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Rate the X-Men Based On Their Sexual Prowess

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#1 Kate Awesome Is Awesome

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 11:30 AM

Cyclops: Complete douche nozzle with the personality of oatmeal thrown on a white wall. Nonetheless is able to convince the likes of Jean Grey, Madeline Pryor and Emma Frost to not only sleep with him but enter committed relationships where they are subjected to his dickery on a daily basis. Conclusion: must also have the mutant power to satisfy in the sack.

 

Ability Rating: Nathan Fillion-esque

 

Wolverine: Animalistic, passionate and mutant healing factor helps his endurance. If you ever check the X Men relationship chart (http://www.uncannyxm...onshipmapv1.htm) he's pretty much the man whore of the X Men so he's gotta be doing something right. However tortured past and lack of committed girlfriends leaves me to believe that every once in a while he cries during the act.

 

Ability Rating: One Night Stand Material

 

Gambit: Fake swagger, cheesy card tricks, carries around a big pole. Gambit is obviously overcompensating in every which way. I think he may discharge quickly and I'm not talking about kinetic energy.

 

Ability Rating: One minute man

 

Colossus: Strong, powerful, but loving and gentle. Doesn't seem to be into a lot of things but would definitely try if you asked nicely. Hey may not wow your world every time but he definitely strives to all the time. (Also avoiding all easy 'hard as metal' jokes.)

 

Ability Rating: Eager keeper



#2 FoxFingers

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 11:37 AM

I Lol'd.

 

I recall they actually touched on that topic with Mr. Fantastic (The Fantastic Four) briefly in a Marvel Comic (back when I was buying comics).  I guess he's any shape you need him to be.   



#3 Nova Force Nova

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 11:40 AM

What is this, I don't even...

#4 Nova Force Nova

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 11:56 AM

Double post.


 



#5 tomisntblue

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 12:40 PM

You know, I like this topic. It's refreshing to see male comic characters being treated like sex symbols. I think this is really what everyone means when they talk about equality. 



#6 Nova Force Nova

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 02:35 PM

photo_zpsdc50322f.jpg

 

 

 

Wolverine is sexy fine!



#7 Kate Awesome Is Awesome

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 02:51 PM

It's my version of the Hawkeye Initiative!

 

Iceman: Bobby is so sweet I wouldn't want to have THOSE relations with him! He's the male bff you knew as a kid who lives next door and you cuddle up with him into the wee hours of the morning while wearing his hoodie! I'd try to hook him up with one of my friends even if he continued to pine for me.

 

Ability Rating: Perfect for hanging out at the beach and eating snocones with.

 

Cable: It seems in the future "fun" is gone as Cable is overly serious. Would only do the dirty to help repopulate the mutant population.

 

Ability Rating: A sex machine. As in he's cold and mechanical.

 

Magneto: Older, but still in shape, Magneto brings a life time of experience and a genius gentleman so the courtship phase should be stimulating. Plus he has the ability to make things floaty which is extremely intriguing. Sadly might be a little TOO obsessed with Charles to keep things meaningful.

 

Ability Rating: Magneriffic



#8 Bergy_Berg

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 03:28 PM

Wolverine is sexy fine!

Too hairy. Guys like that make me all itchy. Goes double for Beast.



#9 tomisntblue

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:05 PM

Can't wait to hear Toads. He may not look like much, but I wonder if that long and versatile tongue would make up for it.



#10 Nova Force Nova

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:14 PM

Too hairy. Guys like that make me all itchy. Goes double for Beast.

 

But the warmth is worth it. :P



#11 deojusto

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:35 PM

Are you calling Nathan Fillian a douche nozzle? Because I may have to challenge you to a duel via the internet over that. Otherwise I'm on board. Just as long as Chamber and Toad don't make it on the list... though Toad does have that tongue...   



#12 Pseudonym

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 10:43 PM

Kate... did you just friendzone the Iceman?



#13 Jaeger Panzer

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Posted 10 May 2013 - 11:15 PM

KATE'S FRIENDS WITH KITTY PRYDE?!
 



#14 Bergy_Berg

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 12:03 AM

But the warmth is worth it. :P


I don't need a blanket, I just need the D.

#15 Jaeger Panzer

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 01:43 AM

O,o

 

I need to stop assuming most people who post on here are ambiguously male.



#16 Nova Force Nova

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 06:12 AM

The info doesn't lie Ethan, it clearly says Bergy is male.

#17 Jaeger Panzer

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 10:44 AM

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.



#18 Dinsdale Piranha

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 11:03 AM

I didn't expect to, but I love this thread :D



#19 Bergy_Berg

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 08:08 PM

O,o
 
I need to stop assuming most people who post on here are ambiguously male.

I have man parts, i just want moar.

#20 Supes Rulez

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Posted 11 May 2013 - 08:29 PM

This is awesome. Let's do a Justice League one!

 

Superman: Faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive. He'd have to expose himself to red-sun radiation to be able to make sure women can keep up with the pace! He is also caring and loving so you're guaranteed to be safe while having a good time! Unfortunately he's a committed man, being married to Lois and all so he's unavailable. (Pre Flashpoint) Having Wonder Woman as a girlfriend is gonna keep him busy, so ditto. (Post-Flashpoint)

 

Just give him some amnesia like in Godfall and you're good to go!

 

Batman: Look at the list of girlfriends/one night stands he's had, and you'll see that being Batman means more than being the world's greatest detective. Bruce's on and off relationship with Catwoman and insinuations of romantic feelings with Wonder Woman being the greatest examples, he is in perfect human physical condition. You do the math!

 

Wonder Woman: Coming from a race of immortal warriors, Diana is stronger, faster, and athletic than any other woman on Earth. She has had years to learn any technique, and as of the New 52 she is a demi-god.

 

That being said, she has a strict sense of sensibility and honor, so you'd have a FIELD DAY trying to move past her no nonsense warrior exterior. But once you do...







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