Flipping You Off
Acrobat: standard (rank 1)
The court was in an uproar. The trial started with the entire gallery in quiet seething rage, but as he gave his opening statement, he turned that quiet rage into stunned silence. Like the band of a slingshot, he pulled and he pulled at the tension of everyone in the room. And then he released. He started speaking nonchalantly about “funny bunny happy endings” and “yaddi yaddi yaddas”. Angers flared and the room exploded into angry shouts and even tears. He had just finished “...what’s the fucking point?” when his defense attorney abruptly stood up and started yelling as well.
The time had come.
He positioned himself with his back to his attorney and did a back flip right onto the defense table. He seemed to stumble backward, but in that one flipping and stumbling motion, he slipped his lower body through his handcuffed arms and caught his attorney’s throat right between the cuffs as he fell. As his attorney bent backward, it slowed his fall, allowing him steady himself.
One quick jerk of his cuffed arms and it was over. The defense attorney was dead.
Empathy: standard (rank 1)
The crack of the attorney’s neck echoed throughout the courtroom. Stunned silence returned.
“Well judge, you did say you wanted order in your court.”
In a flash, he was onto the assistant attorney, the cuffs wrapped around her neck.
“Now what we have here, is a Mexican standoff of sorts. Is she a hostage or isn’t she? After all, security is still too slooooow to pull out their guns to point at me. Right now she’s still just a victim, not YET a hostage. So this is a Schrödinger’s Standof-Aaaah, there we go, guns. Now she IS a hostage!”
Dirty Bastard Style Kung-Fu
Martial Arts: standard (rank 1)
Pulling the assistant attorney with him, he put his back to the wall. The bailiffs and undercover cops surrounded him, brandishing both guns and clubs. He grinned, the situation was getting more tense by the second. The sleepers had broken cover and started yelling at him. One brave soul stood out and tried to get everyone out of the courtroom so the police could do their job, but the guy was barely succeeding, and the media they allowed in were steadfast in their refusal to leave. Just a couple more seconds and... there, the time was right. He turned to one of the bailiffs and spoke.
“Hey Roy, did you catch what I said earlier about killing you?”
The bailiff, Roy, who was filling in for Stu who was down with, now, don’t laugh, but Stu was down with the flu. So Roy was covering for him. Roy was not at all ready for what was happening. Roy thought back to shortly before all hell broke loose and yeah, suddenly, he remembered the little psychopath saying that earlier. He flinched involuntarily, and that was all it took. By the time he finished flinching, the prisoner had already released his hold on the hostage and pushed her toward the rest of security. Using the push to springboard toward the hapless bailiff, the prisoner kept low and managed to stay out of Roy’s field of vision just long enough to deliver a blow to Roy’s nether region, crumpling the bailiff.
Bing Bang Boom!
He got Roy’s gun and already uncuffed himself with the keys the bailiff held.
“Hey Roy, remember when I said I was going to kill you?” He said, pressing the barrel of the gun right between Roy’s eyes.
Better than Blink Dogs
Teleportation: superior (rank 2)
With a wink of his eye, he disappeared from the courtroom.
Horn of the Unicorn
Piercing Weapon: standard (rank 1)
“So there I was, out on the street. I had already gotten out of my clothes. I was perfectly disguised, but the pigs still found me out and chased me hella all around town till I just ‘ported to one of the safe houses you set up for us. Wonder how they figured it was me though? Like I said, I was perfectly disguised.”
Arissa listened attentively to her zealous minion, but made no move save for taking another sip of her tea. Oh, he was a valuable asset, but sometimes he just tried too hard to impress her. Finally, she spoke, “Could it have been your horn, and the fact that your disguise consisted of being totally nude?”
“Hmm, maybe. But that’s a pretty racist and cynical way of searching for someone. It’s not like every unicorn is a crazy ass homocidal mani... okay, we are. But it’s not like I’m the only one out there.”
Arissa remained quiet, it was obvious Unicorn Boy wanted her to get the joke, but she had better things to do than laugh at his sad attempts at humor. The silence finally got to him, and he had to break it.
“Okay, you win. So let me tell you the punch line. I could have just teleported out of there anytime. I didn’t have to actually kill anyone.”
Arissa nodded, “Yes, I agree, it’s not as funny now that you have to explain the punch line.”
Unicorn Boy sat back, his lips curled in an ever so petulant pout. It was just as he thought, he still had a long way to go in the art of fucking with people.