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Match 12811 Lara Croft vs. Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter


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#1 DSkillz

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Posted 13 October 2012 - 03:40 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YMEDXZISy0&feature

"NOOOOOOOO!!!"

In a desperate move to prevent Lara Croft from destroying the Scion, Jacqueline Natla has just tackled her from the top floor of the Great Pyramid to the abyss far below. This action forces Lara to accidentally fire her gun, a round stiking the device that is levitating the ancient artifact. Both women go plummenting down the massive pit, but while Lara manages to save herself by grabbing the edge of the large ledge overhanging the hole, Natla screams in terror as she continues to fall to her apparent death.

As Lara pulls herself onto the ledge, she can still hear the mechanical voice counting down the hatching time of the huge egg hanging high overhead. Once she is safety on the ledge's surface, she lays on her back for a quick reprive and watches the egg, awaiting the inevitable.

"FIVE... FOUR... THRRRR..."

The countdown stops from there. Lara waits a moment for it to continue, but then breathes a sigh of relief when it does not.

For a moment, Lara thinks all is well. After all, Natla is gone and her ultimate weapon will not be released. Croft's weeks of thrilling but dangerous hunts appear to have finally all but come to an end. Lara has enjoyed the thrill of seeking out artifacts (most of all, the Scion, something she and her father have sought out for years), and, to some extent, narrowly escaping various deathtraps. She certainly won't miss constantly being chased by all manner of wildlife, mummies, skinless, fire-shooting mutants, or Natla's henchmen, however. Either way, these series of adventures now seem to be almost over, and Lara will be grateful for some rest. All she has to do next is make her way back up to the Scion and destroy it.

Suddenly, the sound of clanking metal catches the archaeologist's attention. She sits up and quickly turns in the direction of the sound. She is surprised to see grapping hooks catching onto the right side of the ledge.

More of Natla's men? she ponders.

Lara slowly and silently walks over to the hooks and, to be safe, draws her guns, aiming them in their direction as she awaits the owners' arrival. As the woman gets close, she can hear boisterous chatter from below. A few moments later, a pair of bare hands grabs onto the edge and pulls up. They are soon revealed to belong to a brawny, brown-haired man clad in a khaki shirt and shorts.

"Well, we've finally reached the top of the main chamber, mates!" says the man cheerfully in a broad Australian accent as he reaches down to help his companions up, not yet noticing the armed young woman standing behind him. Soon one man hoisting a video camera on his shoulder and another carrying heavy equipment also make their way atop the platform. These two men immediately see the young woman and freeze in their tracks.

"We're now on what appears to be a platform of some kind," continues the man to the camera as he turns around, oblivious to his companions' apprehension. "Let's take a look around and see if we can find some-- Whoa! What's this?"

"I wouldn't move if I were you," says Lara calmly to the men. "What is your business here?"

"Um,... well, me and my mates here are just lookin' for some rare wildlife," responds the man, slightly nervous.

"In the Great Pyramids, right," says Lara sarcastically. "Are you sure you're not here to steal some rare artifacts?"

"Oh no, love. Not at all!" replies the man. "We just happened to be in Egypt when we started hearin' stories about skinless monsters comin' out of the Pyramids. We're always lookin' to discover new animal life, so we decided to bring our cameras and gear and check it out f'r ourselves!"

"Skinless monsters," repeats Lara, by now very familar with the creatures. She is starting to sense this man is no threat. "Who are you, anyway? Something about you almost seems familiar."

"I'd sure be surprised if you haven't heard of me! G'day, I'm Steve Irwin, 'The Crocodile Hunter'!" the man says with a smile in an enthusiastic, almost boyish tone.

"The famed herpetologist, is it?" Lara asks, cocking an eyebrow.

"The one and only!" Steve responds.

"Well, my name is Lara Croft," she says with a slight smile, putting away her guns. She shakes hands with the cheery man. "I am an archeologist and adventurer. Sorry if I seem a bit unnerved. I've had a very... eventful few weeks."

"No worries. We all have our tough stretches, Ms. Croft," says Steve. "There are me mates! This is John, our cameraman. And Gerald here handles all our equipment." Both men wave and nod to Lara as they are mentioned. Lara in kind nods to them in acknowledgement.

"How did you make it all the way up here?" Lara asks. "This pyramid is teeming with booby traps."

"Pfft, this was nothin'! I've found crocs and snakes in swamps tougher th'n this!" the Crocodile Hunter responds. "By the way, you wouldn't believe what we stumbled across on the way! There were all these body parts laying around an-- "

Everybody is suddenly interrupted by a female mechanical voice counting down, echoing loudly throughout the chamber.

"RREE,... TWO,... ONE,... "

Oh no, thinks Lara during the resumed countdown, immediately realizing what is happening. She cranes her head upward to the huge egg. The egg shatters all at once after the countdown finishes, and something falls to the floor hard enough to shake the entire platform.

Posted Image

Much like the mutants that Lara has fought and killed throughout the pyramid thus far, the creature has no skin, exposing its musculature, eyes, teeth, and cranial cavities. As Lara guessed from the size of the egg, this abomination is also monstrous in size, many times larger than the other mutants. What Lara was not expecting is that the creature has no legs or pelvis, and has to pull itself along the ground with its hands and dragging its lower torso on the ground.

A small part of Lara would almost pity this creature. That is, if she wasn't currently terrified at the sight of this monster. Almost as if to punctuate this fact, the creature bellows out loudly as it starts bearing down upon the group.

"Crikey!" blurts out Steve.

"Um, wow," says Gerald, the equipment guy. John, the cameraman, is scared speechless.

"Al.., all right, everybody... stay behind me," she says as calmly as possible as she re-draws her guns. "I'll try to hold this thing off long enough for you to--"

"NOOOOOO!!!" Steve yells out as he frantically races to place himself between Lara and the creature.

"What are you doing?" asks Lara.

"This creature is a breathin', livin' thing, even as we are!" says Steve. "We can't just kill it in cold blood! I've dedicated my life to the conservation of all living things!"

"This... thing can-- and will-- easily tear us all to pieces!" argues Lara, trying to keep her cool as the monster continues pulling itself their way.

"Him? Nah, he's as gent'l as a lamb!" Steve says. "I'll have 'im calmed down before you say 'It's a ripper of a day!'" He then starts walking boldly toward the abomination.

"Here we go," says Gerald, rolling his eyes.

"He can't be serious," Lara says.

"Unfortunately, he is," responds John with a sigh.

Steve looks back to the camera as he continues toward the mutant and starts his monologue.

"Crikey! Just look at the size of this thing!" says Steve in awe, looking back and forth from the camera to the creature. "Now as you can see, this big fella's completely skinless, just like the stories we heard from the locals and all the various body parts we've seen scattered throughout the pyramid! I tell you, he'd better not come outside, or he'll get one hell of a suntan! If you could come a little closer," Steve says, motioning to his crew. "you can clearly see all of his muscles and blood vessels are exposed."

"Uh, uh!" John says.

"No way!" protests Gerald.

"The best you'll get out of me is a zoom-in from my camera lens, buddy!" says John.

"Aw, you guys are no fun at all!" scoffs Steve with a smirk and a dismissive wave of his hands. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime discovery, mates!"

Lara, with guns still trained on the beast, looks on in disbelief. "Has he gone mad?" Lara seriously asks as she glances over to Gerald.

"Welcome to our world," John remarks.

"He gets like this with every new being he comes across," Gerald responds.

The giant mutant stops just a few yards short of the quartet. It cocks its head and stares curiously, almost as if uncertain of what to make of the funny little man standing before it.

"I'd reckon he's about thirty, forty feet tall, with a wingspan of almost fifty feet!" he continues, spreading his arms apart as he speaks. "I imagine it uses those long appendages of his t' just, Wham!"

Steve demonstrates by swinging his arm in a swatting motion.

"Swat away his enemies! Whoo-hoo!! This is the biggest find of me career!"

"I don't believe this," Lara mutters to herself, shaking her head. The mutant reaches up and scratches its head with one of its long hands.

"Unfortunately, as you can see, this poor creature was born with no legs, so he has to pull itself along with its hands. This must be painful for his lower torso area! This and its skinless appearance must be the result of some awful mutation!"

Steve then starts speaking in baby talk. "But that's okay! You're a handsome devil, aren't you? Aren't you?"

At this point, Lara is clearly getting exasperated. "How on earth does he know that it's a m--" she starts.

"Don't ask," John interjects, still terrified but equally exasperated. "Just... don't ask."

#2 Callisto

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Posted 13 October 2012 - 03:40 PM

Learn More About
Lara Croft
Read more about Lara Croft at Wikipedia
Official Site: Eidos Games Links: Wiki - Lara Croft Planet Lara Tomb Raider Chronicles

Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter
Read more about Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter at Wikipedia
Official Site: Australia Zoo Links: Wiki - Steve Irwin Animal Planet Godzilla vs. Steve Irwin



#3 DSkillz

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Posted 13 October 2012 - 03:49 PM

Alright, here's my October Challenge entry. I was originally going to make this match for the March Challenge, and I've actually had the idea for this floating around in my head since 2003.

The concept is simple: Can the Crocodile Hunter tame the Giant Mutant, or will Lara Croft have to step in and ward it off while the others try to escape?

Here's a pic of the Giant Mutant from the original PS Tomb Raider:

Posted Image

For some of you youngin's more familiar with Tomb Raider Anniversary, here's the new version:

Posted Image

#4 MarxzVulpez

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Posted 13 October 2012 - 03:51 PM

ok this setup is stinking hilarious. gets an A in my book. I think Steve can pull it off.

#5 DSkillz

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Posted 13 October 2012 - 04:07 PM

ok this setup is stinking hilarious. gets an A in my book. I think Steve can pull it off.


Heh, thanks man.

#6 Dark Spider-man

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Posted 14 October 2012 - 04:15 PM

Hilarious man, A from me! As for who I think wins. From the setup the creature just seems confused wither to eat them or actually talk to them. I'm guessing that if Steve keeps his cool I think he can talk the creature down but if he gets a bit closer and yells during one of his other monologues then it might show to the creature he might be a threat and Lara would have to gun it down. So really it's up in the air for me. (I never really played Tomb Raider so I don't know the creature that well.)

#7 DSkillz

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Posted 14 October 2012 - 06:15 PM

Hilarious man, A from me!


Thanks, man! We still have to see about making you Match Judge so you can make your grading official.

As for who I think wins. From the setup the creature just seems confused wither to eat them or actually talk to them. I'm guessing that if Steve keeps his cool I think he can talk the creature down but if he gets a bit closer and yells during one of his other monologues then it might show to the creature he might be a threat and Lara would have to gun it down. So really it's up in the air for me. (I never really played Tomb Raider so I don't know the creature that well.)


Heh, the giant mutant is essentially a mindless berserker in the game. Part of the joke is that Steve's behavior even manages to confound this creature. For how long is up to the final vote, I guess.

#8 Dark Spider-man

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 12:57 AM

Ohhhhhhhhhh I see. Eventually the creature will just loose it, in my opinion which will give Lara the win. XD

#9 Boratz

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 06:10 AM

I really enjoyed this and I found it very creative. You get a well deserved Excellent from me. As for the winner I can't really decide. I guess I will got with Lara but it's pretty difficult to choose a winner.

#10 patrickthekid

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 10:06 AM

Amazing setup. Great job.

#11 DSkillz

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 02:44 PM

I really enjoyed this and I found it very creative. You get a well deserved Excellent from me. As for the winner I can't really decide. I guess I will got with Lara but it's pretty difficult to choose a winner.

Amazing setup. Great job.


Thanks, guys!

I tried to make things fairly even, but for me, personally, the matchup comes a close second to the entertainment value.

#12 Confession FPT

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 07:09 PM

I am so glad you drew this match to my attention, Skillz.

Where do I even start? If you don't win the October Challenge, I'll cry. This set-up is just freaking hilarious. Your characterization of Steve as spot on, and brilliant. The challenge of the fight is so much more interesting than just a straight-up combat. I'm a bit bias. I love Steve Irwin. I think he could tame that thing. He just had a way with animals....he may have to roll on the ground with that thing first, but he'd get the job done. Cause he's Steve ****-in' Irwin.

...Did I mention I gave this an "A"?

#13 DSkillz

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 07:32 PM

I am so glad you drew this match to my attention, Skillz.

Where do I even start? If you don't win the October Challenge, I'll cry. This set-up is just freaking hilarious. Your characterization of Steve as spot on, and brilliant. The challenge of the fight is so much more interesting than just a straight-up combat. I'm a bit bias. I love Steve Irwin. I think he could tame that thing. He just had a way with animals....he may have to roll on the ground with that thing first, but he'd get the job done. Cause he's Steve ****-in' Irwin.

...Did I mention I gave this an "A"?


Heh, I don't know about winning the Challenge, as there are plenty of great entries this month, but thanks, man.

#14 Doom

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 11:26 PM

I love this match. If this match was a woman, I would take it in a manly fashion.

Mainly because you took our expectations of Horror and turned it into a Grade-A twist that I for one, never expected.


Great writing as well!

#15 DSkillz

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Posted 15 October 2012 - 11:53 PM

I love this match. If this match was a woman, I would take it in a manly fashion.

Mainly because you took our expectations of Horror and turned it into a Grade-A twist that I for one, never expected.


Great writing as well!


LOL! Thanks, Doom!

Who did you have winning this, BTW?

#16 Xenerack5

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Posted 16 October 2012 - 07:32 AM

yeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh Steve can do it.

#17 DamagingRob

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Posted 16 October 2012 - 08:29 AM

Lol. Finally got around to reading this. I wouldn't call myself a youngin', but for some reason, I never played the original PS1 title. I have Tomb Raider 2, though, and played some of the later entries. So, basically, I'm going off the remake, since I went on a bit of a Tomb Raider bender, after really enjoying Underworld. Picked up Legend and Anniversary, shortly thereafter.

Anywho, enough about me :P, this match is hilarious. I really don't know if Steve can tame this beast. He may end up getting eaten, unless Laura steps in. By the way, new graphics don't do that thing justice. It is one ugly s.o.b., in the original.

#18 ThePhenomenalOne

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Posted 16 October 2012 - 08:45 AM

This is on par with the Santa vs Lobo match. Brillian and hilarious. Steve was an amazing man who was crazy as hell, I'm giving this to him. A from me, great job man.

#19 Nova Force Nova

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Posted 16 October 2012 - 08:47 AM

Meh. It's ok. :P

I dun rate.

#20 DSkillz

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Posted 17 October 2012 - 12:32 AM

Lol. Finally got around to reading this. I wouldn't call myself a youngin', but for some reason, I never played the original PS1 title. I have Tomb Raider 2, though, and played some of the later entries.


If you've got a PS1-compatible console, do yourself a favor and pick up TR1 if you get the chance. I've heard many of the later TR titles don't compare to it gameplay-wise.

Anywho, enough about me :P, this match is hilarious. I really don't know if Steve can tame this beast. He may end up getting eaten, unless Laura steps in.

yeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh Steve can do it.

This is on par with the Santa vs Lobo match. Brillian and hilarious. Steve was an amazing man who was crazy as hell, I'm giving this to him. A from me, great job man.


Thanks, all!

Meh. It's ok. :P

I dun rate.


Okay, what's it going to take? Money? Women? We mods can provide certain... perks. :D




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