San Francisco, 1979, by the bay....
Two metalheads were walking on the San Fran. pier, arguing.
"Shut up man, your just talkin' outta your ass and you know it."
"Your just scared of the truth, man. "I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night" has the best riffs in the history of metal!"
"Dude, did you HEAR Geezer Butler's playing on "Paranoid"?
"Butler, that no-talent hack?!?! He's just riding Ozzy's jock and you know it! Now, if you wanna talk great riffs, everybody knows Space Ace is where it's at!"
"I swear, if you dont stop talking about friggin' Space Case...."
"Shit man, I ain't scared of you. I saw you listening to that Carpenters album!"
"Alright, that's it!"
The metalheads ran at each other and began fighting. In the ensuing melee one of them drops his brand new KISS album into the water, where it sinks...into the Kingdom of Atlantica....
As Ariel was swimming along on her daily trip to the pier, she found herself in a cheerily pleasant mood. The tide would be coming in soon, and with it all kinds of wonderful things from the surface. Beautiful trinkets and treasures from another land. Who knows what she might find today? A sterling silver spoon...a tea chest, perhaps....or, if she should be so lucky...a globe! She had wanted a new globe so badly ever since her last one broke apart when that octopus laid eggs inside of it. But such things are prone to happen under the sea, though lately Ariel had been growing tired of it. Oh well, at least she had these little curios from the surface to keep her entertained. But what awaited her was no mere curio....
Upon arriving at the pier, she saw a small cardboard box floating down to her. Curious, she swam up to meet it and grabbed it gingerly, her eyes filled with childlike delight and wonder. Ariel's eyes filled with suprise as she looked at the album cover. Four men in outlandish costumes, with horrifying, unnatural faces of white, black, and silver. The album glowed and pulsated in the water, radiating with pure rock energy. Unaccustomed as she was to rock living in the wonderful world of Disney, she was both frightened and delighted by the album. She took it down to her private grotto and put it on her record player. She'd found records before, but they'd always been destroyed by the water damage. But those were lesser records. It would take a lot more than water to destroy a KISS record. She takes it out of the cover....puts on the needle.........The music hit her like a ton of bricks and The Little Mermaid was never the same again.
The music crept over her. She felt warm sensations all over her body as she writhed in tune with the beat. She looked down and saw that she had legs instead of a tail. A satisfied smile broke across her face and she knew what she had to do. She swam to the surface and jumped onto the pier. A cold shiver running up her exposed back, she picked up an abandoned leather jacket and put it on. Inside the pocket she found a poster, adertising a KISS show, at The Fillmore Theatre, along with tickets. But how to get there? After a few seconds of thinking, she almost kicked herself for not immeadiately thinking of the obvious answer. She walked up the street corner and unzipped her jacket, revealing a seashell bra and not much else, and stood there with her thumb up. A few moments later a biker parked his harley to inquire about the young lady's travel plans....
"Yo, hot stuff, how old are ya?"
"Old enough. Goin my way, big man?"
"Depends, which way's that?"
Hook, line, and sinker. This was too easy. Ariel wondered to herself why every girl did'nt do this.
"Well then, I guess i'm goin to Fillmore. Hop on my hog, babe, we're goin fer a ride..."
Later, at the show....
"Alright San Francisco! You wanted the best, you got the best! The Loudest Band in The Land....KISS!!!!!
KISS stepped onto the stage, ready to rock, when the roof of the theater was lifted off it's hinges by a giant man with a flowing white beard, wielding a trident.
"ARIEL, CEASE THIS INSOLENCE AND RETURN TO THE KINGDOM WITH ME AT ONCE!!!!!"
Gene Simmons, angered by this interruption, uses the band's amplification system to speak back in an equally resonant voice.
"STEP OFF OLD MAN, YOU'RE INTERRUPTING OUR SHOW! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE, WE'LL MAKE YOU LEAVE!"
King Triton becomes enraged at this and stabs at the stage with his trident. All four use their keen reflexes to deftly dodge the weapon and go outside to meet their challenger.
King Triton-"FOR DEFYING TRITON, YOU SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF MY FLYING FISH!"
Several fish fly out of the bay at super sonic speeds towards KISS. Gene Simmons,"The Demon", lets out a massive fire blast from his mouth, frying the fish and dropping them over a cheering crowd.
Gene-"My turn. Your lord of the fish, right? Well, let us introduce you to our cat. Peter, attack!"
Peter Criss, "The Catman", using his superhuman agility, jumps up 40 feet into the air onto King Triton's chest. He whips out his claws and slides along Triton's chest, cutting him along the way before jumping off back onto the pier.
Gene-"Good work Peter. Ace, throw him off balance!"
Ace Frehley, "The Spaceman", flies into the air and uses his magic axe guitar to conjure a fiery blast of explosives, "Frehley's comet.", which he fires at Triton, knocking him back several feet.
Gene-"Excellent job, Ace. Paul, analyze!"
Paul Stanley, "The Starchild", fires off a scanning laser from his starry eye to analyze Triton and his capabilities whist also firing off a few regular laser blasts for good measure.
Paul-"He's strong Gene, real strong. But if the four of us work together, and play our cards right, we can boot this guy off the tour.
Gene-"Good enough for me. Atta....
Triton-"CEASE THIS IMPOTENCE AT ONCE. I WANT MY...
Paul-"I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day! But first, I wanna kick some tail....pun definitely intended, ya old fart. Alright boys, attack!
So, will KISS Klobber the Kantankerous King?