7 replies to this topic

[Nish]

Hi guys,

This is the first character that I've created for FPL so please let me know what you think, Cheers.



Runt


Alignment : Solo Villain

Gender : Male

Location : Khazan



Stats:
Strength- Standard
Agility- Standard
Body- Standard
Mind- Standard



Character Biography


At the very start,
There was an old tart,
Who let out a fart.

But it was no gas.
The promiscuous lass
was pregnant, alas.

Out popped a child,
disgusting and wild.
His mother just smiled.

He was her beauty,
suckling her goatee,
as she sold her booty.

It was worse than we feared,
The baby looked so weird.
Clear of it, we steered.

An abortion that never was.
Drool dripping from his jaws.
We hated him, just cause.

So begins the story of this runt.
Born from a whore's farty grunt,
as he popped out of her c*nt.



Personality

He grew up a freak.
His voice was but a shriek.
What a damn pipsqueak.

He cried all the time.
Scraping like grime.
His breath, rotting lime.

Like those disgusting ghouls,
He dug his arse in swimming pools,
Using his fingers as his tools.

An unpleasant bum,
He smelt like eggs in rum.
We truly hated that scum.



Powers and Abilities

Iron Will - Standard

But he couldn’t be arsed.
That he was an outcast
Because of his past.

Cheerfully, he carried on.
Even when we were all gone.
Smiling from dusk till dawn.

That was when we decided
That his mirth was too misguided
And he must further be derided.

We asked a hired gun
To go have some fun
We had to end this one.


Psychic Vampire - Superior

The assassin was one of the best.
Hire him, and he does the rest.
A bullet would ring through the runt’s chest.

But the sight of this ugly boy
With his ill-deserved sense of joy
Destroyed our neat little ploy.

The killer was so full of disgust
Collapsing to the ground like dust
Into his chest, his own knife thrust.

The boy went on without a clue
As the killer’s corpse turned blue.
Without a worry, the runt flew.

Bio Vampire - Superior

He had vanquished the great killer
The man who we counted on as a pillar
But our story grows even chiller

The death seemed to greatly instill
In the boy, a sense of joy deeper still
Did he perhaps know of his little kill?

His smiles turned to a big laugh.
We spied on this disgusting pig calf
As he bounced up like a graph.

He touched the corpse that he found
Lying motionless, stinky on the ground
And danced about it, round and round.

Beserker - Superior

His laughing reached such a craze
The fat runt was clearly in a daze
We saw glee on his wretched face.

So ends the tale of this revolting kid.
Goodbye to him, we needed to bid.
As he danced, and splashed and skid.

But of our plans, was he aware?
I asked my son but he could only stare.
For the runt had fixed upon us a glare.

This song might save you, dear friend.
Our own fates, we could never mend.
As the laughing runt led us to our end.

[Pseudonym]

A story told through tercet poetry. It's interesting I guess. Does it contribute much to the story, I don't see exactly why you chose to do it that way but eh. Some of the rhymes are iffy to bad. Some of the lines are out of metre with each other. You haven't paid attention to keeping a measured syllabic count or making sure your poetic metre stays the same throughout. So the poetry falls flat.

It's a very interesting and very decent first try. It could even hold it's own on the killfloor for a while.

I'll give this one 2.5 out of 5 pandas. That poor half panda.

[Nish]

Thank you Psuedonym. I was initially going to make it all Haiku, or at least in the same meter, but it came across as being far too pretentious and put-on. The character was a child, and the poem was eventually revealed as being narrated in panic, so I wanted it to be an almost structure-less, unmeasured rhyme. But I guess the lack of syllabic count or poetic meter will be a turn-off for most people who expect it to be a proper poem, since I presented it as such.

Thanks for the feedback again, much appreciated.

[Pseudonym]

If you wanted to write a childish poem, you should probably have steered away from the word cunt.

[Nish]

Oh sorry, the poem was never meant to be childish alone. It was narrated by an adult, but about a loathsome child that he is obviously obsessed with and narrated in panic.

Either way, I do see your point, and I didn't meant to sound like I was countering it. Thanks again.

[treacherous]

I'm no good with poetry, so I can be no help there. However, it is a clever idea for a first try. Already better than a lot of the stuff we gotta drudge through to vote.

[Nish]

Thanks Treacherous, I hope you enjoyed the general attempt, putting the rules of poetry aside. Cheers, and thanks for the feedback.

[Nilan]

All I can say is, I love rhymes, I love profanity, and this has both.