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The Boob Tube

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  1. Kotal Khan is a decent bruiser, however Illyana has a lot more raw power in tapping into the nine levels of Hell.
  2. As I said before, Jason X can withstand the burning orbital re-entry into the planet's atmosphere and still keep swinging.
  3. Episode 191 Match 2: Duel of Fates Jay: “Welcome back folks! If you are just joining us, you missed one heck of a unique matchup with an even more interesting stipulation.” Pat: “Right you are, Jay. As I said before, not every match is going to be a throwdown with fists. Sometimes we here at CBUB would like to throw in interesting twists for our combatants.” Jay: “And speaking of ‘interesting matchups,’ we have another coming your way in just a few minutes. As the most popular friends and villains, from the Yugioh realm, are about to square off in a tag team card match with their favorite monster cards.” Pat: “Yugioh has always been one of those popular card games among millennials, so we asked ourselves what would happen if the very best and the very worst came together in a duel for the ages?” Jay: “Or, at the very least, fill up another slot on this show.” Pat: “Well yes, that was also our first idea. But nevertheless we have all four of the fan favorites here tonight! Joey Wheeler, Seto Kaiba, Yami Marik, and Maximillion Pegasus.” Jay: “All four of these individuals have their gripes with one another, but tonight they will be forced to team up to take on their other bitter rivals. Ain’t life just grand?” Pat: “Luckily for us our CBUB interviewer, Harley Quinn, is with two of our combatants right now to see what’s going on in their minds tonight. Harley, take away!” Harley: “Thanks Pat! I am here, right now, with teenage billionaire Seto Kaiba and Joey Wheeler! Boys, what do you think about tonight’s card match?” Seto: “I am glad you asked, Ms. Quinn. As much as I do not like who I’m partnering up with in this match, I will say that it will be a pleasure to humiliate Joey Wheeler again. Only this time, it’ll be in front of the whole multiverse.” Joey: “Hey Kaiba! You ‘ave no idea whatchu gotten yourself into here. Sure you may ‘ave gotten the better of me, on more than one occasion, ---” Seto: “Try more than the fingers on both of my hands, Wheeler.” Joey: “Why I oughta!” Harley: “Alright, anime boys, settle down. We don’t wanna cause a ruckus backstage now, do we?” Pegasus: “Oh of course not, Harley.” Harley: “Oh my gosh! It’s Maximillion Pegasus, the creator of duel monsters.” Pegasus: “In the flesh.” Seto: “What are you doing here?” Pegasus: “To make sure you behave yourself tonight, Kaiba boy. Afterall, we are teammates and teammates need to work on a strategy to--” Seto: “I don’t NEED your help or your strategies, Pegasus. I got everything that I need in my deck. Now point me in the general direction of the arena and let’s get this over with.” Harley: “Sure thing, Kaiba boy. It’s up the stairs, to the left, and up another flight of stairs.” Seto: “Uughh! Why does there have to be so many stairs?” Harley: “Back to you in the studio, boys” Pat: “Thank you, Harley, and it looks like our combatants are entering the arena. Since there is mostly a card game that they are playing, the arena has reverted back to its sandy like state. They’ll be playing on their duel disks with 8000 life points for each of them. The first team to take out all of their life points will win the match.” Jay: “Too bad the rules are not so simple for our CBUB referee, Stone Cold Steve Austin, who is absolutely clueless about this game.” Steve Austin: “Look fellas! I don’t know what the rules are because the only card games I ever learned, growing up, were poker and blackjack. But you four got your pokimane cards, your duel disks to project the pokimane, and your life points. So draw your cards and I’ll hang back and scroll away on Twitter until the match is over. Are you boys ready?” Marik: “I’m ready to send some souls to the Shadow Realm!” Seto: “Let’s do this!” Joey: “I’m bringing da boom!” Pegasus: “Time to show my stuff.” Steve Austin: “I take it that none of you have ever been laid.” Pegasus: “That’s what you think, big boy.” Steve Austin: “L...let’s get it on.” Pegasus: “Indeed we shall.” Steve Austin: “AH! GAWD DAMMIT! Just play your kiddie card game!”
  4. Episode 191 Match 1: Adventures in Babysitting The show begins with the lights fading up revealing a very large dome shaped empty arena, the music begins to grow around the event. It would then cue to one of the commentators beginning the show's introduction along with images of each of the combatants appearing on screen as the announcer begins his monologue. “Outlaws for good going head-to-head, card wielding duelists becoming deadly allies, and the best of the seventies duking it out to see who was the best in their prime. All this, and more, on tonight’s episode of Comic Book Universe Battles!” The music quickly cues up to a more thematic intro with the CBUB logo popping up in front of everyone’s screens. Pat: "Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the, new and improved, Comic Book Battles streaming live on Khazan Stream Media. I am your host, Pat Summers!" Jay: "And I’m Jay Peoples! We have a great show for you, this evening. After making our triumphant return the ratings were absolutely SKYROCKETED with over half a million new subscribers to Khazan Stream, and it is all thanks to you fine people across the multiverse that took the plunge and signed up to this fantastic streaming service." Pat: "And, in return, we will do our best to provide all of you the most electrifying matches that you will not see anywhere else across the multiverse." Jay: "So with that said, let’s bring to you our first match of the evening starting with one more Newbie’s Match with Tracer from the Overwatch realm taking on Din Djarin from the Star Wars universe." Pat: "A bit of an odd setup, you may think to yourself, but in reality it does make a lot of sense. For you see, in one corner of the ring, we have the bubly Brit that everyone loves with a can do attitude that she brings to the matches with her fellow superhero team. And on the other side we have the elite bounty hunter th--" Jay: "Uhh...Pat? Pat: "--That is trained by a moral creed who will do anythi--" Jay: "PAT!" Pat: "Really, JAY? WHAT IS...oh…" Pat looks over his shoulder to see a fully armored Mandalorian standing over the two commentators from behind. The Mandalorian slowly leans while pressing his hands on each of their chairs. Din: “Where is he?” Pat: “Where’s what?” Din: “The child! I had him with me when I got here and now he disappeared from my sight. I need to know where he is, right now.” Jay: “Look pal, we don’t know what you’re talking about. We just host a show to billions of bloodthirsty fans across the multiverse.” Pat: “My co-host is right. If you’re looking for a kid, you’ve come to the wrong pla-- Hold on…” Pat listens in to his microphone that is embedded in his ear as he is receiving new information. Pat: “Ladies and gentleman, we have some breaking news to report to you. It would appear that a small green child has walked into the Khazan battle arena unsupervised!” Jay: “WHAT?” Din: “Did you say, ‘small green child?’” Pat: “Indeed, let’s take our drone cameras over to where the child is right now!” A few piloted drones hover their way over inside the arena, where it is already set up as a steel works factory, as the cameras catch a small baby shaped Yoda wandering around inside. The child looks at the drones, with amused curiosity, as he tries to reach out to grab it. However, he is quickly picked up by someone else. Tracer: “AWWWW! Look how CUUUTE you are, you little lovely. I just wanna leave this arena, take you home, and just snuggle ya!” Steve Austin: “Nuh uh! Not yet, at least.” The CBUB’s official referee, Stone Cold Steve Austin, takes the child from Tracer and place him in the center of the factory. As he places the child down two giant colored squares light up on opposite ends of the arena. Steven Austin: “So the head honchos upstairs have told me that this is now a Capture the Flag match, but with an adorable little alien. We have a blue square and a red square on opposite ends of the arena. The way this works is that you take the child and take it over to your square and you score a point as it instantly teleports back to the center. The first person to score 10 points wins the match. Now get your sorry ass in here, Mandalorian, and let’s get it on!” Din: “How do I get down there?” Jay: “There’s an exit door and some stairs on the left. Follow the signs and it’ll guide you the rest of the way.” Pat: “Well folks, not every match that we have on CBUB will be a slobber knocker. As our Manadlorian intruder makes his way down into the arena, let’s see what our viewers on social media have to say about this.”
  5. And here I thought this was going to be another close match. LoL. I guess the power of love & friendship will always triumph over cybernetic assassins.
  6. It's been a while since we've seen an Amalgam character in action again. LoL
  7. It's a football size field filled with the landscape of snow and cold temperatures with some hills and cliffs
  8. Okay, quite the interesting matchup between two mixed alternate characters that I know very little of. But if I would have to choose I would have to say Hammer Supreme is a bit more powerful & would come out on top.
  9. Quick update: Changed the title, so this is NOT a main tournament. Feel free to continue to vote away.
  10. Oh, my bad. I didn't know. I just saw the entry was still readily available so I just assumed that we kept going. I should have put this in the ranked category. Sorry about that
  11. Episode 190 Match 3: A Couple of Cold Ones Pat: “Hello and welcome back to Comic Book Universe Battles! So far, we have been treated with quite an entertaining show for you here tonight. We started off with two very dangerous post-apocalyptic femme fatales hunting down each other only for Ellie getting the upper hand in the end.” Jay: “With one hand, no less.” Pat: “Followed up by a Wild West showdown which, in the end, turned out to be Arthur Morgan who was a lot quicker on the draw.” Jay: “Looks like old Doc Holliday is going to be hitting up that Old Town Road all the way into the afterlife.” Pat looks over to Jay with an unamused look on his face. Pat: “Really, Jay?” Jay: “What? We may be a little bit older, but that ain’t gonna stop me from being hip with today’s trends.” Pat: “Sure....Any who, now it is time for our MAIN EVENT and let me tell you this one is going one stone cold matchup as Frost from the Mortal Kombat realm will be taking on Elsa from the magical world of Disney fables.” Jay: “Both of these ladies have had quite the career for themselves within their respective franchises. On one side of the corner, you have a former Snow Queen who would use her magic to channel the great elements of the cold making her a protector of enchanted forest.” Pat: “And on the other side of the ring, you have a backstabbing cryomancer who would start off as a pupil for the Lin Kuei but would later sacrifice her body for cybernetic parts only to further enhance her abilities and get back at her former mentor Sub-Zero.” Jay: “Frost gives new meaning to the term ‘Stone Cold bi--’” Pat: “SOO with a match up like this one it is very difficult to see who will come out on top, especially when these two are going to be duking it out on the arctic tundra. Which is why, as we are waiting for the arena to restructure itself into the snowy landscape, we have Harley Quinn backstage returning as our official CBUB interviewer as she is lucky enough to talk to Elsa about her upcoming match here tonight. Harley, take it away.” Harley: “HEYAA PAT & JAY! Good to be back, again! I am here with Elsa, the most gorgeous singing ice princess I have ever laid my eyes on.” Elsa: “Oh, you’re too kind Harley. I’m sure you’ve met plenty of ice princesses where you’re from.” Harley: “I have, but they’re not exactly princesses and not nearly as pretty as you.” 😉 Elsa: “Oh…” 😊 Harley: “So tell me, Elsa baby, you’re about to go head-to-head with a literal stone cold assassin with a thirst for vengeance, and from a realm that is downright full of ruthless fighters. How do you prepare for something like that?” Elsa: “Well...I’m not going to lie. The very thought of fighting a cunning foe like this woman does sound quite nerve wracking, to say the least, but I have seen far more uglier things out there and overcame them. I do believe, with all of my heart and soul, that I--” Frost: “Heart & soul? HA! What a joke!” Frost approaches the two women as Harley moves the microphone over towards her direction. Harley: “Why do you say that?” Frost: “Because the truth of the matter is that heart and soul do NOT help you win fights, it’s years of training and enhancements that’ll get you ahead of the game.” Elsa: “Oh, Frost. If only you had a heart or a soul, to begin with, maybe then you would see things a lot more differently.” Harley: “Ooohh snap!” Frost: “Can it, clown! What I believe is the will to survive and thrive through any fight with the skills REAL fighters learn throughout the years. When we get into that arena tonight, I’m gonna... gonna… umm...” Elsa: “Can’t hold it back anymore?” Frost: “Exactly! And then afterwards I’ll…” Harley: “Turn away and slam the door?” Frost: "Yes! Because I don’t care what they say going to say because--” Elsa: “The cold never bothered you anyway!” Frost: “Yeah, I… wait…” Harley & Elsa: “Let it go, let it go! Don’t hold me back anymore!” Both Harley and Elsa break out in laughter as the demeanor on Frost’s face quickly grows red with anger. Frost lets out a scream of frustration as she quickly forms an icicle from her hand as she lunges towards the ladies, but is quickly caught and pulled back by Stone Cold Steve Austin. As Austin removes the icicle from Frost’s hand he stands between the two separating them. Steve Austin: “Alright, you two! As the official CBUB referee, I am also the head peacemaker backstage as well to make sure none of you broads don’t cut each other’s throats behind the scenes before your matches. If you wanna get it on, then get it on inside the arena.” Frost: “Once I take care of the princess tonight I’m coming after you next, clown.” As Frost makes her way to the arena, Harley begins to wrap up her interview with Elsa. Harley: “Well Elsa, best of luck to you tonight and (obviously) I’ll be rooting for ya.” Elsa: “Oh don’t you worry about me, Harley. I’m gonna shove that icicle of hers so far down her throat, she’ll be shitting ice cubes for a week.” Harley: “Oh...A little bit of a dark side under all of that good looks.” Elsa: “You have no idea, Harley.” Harley: “Well, umm...back to you in the studio, boys.” Pat: “Thank you, Harley Quinn! Boy, that was intense.” Jay: “Who knew a couple of ice cold divas can get so hot with rage.” Pat: “Indeed, Jay. We are indeed ready for the main event here tonight. Who will win? Killer cyborg or Disney princess? Let’s take a look to see what our viewers on our social media page have to say about this.”
  12. Oh, a close one. Do you guys really want a wrap up to this bout?
  13. Now this is an interesting one. Can a member of the Lantern Corps, especially a red one, withstand the blow of a lightsaber? All I know is that Atrocitus is a very nasty dude when he fights and Rey is not exactly the nasty beat down type.
  14. Appreciate all the constructive criticisms from everyone. I'll make sure, going forward, to keep these tips in mind for future single matches if I want to get a good rating out of everyone. LoL. I do have other matches in mind from tag teams to other mixed fights as well
  15. This seems like a very broad type of setup, but if I have to pick someone it would have to be Dovahkiin due to the character's more viscous nature in battle in the Skyrim games.
  16. As much of a savage Naughty Bear is, I'm still going to have to give it to the Nook. He's always been one chill dude
  17. It's going to be be a shootout, that's for sure. I would say they're going outside to get a lot more distance from each other in order to have one of those classic hoedowns. Whether they stand their ground or run to cover after the first couple of shots is entirely up to both of them.
  18. Episode 190 Match 2: High Noon Pat: “Welcome back to Comic Book Universe Battles and if you are just joining us, you missed one Hell of a bout between Ellie from The Last of Us and Clementine from The Walking Dead.” Jay: “Honestly, I didn’t even know zombie’s guts could splatter like that. Ahahaha!” Pat: “Oh ho, Jay. Well moving on to our next matchup, this is literally going to be a showdown at O.K. Corral as the wild west will be won, once more, with another newbie match between Arthur Morgan from Red Dead Redemption and the infamous outlaw Doc Holliday!” Jay: “These rootin’ tootin’ gunslingers have endured a lot of obstacles throughout their Wild West days. Up until their utter demise from tuberculosis within the late 19th Century.” Pat: “However; through the wonders of the advanced technology here at the Khazan Arena, we are fortunate enough to acquire both of these cowpokes while they are still in their prime. So let’s go over the statistics between both of our combatants here tonight for another Newbie Match.” Jay: “Starting with Doc Holliday. He received his Doctor of Dental Surgery degree from the Pennsylvania College of Dental Surgery at the age of 20, became a professional gambler as a side hobby, and would later be deputized by legendary gunslinger Wyatt Earp to assist him in taking down a multitude of outlaws throughout the rest of his career. Some say that because of his extremely fast quick draw, that he was able to perfect, he was able to take down outlaws in the dozens. Quite the fascinating stuff.” Pat: “Well Jay, while Arthur Morgan may not have the educational experience like Doc he sure as hell makes up for....everything else. Being one of the top lieutenants in the Van der Linde gang, Arthur Morgan has led quite the reputation in 4 fictional states, excelling in every challenge and skill he is able to overcome, and let’s not forget his quickdraw skills have been known to take down multiple enemies at once within a couple of seconds.” Jay: “Truly this is one match that middle-aged men, like ourselves, are dying to see who will come out on top. As the arena finishes itself reforming into the town of the western landscape of Valentine, let’s go to the local saloon where local die-hard Texan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, will meet up with our combatants to go over the rules.” Arthur Morgan enters the saloon where he sees several folks inside along with Doc Holliday, sitting in a corner of the room, as he shuffles a deck of cards. Arthur makes his over to Doc as his opponent merely looks up, locking eyes with each other. Arthur: “Ah reckon that you’re the feller I’m supposed to tango with?” Doc: “‘Ah reckon’ so. How do you wanna do this, partner?” Steve Austin: “Alright you two. I wanna good clean hoedown for this match. You can either get it on in here or out there. Don’t matter to me how you wanna do it, just as long as I don’t get hit by one of your buckshots because of the way you aim those shooters back in your day.” Doc gets up from his chair and gestures Arthur to meet him outside as he nods along in agreement. Steve Austin: “Alrighty then, let’s get it on!” Pat: “As our gunslingers make their way outside to settle it, like real cowpokes, let’s see what the viewers at home have to say about this.”
  19. Episode 190 Match 1: Bite Me! The show begins with the lights fading up revealing a very large dome shaped empty arena, the music begins to grow around the event. It would then cue to one of the commentators beginning the show's introduction. “After many years and countless requests from die-hard nostalgic fans, across the multiverse, the wait...is finally over!” The music quickly cues up to a more thematic intro with the CBUB logo popping up in front of everyone’s screen that are watching it at home, on their computers, and cell phones. Pat: "Hello everyone, and welcome to the return of Comic Book Universe Battles! The show where we pit your favorite pop culture icons, of past and present, and bring them together in a knockdown fight to see who would TRULY come out on top! I am your host, Pat Summers!" Jay: "And I’m Jay Peoples! And let us both just say that it is absolutely GREAT to be back to a place that we both love so dearly." Pat: "Indeed you’re right, Jay. With the growing surge of TV networks rebooting classic shows and movies making sequels to 30-year-old franchises, it was only a matter of time before this show got its fair share of a revival as well. All thanks to our new partners over at Khazan Stream." Jay: "For only $12.99 a month, Khazan Stream is the streaming service where you can watch any and all of your favorite movies and shows from across the multiverse. But for this episode, we’re giving you viewers a free sample of our show in a way to show some of the younger folks out there what we’re all about." Pat: "For one thing we know a lot of time has passed, over the years, where new characters from popular video games and movies have emerged into the spotlight thus making them super popular and very quickly with today’s youth." Jay: "So let us cut the chit-chat and begin something, what we like to call, the Newbie’s Match!" Pat: "We begin with our first two combatants. Fighting from the Last of Us universe we have Ellie. The foul mouthed survivalist who can endure a lot of pain and a lot of zombie bites thanks to her immunity." Jay: "And fighting from the TellTale region of The Walking Dead universe we have Clementine. The quick thinking teen with more ingenuity to overcome just about any obstacles to repel both zombies and bandits." Pat: "Both of these young women have endured quite a lot in their short lives but, in the end, both have always come out on top in the apocalyptic zombie universe. So we asked ourselves if these two fought in an apocalyptic, zombie infested, landscape who would truly be number one? Well we’re going to find out in a few minutes as our, new and improved, Khazan Arena reshapes itself into that scenario." The sand on the ground of the Khazan Arena begins to take shape as it creates a landscape of dilapidated buildings, vegetation growing over a lot of areas, and a myriad of obstacles. Jay: "Wow! The wonders of today’s technology." Pat: "Indeed, Jay. This particular scenario is a 10 block radius of what your typical zombie infested city would look like after a decade or two. Complete with randomly generated items and weapons for our players to choose from along with 50-100 zombies lurking about to give off that extra challenge to both of their survival’s." Jay: "The rules are quite simple. Our combatants will start on opposite ends of the map where they will collect and craft as much supplies they need in order to fight each other. The match will end once one of these girls either taps out, gives up, goes limp, or...well....becomes zombie chow." Pat: "And to officiate these CBUB matches, we hired nothing but the best of referees to make sure both sides get fair treatment for their matches." Jay: "So give a warm welcome to the one man who takes no guff from any one that enters the Khazan Arena. The Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin!" Both Ellie and Clementine give each other a quiet stare at each other as Steve Austin comes between the two. Steve Austin: "Alright, you two! I wanna good clean survival match! And I don’t wanna hear any complaints about your foster daddy issues, your loss of limbs, or the decisions that you made that you would later regret after 5 minutes! GOT IT?" Both combatants nod in agreement. Steve Austin: "Alright! Now get to your opposite corners of the area, and LET’S GET IT ON!" Pat: "And our match has begun! Who will triumph? Let’s find out what the viewers have to say on our social media page." Note: Both characters start off with an empty backpack, a combat knife, and all 10 fingers & 10 toes in tact. (Spoilers)
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