Crazy Mac

AFFILIATION

Alignment: Villain

Team: The Syndicate

VITAL STATS

Strength: Superior

Agility: Superior

Mind: Superior

Body: Superior

RECORD

Personal Wins: 0

Personal Losses: 0

Narris

Welcome to Crazy Mac's. Why does it have the word Crazy in the name? That's because we're crazy about serving you. Who's we, you ask? Why, that would be me and Sinbad. Where's Sinbad? What a silly question! That's the voice in my head!~Hands in the air! You aint stealing none of my merchandise! Oh, you weren't stealing nothing? Ah, well, I were demonstrating this fine piece of workmanship. This'll fire for a hundred years and not jam once. Of course, you'll have to reload it ever so often. Why do I talk with a southern accent? You making fun of the way I talk? No, I'm not gonna shoot you! I'd go out of business awful quick if I did. Well, I's got a business to run. Look around, but don't touch unless you're gonna buy, and let me know if you are. Elsewise, I'll shoot you, and we don't want that. I'd reckon you'd rather not the bother of bleeding on my floor and I don't care to be the one to clean it up.

Leaving so soon? What be ya, a corporate spy? Hold it right there, or I'll pump you full of lead! Hands against the wall! Allright, you're clean, nothing of mine on you. Be sure to check out all the merchandise before you leave. This aint no frekking library! We don't check out guns like books! Want me to put a bullet in your head? Maybe you'll be getting some learnin' that way? No? Wisen up, you derned fool! Now, are you going to buy something or am I going to have to shoot you? Going to call the police, eh? How about I shoot you and call them coppers to haul off a robber? Not a robber, huh? Well, you're sure stealing my time. Now buy something before I really shoot you! Want to buy this gun I'm holding, eh? Well, that'll cost you. This is prime ammo I've got loaded in this here gun. Now you'll need to pay for that as well. Otherwise I'll have to empty it right here. Would you like me to do that?

Weapons for Les, Guns for Higher

     Weapons Creation: Ultimate

  • Ranged Attack Only
  • Armor Piercing
  • Ranged and Melee Attack

 

No? My, you're a contrary fellow. Now, pay up before I shoot you, by my beard! You see this twitching finger? It's going to pull this trigger if I don't see money soon! Hands in the air! You really think I'm going to fall for that going for the wallet trick! Besides, I've already got your wallet. I borrowed it when I was searching you earlier. You calling me a thief? Sorry about that. It should heal in a week or two. Don't worry, I'm sure the blood will wash out. Freeze, or I'll give to you with both barrels! What's that you say? Only got one barrel, you say? You calling me crazy? No? I swear, if you say no one more time, I'll shoot you! That's it! Eat lead, you misbegotten son of a hegoat's dungpile! Ah, dern it! I killed him!

 

Crazy Mac's Mobile Store and Range

     Vehicle: Ultimate

  • Reinforced Defenses

 

Good thing these here battlecruisers come not only with a lifetime warranty, but also with cleaning bots. Ah, robots are come to take over the world! Take that, you way too shiny junk heap! Ah, dern it! I shot another cleaning bot! These things oughten come with a warning. 'Do not shoot. Does not come cheap.' What's that? Sirens? They'll never take me alive! Close up all the hatches! What's that? A cleaning bot has been damaged? Of course it has! I shot it myself! I paid for it, I can shoot it! How many cleaning bots do we have left? Three? What happened to the rest? Shot? By who? Me? Don't you lie to me! Ah, dern, I'm going to have to get that replaced. These parts don't come cheap. Well, they do, but they don't last long. I still have that lifetime warranty. Let's see what it says here. 'Redeemable in the next life.' Why, I oughta! Ah, dern, another hole in the ceiling. So much for the built to last. Well, as long as it lasts long enough to carry me out of here come tax collection time, it'll do fine. These derned fools have a habit of forwarding the bill, however, and insist on payment in full, with interest. They won't take no bullets, neither. Leastwise, not at gunpoint. Ah, well, I'll have to settle the next time I come this way anyway. That looks like the tax collector now. I'll give him something to go with that bowtie of his. I think he sees me. Now he's running away. I'll speed him along. Ooh, that looked like it hurt. Derned city says I use up their tax collector too fast. Costing them too many tax dollars. I try and tell to stop collecting taxes and it'll solve all their problems, but they won't listen. Anyways, looks like I'll have to lift, since that's the police coming now.