Iron Will: Standard
"So, your name is Nicole, Nicole Hart, that's a pretty name" said Jed as he stuck his head out the driver side window like a puppy out in the world for the first time. "Yes Jed, so tell me about yourself." "Well, I'm the son of the son of god, I was emaculately conceived, oh and I'm from the Jersey area, or as the angel told me in my sleep, the New Nazareth." "So you would be Jed, of New Nazareth." "Yeah, well, my parents kept telling me I was a special boy and when the angel found me in my dreams he told me about my destiny." "Well did he tell you about me?" "Oh yeah, he said my first disciple would be a woman pure of heart." I started snickering, boy was he wrong. "You doubt me do you?" "Well, it's just..." "That's ok, I was sent here to convince the doubters. Pull over to dirt road." We crossed a dirt path that led up to a river side. Jed quickly got out and took off his shoes as I followed him. "To prove to you my immense powers I will walk across this river" said Jed as I watched on, trying not to laugh. He took a deep breath and stepped over the edge put his foot into the water and SPLASH. Jed fell into the waist high river, soaked from head to toe as he quickly crawled back onto the bank. "Ok, this time I'll do it" he said as he once again splashed into the river. "Ok, those were practice tries" he said as he splashed again, again he crawled out and again he tried one more time, splashing into the river screaming "GOD DAMNIT!"
I sipped my Corona wondering if I had done the wrong thing. Sure it had been only a few days but it just seemed that maybe Jed was a little too looney to convince anyone. We ended up at a sports bar in Morrison City as Jed kept preaching a top a bar stool, praising god and telling everyone about the salvation of heaven. While most of the patrons simply ignored him a lot were getting mad as they watched the terrible Morrison City Seaslugs try and beat the Khazan City Supers. The Seaslugs had gotten within one with the touchdown and with 5 seconds left on the clock The crowd was getting ready to get more drinks and food for the impending overtime when Jed yelled out "all of you doubters, I will perform a miracle to prove to you all that I am truly the son of the son of god." The crowd laughed as they turned their attention back on the screen. I stared at the bar table as I couldn't believe my ears. ".. the slugs look to be going for the 2 point... a quick snap from Bronson and.. INTO THE ENDZONE! SLUGS WIN! SLUGS WIN!" The crowd erupted in cheers as I looked up to see them carrying Jed on their shoulders. Suddenly I realized this was going to be easier then I thought.
"... so what can I get... JESUS CHRIST." "Actually, it's Jed, Jed Christ I guess, wow, that sounds good." Jed's hands layed flat, palms down on the diner table as a pool of blood began to slowly grow around them. "Boy what in the hell is wrong with you?" asked the short order cook as I slowly poured some cream into my coffee. "Oh, I'm sorry, didn't notice" Jed said as i pulled out some long strips of cloth from his jacket (with no regard of the fact that he smeared blood all over it) and wrapped them around his hands. "What the hell are you up to son?" "It's stigmata sir. As the son of the son of god I seemed to have inherited it." "Stigmata? What are you taking about boy?" Jed Calmly explained that "it's a condition, where an individual bleeds from the parts of their body where Jesus christ was nailed to the stake." Jed lifted his legs and placed his foot on the counter top "see, my ankles are bleeding too. Ewwww, i'm going to need some new socks." "GET OUT, GET OUT OF MY DINER YOU HIPPE FREAK" screamed the cook as Jed got up and walked away from the counter. "Well, we certainly won't be coming here again" Jed yelled as he motioned for me to come with him. I kept drinking my coffee as he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me out. "Hey jerk, I wasn't finished my coffe" I said as I got into the car. "The nerve of some people, it only happens once in a while, see, it's already almost gone" he said as he unwrapped his hands and showed that the wounds had all but completely vanished. "When that quick and the dead shit comes down you know where he'll be" said Jed as he pointed his thumb down and made a pffffffffffft sound.
Mind Control: Standard
"PRAIIIIISSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE LORD FOR JED" yelled an overzelous Gospel priest as Jed pushed down a young girl with his palm. The crowd hushed as she sat up and held up a single tooth between her fingers and the crowed cheered as a weeping mother hugged Jed. "Thank you, thank you, that tooth has been loose for years and because of you it finally came out." Jed solemnly looked at the woman and said "not because of me, but because of your faith and devotion, it finally came out." As the church goers left the Sunday service I, as usual, set up my stand of Jed merchandise. Third coming t-shirts. Jed bobble heads. Signed photos of Jed. All marked up considerably higher then their original cost (told you I was a savy business woman) and the people ate them up. As we drove to the next town, trunk full of t-shirts and figurines of Jed playing football with some kids Jed looked over at me and asked "Nicole, why are you selling all these things to my followers?" I was getting ready for this question and was quite suprised that it took this long. "Jed does a church not send out a collection plate in order to be able to run its operation?" "Well, that is true, but usually they do not ask for more then they need." "Jed, I'm your first disciple right?" "Yes." "And, so far, only disciple, right?" "Yes again." "Jed what you have yet to realize is the fact that the old ways of preaching and praying don't work. Sadly man has desented into a sort of stupor. However, you can use that to your advantage. If your face is on a t-shirt people will start to recognize you. When someone buys one of our high quality porcelain figures they're not just buying a collectible, they're buying into your message." Jed's face suddenly lit up "so all this is not just to help fund out mission, but also it helps spread the good word." "Exactly!" "I should've never doubted you Nicole" Jed said as I muttered "sucker" to myself.
The Church of Jed
"... these are some of the highest ratings for our station!" chimed Marty McGee, owner of a local public access station we had stopped by to shoot a short live infomercial. "What was the last record?" I asked "like ten viewers or something, so you've topped it by at least ten times." Jed held an elderly man by his shoulders, the poor thing blind as a bat as Jed took his glasses from his front pocket and place it on his face. "These should help before we go on" said Jed as the man began to smile a wide toothless grin. "I CAN SEE! I CAN SEE! IT'S A MIRACLE! yelled the man as he ran off the set in absolute delight. Jed looked towards the camera. "Yes, that was just one of the many miracles that I Jed, the son of the son of god, has performed for countless others. But in order to receive these benefits you have to first believe in the word of god, and nothing says that better then a "Third Coming Jed of New Nazareth T-Shirt" selling for only 19.99 with shipping and handling..." As the phonelines started to ring Marty looked at me and asked "where did you find this guy?" "Marty, you wouldn't believe me even if I told you."
The Jed Faithfull
- Ranged Attack Only
- Ranged and Melee Attack
The legions stood in front of Jed. I knew his following was growing but I could never believe it to be like this. The crowd chanted for Jed to come out. JED! JED! JED! JED! Jed, carried on the shoulders of 4 followers was brought to the podium on the massive sound stage as he held onto the mic and screamed out "HELLO MY CHILDREN! HELLO MY BELIEVERS!" the crowed erupted with a roar as Jed stood there, staring at them with tears streaking down his eyes. "As the son of the son of god I too am a prophet, and much like how god touched Moses god has also touched me." The crowed hushed with a silence. "He praised me with my work, but he praised all of you more for your devotion and strength of belief." The crowd erupted again as Jed tried to calm them down. "Also, God has given me instructions that we, as his children must follow, an elventh commandment." The crowd once again hushed in silence. "God says, thou shalt buy our new Jed, Son of the Son of God T-shirts, but I, Jed, must also sell them, AT THE ROCK BOTTOM PRICE OF $9.95!!!" The crowd once again chanted Jed's name as the roar filled the air. I grabbed my voice recorder and said into it "note to self, buy more subliminal message tapes to use on Jed when he's asleep."
Damn Good Special Effects
Illusion Creation: Standard
"No no no! The fire works go to the left side of the lake! Jesus christ" screamed Nicole as she turned off her cell phone. There was only 4 more hours till the next "Jed Miracle" and Nicole was trying very hard not to screw this one up. This was Nicole's most elaborate miracle yet, fire works, a device under a shallow lake that allowed Jed to walk on the water, and a baby filled with an hour long sedative that would cause it to suddenly up and wake up when Jed touched it, if his timing was right. Jed was sitting on a log, his long white robes pristine from the cleaners. As Nicole get the crowd pumped. Numerous Jed followers were waving signs, crying behind hordes of barricades as Nicole went up to Jed. "You ready my.... lord" Nicole said with uneasiness in her breath. "Nicole, I have to ask you something, you lined out a route for me on the lake, that, uh, doesn't really..." Nicole interrupted. "Am I not one of your apostles Jed? Did not Jesus find counsel in his apostles?" "Well it's just..." "Jed, I didn't want to say this, but the rest of the lake not along the route has been cursed by the devil. He's felt your power grow too strong and now wants to stop you." "If that were true, then why doesn't he curse the whole lake?" "Jed, if the devil were that smart, don't you think he'd be running the show?" Jed nodded and simply said "you raise a good point. I'm not just doing it for these people now, I'm doing it to spite the devil!" Like a charged linebacker Jed didn't walk but ran across the platform under the lake like a madman. "This is just too easy" thought Nicole.
Ja Rule feat. Ashanti
"Unhhhhhhhh unhhhhhhhhhh, Murder inc.! Jed Christ! What! What!"