QUINN: For those of you just joining us, we're going to run some clips of some of the highlights we've seen so far in this race.
CALLISTO: Yes. Now here we are looking at a scene from the beginning of this race. Tarzan is making his way through a thick patch of desert - he's burned and dehydrated. Easy pickings, one might think. A half-dozen mercenaries - Some two-bit sword-fodder I had pressed into service - enters on the scene to take out the ape man.
QUINN: Here comes the desert mercenaries... riding in hard on camels! Firing guns in the air, yelling - what challenge can one dehydrated man in a loin cloth possibly be, right?
CALLISTO: Tarzan plays helpless and weak until the very end. As they close to circle - he leaps and knifes the first rent-a-thug.
QUINN: Watch these moves, folks. We've added a timer to the left-hand side of your screen so you can fully appreciate this fighter.
CALLISTO: ...Tarzan jumps to the next camel, dragging his blade across a mercs jugular, as he jumps to the next...
QUINN: Five seconds elapsed...
CALLISTO: ... Three men down now as a wild-eyed fourth faces certain death. The fifth gets off a bad shot...
QUINN: Seven seconds...
CALLISTO: Fifth drops to the dust as the ape man rips the last man off his animal and wrestles him to submission in the hot desert sand.
QUINN: Under ten seconds folks. Wow. Good help is hard to find, eh Cally?
CALLISTO: Don't call me that again. The ape man took their camels, water and the last rent-a-thug as a guide. He made excellent time to the Congo.
QUINN: We're going to switch clips, now. This is a little trap I devised to slow down the Man of Bronze. I figured your average death trap would be useless against such a savvy adventurer - so I chose a bit of a trick.
CALLISTO: Here we see Doc Savage coming upon the scene of a tribe of cannibals who have apparently captured a young, nubile Brit female on safari. She is the main course on the dinner menu.
QUINN: Doc Savage jumps into the clearing. Using his many gizmos - a little flash, a little bag and a whole bunch of knock-out darts later - the tribe is on the run.
CALLISTO: Doc Savage - typical male that he is - unties the female who promptly swoons becomingly into his arms.
QUINN: I should point out that this is the actual trap, here....
CALLISTO: ... And I must salute you, clown girl - it was quite clever. You see, her lips are coated with a deadly poison which the girl herself is immune to.
QUINN: And who could resist kissing those luscious, fresh female lips? The young Brit assassin bats her long eyelashes, snakes slender fingers behind the neck of Doc Savage and guides him in for the kiss.
CALLISTO: But... Doc Savage resists!
Doc Savage: You've had a hard experience. Are you all right?
British Assassin: I'm fine, now. Let me reward my handsome rescuer with a kiss.
Doc Savage: The stress of your experience has left you in shock. Lie down for a moment and catch your breath, now...
British Assassin: Kiss me, first.
Doc Savage: Please, it wouldn't be proper for me to take advantage....
British Assassin: Are you gay, or what?
Doc Savage: No, I...
British Assassin: Then kiss me Gawd-dammit!
Doc Savage: You're delirious. You must rest a moment...
QUINN: Haha... oh, this is rich!
CALLISTO: Here's the great part! Doc Savage has completely irritated the determined young woman with his immaculate, proper manners. How does she respond?
British Assassin: Bastard!
Doc Savage: UUURK!!!
QUINN: She shoved a poison shank right into his leg and stalked off into the jungle.
CALLISTO: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
QUINN: It turns out that this episode really slowed down the good doctor. While he did manage to whip up an antidote to the poison from local flora and fauna ...
CALLISTO: ... as one would expect from Doc Savage....
QUINN: ... he did spend more than a day sweating it out in a clearing, shaking off the near fatal after effects.
CALLISTO: ... which gave Tarzan a chance to catch up from his early lag in the desert. Moving through the Savannah, now, they're both very close. We are coming to the conclusion of this race.
QUINN: Tarzan is approaching from the West... Doc Savage from the East.
CALLISTO: They've seen each other! Both are very close to the finish line - about a mile out. The foot race is on!
QUINN: It's hard to tell whose going to take this one. Both of these guys are Olympic quality runners.
CALLISTO: Oops! Poor Savage! Looks like he has attracted the attention of a hunting lioness. He's not going to out run her.
QUINN: Savage tumbles as the Lioness moves in for the kill! He comes up, holding the knock-out gun! One shot... did it miss? The lioness is on him!
CALLISTO: What's this? Tarzan has seen Docs trouble and is running full tilt towards the Doc, to try and help him...
QUINN: Naahhh - shouldn't have bothered. The over grown putty-tat is knocked out cold. Savage tosses the animal aside and runs once more for the finish.
CALLISTO: Tarzan changes directions as well - this might be a photo finish for the ribbon, folks.