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Ug..How do I get myself into these things? I was just trying to summon myself a little undead, maybe a zombie, to help keep the apartment reasonably clean...And now this. I thought everything went well, I downloaded that page of the Necromoicon from the internet, I drew the ancient rune on my floor with caulking glue, put up the candles, offered a virgin sacrifice, I was SURE my spayed-since-birth cat would work... And I said all those weird-ass words. Maybe I mispronounced a few or something, cause the next thing I know, this huge creature came out of the floor. And I mean HUGE. I'm just lucky that my apartment was on the the top floor, otherwise I'd have some pissed neighbors. Anyway, I was horrified about what I had done, and the huge-ass creature in front of me, and he roared, "I LIVE!" Then he noticed me, and I bout pissed my pants. He said "What is your name, O summoner?" I'm too scared to say anything, so I just said my name, Dylan Nimule. "Well, then Dylan Nimule, what dost thou require of me, your God?" The fear had worn off by now, so I said "Wait. First, I'm not Christian. Second, who the hell are you?" He laughed. "Do not pretend, O bringer to earth, that you do not know me, the mighty Posnikinetion? You summoned me!" "Wait wait wait." I said, "You're a god? And WHAT was your name?" The god laughed again. "Why do you doubt your lord? Posnikinetion is mighty! I lord over all I see! I am your God!" I just said, "Nope, haven't even heard of you. I was just trying to summon a zombie." Finally, something in my words gets through to the big idiot, and he starts going ranting and raving and yelling about the wrath of god, and what he is and all that. I didn't want to bother listening to him, so I just checked "Posnikinetion" on the internet. It turns out he's a god of war, wanton destruction, and needless bloodshed from a religion that died out centuries ago. Seems he hung around though. I got done with the computer and asked him, "OK, if you're done destroying my apartment, could you go home now? To whatever realm you live in?" "Of course not, Great Summoner Dylan! I have been called to this world for a reason! To show my grasp on this planet and destroy all my enemies, to truly show that their worship is not misplaced!" I sighed. "Dude. No one even knows who you are. People stopped believing in you centuries ago!" He just laughed. "Impossible! I am the invincible Posnikinetion! And I am a GOD!" "Really," I said. "I couldn't tell."
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Armor of Draphyon
 Body Armor: Ultimate
We're walking down the street. Actually, I should say I'M walking down the street, because Posnikinetion takes up the entire sidewalk and half a lane of traffic with his body. And everyone's gaping. I hope they don't think this massive eyesore is with me... Damn. Posnikinetion's laughing. Frickin' laughing his godly ass off. "MUAHAHAHA!!" the big guy screams. "Look at them, Great Summoner Dylan! They watch as I, their God, moves past them royally." Yeah, a royal pain in the ass. "Their amazement is understandable, but misplaced. Why do they not lie on the ground and worship me?" I want to say that's just because you're a deity whose last follower died out thousands of years ago, but I'm not looking forward to godly retribution. "Oh, that," I say, trying to stop a display of divine wrath. "That's how everyone worships these days, Posni-thingy. Gaping is the new praying." Posnikinetion looks pleased at that. Jesus, I cannot believe he bought that. "Yes, of course, Great Summoner Dylan. Then continue gaping, my subjects, your beloved Posnikinetion has finally returned in an earthly form!" I wish he'd shut up. Now he steps into a crosswalk, right in front of a semi truck. Yes! This guy'll be jelly! I'll be outta here, and... CRASH. The whole semi truck is crushed against the big idiot. More laughing. Posnikinetion howls, "Hahaha! This hopeless assaination attempt is futlie and stupid!" Sounds like someone I know... "I am invicible, thanks to my mighty Armor of Draphyon! Do not try to defeat me, or the full wrath of Posnikinetion shall be sent against you!" And he laughs again. This dude is like a frickin' hyena. "Can we just go?" I ask, wanting to get him out of there before the cops show up and start asking questions that would be SO hard to answer.
Sword of Catastrolypse
 Bashing Attack: Standard
We stand before a parking garage. No, scratch that. A five-story parking garage. Posnikinetion looks dumbfounded. "What?" he booms, "how could they have dared defile their sacred temple? What is this, Great Summoner Dylan?" I groan. "Don't call me that. I don't want people to think I know you." A blank stare. "Ugh...Anyway, your temple probably hasn't been there for centuries. They must have knocked the damn thing down, and built this in its place. Can we go now?" Posnikinetion gets a look on his face that vaguely resembles thought, and then draws the biggest-ass sword I have ever seen, and I play Final Fantasy. Posnikinetion growls at the...five-story parking garage. "You have desecrated sacred land and a sacred building. This crime wills Posnikinetion to punish you!" And he takes a mighty swing at the cement foundation of the parking garage. I'm knocked off my feet by the sound. The dust clears... And the parking garage is still standing. There's barely any dent in the cement. Posnikinetion gets angry at this, and hits the sword against the parking garage again. And again. And again. And again. For a freaking half-hour, the god of stupid does nothing but hit that sword...more like a stick...against that parking garage. And it never yields. "Sword a little rusty after a few thousand years, eh Posnikinetion?" I ask. "NO!" screams Posnikinetion. "A wizard of Notamota, the god of Justice, bust have done this! The wizard must have placed a spell that makes it impossible for the Sword of Catastrolypse to damage it!" "Right..." I sigh. "can we just leave before--" *DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MOVE. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST.* "--the cops come. Great."
A God's Oath
 Commander: Standard
We're freaking SURROUNDED by cop cars now. Not to mention the policemen and combat mechs. "What is the meaning of this, Great Summoner Dylan? Are they...taking up arms against me?" I sigh, again. "Don't call me...never mind. Yes, they are pointing weapons at you. And if you don't mind, I think I'll go over to them..." Posnikinetion roars at this. "Why would you want to surrender youself to the enemies of Posnikinetion?" Great. He's referring to himself in the third person now. "I cannot let any harm come to you, Great Summoner Dylan, because I owe my earth form to you. A God's oath is he must protect his summoner. We must remain at each other's side!" "You won't let me get hurt or captured just 'cause I made a mondo mistake and made you poof into this world?" I demand. "Thanks, but I'll pass."
Great Summoner Dylan
Commander: Standard
I take off running for the police blockade, but Posnikinetion sticks an arm in front of me. "No, Great Summoner Dylan! I must protect you!" "Are you kidding?" I yell. "You'll probably kill me by accident yourself! I don't wan't to be protected! Don't protect me!" "But I must!" "I command you not to protect me!" "But I must protect you until the day I am defeated!" I think it's about this time I give up. Posnikinetion just isn't taking no for an answer. Plus, hopefully it won't be very long until he is defeated.
The Most Powerful Warrior
 Necromancer: Standard
Then, Posnikinetion stands in front of me, and I hear one of the cops counting down. 3...2...1... I cover my ears. Every cop, mech, and I think even a tank open fire on Posnikinetion, and he stands strong. He may be stupid, but at least he's loyal. After the barrage of lead and missles stop, Posnikinetion, thanks to that damn armor of his, is unharmed. He roars. "You have incited the wrath of Posnikinetion! Prepare to die! I shall now summon the most powerful warrior of my former time!" Well, at least he's accepted it's the future, even if he doesn't accept the 'we don't worship you' part. Anyway, some streams of red energy come streaking out of Posnikinetion's hands, and form a rune on the ground. As soon as the rune is finished, it gloes bright red, and light pours out of it. "I summon from the underworld...Delphinus, the greatest warrior! Rise and attack! I command thee!"
Delphinus
Necromancer: Standard
Nothing happens. Rune's still there, still glowy. Even Mr. Big Shot God hesitates now. "Er...I said, Rise and attack! I command thee!" repeats Posnikinetion. A voice comes from the rune as a form slowly appears. It has a slightly Jewish accent. "Yeah, yeah. I'm-a comin'. Can't even rest for a few millenia, and BAM! I'm needed again. For crying out loud." It's a very old man in rusty armor, with a shield that looks like it could crumble under a feather and a lance that's as rusty as my dad's car. "What?" I say. "That's just an old man!" This was the wrong thing to say. Posnikinetion turns to me, the wrath of an angry god who will happily split you right open in his eyes. "How DARE you! Delphinus was the most skilled and powerful warrior ever! He was undefeated on the battlefield!" Realization sets in for me. "So, of course, he survived to old age." Duh. Ol' Delphinus looks like in can barely walk in his decaying armor, and hobbles toward the police at one foot an hour, muttering in Hebrew or something all the way.
Pure Violence...Or something.
 Matter Animation: Supreme
Posnikinetion evidentally gets impatient, and announces, "You have done your job, Delphinus. Return to the afterlife until I need you again!" And the geezer vanishes, with a mutter of "Kids today..." Posnikinetion says, "You have forced me to use the full force of my godly force! (Leave your thesaurus at home, Posnikinetion?) Suffer!" He then concentrates, and the same red light as before comes out, but this time it stretches, wraps around a cop car and throws it into the air. More light grabs some cops and throws them into a building. Red streaks dismantle a mech. more throwing, ripping, smashing. Complete pandemonium. Posnikinetion laughs a deep belly laugh. "I've forgotten how much fun it was to toy with the humans! MUAHAHAHA!" Soon the street is clear, and I'm shivering with shock and amazement. This guy is really a war god. Then he swings his sword but misses his shoulder, knocking himself on the head. "What...What attacked me?" Oh yeah. But he's a complete moron. "What was that red stuff you used, dude?" "Why, Great Summoner Dylan, did you not know? That was pure violence I used on the evil ones." Right. THEY'RE the evil ones. "Wait, pure violence?" I ask. "How is that even possible? Why would violence look like that? How can you control and create violence? And violence is really an abstract concept, how can you..." He shushes me. "Why, I'm sure you know, Great Summoner Dylan. After all, you were the one that summoned me." DAMMIT!
Omnipotence
 Environmental Awareness: Standard
But, it looks like Posnikinetion might go out of my life once again. A battle mech with razor claws comes to life behind him, and creeps closer. I decide not to warn Posnikinetion. Let him get out of his own crap. But, sure enough, the instant the mech gets close to him, Posnikinetion reels around and clubs the mech into a wall with a mighty fist. And laughs hysterically. I ask him how he knew the mech was there, and he says "I am a God, after all. I'm omnipotent!" But something about this doesn't ring true. I ask, "If you're omnipotent, why didn't you see the much as it was ust getting up?" Posnikinetion matter-of-factly replies, "My omnipotence is limited to a short area around me, Great Summoner Dylan." I almost burst. "For the love of God! You're a god that hasn't been known about for millenia! Your 'sword' is a pathetic stick! You summon a zombie who probably wears adult diapers! You shoot rays of a freaking concept! And NOW you have omnipotence, but you can only see things in a tiny radius?!" "Actually, I do not see them, I just have a feeling something is there." This time I do explode. "You're a freaking idiot!WHAT KIND OF GOD ARE YOU!?" I demand. My anger does not reach him. "The kind that will rule this world, Great Summoner Dylan! Let us go!" He grabs me, and while I pray that he's squeezing me hard enough to kill me, Posnikinetion goes running off in search of whatever dumb-ass thing he wants to find. I hate my life.
Blood Of the Ancients
 Toxic Touch: Supreme
So, I guess you're wondering what Posnikinetion wants to do now. He's on a quest to find "all that gas been built over my temples, and destroy the other gods' temples!" Whatever, am I right?~Now my idiot friend is against this sharpshooter, who is somehow managing to keep the god at bay despite having nothing but a freaking gun. I mean, I want Posnikinetion out of my life, but this is just a shotgun! C'mon big guy!~Posnikinetion stops. He roars, "You take up arms against a god! The blood of the Ancients is upon you!" And sure enough, quite a bit of blood falls from the sky right onto the shotgun man.~Spitting out the blood, the man asks, "What the--Blood? How can this affect me?"~I sigh, and respond to him, as I have a thousand times before, "The ancients...had bubonic plague."~The man gasps, and drops the gun, which Posnikinetion promptly stomps on. Before long, we can see the signs of the Black Death begin to take their toll on the man. He grasps his stomach in pain and coughs. His neck and armpits swell to the size of watermelons, then turn into huge sores. Finally, he coughs up blood, and falls to the ground, unconcious, and soon to die.~Another win for the big guy. As we leave the area, I ask him, "Considering how many you've killed with that, shouldn't the whole city be infected by now?"~Posnikinetion says, "I shall answer in what I believe is the normal way, based on you." He clears his throat. "I dunno! What am I, a doctor?!"
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Hall Of Fame!
Survival - 8 Wins!
Brutal - 2 Fatalities
