IT NEVER WILL!!!" he hissed. "And you look like Hugo Weaving and the Heat Miser had a daughter!" she quipped in defiance. Mephisto was not impressed, his anger only grew. He thrust his fist down and buried 18 deep into the Hellish Earth. "You all will suffer my wrath. I am power incarnate! I will not be denied by you lowly maggots!" he raged at the Z-Fighters. Goku stood there unmoved and unafraid. "No devil, you’ll have to deal with more disappointments today." A blinding bright blue-white light formed up between Goku’s hands. "Ka Me…" "You must be joking mortal! Do you know the power I wield?" Mephisto mocked. Goku’s power grew, bigger and brighter. "Ha Me…" "My blasphemous divinity shall not be challenged by the likes of you! You’ve no idea what I’m capable of! Fools! Your defeat shall become a half joked memory in Hell now!" Goku never heard Mephisto’s taunts. He threw the massive sphere of Ki energy at the Lord of the Pit to begin the battle to save Earth. "Ha!!!" +++++++++++++++++++++++ Simple set up; Z-Fighters; Goku, Vegeta, Gotenks all at SS3 level, Gohan at ultimate/mystic level, Pikkon, Piccolo/Kami, Android 18, Mephisto is at Elder God power level Classic comic book fight rules; both sides go till death, surrender or incapacitation.
  3. they are fighting in the Carbon-Freezing Chamber/control room from Empire Strikes Back. The space marines are 1 squad, made up of 6 battle brothers (armed with bolters and a combat knife) and 1 Sergeant (armed with a bolt pistol and chain sword) Classic Vader and Maul is from the Phantom Menace neither side has any prep time or intelligence on the opposition. fight to the death rules
  4. By Eastern wisdom I mean the faux fortune cookie kind of sounding thing. It may sound profound but it's just common sense.
  5. the 3 combatants are judged on 3 categories; 1) fighting skills 2) training the "next generation" 3) dispensing Eastern type wisdom to the next generation
  6. hang on, the Masters made the Zentraedi completely dependant on them so they could not turn on them. the big blue aliens could not operate complex technologies or even reproduce by themselves. if its a blitz war the Zentraedi war do win but a long drawn out war will see the Masters win because they can replace their loses better. well written though
  7. Ok, I'll say it... Do not under estamate the power of flung fecal matter!
  8. Iron Man is the Extremis Armor Guyver is the original Sho/Bio Booster Armor no prep time, neither knows anything about the other the fight takes place in a "movie type of factory" that only makes sparks they go to death, surrender or incapacitation.
  9. diaper changing contest! that will teach him to not enjoy the wonder of children!
  10. They start out on opposite sides of a 100 acre tropical island that neither man has ever been on. The island is deserted. Everything on the island is natural, no human made items or technology. No weapons, no armor., no gear Each man has to find the other by tracking or "hunting". This is their first encounter, they only know each other by reputation. Standard comic book fight rules; both men go till death, surrender or incapacitation.
  11. Sorry old sport, I was talking about the difference in physical power between the green and grey Hulk, not mass. Lack of sleep has turned my brain into a KFC Famous Bowl
  12. He punched the grey Hulk in to orbit, not as impressive as if it were the classic Hulk. As for the Magneto fight (Acts of Vengeance 1989) Magneto was testing Spider Man to see if he might be a mutant. when he realized Spider Man wasn't, he left the battle.
  13. What If… World War Hulk fought Cosmic Spider Man? On Earth 620 Spider Man never got the Captain Universe power till three weeks before the Hulk returned to Earth. He knows what his new powers are and the extent of them. World War Hulk is unchanged from the story line. Spider Man takes the place of the Sentry in the end battle that began in MSG. Classic comic book fight, they go till surrender, incapacitation or death.
  14. Illidan Stormrage found a perfect "body of water" for a new Well of Eternity. The Lifestream. He was about to pour the vial into the Lifestream at the same time Sephiroth was about to calm it. They clashed and the final vial of Well water spilled on the ground. Enough to poison the Lifestream, but not enough to make a new Well of Eternity. Now the Betrayer and the One-Winged Angel both have their aspirations of power shattered. And they take out their frustrations on the other. Classic fight to the death match. One on one Pre Patch 3.0.2 Illidan vs Safer Sephiroth
  15. Remo wins. Jason is good at killing dumb naked teenagers that don’t know what’s happening. Remo is highly trained at hand to hand and can easily take out a zombie with a machete.
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