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Match 14619 Donkey Kong vs. Link

Nintendo Donkey Kong Link Donkey Kong Country Zelda Cartoon TV Show Crystal Coconut Triforce Ganon

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#1 HulkSmashSpammers

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 05:53 PM

(The following characters in this match are based on their respective TV Show counterparts. Link, from the Zelda cartoon of 1989 that aired in place of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show on Fridays, and DK, from the Donkey Kong Country TV Show of 1996 that aired on the Fox Kids and Fox Family networks.)

Donkey and Diddy Kong were watching television at Donkey's place.

"It wasn't the airplanes....it was beauty killed the beast." said the man on the television.

"That gets me everytime." Said Donkey Kong as he attempted to hide his tears.

"Truer words have never been spoken." Agreed Diddy Kong.

Though the movie had already ended, their entertainment was interrupted with a familiar cry.

"DONKEY KOOOOOOONG!!"

Cranky again.

"I guess it's the coconut again, little buddy!" DK smiled as he grabbed a vine to swing on, Diddy followed suit.

- - -

"You numbskulls!"

Cranky gave them an earful as soon as their feet hit the ground.

"Cranky!" Said Donkey Kong, anxiously. "What happened? The Kritters already took the coconut?"

"They did..." Cranky said sternly as he tapped his cane to the ground twice, opening the Coconut's container to reveal an empty space. "Some future ruler you turned out to be..."

DK was shocked. It was normal for Cranky to insult DK whenever this happened, but it was pretty much out of his anxiety for the fate of Kongo Bongo Island, and because it was a very natural trait of his, hence his first name.

This didn't sound Cranky. It sounded more....resentful. An emotion that DK never knew Cranky to have towards him.

"You could've called us earlier, Cranky." Said DK, faking a smile.

"I DID!" Cranky bellowed out of contempt. "YOU CAME AFTER MY FIFTH CALL! This is all the stress I can take from such an incompetent ruler such as yourself! You are stripped of your role! FOREVER!!"

"Whatever you say, Cranky." DK grimaced as he walked out.

"Take care of things for me, Diddy." DK snapped. "Try not to screw things up this time."

DK walked slowly to the door. Depressed, yet agitated.

"Careful what you say, Cranky." DK said. "Because this time around, I may not EVER be back."

"We'll, unless the Coconut decides otherwise--"

"COCONUT COCONUT COCONUT!! IT'S ALWAYS 'COCONUT THIS' AND 'COCONUT THAT'! 'DON'T LET THEM GET THE COCONUT, DONKEY KONG!' 'THAT COCONUT'S GETTING AWAY, DONKEY KONG!' 'YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GUARDING THE COCONUT, DONKEY KONG!' IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THE BLASTED COCONUT! IF YOU LOVE THAT THING SO MUCH, WHY NOT TRADE ME FOR IT?? IN FACT, I THINK I'LL JUST TRADE MYSELF!"

Cranky nearly went into cardiac arrest when DK slammed the door. He had never seen his grandson use such aggression toward him. Diddy was a bit startled, but was looking forward to being future ruler again. This time, he built himself a couple of peanut pistols out of wood. He was now ready to defend himself and the rest of Kongo Bongo Island.

-----

King K. Rool was in very high spirits. He had finally succeeded at something he had been struggling with for years.

"I can't believe it!" K. Rool laughed. "It's mine! THE COCONUT IS MINE! And with it..."

K. Rool shouted the last four words so loud, his whole lair shook.

"ALL OF KONGO BONGO!!"

"Congratulations, Your Majesty, sir!" Said General Klump. "The taste of sweet victory at last.....sir!

"I've waited for this moment for such a long time....and no moronic monkey will stop me now!"

"Uhh...what about that one?" Asked Krusha, who pointed to DK walking slowly toward the three. Banana in his right hand, a look of anger on his face.

"Donkey Kong?" K. Rool gasped. "You could've at least knocked. Get him, Krusha!"

Krusha began charging toward DK like a rhino. DK, unfazed and still agitated, squeezed open his banana and ate the inside of it that flew into his mouth, and then tossed Krusha aside at what felt like the speed of light, all within half a second.

"Kritters!" Cried Klump. "Battle stations!"

A whole army of Kritters ran out and fired countless Klaptraps at DK. DK kept walking. The Kritters were too terrified to aim correctly, and eventually, they all ran out of ammo, the lair swarming with Klaptraps. DK knocked away one Kritter before the rest ran off screaming for their lives. Klump ran with them.

"You cowards! Get back here!" shouted K. Rool.

When K. Rool turned away from his retreating henchman, he was startled by the sight of DK standing only inches from him.

The scaley ruler could tell by his grimace. DK wasn't playing games anymore. He had never felt so scared of this "monkey menace" in his life...until now.

"Hello, Donkey Kong." K. Rool chuckled nervously. "Guess you're here to give me my usual 'comeuppance' again? Gonna cry 'Banana Whamma' or whatever the term is that you apes prefer? Gonna make jokes and puns and comedic one-liners about my defeat as you run off, knowing that you have saved the day once again?"

"..."

K. Rool finally snapped.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, YOU MONSTROUS MAMMAL??"

"This isn't for the island anymore, K. Rool." DK spoke softly.

This was followed by an unusually brutal beat down from DK. He punched K. Rool in the stomach almost thirty times at a swift speed, then tossed him into the rock wall behind him. Finally, the most painful of all: he curb stomped him to the point of near death. He finally stopped after the fifth time, before yanking the coconut from his claws, spitting on him before walking off.

"It's for me. And me only. No one else matters. Not Cranky, not Diddy, not Candy, not Bluster, not Funky, and least of all, you. I'm starting a new life."

K. Rool was left on the ground, whimpering softly and violently twitching his eyes as DK left his lair for the last time.

-------

DK stared at the coconut, wondering if he should wish for anything. He thought of Candy, of Diddy, of his good friend, Funky. Pressured with the great amount of free-will, DK pulled his arm back to hurl it back to Cranky's place. A voice stopped him.

"Are you sure you want to toss that thing? And all your hopes and dreams with it?" Said the raspy voice.

DK turned his head. It was a pig-like being with a sorcerer's robe being carried on a throne by some smaller rotund blue pig-like henchmen.

"Who are you?" DK asked with a hint of curiosity.

"I'm a wizard...who can make wishes come true. That coconut you hold....it is no more than a fake. I can tell you where the real one is. Under the condition that you bring me something of...utmost importance."

"I'm listening..."

-----

Link laid on his bed and played with his sword. It had been two weeks since the Moblin revolt, and Zelda had remained mad at him since. He definitely screwed up this time, and it was almost guaranteed that he would never get his kiss from her. Ever.

Despite this loss of motivation, Link continued to fight off Moblins and battle the evil wizard, Ganon as he invaded again and again. Although, he had been feeling a lot more reluctant. A hero like Link could get a kiss from anybody, but none would be the same as a kiss from the most beautiful woman in the land. The woman he had gone adventuring with ever since he rode into Hyrule. The woman he whistled at so constantly, and never stopped no matter how hard he was hit. The woman he picked many a flower for. The woman who opened him up to sense the beauty of beauty. The woman who would never be his.

Link had zapped nearly five hundred of Ganon's wicked minions all in a week, but his frustration and stress still remained unsatisfied. They were so close to getting that Triforce of Power. And Link had to screw it all up in the end.

* * *

"Don't talk to me..."

"But, Zelda!" Link laughed.

"You will call me princess! Got that?" Zelda bellowed as she stomped out of the room, slamming the door.

"Grr...excuse me...princess!" Link grumbled.

Link couldn't keep track of how many times he had said this to her, as he loved to joke around. This time, however, he told her with an unusually great amount of contempt that he wouldn't even reserve for Ganon himself.

* * *

"Link!!" Sprite cried.

Link woke up from his daydream to find yet another Moblin trying to grab the Triforce. Link took his sword and zapped him before he could even scream in startlement. Link didn't celebrate by spinning his sword, or smirking, or even bragging to Zelda. Instead, he frowned and went back to sleep.

"Go tell Ganon he's not even trying anymore..." mumbled Link as he went back to his snoozing. "Blasted Moblins...."

Link loved taunting his fallen enemies, but this time, he wasn't taunting. He was inconsolably miserable.

Sprite flew gently over to the hero of Hyrule.

"Link? Are you okay, dear?"

Link angrily tilted his head away from Sprite and coated his head with his blanket.

"Of all the nerve..." Sprite mumbled to herself as she flew out of the room.

Link shut the door, set the lock, and returned to his bed, sulking, covering his ears with his bed sheet, trying to drown out Zelda's angry words toward him that rang in his ears for weeks.

The door opened. Zelda walked in.

"I thought I locked that thing..."

"Link, you've been in your room all day! I thought I told you to clean the halls!" Zelda scolded him. "Stop acting like some sort of child and actually-"

A sudden beam of light was fired over her head, which hit the wall behind her, the dust enveloping her, causing her to cough excessively. Finally, the smog cleared up and Zelda was outraged by what she saw. It was Link. His sword was pointed toward her and he had an unusual hateful glare she had never seen on him.

"I choose for myself now, 'princess'. I'm through doing redundant tasks for you that I'm never rewarded for. I just zapped another Moblin who snuck in here. Think about the fate of Hyrule if I was just doing your trivial house chores. Now get outta my room."

Zelda walked out, nervously. But slammed the door in a fit of rage as soon as she walked out. Link could faintly hear her sobbing outside. "Link...", she said to herself.

It was just like when he was mistaken for dead after being hit by a beam of energy during one of their many battles with Ganon's forces. In a way, she was correct. His body was gone, but his soul was intact. After a long journey, Link got his body back and saved the day once again.

What if Zelda still felt this way, despite said incident?

Link tried to hold back the tears as he unlocked his door, grabbed a shirt on the clothesline, and ziplined out the window. It was the only thrill Link ever felt anymore. After releasing the fabric and flipping into the air, followed by a perfect landing, Link began walking away from the castle, his sword with him. He never looked back. Not once. What was the point of defending Hyrule anymore? It's not like he would get any reward for his "daring" acts of heroism.

Link went to the Hyrule Seaside to clear his mind. He used to love fishing here when he wasn't defending Hyrule. He had almost wished he could turn back for his fishing rod, but he decided it was best to stay away for his own personal reasons.

Just then, he heard a familiar shriek.

"LINK!!!"

It was Zelda! Link, despite his current anger toward her, naturally got back on his steed to heed her call, his heart pounding over her fate, or that of the Triforce.

------

At last, Link burst into his bedroom. He was surprised to see a strange gorilla with a bright, red necktie holding the Triforce in his hands. Zelda stood in the corner, terrified and confused.

"I'm guessing you escaped from the Hyrulian circus?" Asked Link.

"Nope. The jungle." DK answered.

Link was startled at the fact that it could speak human words, but that was the least of his concerns. DK socked Link into his mattress, toppling it over as he made a break for it through the window, swinging on the clothesline.

"Not my idea of a jungle gym..." Link said as he slid his way down that same clothesline.

"...but whatever gives me a workout!"

When Link landed, he caught a slight glimpse of DK dashing over to the Eastern part of the castle.

He was in the Hyrule Shopping Arcade. DK ran up the flight of stairs at the end and stopped at a dead end on the rooftop. Noticing the large arrangement of barrels at the top that towered in a cubic formation gave him an idea.

Link went toward that same flight of steps and barely dodged a barrel that rushed aggressively toward him like a bowling ball. Link landed on his feet to find two more barrels, which he leapt over.

"This may be unoriginal, but...it's like some sort of video game..."

Link jumped another barrel and zapped away two more as he slowly worked his way toward the top. Before DK could throw the last one, Link zapped it out of his hands.

"Hand that thing over, you persistent primate!" Link bellowed, his sword pointed at DK's chest. "Lest you get a jolt of my zaps!"

"Okay, you can have it." DK said as he held his hand out for a handshake.

"Truce?"

Link took it firmly and DK swung him down the same staircase. Before he could pick up the pace, a banana peel thwarted his plan.

"I knew I should've eaten that beforehand!" DK moaned.

When DK got up, Link was back, pointing the sword at him.

"Well, if it's a fight you want, a fight you'll get!" Cried DK. "Winner takes all!! BANANA SLAMMA!!"

Who will emerge victorious in this animated anarchy?

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#2 Callisto

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 05:53 PM

Learn More About
Donkey Kong
Read more about Donkey Kong at Wikipedia
Official Site: Nintendo Links: DK Wiki Entry Donkey Kong Country Donkey Kong Online

Link
Read more about Link at Wikipedia
Official Site: Nintendo Links: Zelda Universe Zelda Legends (fanpage) Link wiki page



#3 .Big Game James.

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 08:41 AM

Link ftw. Great setup as well.

#4 DSkillz

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 04:21 PM

Very good set-up. Nice turn with the heroes getting fed up with their lot in life. I barely remember the DK Country-based show, but I know that '80s 'toon Link is pretty much spot on here. 

 

As for the match, I think Link wins this. More of an arsenal, and DK will probably realize he's doing wrong and lose full motivation to fight.



#5 Callisto

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Posted 04 September 2013 - 12:06 PM

Match Final Results
USER RATINGS
DSkillz gives it a grade of [A] - Good characterization by all and interesting, funny story.
SCORE
Donkey Kong: 4
Link: 12
FPA: 4.0






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Nintendo, Donkey Kong, Link, Donkey Kong Country, Zelda, Cartoon, TV Show, Crystal Coconut, Triforce, Ganon

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