ohdeargod his pic is a poorly cropped Smallville pic do I have to do this...
The character sheet starts out hilariously, a news anchor (Ted Koppel perhaps) screaming and in absolute histrionics about the death of Sollus. The nameless P.O.V. character (let's call him...I don't know...Kark Clent) sees villains celebrating and decides to become a superhero out of outright disgust. Kark spraypaints an S onto his shirt, then, with his superstrength, flight, heat vision, and superspeed runs around, saves some people, beats up some robots, and fucks up an interview with a reporter, stunned to silence about how bad this character is.
Let's not talk about how Captain Supreme sounds like a hamburger name and I'm not using it. Let's not talk about how Kark is Superman. And not similar to Superman or inspired by Superman, but absolutely, positively Superman. Let's not talk about how the sheet never mentions how Kark got his powers except to literally say he "got" them. Let's not talk about the fact the only bit of backstory we get for Kark is that his dad died in a car crash. Let's not even talk about the fact the the writing itself displays only a modicum of knowledge of the rules of composition, with a grand total of three commas in the whole character sheet, all three in a list.
No, let's talk about the fact that when I sat down to write this, I didn't have a alcoholic beverage next to me. Now I do.
Captain Supreme literally drove me to drink.
A street-level superhero called the godawful name of SynSlayer gets approached by three mysterious types who want to turn him into a cosmic-level vigilante under the payroll of the Syndicate. SynSlayer, sick of picking off underworld fucks one by one, agrees, at which point one of the baddies KALI-MAs him and injects Syndicate blood in, explaining this will give him a biological imperative of loyalty. 'Cause mafia members are known for loyalty.
Somehow, this doesn't kill SynSlayer, and he is reborn as Erebus, which is kind of a lateral move as far as names go. Erebus is built to handle the big, city-destroying threats, and while he does rescue people, makes it clear he's annoyed about it. Although he does save the same people who he claimed he wouldn't be responsible for, so perhaps he's softer than he acts. Despite his no-nonsense, near-murder tactics, the Syndicate has bribed enough people in high places to encourage good public opinion.
Erebus has some great ideas. The fact that the Syndicate guys realize that Superman-type superheroes save their asses as much as they inconvenience them is a intelligent insight. Erebus's attitude and contradictions show themselves well, although the story may have been better served had we seen him actually kill someone that he had the oppurtunity to apprehend. I like the whole induced raising of public opinion thing. I especially like the first part of the first sentence--
Deep underneath the grimy sin plastered streets of Venus Junction, passed the blood soaked soil blanketed by steel, gravel and concrete, down in the depths of the Shadow Brig;
Where this really falls, tragically, is in the mechanics. There's one typo in that sentence fragment above alone. The prose moves like a runaway car, not knowing where to stop or where it's going. Simple proofreading would have fixed a lot, particularly at one point where I'm not sure whose heart was pulled out by whom. (As a side note, there was absolutely no reason for Roscoe, The Broker, and Mr. Styx to all be there--the overlapping character roles just created confusion.)
Thankfully, this shows not apathy but simple ignorance. Dude, if you need help on grammar, spelling, punctuation and sentence structure, send it to a beta reader--hell, send it to me! Erebus shows good potential as a creator tempered by poor writing skills; and that's just a matter of practice.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Captain Supreme VS. Erebus