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Match 12317 The Toxic Avenger vs. Bluto


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#1 captain Manzini

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 07:48 PM

Tromaville, The toxic chemical capitol of the world, 1984.....


An old, beat up yellow bus rumbled along the old, dipilitated road. Inside the bus the stench of old memories, bitterness, and old sepia ink long past it's prime swirl together to form a very unique stench. Inside this bus are toons. Very old toons. Toons that have'nt been cared about in years. Miserable toons. Forgotten toons. All in one old, miserable, forgotten bus with "Tromaville Toon Rest Home" written on it in fading yellow paint. Inside the bus Popeye and Olive Oyl sat together, their aged, wrinkled hands resting on top of eachother, gazing longily into eachothers eyes....

Olive-"Oh Popeye, my love, tell me again what it'll be like....."

Popeye-"Sure, anyting for my favorite goil. Foist, we'll have our own cozy little room. Three square meals a day, and 'round the clock housekeepins. And best of all, I donts gottsta shares it with that big palooka Bluto! I finally gets ta have me sweet Olive Oyl all to me-self. Sigh.......paradise....."

Olive-"Oh Popeye, your soooo romantic!"

Olive plants a big kiss on Popeye, and they sit holding quietly holding eachother for the rest of the ride....

Meanwhile, lagging a few feet behing the bus is bluto, racing to catch up....

Bluto-"Wait for me!! I gotta get to Olive and get that old seadog off'a her!! She needs a real man, please, wait!!!"

Bluto, his cellulite bones weary from old age, eventually collapses in a heap on the dusty road. He weakly pulls out a cell phone.....

Bluto-"Hello, Tromaville Taxi service...?"

Several days later.......

The Toxic Avenger, everybody's favorite hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength. Toxie was walking down the beach when he spotted several tanned, muscular people playing volleyball with cameras filming their every move. As he looked closer, he saw that it was the cast of "The Jersey Shore", his wife Sarah's favorite show. Toxie ran up to them, hoping for an autograph...

Toxie-"Hey guys, it's me, Toxie. I hope it's not too much trouble or anything but if I could get an autograph for my wife, that'd be really great. So if you would'nt min...."

Cast of Jersey Shore-"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

The cast of Jersey Shore ran away screaming, leaving trails of urine in their wake.....

Toxie-"Was it something I said?"

Meanwhile, on the same beach, Popeye and Olive Oyl were walking down the beach hand in hand, when suddenly several tanned, incredibly toned people ran past them, knocking them onto the ground as they ran....

Pauly D-"Outta the way, ya old farts!"

Popeye-"Dosh garn rascals, those youngun's knocked me spinach outta me hands, why I oughtta (incomprehensible gibberish)"

As popeye tried reaching for his spinach several italian thugs dropped an anvil on the aging sailor, trapping him underneath it, his old body too weak to wriggle out like it used to.....

Bluto suddenly appeared and walked up to popeye, spitting in his eye.

Bluto-"Thanks for taking care of my old friend here fellas, here's your dough(hands the thugs a sack with a dollar sign painted on it). And now, for that spina.... Owwww, my back!!!!!!"

Bluto breaks his back trying to lean down for the spinach. One of the thugs, upon seeing this pitiful sight, reaches down and opens the spinach for Bluto and then pours it into his mouth.

Bluto surges with life and immediately snaps back into place, his youth and vitality restored. Bluto walked up to Olive Oyl, intending to finally have his way with her.....

Bluto-"Come here and give Bluto some sugar...."

Olive-"Get away from me you big bully! Help, somebody please, Help!!!!

Toxie, upon seeing what appeared to be an oversized cartoon sailor attempting to have his way an elderly cartoon woman, immediately ran to help, the tromatons in his body telling him that Bluto was evil. And when The Toxic Avenger senses evil, things get very gory very quickly.....

Toxie-"Rooooaaaarrrrr!!!!!!"

Bluto-"Well wadda we got here, an ugly little monster in a ballerina suit!!! Hahahaha!!!!"

Bluto smacked toxie to the side with his big meaty hand, upon doing so realizing the drawbacks of touching The Toxic Avenger. Bluto's hand burned with horrible pain, but being a toon, Bluto merely shook his hand in the air to restore it to normal.

Toxie-"My turn...."

Toxie ran up to Bluto and punched him into a sand dune. Bluto shook himself out after a few minutes and addressed Toxie as such...

Bluto-"Ya wanna dance pretty boy? Ok then, lets dance...."

So, who wins, The Toxic Terror, or the Surly Strongman?

#2 Callisto

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 07:48 PM

Learn More About
The Toxic Avenger
Read more about The Toxic Avenger at Wikipedia
Official Site: Troma Entertainment Links: Wikipedia Toxic Avenger.com International Hero

Bluto
Read more about Bluto at Wikipedia
Official Site: King Features Syndicate Links: Wikipedia Popeye Wiki Official site



#3 potterpuppetpals

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Posted 06 August 2012 - 01:46 PM

I take it you're a big Popeye/Toxic Avenger fan.

#4 captain Manzini

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Posted 06 August 2012 - 04:56 PM

That I am. I've always loved B-Movies and classic toons.

#5 DSkillz

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Posted 07 August 2012 - 02:18 AM

Heh, the Jersey Shore cast running away scared... That's almost enough to earn a good grade on its own.

Good set-up, Cap. I could easily see the match going this way: between his limited toon force and the Spinach, Bluto going to have the Toxic Crusader on the ropes, only for the Spinach to wear off and old age to kick in before the finishing blow. Then Toxie (literally and figuratively) mops the floor with Bluto.

#6 JohnnyChany

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    I like it on Omicron Ceti III, Jim

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Posted 07 August 2012 - 11:30 PM

Thumbs up for the creative choice of fighters. I will have to read up a little on the Toxic Avenger before I can vote with any kind of authority.

#7 Formicidae

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Posted 08 August 2012 - 02:09 PM

Toxie, simply because Bluto always has to lose. Also the spinach would run out eventually where The Toxic Avenger has permanent strength.

#8 Callisto

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Posted 10 August 2012 - 10:15 PM

Match Final Results
USER RATINGS
C
B Nice one! Funny and good characterization.
A
B
SCORE
The Toxic Avenger: 16
Bluto: 7
FPA: 3.0





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