Also, the first part of a story thing.
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Posted 17 May 2013 - 12:32 AM
CA first, will get to the fic in a bit.
Having already read it prior, I'll just repeat. I like the overall product. The use of differing character narratives work, but of course, the weakness is a somewhat disjointed flow. Given that, Seryph manages to pull it off well enough. He's probably lacking the "nice" facade you want him to have though, but that doesn't really affect the character as is.
He's an all around good central figure, quite effective in that role. A return to character-centricity and subtle world building, yay.
Posted 17 May 2013 - 12:51 AM
Dig the fic, I really like how it just ended there. Not sure about Seryph being a prick for the sake of it though. No real reason to reveal he's ripped the guy off. Maybe if you added in a line where as a gentleman, he's obliged to inform Ryan that he's got the short end of the stick? Which is the same reason why he'd have had to acquiesce had Ryan known the true value of the eye.
Otherwise, neat-o. Glad the coffee wasn't poisoned. That woulda been predictable and lame, like a Monty Python skit.
Posted 17 May 2013 - 07:41 AM
Yeah. I'll change that up tonight to justify his deception.
Posted 17 May 2013 - 09:26 AM
There's the inspiration I was looking for. Okay, I'm jumping in today. Coming right up.
Posted 17 May 2013 - 11:06 AM
Oh and the dancer needs to live again so he can bust heads with Tengoku. Master of the Gentle Fist indeed!
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