Well, if thereâ€™s one thing Iâ€™ve learned from working at a McDonaldâ€™s for the last few weeks, itâ€™s that people are massive jerks. As such, Iâ€™ve decided to provide you with a handy-dandy little guide on how to not be a complete imbecile when you go to a McDonaldâ€™s.
1. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU START CROWDING THE COUNTER
The people working the front counter registers have several jobs, but one primary function: to get people in and out of line as quickly as possible. People who walk up to the counter with no idea what they want are a great way to completely derail this goal. Each order is supposed to be taken in under a minute unless itâ€™s an exceptionally complicated one. So, please, if you donâ€™t know what you want, then stand back and let somebody else order.
2. ORDER EVERYTHING YOU WANT AT THE SAME TIME
This one irks me more than any other thing on this list. DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE YOUR ORDER AFTER YOUâ€™VE ALREADY PLACED IT. The order taking system is mostly computer-based. The folks working grill get an order and immediately start working on it, so if you suddenly decide that you donâ€™t want onions on your Quarter Pounder, then in all likelihood, itâ€™ll have to be completely remade and weâ€™ll have to throw the original sandwich out. In other words, we may as well be throwing away literal money. In short, for the love of God, say you donâ€™t want salt on your fries while youâ€™re still ordering.
3. DONâ€™T THROW OUT CIGARETTE BUTTS/STRAW WRAPPERS/GUM/ETCETERA IN THE PARKING LOT
You probably donâ€™t realize this, but thereâ€™s actually a lot of effort put into trying to portray McDonaldâ€™s as being exceptionally clean both inside and out. When I get into work, the first thing I do after I punch in is sweeping the lot. In other words, I go around the entire property with a broom and dustpan and pick up any garbage I see on the ground. The most common things I see? Cigarette butts and straw wrappers. But, honestly, I never really know what Iâ€™m going to find laying around. I do know that it will consistently be unpleasant, though. So please, do me and my fellow McDonaldâ€™s employees a favor: throw your trash away where itâ€™s supposed to go.
4. DONâ€™T OVER-COMPLICATE THINGS
You donâ€™t like mustard? Hey, I get that. Itâ€™s cool. Just a press of a button and voila, no mustard on your burger. That sort of thing is fine. What isnâ€™t cool is trying to get a McDouble with a billion different things added to it. Sure, itâ€™s a minor inconvenience, but it still means your order taker has hunt down whatever it is you want in the computer program and add it. Then the people working grill have to waste extra time making it. So, please, KISS your order (â€œKeep It Simple, Stupidâ€).
5. DONâ€™T BE A WHINY %&$#! ABOUT PRICES
We have no control over prices. Thatâ€™s corporateâ€™s problem. Take it up with them. If you donâ€™t like how much something costs, go eat somewhere else. There is absolutely nothing we can do about that.
6. DONâ€™T BE A WHINY %&$#! ABOUT MISTAKES
Weâ€™re only human. Sometimes, we screw up. Sometimes, you get pickle on your Big Mac when you didnâ€™t want any. Itâ€™s okay. Just calmly go up to the counter and politely ask for a new one. We would be happy to fix it. Yes, we lost money, but itâ€™s our fault, so youâ€™re in the clear. As long as youâ€™re cool about it, then itâ€™s all good. What isnâ€™t alright is acting like a crybaby just because you were inconvenienced a little bit. Donâ€™t be that guy. That guy is a moron.
7. DONâ€™T BE A WHINY %&$#! IN GENERAL
You know what? Just a general rule: donâ€™t get all up in arms about anything that happens in a McDonaldâ€™s. Itâ€™s not that big of a deal. If someone is a jerk to you, just take it up with a manager. If a manager is a jerk to you, take it up with the owner. Thereâ€™s always somebody higher up on the food chain. Had to wait longer than youâ€™d have liked to? Youâ€™re an adult, frigginâ€™ act like it. Anything I missed? DEAL WITH IT. WE ARE NOT PERFECT. Weâ€™re trying our best here, but people acting like imbeciles make us a lot less willing to help you out.
8. DONâ€™T HOLD UP THE DRIVE-THRU
The drive-thru is meant to be fast. As fast as possible, in fact. Donâ€™t mess around. Donâ€™t be flippant. Donâ€™t do anything that might potentially hold up the place. Thatâ€™s just not cool. Do us all a favor and help keep things moving. If you need a minute to decide what you want, thatâ€™s one thing. But donâ€™t do anything stupid.
9. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF
Nobody expects you to do a full cleaning. But at the very least throw away your trash and try to clean any spills. Just as a common courtesy. Yes, itâ€™s our job to clean the lobby. That isnâ€™t an excuse to trash the place.
10. HELP US HELP YOU
Speak clearly and concisely and loud enough that we can hear you. Try to keep things moving. Just be polite and everythingâ€™ll be fine. Nobody wants any trouble.
And that, more or less, is how to not be a jerk at McDonaldâ€™s. In short, just be nice. Or better yet, donâ€™t eat at McDonaldâ€™s. Seriously. Even I donâ€™t know where that stuff has been.