Dead characters and the stories of their spectacular demise. Sorted by name.

To the Mortuary:
A—E
F—J
K—O
P—T
U—Z

Submit a character to the Mortuary.


Dead RPG Characters with names starting with F - J :

Flandal

Game System: 3rd edition D&D
Occupation: Thief, assassin, annoyance
Player: Dave
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: Unknown
Date of Death: Unknown
Place of Death: The road between a swamp and the nearest city

Cause of Death: The Partys crazy half-elf sorcerer found lots of poison and disguises in Flandels pack. Flandel was then confronted by the sorcerer and the gnome cleric. Both of these individuals were followers of Pelor. During this confrontation our buddy Flandel had his legs bashed with the clerics mace. Then with the cleric and sorcerer holding poisoned daggers to his neck Flandel decides to make it known that he will "NEVER GIVE UP MY ALLEGIANCE TO VECNA!!" At that point the DM looked over and told him the grim news that his character was very dead. There was much rejoicing.

Epitaph: "Well Ill make a new character, and call him GLANDAL!!"
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Fury Lansik

Game System: Star Wars
Occupation: Alcoholic Mercenary
Player: Eric Bryant
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: Unknown
Date of Death: Unknown
Place of Death: Tatooine.

Cause of Death: Trying to evade a bounty hunter, he and his faithful wookie Gragga sped toward the planet surface hoping to pull up at the last possible moment. Being a physics dropout he underestimated the power of gravity and a sublight engine and he smashed into the panet surface, his ship exploding in a ball of flames. This manuever is now known as the "Fury Lansik Suicide Drop"

Epitaph: "What do ya mean pull up now, shit, Im gnna wait until we get to 30 meters. Thats enough leeway, isnt it?"
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Galail Gerwyn

Game System: All flesh must be eaten
Occupation: An occult bookstore owner
Player: Russell
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 3/8/72
Date of Death: 21/5/01
Place of Death: A farm off the freeway from Atlanta

Cause of Death: Well, it was a despearte situation really. We ran away from the legions of undead that seemed to populate a highway diner. There was a massive crash an all these zombies start rising from the dead people. so we ran. We holed up in this farm house, there were four of us. Unfortunatly there were many more zombies. I was the last one standing, down to my trusty revolver and book of life spells. Jake went upstairs i heared a scream and he fell through the banisters. killed a zombie by falling on him, then I kinda got grabbed from behind.

Epitaph: Nice shot Jake.... uh whats that on my shoulder.........
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Galena Mizel

Game System: AD&D 2nd Edition
Occupation: 6th Level Bard
Player: Amanda Vosloh
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 5027 A.F.
Date of Death: 5047 A.F.
Place of Death: Outside of a monastery on some monster-ridden island

Cause of Death: When the monks in the monastery sensed there was something "wrong" with Galena (unknown to her at the time, she was carrying a magical tracking device planted by a mind flayer when she was captured on a previous adventure), they refused to allow her inside the protective walls of the monastery for the night. Being the great guys that they are, most of the party left Galena to face the horrors of the island alone...only the group cleric, Alexander Swaggart offered to stay with her through the evening. Sometime during the night, a robed stranger was noticed sneaking around in the nearby foliage. When Galena went to investigate, she discovered that he was a disguised yuan-ti, and battle insued. Using his ability to control snakes, the yuan-ti had both of his pet giant constictors attack. While the rest of the party watched from the monastery walls, Galena and Swaggart each battled a monstrous serpent. After a couple of rounds, a ranger from the party came out to rescue his team mates. Faced with a choice of who to help first, Droz (the ranger) helped slay the snake attacking the group cleric (their only healer). In the meantime, poor Galena was squeezed to death and swallowed whole by the 30 foot reptile that she had been fighting. Fortunately for her allies, when they later killed and cut open the huge beast, most of Galenas equipment was unharmed. So in loving memory, they set about squabbling over who got to take her ring of sustenance and scimitar of speed...The gold they split evenly.

Epitaph: You ASSHOLES!!!
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Ganelon Bosch of Miir

Game System: Rolemaster
Occupation: Ranger
Player: Heather Stockwell
Gender: Male
Race: Elf
Date of Birth: Approx. 5850
Date of Death: 6067
Place of Death: The Island of Opulance

Cause of Death: Died of a broken rip piercing his heart induced while shouting the praises of his beloved Goddess Mynestra. He was gagged and tied to a tree and was attempting to create a diversion while the party fighter struggled free from another tree. His beating by the guards was effective in that goal, however they were equally effective in their attempts to silence him.

Epitaph: He always was willing to take one for the team.
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GARAK THE BLESSED

Game System: D&D
Occupation: Thief-Barbarian
Player: Jeremiah
Gender: M
Race: Hobgoblin
Date of Birth: apr 13 2003
Date of Death: apr 13 2003
Place of Death: Island off the coast of waterdeep.

Cause of Death: Garak the blessed after having been saved from death TWICE earlier in the day by the benevolent God of Justice, TYR. Entered a Cave occupied by three OLD WHITE DRAGONS after hearing shouts from the partys half dragon scout. Garak, a recent convert from Talos god of destruction (a week before in game time) called on Tyrs holy name and charged into the fray, managing (at a puny level 7) to annoy one dragon, and hit another in the wing, slightly aggravating it. At this point the battle went in favor of the party and two of the three dragons were down. The last was hit in the left eye by and arrow fired by the partys Drow mage who used truestrike. (also known as cheap-o spell #1) the dragon proceeded to snake its serpentine head past the bulky body of a fallen companion which Garak and the half dragon were now hiding behind in order to bite the half dragon character in half. this provoked an attack of opportunity from Garak. Who noting that he was on the left side of the dragon and while having no chance of hitting the dragon with his non-magical flail (unless he rolled a natural 20) decided to reach up and yank the arrow from the Wyrms eye just before its jaws clamped on the hapless half dragon, thus diverting its attack. Just before the next round, the Dm asked for actions for teh next round, adn due to the Dragons near-death state, Garak thought it would be a good idea to taunt the dragon by holding the eye gut covered arrow aloft, proclaiming in a loud and thunderous voice "hey ugly! This is your eye gut!" then to add inslut to injusry to apologize and move to the dragons right side (the left eye now being a hobgoblin lillipop in the words of an ally) and once within view to repeat the tautn and lick the eye gut gratuitously from the arrow. Well, Garak rolled only a 14 for initiative, and the dragon rolled an 18, so before his allies could finish the creature off it grasped poor garak round the body with one claw and popped his head off like a Dr. Pepper can with the other.

Epitaph: Not a Way to Get Ahead In LIfe!
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Garou/Dr Seigfried Von Oberecht

Game System: DC Heroes
Occupation: Superhero
Player: Simon Canham
Gender: Male
Race: Werewolf
Date of Birth: 1968ish
Date of Death: 1995
Place of Death: Seattle, U.S.A.

Cause of Death: Other PCs archenemy was reported to be carrying a tac nuke inside him that would go off if he died. Other PC and archenemy fight, both ending up in hospital. The other PC then makes a recovery roll and shoots his archenemy in the head with a level 15 projectile weapon. Goodbye Seattle, goodbye Werewolf.

Epitaph: "Should we go to the Hospital to make sure theyre OK?"
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Garrett

Game System: AD&D
Occupation: Thief
Player: T. Eddy
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 1350 DR
Date of Death: 1375 DR
Place of Death: Sewers of Procampur

Cause of Death: A few game sessions for the characters demise, our party teamed up with 2 females, who were hired, along with us, to eliminate the "rat" problem in the sewers of Procampur. In a move, uncharacteristic of our DM, one of the females put the moves on my character. However she was a were-rat, and promptly infected me. And just before the big battle, the DM swipes my character sheet, and promplty has my character killed by another player. Thems the beaks.

Epitaph: Beware the hairy chicks.
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Getbo Tallywhacker

Game System: D&D 3rd edition
Occupation: Rogue
Player: Brandon
Gender: Male
Race: Gnome
Date of Birth: n/a
Date of Death: n/a
Place of Death: outside castle Snumpkin

Cause of Death: The session started with me (a gnome psion) and my friend Brandon (a gnome rogue). We began inside the Gnomish castle Snumpkin, where we awaited the orders of the king. The first thing that we always do in a session is to introduce and describe our characters. Brandon being lazy "didnt know how to make a character" so I did for him. When the DM asked for his name and description he looked at his sheet and discovered that he had none (I had left this part up to him but he had forgotten). So our loving DM named him Gerbo Tallywhacker and made him gigantic, ugly and fat. Brandon not wanting play such a miserable Gnome, decided to kill himself by jumping out the window. The DM made him roll a will save to see if he had the guts, he rolled a "1". So then he was forced to roll a tumble check to try and save himslef, he rolled a "20" and landed unscratched on his feet. Angrily, gerbo attacked the first person he saw, a castle guard. He missed with his unarmed strike (he had no equipment either), but the guard proceded to drop his sword. Gererbo of course picked up the sword and killed the guard in one hit. Now frustrated, he ran frantically around the castle searching for someone to kill him. After killing half a dozen guards I put him out of his misery with an arrow through the skull. It being 3am we all then decided to go to sleep.

Epitaph: I HATE YOU GUYS!!
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Glorfindel

Game System: Ad&d
Occupation: Monk
Player: Britão
Gender: Male
Race: Half-Elf
Date of Birth: unknow
Date of Death: wich one????
Place of Death: 1 - Elfhelder Village; 2 - Ades Plain; 3 - The fourth Heaven

Cause of Death: 1 - His father beated a arrow in a dragon, and..... 2 - A critical fail in a movedice sand.... 3 - Aten by a Saber-tooth Tiger

Epitaph: Its the most morberus character
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Gong

Game System: Dungeons & Dragons
Occupation: Monk
Player: Kevin Lancaster
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 33 years before death.
Date of Death: 33 years after birth. (The game didnt really have a calender...)
Place of Death: The throne room of an old palace that was taken over by Lizardfolk.

Cause of Death: Ah... Many things, the partys lack of a cleric, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or even a mages failed attempt at healing him. The most "direct" source of his death, however, was the high shaman of a tribe of lizardfolk who had somehow attained a kind of energy rifle. It blasted a hole straight through the monks chest. The partys mage tried to save him, but it was futile. The high shaman escaped before the partys fighter could kill him.

Epitaph: "Hurt that scaly demon for me... Take care of yourself..."
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Grinner

Game System: Rifts
Occupation: Gunfighter
Player: Alex Hope
Gender: Male (we think)
Race: Grackle Tooth
Date of Birth: unknown
Date of Death: about 50 years later
Place of Death: Rio Grande, Mexico side

Cause of Death: After crossing the Rio on the ferry, a dragon, posing as a woman, lept on the hood of our hover jeep. Being the gun-nut he is, Grinner opened up with the big-assed rail gun in the back. Lucky the armour is thik in the front. It was then that the pilot, and ex-RPA, who will remain un-named, MIKE PORTER!!!!!!, decided to do a barrel roll to throw the dragon off. The result was a biiig mushroom cloud.

Epitaph: Thats it! Next time, I drive!
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Groo

Game System: AD&D Original Version
Occupation: Fighter
Player: Matt
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: Unknown
Date of Death: 23 years later
Place of Death: Drakescale Keep

Cause of Death: Groo was a warrior of great strength and skill but of unusually low intellect (Intellegence of 3) He died while smashing open a locked door that the partys thief could not open. Once he had crashed through the door the Dragon on the other side immediately stepped on him, turning him into draco-toejam.

Epitaph: Groo Open Door!!!
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Hannibal Hix

Game System: Call of Cthulhu
Occupation: Archaeologist
Player: Christopher Peers
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 1890
Date of Death: 1924
Place of Death: The Darkest Jungle in India

Cause of Death: Ah, yes. The indomitable Hannibal Hix. A noted archaeologist, noted for bold discoveries, remarkable insights, theft, assault, and innumerable discharges of firearms within city limits. A steadfast upper class Brit, his motto was Fire All Weapons and Hope for the Best! His battles with the alien gods seeking to invade our world led him to Egypt, Peru, Russia, madness three times and to death four times. No blasphemous spell would resurrect him this fifth time, oh no. On yet another investigation against The Elder Gods of the Outer Evil, he and his band of fellows a sorcerer-scientist who had raised an army of zombies and an incarnation of a six armed travesty of a Hindu god. Hannibal and his merry men fired their weapons until the barrels melted down, and Hannibals jammed. The six armed horror pursued Hannibal relentlessly, as the one surviving merry man had set sail with the only boat. With a four-meter monstrosity wielding six swords thundering close behind, Hannibal ran unto the river trying to unjam a rifle, cursing all the way. The monster cornered him on the riverbank, whereupon Hannibal drew two Luger 9 mm pistols, emptying them both into the horror. Not that the horror cared. With a blinding flash and the ringing of steel, the being of evil sent Hannibals entrails flying all over the riverbank. With a heavy sigh, Hannibal Hix fell back upon the jungle floor and died.

Epitaph: Archaeologist bold, who stole the gold, and killed in the name of science; he shot them all, and watched them fall, but then came one who was just too tall.
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Hans Long-arm

Game System: Werewolf 2nd
Occupation: Loner Assassin and gun nut
Player: Jon Turner
Gender: Male
Race: Metis Get-of-Fenris
Date of Birth: unknown
Date of Death: unknown
Place of Death: Pentex subsidiary headquarters in Switzerland

Cause of Death: After facing off against two electricity elementals to get through the gates and scaring the s**t out of a janitor when he crossed back from the umbra in full crinos. I ran into a patrol of Pentex grunts. They chased me and my mage accomplice into an elevator shaft where I started to climb up with the mage on my back and tried to ignore the silver bullets grazing my feet. We finaly got through a door about three floors up and were making my way through some cubicles when another group of grunts, who had been alerted to our presence, came arround the corner infront of us and began to fire. I killed two with one blow from my war-hammer and the mage got another before we had to take cover in one of the cubicles. Not seeing any other options, I ripped a hole in the celing and told the mage to start climbing while I got ready with my shotgun. Right then, a Pentex grunt fired his slug shotgun through the cubicle wall and hit me sqare in the chest with a silver slug. It passed through my chest and actually hit the mage, pushing both of us to mauled. I threw the mage up thru the hole Id made in the celing and then climbed up after him, into a clean room. We were making for the door as the Pentex guards threw a white-phosphorus grenade after us and set of the halon fire-extenguishing system. The mage was now blind and I no longer had a sense of smell. We mannaged to stumble into the hall just in time to get impaled on another janitors mop who was immune to Delirium.

Epitaph: How am I going to hunt if I cant smell?!?
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Hawk Silverthorn

Game System: Mage Harn
Occupation: Shek-Pvar
Player: David Caudill
Gender: Male
Race: Sindarin elf
Date of Birth: Larane 8,699
Date of Death: Sometime in 725
Place of Death: Caverns beneath Harn.

Cause of Death: Accidental release of a flood of pure elemental fire. It wasnt all his fault. He was attacked from behind by dopplegangers and crit-failed his spell roll. Dopplegangers were also destroyed. Most party members were severely burned.

Epitaph: "Hey guys, Ive got that Dragon under control... Oops."
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Heinrich

Game System: Rifts
Occupation: Psynetic Crazy
Player: Ryan of the no last name
Gender: Male
Race: Human...most likely
Date of Birth: not yesterday
Date of Death: 14 April, 105pa
Place of Death: Aeronautics testing facility

Cause of Death: After dislodging the ostrich from the intake, Heinrich himself was sucked into the jet engine. His telekinetic force field automatically engaged, jamming him between the turbine blades. 32 hours later the constant pressure of the blades finally wore through the field, promptly dicing our hero.

Epitaph: Um, guys! I seem to be stuck. Guys? Hello? ...shit.
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Himo Nailo

Game System: D&D Forgotten Realms
Occupation: Monk of the Broad-Leaf order
Player: Jon F
Gender: Male
Race: Moon Elf
Date of Birth: unknown
Date of Death: the fifth year in the time of troubles
Place of Death: IN the not so empty sewers under Waterdeep

Cause of Death: Opening that chest was just the first step. After failing the save to avoid the poison, Himo stumbled upon an adolecent green dragon some noble thought of as a pet. Now this was no ordinary poison. It was made mainly from the blood of gargoyles. Himo had all of 15 minutes to find a cleric or palidan who would be willing and able to dispel such a vial poison. Many decades later an up and coming Rogue found the oddest of statues in the depths of the catacombs beneath waterdeep. Not having any better place to start a base of opperations, the rogue started moving his things from above ground to the sewer-statue. And to this day if one is brave enough to venture into the very center of the Black Hearts sanctuary, you may still be able to see a worn figure of a man in loose breeches in an eternal wrestle with a mighty dragon.

Epitaph: I could have been a druid and spent all my time in the woods
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Hunter Blackthorne

Game System: AD&D 2nd Edition
Occupation: Bard
Player: Mark
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: ????
Date of Death: Not to soon after his 20th birthday.
Place of Death: Behind a Rock

Cause of Death: Hunter and the Partys Mage thought it would be a good idea to open the spell book of the Wizard the party had just killed. "If you two morons are gonna open that book, do it behind the rock so we all dont get killed."

Epitaph: Bards just dont learn!
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Huricane

Game System: Shadowrun
Occupation: Physical Adept,
Player: Becci
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Date of Birth: ?
Date of Death: 23 years later
Place of Death: Ares complex.. kinda

Cause of Death: Best mate in game captured by Ares so Hurricane decided to storm the building on her own to rescue him. After having 4 gun turrets take her to nearly crisp she got inside, tripped and fell down a chute into a inescapable prison... where she found her friend. Was then brainwashed by Ares and sent back with other brainwashed PCs to kill the party. After sending the Vampire PC into a blood rage which (with their aid) put down 3 Pcs, blew up the doc Wagon helicopter sent in to rescue the stricken PCs. was then VERY crispy.

Epitaph: Dont worry Doc Wagon is on the way!
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Iavellios Galonodel "MoonWhisper"

Game System: Duelist/Sorcerer3rd Edition DnD
Occupation: Sorcerous Duelist
Player: Bryan Gacha
Gender: Male
Race: Dhampyr
Date of Birth: Lost to the misty recesses of time
Date of Death: Unknown
Place of Death: Temple of the Black Dragon

Cause of Death: While stealthily padding through the halls of the Black Dragon Amacore, our hero perchanced to see a beautiful woman. Beautiful women being both his food and fun, he decided to bravely stride up to her in gallant fashion. He had barely gotten a greeting from his lips when the Guardian Naga took its true form and bit him. CAUSE OF DEATH: MASSIVE CON DAMAGE

Epitaph: Never play with your food
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Indath Kalatrin

Game System: D&D 3E
Occupation: 2nd-level Wizard
Player: Jukka Särkijärvi
Gender: Male
Race: Sun Elf
Date of Birth: 1188 DR
Date of Death: 1372 DR
Place of Death: The second floor of a nobles manor in Nashkel, Amn, Forgotten Realms

Cause of Death: Slain by a powerful paladin in a Total Party Kill. First, the groups maniacal cleric of Bane just had to rouse the noblemans brother from his sleep as we were plundering the house, to torture him. The paladin punched him, jumped up, grabbed his sword and shield, and then proceeded to make short work of our group, starting with the fighter, then whacking the cleric twice (he cast cure minor wounds on himself when he was at 0 hp), and finally slaying both the sorcerer and poor Indath. At this time, our party ranger came in the room, and attacked the paladin. He got a few licks in, and the paladin took him down to 0 hp in a few rounds. As his last, desperate action, the ranger stabbed the paladin, killing him, and then succumbed to his wounds.

Epitaph: "Paladins... I hate these guys."
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Jack "Spider" Webb

Game System: Mage the Ascension
Occupation: shaman
Player: BigAl
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: Oct 9, 1972
Date of Death: June, 1990
Place of Death: The Umbra

Cause of Death: Spider was a Dreamwalker, hippie and a total pacifist; he never killed anyone and tried to keep the rest of the party from killing. One of the other characters became pregnant and announced that she was going to get an abortion as soon as we returned to the real world, which wouldnt be for several months. I figured that such a total "value of life" nut would not be comfortable with such a late abortion so my character tried to talk her out of it and offered to adopt the child instead. Little did I know, the player was a radical feminist who was offended by my IC action. She payed the Euthanatos mage to hit my character with "friendly fire" during the next battle with some web spiders (ironic). What makes the story funny is that she went on to kill, frame, or othwerwise eliminate the next five characters I brought into the campaign.

Epitaph: "Argh. But that attack came from ... behind?"
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Jammer

Game System: Mercenaries
Occupation: Mercenary
Player: Xero
Gender: Male
Race: Human/Cyborg
Date of Birth: 2024
Date of Death: 2089
Place of Death: Middle of the Ocean

Cause of Death: After building an airship for the Xinra. Xero was forced to use the airship to gun down an opposing force. He catched a glimph of death. With that in mind, he flew off saying, "Please let me save myself... God has taketh thee soul away..." With that he was shot down in the sky and was instantly killed before he hit the water below.

Epitaph: God has taketh thee soul away....
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Jared Malyk Jaelre (Jared Blackspawn)

Game System: D&D 3E
Occupation: Rogue4/Ranger1
Player: Robert E. Langford
Gender: Male
Race: Half-Drow
Date of Birth: 1343 DR
Date of Death: Marpenoth 6th 1372 DR
Place of Death: Unnamed Merchants House, Dagger Falls, Daggerdale

Cause of Death: Jared was going for the Assassin Prestige Class, so had to do the whole Kill someone for no other reason than to join the Assassins. As a result he was set a test by a member of the order to kill off a merchant who was engaged in some dealings that the assassins did not approve of. Jared having zip in the way of urban skills, duly went off and tried his best to break into this house, eventually dropping in through a skylight and then finding himself in a pitched battle with the merchants house staff. While he felled the bodyguard and gardener easily enough, he was run through while drinking a potion to restore the wounds he had taken from the bodyguards attacks. Ironically his killer was the very merchant he had been sent to kill.

Epitaph: (whispered as he slumped to the floor) Akordia...
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Jerik Shelric

Game System: AD&D Forgotten Realms
Occupation: Ranger
Player: Ben Falstrom (Jamin)
Gender: Male... Definitely male
Race: Mostly human
Date of Birth: Unknown
Date of Death: Unknown
Place of Death: In a corridor along with a group of mutant wererats. (In the lowest floor of the Cave of Itineras.

Cause of Death: Using a sword called "Warpath," which Jerik had not yet familiarized himself with, he faced five 10-meter tall wererats. Jamming it into he ground, Jerik let go of it to get his two-handed longsword for the closer fighting, without surprises. Unfortunately, he got one anyway. Warpath, when jammed int the ground, decided to give its user a surprise and destroy the wererats with an enhanced prismatic sphere in conjunction with a meteor swarm. As I said, Jerik let go.

Epitaph: We found one or two bits of him. The rest are orbiting the moon.
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Jimmy Molson

Game System: Call of Cthulhu
Occupation: Photographer for "The Daily Planetary"
Player: James Lindsay
Gender: Male
Race: Teenager (theyre a species, arent they?)
Date of Birth: 1905
Date of Death: 1923
Place of Death: Providence, R.I.

Cause of Death: While I was momentarily distracted in the Real World™, Jimmys comrades (consisting of fellow co-workers Clark Ment, Lois Mane, & Perry Mite) thought that it was in the best interest of the party for a recently stricken-blind individual (its a long story) to lead the way while they descended the main staircase of an old haunted house. I returned to the gaming table to the chorus of "...make the most important roll in your characters life!" Naturally, I failed, and little Jimmy Molson proceeded to: become the target of spontaneous human combustion, trip & fall down the stairs, during which his ammunition began to explode, setting off the dynamite and molotovs he was carrying, scattering burning bits of him around the foyer and lighting the curtains on fire, resulting in the whole house burning to the ground!

Epitaph: Even in death, little Jimmy had a knack for doing things in style...
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Johnny D. Blood

Game System: Cyberpunk 2020
Occupation: Rockerboy
Player: William Bradford
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 01/01/1998
Date of Death: 05/13/2020
Place of Death: Streets of D.C.

Cause of Death: Johnny was the leader of a band called Vamps and Amps. Well his songs pissed off some corps that decide to ambush the band (which was the party, 2 Solos, 1 Media and 1 Hacker) well they got the drop cause we where carrying out band equimpent. Anyhow they where between us and the van so we ran and they chased us (read running shootout at 3am) our Hacker got capped by a .357, shortly afterward we found a car. Johnny had the highest hacking skill so I fiqured hey its a car it cant have Black ICE. WRONG ANSWER a Hellbolt fired my rocking ass

Epitaph: People do not leave unlocked cars around without a reason
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Johny "Red" Walker

Game System: Shadowrun
Occupation: Adept
Player: BigAl
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: April 1, 2049
Date of Death: April 1, 2060
Place of Death: Underground Bunker, Seattle

Cause of Death: Player and GM stupidity. The group was allowed to enter the Underground, but were warned to remove all weapons first. The Indian street samurai decided to bring along weapons anyway - a weapon for each character, spare ammo, grenades, etc., all wrapped up in an indian blanket; he made no attempt to hide them. He was found out the second we walked into the tunnel and was attacked with a flamethrower. The explosion brought down the entire party, the orc NPCs, the tunnel, the building above the tunnel ...

Epitaph: (To GM) Why didnt any of us NOTICE that he was carrying a big, clanking blanket?
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Jorg Drostra

Game System: Star Wars d20
Occupation: Smuggler/Assassin
Player: Chad Duval
Gender: Male
Race: Bothan
Date of Birth: who cares
Date of Death: when he died
Place of Death: Endregaad

Cause of Death: After annoying the tech specialist constanly(dont hit anything, youre the master of the mechanical stuff), the techie jumped him and blew his brains out(rolled a lucky crit on first shot, then coup-de-grace)

Epitaph: Youre the master of the STUPID stuff! oh uh
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Judas "The Betrayer" Earl

Game System: Vampire:The Masquerade
Occupation: Brujah
Player: James
Gender: Male
Race: Vampire
Date of Birth: 3 A.D.
Date of Death: 30 October 1996
Place of Death: Bellevue WA, outside the Elyssum walls, middle of a mob.

Cause of Death: The Prince of the Bellevue/Seattle area was upset over some of the Brujahs rampage through downtown Seattle. My cohorts and I were blamed and got in a scuffle with the prince, I had a relic that enabled me to unweave myself and whomever I was touching at the time from the fabric of the universe to preserve us within the Umbra forever. I grabbed the prince and used the amulet... UNFORTUNATELY, he had massed an army of wraiths in the Umbra whom promptly beat my ass back into the real world whereupon I was thrashed by two Elementals whom the Prince had summoned with a ritual. I, not quite dead, was subjected to a spirit thaumaturgy ritual in which my eternal soul was transferred into a penny and given to a wraith to flick at people through the Umbra curtain. He lost it to a boy who bought bubblegum at the drugstore, and I am currently trapped inside the candy machine.

Epitaph: In God We Trust - Liberty-1996-United States Of America - E PLURBIS UNUM - One Cent...
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Julian

Game System: AD&D 3rd edition
Occupation: Rogue
Player: BigAl
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 200 BC
Date of Death: 182 BC
Place of Death: Back alley in Alternate Reality Rome

Cause of Death: Not knowing the 3rd edition D&D rules. It was my first character in the third edition D&D. My character lasted five minutes. The party was in town and not wearing armor. Five minutes into the first game, the party heard a woman screaming for help and saw some thugs dragging her into an alley. The ranger insisted on stringing his bow and donning armor before doing anything, which the DM said would take five rounds. The other rogue refused to go into the alley at all; she said it was none of our business. The MU fired one magic missile at one of the thugs and was out of combat spells for the day. The cleric ran for the justicars (police). Fearing that the rogues would be long gone with their victim by the time the ranger was ready, Julian ran into the alley alone. He meant to just follow them until the rest arrived and was not planning to fight, but a half orc turned to meet him while the rest dragged the woman away. The DM told me that he was "looking extremely furous" Julian was a rogue, but he had a 17 Con, so I figured he could hold his own until the rest arrived. I used Expertise to parry the orcs attack. I knew that a half orc gets a +2 Strength bonus. What I did not know was the half orc barbarian had maximum strength, 20, was berserk, which add +4 strength, and was using a two handed axe which multiplies his strenght bonus by 1.5 24 strength = +7 damage times 1.5 = +10 damage. One blow would have killed a first level fighter even if he rolled a 1 damage. I also did not know that an axe does triple damage on a critical hit. The half orc won initiative then hit with a critical. Julian was hit for 38 points of damage. He had 9 hit points; he took over 4 times his total hit points with the first blow. The DM stated that the rest of the party saw the top half of Julian fly out of the alley into the street. Lesson: never fight a 3rd edition barbarian with a first level character, even another barbarian.

Epitaph: DM: Im sorry. I didnt know a barbarian could do so much damage!
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Juttor

Game System: Elfquest
Occupation: Paladin
Player: Matt Vincent
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 7/17/82
Date of Death: 1/20/84
Place of Death: Under a LARGE rock

Cause of Death: The GM decided that it was time for a new campaign with new characters (our current ones had become too high level), so he declared that all of our party’s characters were dead. Since we all said that this wasn’t fair, and that it should at least be role-played out, he said: “Fine, you have a twenty-mile wide meteor head straight towards you, what do you do?” Most of the party member shifted to another plane, only to discover that this was an ‘extradimensional’ meteor that existed in any plane that they went to. Juttor simply raised his shield of missile absorption and shouted, “I’ve still got 19 charges left!”

Epitaph: It took twenty-one meteorites to kill him
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