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Match 8593 John D. Strayne vs. Lindsey Becker


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#1 treacherous

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 08:18 PM

A Requite for Sollus: Round 1, Fight 2

 

The Rise of the Supermen

 

“It happened back in 199X, on the eve of the 1st anniversary of the Death of Sollus.  Vigils were being held all across the world—” The grandfather stretched his arm out wide for emphasis.  “…and the former Jupiter League members were in attendance.  It was on this historic day that a group of former Sollus villains known as Poisonus, Multova, the Body Countess, Doctor Mentis and Korgos, the giant Bronze Colossus formed a new, deadly team.”  The grandson’s eyes grew wide.  “They attacked the vigil at the memorial statue of Sollus.  Korgos ripped the head clean off the statue and used it to attack the alumni Jupiter League.  You see son, Korgos was only known physical equal to Sollus next to Mr. Tempest.  This was no slouching living statue.  With Blind Mike off becoming the Solar Architect and Mr., Tempest out of commission, none of them stood a chance.

 

With their attentions split between saving lives and fighting this newly found team, the Jupiter League was beaten pretty badly.  It was a sad day.  The criminals took to attacking the people.”  Granddad stopped.  “Then the SLJ came in and saved the day?” the boy asked.  Granddad shook his head.  “It was a horrible time for the heroes, kiddo.  Wanderlust Werewolf was a contract hit man, Miss March was pregnant with BrainChild and nobody wanted any of those lunatic groups around like Street Justice or the Crew.  The League was on its own.  A riot broke out amongst the carnage as Doctor Mentis used his mind control to cause the crowd to go mad.  It was complete madness until they arrived…”

 

“Who?” the boy asked.

 

“The heroes that rose to replace and avenge Sollus… I’ll tell you about them.”     

 

Sorry Gang, no story for you until you survive the first round.  Survive the first round and everybody gets awesome set-ups next round.  Good luck.  You may talk trash now.



#2 Callisto

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 08:18 PM

Learn More About
John D. Strayne
Origination: Elemental
Alignment: Hero
Team: Solo Hero

Lindsey Becker
Origination: Physical
Alignment: Hero
Team: Solo Hero




#3 Sir Exal

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 12:42 AM

John D. Strayne--

Two scientist lovers decide to make off with the genetic material of Sollus, which was being kept by...well, someone, in order to spawn a backup Sollus.  That didn't pan out, because apparently they didn't think of actually putting it in a woman.  Dr. Abraham puts it in his wife.  Maybe he's shooting blanks.  

 

Scientists love cheap puns and 90's spelling, so they name the resulting child "John D. Strayne."  Twelve years later, John's a regular indignant preteen with the strength of a million men.  Yeesh.  Who thought this was a good idea?

 

Seven years after that, 1997, Khazan's apparently a warzone.  When did that happen?  John and his father are going to go back in time to stop Sollus from dying.  Some robots try to stop them, but John takes them out with an absolute mishmash of powers, (Electricity? Where'd that come from?) getting back in time to stop his father from dying.  They enter the time portal, probably to end up in 2013, when this tourney takes place, let's not forget.

 

All of the characters, mine probably included, in this tournament could use a round or two of more proofreading, but this one is one of the worse offenders.  There are frequent tense changes, and the narrative switches back and forth between referring to John's father as "Vincent" and as "Abraham."  That's annoying when Russian literature does it.  This is not Russian literature.

 

It's oddly appropriate he has Weak Charisma, as the choice to show him as a bratty preteen for two descriptions and a dull paragon-type for the others makes him almost impossible to sympathize with.  John shows very little personality beyond caring for his father and "Durr!  Hero!," and considering how you have seven descriptions (that's 1400 words) to show his personality, that's not a good thing.

 

Dr. Abraham is mildly endearing, I like the time travel angle, and the action moves at a good clip.  But the odd power choices (Why doesn't his weakness to power siphoning come up, even in passing, again?),  nonthreatening action, and a just plain dull hero add up to one thing--Johnny Be Mediocre. 

 

Lindsay Becker

 

Lindsay is a girl who uses her...standard mind to improve on her father's supertechnosuit, mainly to show up some of those damn McArthur Grant types who never give me a chance.  She gets laughed out of the meeting, mainly because it wasn't her work, mostly.  I think I would have checked up on how much work had to be my original work before entering my Iro--Sollinium suit in the Exposition.

 

Anyway, Lindsay doesn't let that stop her, and decides to not follow in her father's footsteps by following in her father's footsteps exactly, simply improving the Nano-Suit (which doesn't seem to use nanotechnology at all).  Eventually, she goes into space with her suit on to bust up some meteors.

 

Y'know, I wish I had thought of simply deleting the words "Iron Man" from a story, replacing it with a girl's name, and submitting it.  That would have gotten me done with my character much more quickly.  There is very little original about Lindsay, and in fact it seems to assume we already know who Iron Man is, considering her nano-suit is never described or referred to as anything but a "suit."  Maybe it's a three-piece one!

 

Even the mechanics of the character are way off, Lindsay only having a Standard mind despite all the stuff she's supposed to be building by herself.  "Bunch of Neanderthals" indeed.  And armor raising one's defenses isn't Endurance--it's Armor, for god's sake.  That's what the power is called!  Finally, the Sollus connection is tenuous at best--he's involved in the name of the Unobtainium used in the suit and then not thought of again until the very last sentence of the character!

 

I had wondered if Sincere Poet was in fact ThePoet, from FPL past.  This proves rather inarguably it isn't.

 

THE BOTTOM LINE

 

John D. Strayne VS. Lindsay Becker



#4 Magnetrex

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Posted 27 June 2013 - 09:39 AM

Don't you remember the 90's Exal? Creative spelling was kewl back then.

 

John D. Strayne--

Scientists love cheap puns and 90's spelling, so they name the resulting child "John D. Strayne." 



#5 Callisto

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Posted 30 June 2013 - 10:09 AM

Match Final Results
John D. Strayne Won a match against Lindsey Becker
7 to 5
John D. Strayne: 25 fame points
Lindsey Becker: -25 fame points





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