8 replies to this topic

[Redemption X]

(This was the match I originally wanted to make for the June Challenge. Unfortunately, the restrictive rules of that challenge, the whole "it must be a fight between two CANON friends!", prevented me from making this match. After two months, I'm finally getting around to making this match.

Also, be warned: this is an Universe Beta match. It's a prequel to my "End of Universe Beta" match. I suggest you look up my Universe Beta matches in the archive. I don't want anyone complaning about me "making stuff up" in the comments.)

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Allie Keys advanced towards the cybernetic monstrosity in front of her. Her powers tell her that there's someone beneath all the metal, someone hurt and confused.

"Look, my powers tell me that you are in great pain due to a tragedy hapenning in your past. If you come with us..." says Allie Keys

"STAY AWAY FROM ME." bellows the cyborg in a menacing voice.

The cyborg showers Allie with bullets. Allie falls down in a pool of her own blood as her Alpha Team teammates scream in pain and anguish.

Carrie White advances towards the cyborg menacingly. All the restrains that Professor Wozzeck put on her, all her newfound morals, her formerly peaceful demeanor that took so long to build, all seems lost as she charges up her telekinetic powers, ready to crush the cyborg into paste.

"Who the fack are you?" says Carrie

"I AM THE IRON MAN!" responds the sinister cyborg...

At that moment, Allie bolts upright in her bed, awaking from her dream.

Any other girl would just dismiss these dreams as just bad nightmares. But Allie isn't like other girls. She knows that there is something behind these dreams. Something bigger than all of them...

As she walks towards the kitchen and opens the fridge, she finds David Rice sitting there, eating a pack of Oreos.

"How...how did you get here so fast?" says Allie

"Ummm...teleporter, remember? It's my Changer power. Why do you think my codename is 'Jumper'? I can jump from place to place without moving an inch." says David

Allie pours the milk in a glass.

"Can't sleep, huh?" says David

"I guess..." says Allie

"You know, I'm quite restless myself. Before I met the Professor, I used to be quite active. Doing extreme sports, nailing a new hot chick every week, going from continent to continent..." says David

"You lived an hedonistic lifestyle funded from money you stole from innocents." says Allie

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, sugar, I'm done with that. I'm a good guy now, remember? I'm part of this, as much as you are. Besides, Violet keeps me on a leash, so there's not much naughty stuff I can do now. All I'm saying is, I was used to be more active, to be always moving. Ever since I got here, time kind of slows for me." says David

"You know, with my Changer powers, I actually CAN make time slow down." says Allie

"I know, sweetie." says David as he finishes the last Oreo cookie.

"What if I told you that all of this is all leading up to something? That we are controlled by a force beyond our own, a being that is unconfortable with our very existence and is waiting for the right opportunity to erase our universe out of existance? What if I told you our world is coming to an end?" says Allie

"Damn, Allie, you've been watching too much 'Lost'!" says David

"You keep telling yourself that..." says Allie as she drinks the last bit of milk from her glass and leaves.

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The deadly cyborg, the Destroyer, shoots a plasma bolt from one of his hands. Battle Girl explodes in a fountain of gore, her guts raining all over the shocked Hit Girl.

Battle Girl was like a sister to her. She was one of the few superheroines that Hit Girl could trust, one that didn't question her methods, one that supported her and cared for her and always helped her when things got thought. She was more than a partner, she was her best friend.

Something snaps inside Hit Girl's brain. Ever since she saved the life of Dani California, she tried to live by her own self-imposed code of honor. She didn't use guns anymore. She used her knives to wound and injure, never to kill. But now, that was over. With her sanity slipping, her code of honor is gone. Her mind regresses back to when she first started, before she moved to Citiesville, back when she was operating in New York with Big Daddy. She is once again a remorseless killer.

"You have crossed the line, and now you will pay the price. No more restraints. No more morals. No more honor code. I will not pretend to be a righteous, upstanding superheroine any more. I'M GOING TO FACKING KILL YOU!" says Hit Girl

Hit Girl pulls out her spear, ready to gut the Destroyer like a fish, her eyes betraying an intensity never before seen by any superhero of this time.

However, before she can do much of anything, the Destroyer uses his Grav-Mag gun to take control of Hit Girl's spear. As the spear flies out of her hand, Hit Girl is impaled in the chest by her own spear. Hit Girl lies in a pool of her blood, as the Destroyer laughs manically over her corpse...

Allie bolts right upright in her bed, once more awaken from her dream.

She goes to the bathroom and washes her face. An intense look crosses her face as she looks at herself in the mirror. She knows what she has to do...

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The next morning, Allie is talking with Carrie, Violet Parr and Charlie McGee in the main room.

"So, that's it? That's what this is all about? Some dreams?" says Charlie

"They aren't just dreams, Charlie." says Allie

"What do you mean?" says Carrie

"Look, the rest of you only have one set of Changer powers. Violet, ou can form force fields and turn invisible. Charlie, you can create and control fire. Carrie, you are a telekinetic. David can teleport, and Jeremy can control electricity. And that's it. But I'm different." says Allie

"That's not true. Charlie has telepathy and telekinesis, and Jeremy is a telepath. It's just that those are secondary powers, and they take more effort to use than our primary powers." says Violet

"True. I CAN read minds and move objects with my mind, I just never focused on it and chose to develop my pyrokinetic powers more. After all, moving objects with your mind is nothing compared with the power of creating a nuclear explosion!" says Charlie

"My point is that I'm more powerful than the rest of you. I have telepathy and telekinesis, and I can warp reality at will. And those ARE my primary powers. I don't know the full extent of my powers." says Allie

"Allie, what are you trying to say?" says Violet

"These are not just dreams. They are visions, premonitions. I think part of my Changer powers is the ability to see in the future." says Allie

"I would call it ridiculous, but I've seen far too much in my lifetime to dismiss it outright." says Carrie

"I agree with Carrie, we are Changers, so nothing is beyond the realm of possibilities." says Charlie

"But in your dreams, this cyborg, this...'Destroyer'...he ends up killing all of us. Is that really our future? Is that really supposed to happen?" says Violet

"I'm afraid so." says Allie

"If you ask me, it doesn't add. Why aren't Giantess Cassie and Megasis with the rest of the Venturers?" says Charlie

"They will be killed by a reality-hopping group of evil giantesses known as the Travellers." says Allie

"And this other giantess, the one you call Xegito..." says Charlie

"She's human, but she isn't from Earth. She comes from a planet called Calutous. She was brought to Earth by an astronaut when she was 5 years old, and taken to an orphanage on Earth when she spent most of her life with. She can grow to giant size, imitate other superpowers, read minds by kissing people, and her emotions can control the weather. She will join the Venturers after Giantess Cassie and Megasis get kicked out." says Allie

"And why doesn't Sara Pezzini have her Witchblade glove in your dream?" says Charlie

"She will give it to Danielle Baptiste after the Venturers disband following the deaths of Giantess Cassie and Megasis." says Allie

"Well, if the Venturers will disband in the future, who will be there to protect the Earth?" says Carrie

"The Guardians." says Allie

"The who?" says Carrie

"The Guardians will be a new team, formed and controlled by P.R.O.C.E.S.S. It will consist of Sky Captain, the goddess Calypso, Blue Beetle, the Nemesis, and two P.R.O.C.E.S.S. agents, Agent Kim Possible and Agent Mia Dearden." says Allie

"Sky Captain? Wasn't he killed in World War 2?" says Charlie

"He wasn't killed, his plane was merely shot down. He was frozen in the ices of the North Pole, and he will be thawed in the future to lead the Guardians." says Allie

"And who is this 'Nemesis' you mention?" says Carrie

"Her name is Katherine Allogagan. Her family used to call her 'Katie Ka-Boom'. When she gets mad, she turns into a rampaging monstrous beast." says Allie

"What, you mean like the Hulk?" says Violet

"Anger issues...we know a lot about it, don't we, Carrie?" says Charlie

"I try to keep my anger under control, and so you do, Charlie." says Carrie

"I'm sorry, but this is just too much for me to swallow..." says Violet

"If what you are saying is true, surely there's a way we can prevent it..." says Charlie

"Val Amorr". says Allie

"What?" says Charlie

"The secret of the Destroyer lies in someone called Val Amorr." says Allie

"And who the hell is Val Amorr?" says Carrie

"I don't know. But I know that he's the key behind all of this, behind the Destroyer. He's the reason for the Destroyer's existance. I must find him, and then..." says Allie

"And then what?" says Charlie

"If Val Amorr is removed from the equation, so is the Destroyer. I must do what is necessary for our world to survive." says Allie

Violet, Charlie and Carrie all gasp in shock

"Allie, no!" says Violet

"You can't talk like that!" says Charlie

"What about our mission? Our code of honor? All the things the Professor taught us?" says Carrie

"There are larger forces at stake here that our mission, I have to look at the big picture." says Allie

"I'm sorry, Allie, but I'm not gonna let your jeporadize our mission and throw away everything the Professor taught you because of some dreams you have! As your leader, I forbid you from coming anywhere close to Val Amorr!" says Violet

Allie just sits there, staring at Violet intensely.

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"Goodbye, sensei Hyuga!" says Val Amorr

"Val, we've known each other for quite some time now. You can call me Hinata." says Hinata Hyuga

"You are the best teacher I could ask for, sensei Hinata!" says Val as he kisses Hinata on the cheek

"And you are my best student!" says Hinata as she too kisses Val in the cheek

Thus, 9 year old Val Amorr leaves the Hyuga School of Martial Arts and starts walking home. However, unbeknownst to him, he's been followed.

Val stops at a bus stop, ready to take the bus home. He knows the bus takes a while to arrive, so he pulls out his ipod and his headphones and starts listening to Limp Bizkit.

As Allie moves closer and closer to Val (without Val noticing), Carrie suddenly stands in her away.

"Carrie, what are you doing here?" says Allie

"What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here, in Megatopia?" says Carrie

"Carrie, you are in my way." says Allie

"Damn right I am! I mean, look at what you are doing, what are about to do! Val Amorr...he's just a little kid! And what are you gonna do to him?" says Carrie

"As I said before, I must do what needs to be done." says Allie

"What, kill him? You are gonna kill a little kid? Are you insane? We are the Alpha Team, we don't work like that!" says Carrie

"As long as Val Amorr lives, this world is doomed." says Allie

"Have you forgotten everything the Professor taught us?" says Carrie

"Sacrifices need to be made for the greater good." says Allie

"You...you don't really think like that, do you?" says Carrie

"Carrie, MOVE!" says Allie

"I won't! I won't stand aside and let you murder a defenseless little kid!" says Carrie

"Carrie, if you don't move, I'm gonna make you move!" says Allie in anger

"Allie, I don't wanna fight you, but you are leaving me with no choice!" says Carrie

Thus, with the attempts at reasoning having failed, Carrie finds herself forced to fight Allie in order to protect Val...

So, who wins?

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Allie Keys (Taken)
Read more about Allie Keys (Taken) at Wikipedia
Official Site: SciFi Channel Links: Taken Wiki BBC Site CBC Site

Carrie White
Read more about Carrie White at Wikipedia
Official Site: United Artists Links: Carrie Wikipedia page Carrie imdb page Carrie movie review

[Peypeypeypey]

Not a bad set-up, Redemption X. There were a lot of misspellings, and I was a bit lost there in the middle, with the whole how everyone's going to die stuff, but other than that, it was pretty well written. And you were right, this was a better entry for the challenge than the one you submitted. I'll give it a B

As for the fight, seems to me like Allie's got this in the bag

[Redemption X]

I also hate how two-faced and hypocritical people are, in that they say things like that, but then they turn right around and call me an idiot and a loser.

Look, if you are gonna hate me, hate me. If you are gonna love me, love me. Don't sweet talk me in a fight and then talk trash in another thread.

If you think I'm so stupid, why do you keep supporting my fights and giving me good grades? Look at all I wrote there, would an idiot really put that much effort into a setup?

If I truly was an idiot, the setup would be nothing more than "Fight location: New York City. Nobody has any prep time. FIGHT!".

Even in the June Challenge, everyone's only issue with the match was about Hit Girl writing out of character. Nobody appreciated the fact that I put more effort into my setup than people who write stuff like "Lobo and The Hulk meet in an alley, they are both really angry, and they fight.".

Bottom line: if you truly appreciate my matches, don't turn around and call me an idiot.

[sirmethos]

I also hate how two-faced and hypocritical people are, in that they say things like that, but then they turn right around and call me an idiot and a loser.

Look, if you are gonna hate me, hate me. If you are gonna love me, love me. Don't sweet talk me in a fight and then talk trash in another thread.

If you think I'm so stupid, why do you keep supporting my fights and giving me good grades? Look at all I wrote there, would an idiot really put that much effort into a setup?

If I truly was an idiot, the setup would be nothing more than "Fight location: New York City. Nobody has any prep time. FIGHT!".

Even in the June Challenge, everyone's only issue with the match was about Hit Girl writing out of character. Nobody appreciated the fact that I put more effort into my setup than people who write stuff like "Lobo and The Hulk meet in an alley, they are both really angry, and they fight.".

Bottom line: if you truly appreciate my matches, don't turn around and call me an idiot.

So, regardless of what people think of your setups, you want bad grades from people who think you're an idiot.

Done and done.

[bigballerju]

Good setup and Allie indeed has this win in the bag. Redemption stop complaining and calm down.

[Peypeypeypey]

I never hated you, I just thought your fight was bad, and I still defend that. It's not just that Hit-Girl was out of character, so was Big Daddy, the spelling and grammar was poor at best, and the concept was really just not interesting. Each of those things is worth a point deduction, so therefore you get an F.

This fight was actually not that bad. I sort of liked it. There were good things about it. People were more in character, as far as I could tell. I mean, Hit Girl still didn't kill, but I actually didn't mind it this time, because she didn't betray her father, who, by the way, was the one person she trusted. It seemed to be much more subtle and progressive. Everything didn't happen at once just because you wanted it.

But if you want bad grades, you got 'em.

[Z451]

I also hate how two-faced and hypocritical people are, in that they say things like that, but then they turn right around and call me an idiot and a loser.

Look, if you are gonna hate me, hate me. If you are gonna love me, love me. Don't sweet talk me in a fight and then talk trash in another thread.

If you think I'm so stupid, why do you keep supporting my fights and giving me good grades? Look at all I wrote there, would an idiot really put that much effort into a setup?

If I truly was an idiot, the setup would be nothing more than "Fight location: New York City. Nobody has any prep time. FIGHT!".

Even in the June Challenge, everyone's only issue with the match was about Hit Girl writing out of character. Nobody appreciated the fact that I put more effort into my setup than people who write stuff like "Lobo and The Hulk meet in an alley, they are both really angry, and they fight.".

Bottom line: if you truly appreciate my matches, don't turn around and call me an idiot.

Kinda hard, to maintain diplomacy when you are the one who keeps digging this shit up my friend.
Secondly, what you call as "two-faced" is really just different situations going on at the time.
I understand how you could perceive us as deceivers and stabbing you you in the back, but as of recent (A) I haven't noticed anything that you haven't initially provoked and ( b ) most of us have better things to due than talk, plan, etc. against you and behind your back.
Seriously though chill out already with this nonsense.

[kainboa]

snip

I also hate how two-faced and hypocritical people are, in that they say things like that, but then they turn right around and call me an idiot and a loser.

So people can't appreciate a fairly well written match, even when it's written by an idiot, well that's news.

Look, if you are gonna hate me, hate me. If you are gonna love me, love me. Don't sweet talk me in a fight and then talk trash in another thread.

This fight, and any other thread going on, has absolutely nothing to do with each other, except for the fact that they both are on the same forum, and thus far the only one trying to make them do so, is you, so this is a problem of your own making.

If you think I'm so stupid, why do you keep supporting my fights and giving me good grades? Look at all I wrote there, would an idiot really put that much effort into a setup?

You seem to be labouring under a misconception, calling you stupid, does not mean that we think that you are unable to put a lot of effort into a setup, nor does it mean we think you are unintelligent, it simply means that, in a given situation, you're acting stupid.

Since we don't know you in person, we cannot comment on you as a whole, we can only comment on the various situations which we see here on the forum.

If I truly was an idiot, the setup would be nothing more than "Fight location: New York City. Nobody has any prep time. FIGHT!".

No, a setup like that would mean that you didn't put any effort into the match, it has absolutely nothing to do with your general stupidity.

Even in the June Challenge, everyone's only issue with the match was about Hit Girl writing out of character. Nobody appreciated the fact that I put more effort into my setup than people who write stuff like "Lobo and The Hulk meet in an alley, they are both really angry, and they fight.".

That is because we have no idea how much effort you put into your setup, we can only judge the finished product, not the amount of work put into it.

if you want to be judged on the effort you've put into any given setup, you need to show how much it, give a time for how long time it took for you to write it, or something along those lines.

Chances are most wouldn't care whether or not you've put a lot of effort into the setup, but simply whining about people not caring, when they don't know how much it is, is quite frankly stupid.

Bottom line: if you truly appreciate my matches, don't turn around and call me an idiot.

No, bottom line is, that appreciating your matches, and judging your general behaviour, has absolutely nothing to do with each other.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results
USER RATINGS
C
F As you asked
F
B
D Match deserves a B/C, but you get a D for IMMEDIATELY hijacking the ensuing discussion and making it all about yourself instead of about the fight. Get over your ego, this isn't about you.
F One bad grade, as requested.
F You want it, you got it.
SCORE
Allie Keys (Taken): 10
Carrie White: 11
FPA: 1.1