Energy Conduit: Standard
Once a band of mere mortals, DANGER AUSTIN DANGER has developed musical and stylistic senses FAR BEYOND THOSE OF MERE MORTALS. (so much so, that they can even say "mere mortals" twice in the same sentence AND STILL BE COOL) Yes, somehow the forces of UNIVERSAL ULTRA-STYLIZED SUPER COOLNESS have chosen DANGER AUSTIN DANGER to be a focus point! Or maybe DANGER AUSTIN DANGER are just SO COOL that the FoUUSSC HAD NO CHOICE! WHO KNOWS?! The only SURE THING, is that DANGER AUSTIN DANGER is now so far beyond COOL that ONLY AT THE NEXUS OF ALL REALITIES is their coolness POSSIBLE!!
C.A. "Doc" Austin
"COOLNESS MAGNET, BASTARD!" Conceived during an ACID TRIP on July 4th, 1978. Raised Surrounded by PARTIALLY DISSECTED CORPSES IN FORMALDEHYDE. Puberty unfortunately collided with an interest in BAD BILLY BURROUGHS and J.G.BALLARD. Yes, something about "Doc" Austin is not wired QUITE RIGHT! But that's okay, because beyond being TOO SMART FOR HIS OWN DAMN GOOD, he is also a TALENTLESS DILETTANTE! Yes, "Doc" Austin can do a little bit of everything, but can't do anything WELL! So, you may ask yourself how the LEAST TALENTED MEMBER gets to be the leader, but that is THE ONE THING HE CAN DO! Yes, when OTHERS TALK, "Doc" Austin ACTS! And others will get OFF THEIR BUTTS AND FINALLY PUT UP OR SHUT UP! Not only that, but "Doc" Austin is a ULTRA-STYLIZED SUPER COOLNESS CONDUIT! The FORCES OF COOLNESS AND STYLE center on him, and SOMEHOW EVERYTHING HE DOES BECOMES COOL IN SOME WAY!
"Electric" Jack Danger
"UNDEAD IMMORTAL GUITARIST!" "Doc" Austin and "Electric" Jack met up in college, and some say it was a match made in a SICK METANL PATIENT'S IDEA OF HEAVEN! This may very well be true, but the force of ULTRA-STYLIZED SUPER COOLNESS will NOT BE STOPPED! Yes these two hit it off quickly, and soon enough "Doc" Austin was BARRICADING "Electric" Jack IN CLOSETS, while "Electric" Jack was LEAVING DEATH THREATS ON "Doc" Austin's ANSWERING MACHINE! Some people said "Electric" Jack had electrocuted himself ONE TIME TOO MANY! But after arriving in Khazan, HE REALLY DID, KILLING HIMSELF WITH HIS PLAYER-ELECTROCUTING ELECTRIC GUITAR! However, the force of ULTRA-STYLIZED SUPER COOLNESS WOULD NOT BE THWARTED SO EASILY! Now, "Electric" Jack is not just dead, but UNDEAD, UNKILLABLE, and, at least when it comes to playing at DANGER AUSTIN DANGER concerts UNSTOPPABLE! NO EARTHLY FORCE CAN SILENCE THE UNSCHOOLED GUITAR STYLINGS OF "ELECTRIC" JACK DANGER! He will PLAY until YOU drop! Or until you buy some DANGER AUSTIN DANGER merchandise.
- Ranged Attack Only
- Area Affect
- Armor Piercing
- Target Seeker
- Ranged and Melee Attack
"TOO DRUNK TO DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING!" Yes, Tim Danger is something of a cypher, his smile MYSTERIOUS, like the sphinx, his thoughts HIDDEN, like something that is hidden, and his motivations CONFUSED, like someone who has been getting drunk every day since age 15! No CONVERGENCE OF ULTRA-STYLIZED SUPER COOLNESS could be complete without one GRIZZLED ALCOHOLIC, and Tim IS NOT ONLY GRIZZLED, BUT HE IS AT LEAST ALWAYS ACTING DRUNK IF NOT ACTUALLY BEING DRUNK, BUT IT IS HARD TO TELL, NOT TO MENTION SHOUT ALL THIS WITHOUT TAKING A BREATH! Despite his somewhat questionable mental state, Tim Danger is the only member of DANGER AUSTIN DANGER with ACTUAL MUSICAL TALENT! And not just a modicum, no, Tim Danger is what is called A MUSICAL GENIUS! He can play ANY INSTRUMENT, and had he the motivation of "Doc" Austin he would be a veritable ONE MAN BAND! However in this PARTICULAR BAND, Tim is the DRUMMER! Unlike OTHER BANDS, however, but, yet, DANGER AUSTIN DANGER uses LARGE EXPLOSIVE DEVICES, AMPLIFIED BY SPECIALIZED "BLAST TUBES" designed by "Electric" Jack! They are the most DESTRUCTIVE PERCUSSION INSTRUMENTS KNOWN TO MAN!
LOUD?! NO! LOUDER!! LOUDER!!!
- Ranged Attack Only
- Double Damage to l1v:Empathy
- Weakness: Power in Item - Hard to Lose
- Weakness: Not usable in terrain - Desert
You may ask yourself ("Self," you'd say, "I may wish to ask you...") WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THE COOLEST, MOST TALENTLESS, LOUDEST, MEANEST SUPER ANTI-BAND IN KHAZAN DOING IN THE FPL? And the answer you'd get would be DON'T QUESTION THE FORCE OF ULTRA-STYLIZED SUPER COOLNESS, SQUARE! Because anybody who has ever seen a DANGER AUSTIN DANGER show knows that beyond the EXPLOSION POWERED DRUMMING the UNADULTERATED LOUDNESS OF THE "MUSIC" HAS BEEN KNOWN TO SHATTER GLASS AND INDUCE HEADACHES AND NOSEBLEEDS! Not only that, but especially sensitive types might be KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS, OR EVEN SEVERELY PHYSICALLY INJURED! WHY?! WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Yes, as long as they have SOMEWHERE TO PLUG IN THE BUZZSAW, BASS, AND ELECTRIC GUITAR, DANGER AUSTIN DANGER WILL BE A MENACE TO GOOD TASTE, UNCOOLNESS, AND DEEP MEANINGFUL THOUGHTS EVERYWHERE! As well as some evildoers.
JERK IN PROGRESS
Matter Animation: Standard
- Ranged Attack Only
- Area Affect
- Weakness: Power in Item - Easy to Lose
It's midnight. It's Friday, and midnight and a tired young student is settling into bed. He slowly drifts off to slee- Wait... What's that? The walls are shaking. The window SHATTERS! Is it GODZILLA? Is it an EARTHQUAKE? NO! DANGER AUSTIN DANGER IS PLAYING ANOTHER GODDAMNED CONCERT! They're JUST FOUR BLOCKS AWAY and yet, SOMEHOW, THAT DAMN DRUMBEAT IS STILL COMING THROUGH THE WALLS. Gah! He puts a pillow over his head. Wait... What's that? Is that a crack in the wall? OH MY GOD IT'S GETTING BIGGER! Oh no. Oh NO. OH SHHHIIIIIII- THE WHOLE FRAGGING BUILDING IS COLLAPSING! GANG WAY, SLEEPY STUDENTS AND HOT BABES FIRST, IT'S A DANGER AUSTIN DANGER EMERGENCY! And yet another innocent apartment building crumbles to the ground. People have said that the DANGER AUSTIN DANGER studio album was inferior to their concerts. Well, that's certainly a matter of opinion, but it's bloody well certain that the noise they make in that little tiny enclosed-space studio is NOTHING LIKE the MASS DESTRUCTION OF THE LIVE SHOW! And to make it even better (or worse, depending on where you live [or where you USED TO LIVE, in SOME CASES]), "Electric" Jack has been experimenting with homemade amps for Tim's BLAST TUBES, making them SO INSANELY LOUD THEY BEGGAR DESCRIPTION, EVEN IN ALL CAPITALIZED LETTERS! Of course, they're still pretty flimsy and whatnot but still, you know... LOUD LOUD LOUD! THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! LOOOOOOUUUUUUD! Damn the zoning commission, FULL SPEEDMETAL AHEAD!