Posted 09 August 2012 - 06:40 PM
Rhino is trying to get enough money to start his own gang in the city. He is tired of always having to work under or for someone and he has had enough. The Rhino makes his move. The easiest way to get cash quick of course is to rob a few banks and it is not long before he has all the money he needs to begin.
His last robbery did not go quite as planned and he is being chased down by the police which is not much of a problem, the problem is he knows that the attention will bring others of the super type. He makes his way through the bush losing his chasers and comes out a few miles away at the stone face of a mountian. He is puzzled as to why there is a huge steel door right in front of him.
Curiostiy gets the better of him and he tears the door away from the hinges leading him through hallways and into a giant computer room. It is clear to him there is much to be learned from his new discovery but he does not know an alarm has been tripped.
It is not long before he hears loud footsteps from the hall and soon a huge beast of metal and man breaks through the door way.
Ajax was closest and first to get to the intruder. Ajax is strickly a fight now ask questions later kind of guy so all hell breaks loose in a matter of seconds.
The Rhino would be fine with just leaving as he has work to do but there is no chance of that. Soon the fight is on.
The Rhino has not been up against a powerhouse in a while and it soon becomes clear that this is a challenge he is going to see out to the end. Hey its not his place and he has the money although stolen to cover the damages.
"Alright ugly you want it you got it." The Rhnio charges head on into Ajax. Just before the collision Ajax manages to turn the Rhino's horn to the side to prevent being impailed. It does not slow the Rhino down though and the Rhino pushes on through room after room tearing a rather large hole through the east wing of the Pantheons base.
Ajax is down but only for a few seconds. The rest of the PAntheon soon arrives as does the Hulk. The Rhino is not the brightest but quickly buts together that these strangers are the Hulks allies. that will only serve to motivate him. Any chance to a shot at the Hulk is a good one.
Rhino turns to see the giant Ajax comming down on him. Rhino is in a bear hugs, the force on his body is immense and he has to think quick. A head but and he is free.
Ajax sees Atlanta now on the scene and there is n oway he is going to quit in front of the woman he desires.
The Hulk says to let them fight, no one objects to the orders.
Ok Please a little explanasion of how you think this matc hsetup is. It seems no matter what I write you judges give me crap grades. maybe a little tip on how to improve my setups. All my matches seem to get 2's for grades and this has to be better then that.
Posted 09 August 2012 - 06:40 PM
Read more about Ajax at Wikipedia
Official Site: Marvel comics Links: Wikipedia superherouniverse.com marvel.wikia.com
Read more about Rhino at Wikipedia
Official Site: Marvel Comics Links: Wikipedia Entry Spiderfan Entry Marvel Database Entry
Posted 09 August 2012 - 08:35 PM
Imagine for a moment, that any match starts with a B grade(it has to be absolutely perfect, captivating and leave me wanting more, in order to get an A).
Now, these are the things that you lose points for:
1. Spelling and grammar. On a brief look, I count 8 different spelling and/or typing errors. And a few punctuation errors(my own grammar sucks, even on a good day, so it has to be really obvious before I catch it). You're now down to a C
2. Characterization. The Rhino is a simple kinda guy, he likes to smash things. And he's not particularly intelligent, even less so after the Flowers For Rhino storyline. The only point where he has shown the least kind of interest in "running his own gang.", was during Flowers For Rhino, when he had gotten an extreme intelligence boost, and knew for sure that he could do a better job than any other crime boss. Rhino knows that he's not the smartest guy around, and he's happy that way. Your characterization of Rhino is off, and not even on the more subtle things, it's really basic things about the character that you've gotten wrong. You're now down to a D.
The grade I give the match: D
As for who wins the match, Ajax wins, relatively easily.
It's a mismatch from the get go, Ajax is considerably stronger and more durable, and just like Hulk, his strength increases when he gets angry or frustrated. Ajax is also a better fighter.
It's not a complete stomp match, which is the only reason that the obvious mismatch didn't bring the grade down by another point.
Posted 13 August 2012 - 06:21 PM
I don't see anything glaringly wrong here. But everybody has different citeria and has a right to rate on their own standards (I've been getting a lot of bad grades lately).
What would have given this an 'A' was a deeper story. Something that made me feel the characters. You explained their motivations but I didn't feel them. It just told me why they were fighting (which isn't a bad thing at all).
Or either a super novelist level literary work of art.
Posted 14 August 2012 - 01:17 PM
Posted 14 August 2012 - 07:15 PM
C It's OK. Could use some work.
Posted 15 August 2012 - 12:17 AM
I give it a b seeing as i am an english teacher for my job i come here to enjoy some fan battles so i leave grammer at the door and dont care about that ...
Whether or not you're telling the truth about that, the webmaster himself even says this:
This is, ostensibly, a writing site...
... so people would really serve themselves to try their best to write good stories on the Battles Pages, or post at the Rumbles Forum.
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