BOB: Boy, some strong feelings there Clare! It looks like they're ready to rumble.... over to you.
CLARE: The crowd's getting restless Bob and there's a smell of warm Wookie in the air... and there goes the bell!!!!
BOB: Moses is out first, bouncing on his toes as if he is not a day older than 20, a glint in his eye portraying a will to wipe the floor with the green geezer.
CLARE: Looks like Yoda's gonna have trouble moving in that robe of his... nope, that's off to reveal tiger-print trunks..he was prepared!! He's dancing around, egging on Moses to throw the first punch and.....
BOB: WHAM! Moses has struck with his left hand! Whoa, I thought Moses was strictly a Right-Hand man Clare. Yoda looks a little distressed!
CLARE: Ohhhh, that connected right between the eyes! But Yoda's in with a right hander to the stomach and he's making a grab for Moses Beard...
BOB: Foot swipe from Moses followed by a double handed push. Moses is looking a little sore though. Can he take this pace for the whole fight Clare?
CLARE: Lets hope so or it's gonna be a quick contest. Yoda springs into action and jumps on Moses right foot. He's hopping mad now Bob...
BOB: Moses grabs Yoda by the ears and lifts him clear over his head and lets go. Yoda goes down....first fall of the match! Is he moving Clare?
CLARE: I can see an ear twitch Bob.. Moses moves in for a closer look at his handy work. It's looks like Yoda is trying to say something... Moses bends down and.... YESSS!!!! Yoda smacks him one in the face and follows
through with the elbow in the throat routine. Looks like Yoda was playing dead Bob.
BOB: Seems he is quite adept at it too Clare. Viewers, Moses is MAD. Wow, you can actually see the fire in his eyes! He reaches into his robe........BANG!! double backhander with a large stone tablet! Ouch!
CLARE: Now that's playing dirty! Yoda's staggering about clutching his head like it's going to fall off... He stumbles into his corner and ...he turns and charges at Moses with his stick, swinging it.....RIGHT between Moses
legs. Now THAT's gotta hurt!!
BOB: EEEEEEE!! All the male species of all the races are clutching their reproductive organs in a empathic reflex to that one! Moses is looking red and its not with anger! He reaches out - and his rod flies to him! I
thought that was a Jedi-only trick! He's thrown it to the floor......its the 'Stick to Snake' routine!.....and it looks a nasty breed Clare!
CLARE: And Yoda just STANDS there.. wait I can feel a ripple in the force.... Yoda's bending down, he picks up the snake, ties it in a couple of knots and hands it back to Moses...there's laughter coming from the Yoda
supporters. Moses ain't a happy man. Ohhhh, if looks could kill..
BOB: Its not looks that is a danger to Yoda, its the tall bearded guy in front of him! I smell the possibility of charred Jedi Master if he is not quick on his feet!
CLARE: Moses is raising his hands to the heavens.... Never mind the burning bush! We've got a burning Yoda!!! He's on the floor, rolling the flames out!! He's up! He's a bit fried round the edges but otherwise o.k..Don't try
that at home kids.....
BOB: I do believe that is a reason for disqualification : using outside help. Referee should blow his whistle to stop the match now... where the hell is the referee?! He's gone! Can no-one stop this match?! Seeing the
intensity of the two opponents, I don't think anyone is brave enough to!
CLARE: Can you blame them? Wait! The crowd's looking up! There's seems to be some kind of disturbance in the heavens.....It's look like.... a VERY large locust the size of a waste truck , and it's falling in the general
direction of Yoda....
BOB: Yoda closes his eyes awaiting the imminent crush from a 500lb insect - hold on... he is holding it aloft with the force!! This seems to be a battle of wills now, whose power is greater! One is pushing down and the other
is pushing up!! This fight is the worth the price of the ticket viewers!!!
CLARE: Well, Yoda hasn't got much in the way of legs, but what he has got are buckling under the strain . Sweat is dripping from him, I can't tell if his face is screwed up in concentration, or he always looks that that. It
looks pretty bad for the little green guy Bob.
BOB: The pressure must be immense! But, no matter how hard he is trying, the locust keeps bearing down. WAIT!! IT LOOKS LIKE THE FIGHT HAS GONE OUT OF HIM!!!
CLARE: You're right there Bob! It's getting too much for the old Jedi Master, strong in the force is he, but not THAT strong. HE'S ON HIS KNEES AND......
BOB: TOUCHDOWN!!! The ring rocks with the impact of the giant exoskeleton connecting with a tiny short, green husk of a Jedi Master!! The Moses Crew go WILD!!! There's burning bush cheerleaders spelling his name out and
Moses himself is just lapping up the glory! He seems to be giving the 'come on then' gesture to the crowd and shouting something.... Moses is letting the world know that when it comes fighting, Yoda is Old Testament! Luke looks upset viewers... there
could be an avenging rematch in the future!