Posted 25 August 2012 - 08:30 PM
Today on Saxon Hale's Adventures....
"Cut that there mate, we've got to change the title. Taking down the Bear with Grills wasn't as thrilling as I thought it might be, turns out he wasn't even a bear! How can we sell me just beating up a human to the eager customers?"
Well then, what should we change it to?
"Let's see, we're in France. Now what lives in France that's menacing and good for comic sales?"
"Wait a moment! I've got it. It's hairy...large...ugly...and very hate-able. We're going to find...."
A French woman?
"No! Er, well, not yet. Save that one for later, when we really need to push some sales. No, we're going to fight the French-Sasquatch!"
"I saw it in a movie once. Big fella. Lived in a castle."
You mean the Beast, from the Disney movie?
"Don't judge me! I had to have some way of calming down my childhood rages before I tore a hole in the wall, or usually a door off of the car. Now, let's go hunt some furries!"
---Later, after a riveting discussion of Disney movies and Hale's childhood cut out by a certain limit---
"Wow, that castle's just the right size for my backyard fountain. I'll have to see if Ms. Pauline can airlift it from here to Australia."
I don't think that's...
"Quiet you! If I did it with that sand cat in Egypt, I can do it with a castle. Now, let's see who's home."
A loud creak could be heard from the doors as they opened. Hale entered the large atrium, greeted by a figure on the stairs. The figure descended the staircase, revealing his true form in the light. True love had not been kind to the Beast. After a century's worth of inactivity and lack of attentiveness to ever-changing divorce law, Belle was able to leave the prince shortly after their marriage with an enormous sum of money thanks to a deviously penned prenup. Not only was the prince left poor, but he was also returned to his beastly form, doomed to remain that way for all of eternity.
"What is your business here man?"
"Very clever, but Mann is my company, not my last name."
"Just who are you intruder?"
"Hale's the name, and fighting's my game."
"So you have come here for my head, have you? Then you shall join the rest who have come."
The Beast drew back his head, and let loose a ghastly roar. All the servants, reverted just the same as the prince, appeared in the many doorways leading out of the atrium. They prepared themselves for their unique combat style. The Beast, now in an aggravated state, stood in the light, allowing his full form to be seen in an attempt to intimidate Hale.
"Nice try mate, but I'm hairier."
Hale ripped open his shirt, letting the chest hair fly, and with an Australian yell, lunged into battle.
Who emerges victorious?
Posted 25 August 2012 - 08:30 PM
Official Site: valve software Links: Wikipedia team fortess wiki know your meme
Read more about Beast (Disney) at Wikipedia
Official Site: Disney Links: Beauty and the Beast Wikipedia Beauty and the Beast imdb page Beauty and the Beast pages
Posted 25 August 2012 - 08:37 PM
TREKDIT: And now we're live.
Posted 25 August 2012 - 08:46 PM
EDIT: But yeah, the 'Save Match" function doesn't work, and instead acts the same as "Shake Me".
Posted 27 August 2012 - 07:40 AM
Posted 30 August 2012 - 07:30 PM
Very good short set-up, trekker. I'm not familiar with Hale, but if this portrayal of him's accurate, he just about looks hilarious! Nice twist on the Beauty and the Beast story, too. This match is going to be tough to beat.
A little late, but I just found a vid on Hale in action:
Yeah, even against a dour, apparently bloodthirsty Beast, Hale should take this.
Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:15 PM
A Hilarious short story!
Saxton Hale: 9
Beast (Disney): 17
Posted 31 August 2012 - 01:37 PM
Honestly, I'm more surprised that the Beast crushed Hale, I mean, even with all of these quotes.
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