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Match 8592 Captain Supreme vs. Erebus


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#1 treacherous

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 08:13 PM

A Requite for Sollus: Round 1, Fight 1

 

The Rise of the Supermen

 

“It happened back in 199X, on the eve of the 1st anniversary of the Death of Sollus.  Vigils were being held all across the world—” The grandfather stretched his arm out wide for emphasis.  “…and the former Jupiter League members were in attendance.  It was on this historic day that a group of former Sollus villains known as Poisonus, Multova, the Body Countess, Doctor Mentis and Korgos, the giant Bronze Colossus formed a new, deadly team.”  The grandson’s eyes grew wide.  “They attacked the vigil at the memorial statue of Sollus.  Korgos ripped the head clean off the statue and used it to attack the alumni Jupiter League.  You see son, Korgos was only known physical equal to Sollus next to Mr. Tempest.  This was no slouching living statue.  With Blind Mike off becoming the Solar Architect and Mr., Tempest out of commission, none of them stood a chance.

 

With their attentions split between saving lives and fighting this newly found team, the Jupiter League was beaten pretty badly.  It was a sad day.  The criminals took to attacking the people.”  Granddad stopped.  “Then the SLJ came in and saved the day?” the boy asked.  Granddad shook his head.  “It was a horrible time for the heroes, kiddo.  Wanderlust Werewolf was a contract hit man, Miss March was pregnant with BrainChild and nobody wanted any of those lunatic groups around like Street Justice or the Crew.  The League was on its own.  A riot broke out amongst the carnage as Doctor Mentis used his mind control to cause the crowd to go mad.  It was complete madness until they arrived…”

 

“Who?” the boy asked.

 

“The heroes that rose to replace and avenge Sollus… I’ll tell you about them.”     

 

Sorry Gang, no story for you until you survive the first round.  Survive the first round and everybody gets awesome set-ups next round.  Good luck.  You may talk trash now.



#2 Callisto

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 08:13 PM

Learn More About
Captain Supreme
Origination: Physical
Alignment: Hero
Team: Solo Hero

Erebus
Origination: Physical
Alignment: Hero
Team: The Angels of Mercy




#3 Bergy_Berg

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 08:18 PM

*suddenly realizing I haven't read all the characters yet*



#4 bigballerju

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 09:56 PM

Captain Supreme shall make Sollus proud! In honor of his beloved hero!



#5 Sir Exal

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 01:37 AM

Captain Supreme

 

ohdeargod his pic is a poorly cropped Smallville pic do I have to do this...

 

The character sheet starts out hilariously, a news anchor (Ted Koppel perhaps) screaming and in absolute histrionics about the death of Sollus.  The nameless P.O.V. character (let's call him...I don't know...Kark Clent) sees villains celebrating and decides to become a superhero out of outright disgust.  Kark spraypaints an S onto his shirt, then, with his superstrength, flight, heat vision, and superspeed runs around, saves some people, beats up some robots, and fucks up an interview with a reporter, stunned to silence about how bad this character is.

 

Let's not talk about how Captain Supreme sounds like a hamburger name and I'm not using it.  Let's not talk about how Kark is Superman.  And not similar to Superman or inspired by Superman, but absolutely, positively Superman.  Let's not talk about how the sheet never mentions how Kark got his powers except to literally say he "got" them.  Let's not talk about the fact the only bit of backstory we get for Kark is that his dad died in a car crash.  Let's not even talk about the fact the the writing itself displays only a modicum of knowledge of the rules of composition, with a grand total of three commas in the whole character sheet, all three in a list. 

 

No, let's talk about the fact that when I sat down to write this, I didn't have a alcoholic beverage next to me.  Now I do.

 

Captain Supreme literally drove me to drink.

 

Erebus

 

A street-level superhero called the godawful name of SynSlayer gets approached by three mysterious types who want to turn him into a cosmic-level vigilante under the payroll of the Syndicate.  SynSlayer, sick of picking off underworld fucks one by one, agrees, at which point one of the baddies KALI-MAs him and injects Syndicate blood in, explaining this will give him a biological imperative of loyalty.  'Cause mafia members are known for loyalty.

 

Somehow, this doesn't kill SynSlayer, and he is reborn as Erebus, which is kind of a lateral move as far as names go.  Erebus is built to handle the big, city-destroying threats, and while he does rescue people, makes it clear he's annoyed about it.  Although he does save the same people who he claimed he wouldn't be responsible for, so perhaps he's softer than he acts.  Despite his no-nonsense, near-murder tactics, the Syndicate has bribed enough people in high places to encourage good public opinion.  

 

Erebus has some great ideas.  The fact that the Syndicate guys realize that Superman-type superheroes save their asses as much as they inconvenience them is a intelligent insight.  Erebus's attitude and contradictions show themselves well, although the story may have been better served had we seen him actually kill someone that he had the oppurtunity to apprehend.  I like the whole induced raising of public opinion thing.  I especially like the first part of the first sentence--

 

Deep underneath the grimy sin plastered streets of Venus Junction, passed the blood soaked soil blanketed by steel, gravel and concrete, down in the depths of the Shadow Brig;

 Goosebumps.

 

Where this really falls, tragically, is in the mechanics.  There's one typo in that sentence fragment above alone.  The prose moves like a runaway car, not knowing where to stop or where it's going.  Simple proofreading would have fixed a lot, particularly at one point where I'm not sure whose heart was pulled out by whom.  (As a side note, there was absolutely no reason for Roscoe, The Broker, and Mr. Styx to all be there--the overlapping character roles just created confusion.)

 

Thankfully, this shows not apathy but simple ignorance.  Dude, if you need help on grammar, spelling, punctuation and sentence structure, send it to a beta reader--hell, send it to me!  Erebus shows good potential as a creator tempered by poor writing skills; and that's just a matter of practice.

 

THE BOTTOM LINE

 

 

Captain Supreme VS. Erebus

#6 Nihlium

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 01:58 PM

Welcome back Exal.

 

Yeah, I really need work on grammar and stuff which really just comes down to me being too busy (lazy) to proof read thoroughly. As for the name SynSlayer I thought is was appropriate for the era that this event is taking place in. A lot of the story was cut because of word restrictions like the parts explaining the mythical properties of the armor (which is further explained here.). The presence of Mr.Styx, Roscoe and Broker was really just to make the readers have more of a connection to him, in truth the Broker being there wasn't was a necessity seeing that Mr.Styx could have injected the blood himself.

 

As new blood, getting a (relatively) good review from a vet is kinda cool so thanks for that.



#7 treacherous

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 02:47 PM

There's the FPL I grew up in.



#8 treacherous

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 02:52 PM

I applaud you guys for not going all to pieces by those reviews too.



#9 bigballerju

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 03:18 PM

It was a honest and well deserved review. I should have took my time and wrote it better. 



#10 Nihlium

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 03:31 PM

This is the side of FPL that I was diving into when came here. I was quite surprised when I realized things were "milder" than the old days, hopefully Exal and the other vets will stay and create a balance maybe even the fiery beast within Treach will be awoken in the process (God help us all.) 



#11 treacherous

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 04:23 PM

What?  Pffft.  I'm mild sauce.  Let Rhekarid show up.  Besides, I'm in that intermediate category too.  I don't consider myself vet at all.  I'm the bridge between the old and the new.  Guys like Threedark, Update and Landon were the ones that made me evil.  They still mistreat me on #FPL.  Mr. Graves and ThePoet were always nice.



#12 Landon

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 04:32 PM

We mistreat each other, so by mistreating Treach that shows he's one of us. Don't let him tell you otherwise. HE IS THE MAN.



#13 treacherous

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 04:52 PM

Gooble gobble!



#14 Bergy_Berg

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 06:53 PM

...Well, that was disturbing.



#15 treacherous

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 08:00 PM

You're not ready to be one of us then.



#16 Nihlium

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Posted 25 June 2013 - 08:03 PM

I might me game......What flavor punch do you guys have?



#17 Sir Exal

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Posted 26 June 2013 - 01:01 AM


Yeah, I really need work on grammar and stuff which really just comes down to me being too busy (lazy) to proof read thoroughly.

 

 

The proper answer to me saying "It's not apathy, it's ignorance," is NOT "No, no, it's apathy."

 


A lot of the story was cut because of word restrictions like the parts explaining the mythical properties of the armor (which is further explained here.).

 

 

Or, rather, will be explained.  I could already tell it was powerful and magic.

 


The presence of Mr.Styx, Roscoe and Broker was really just to make the readers have more of a connection to him, in truth the Broker being there wasn't was a necessity seeing that Mr.Styx could have injected the blood himself.

 

 

More of a connection to whom, goddammit, WHOM?!   And no, there didn't need to be three people.  There didn't need to be two!  One guy extends the offer, rips out SynSlayer's heart, and injects the blood.  It was nice there was a second person to explain things to, sure, but it wasn't necessary, and it sure didn't make me feel a connection to any of those idiots.



#18 Nihlium

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Posted 26 June 2013 - 04:49 PM

Mr.Styx had to be there and he isn't the type to get his hands dirty when he can have one of his subordinates do it for him.

Where I had lazy I should have put tired.

#19 Pseudonym

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Posted 26 June 2013 - 04:52 PM

I interpreted it as:

 

The Broker - Gives him the Powers
Roscoe Mccoy - Keeping the heart warm before they transfer it into SynSlayer

Styx - Boss of this plan and major orchestrator.



#20 Callisto

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Posted 30 June 2013 - 10:08 AM

Match Final Results
Erebus Won a match against Captain Supreme
13 to 2
Overpowering Win ... Brutal Loss: Fame points doubled!
Captain Supreme: -50 fame points
Erebus: 50 fame points





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