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Match 11958 Hit Girl vs. Big Daddy


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#21 Peypeypeypey

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 12:54 PM

I just thought a D was too low based on his reasons. As far as the Universe Beta yeah he should have explained her background a bit from there which he was told to do so on the June Challenge thread.

Really? Because I thought it was perfectly fair. The fight wasn't well described, no one was even remotely in character, the dialog was horribly redundant, and the whole "Name of the city that Kick-Ass took place in" was just lazy. It would take 5 seconds to look that up. I'd say each of those were easily worth deducting a grade.

#22 Lunacyde

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 12:54 PM

It just seems to me too convenient and not compelling enough to just say she saw this woman and BAM she just changed. And even if this was the case, she still would talk in relatively the same manner. If you listen to the dialogue in your head you should be able to picture the character saying that , and honestly I couldn't here. It just didn't seem like a realistic handling of the situation.

Agreed though that a D may be too harsh, but really its all the reviewers opinion.

#23 Redemption X

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 03:03 PM

Yes, lets all make-up our own universes where we make up the rules and anything we say goes. That won't get confusing or tiresome quickly....


Yeah, you would NEVER do something like that...

*coughcough* UWT Universe *coughcough*

#24 Redemption X

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 03:11 PM

Also, I again want to reiterate that this is NOT what I originally had in mind for the June Challenge.

I originally wanted to do Allie Keys VS Carrie White. I think, in my Universe Beta stories, I got the basic personality of both down (Allie is intelligent, serene and somewhat naive, while Carrie is rash, headstrong and emotional). I also don't think it's that far of a strectch to have Carrie as a superheroine considering both who Carrie is and the overall premise of the Alpha Team. Carrie is not really a villain, she is a poor and lonely girl lashing out against those who abused her, Universe Beta has Professor Wozzeck take her in and teach her to hone her powers and use them to protect mankind, as well as giving her the family she never had by living with other superpowered outcasts. The whole premise of the Alpha Team is about teenagers with superpowers who were considered "freaks" or "monsters" trying to gain the trust of humanity by protecting it from all evil.

...buuuuuuuuut, that got shot down simply because Allie and Carrie are friends in Universe Beta and not in their canonical universes.

So, keep in mind that I originally wanted to a different match, one that could have been better received.

Also, in the future, please look back at the "June Challenge" thread. I gave a very detailed explabation of what Universe Beta is there.

#25 kainboa

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 03:19 PM

Yeah, you would NEVER do something like that...

*coughcough* UWT Universe *coughcough*


A couple of things, first off, as far as I know, Lunacyde is not currently a member of the UWT rp, nor has he ever been one, which makes your 'defence' rather stupid, since he has never actually done what you seem to be implying he has.

Secondly, simply because somebody else is doing something wrong, does not give you permission to do the same, and trying to defend your own stupidity by claiming it to be so, is yet another faulty logic defence, which you are rather well known for utilizing.

Putting it bluntly, using UWT Universe in a match, is just as stupid as using Universe beta, and should be discouraged exactly the same.

#26 Redemption X

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 03:22 PM

Yeah, you know what? destroying Universe Beta is the best idea I ever had.

I don't feel comfortable doing it in Deviantart, and doing it here always leads to trouble and confusion.

I'm better off staying away from Universe Beta.

I just waqnted to do it for the June Challenge. Now that I did, you won't be hearing from Universe Beta again.

#27 Peypeypeypey

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 03:51 PM

I wish people would actually read this before yelling at me for following Universe Beta canon.

Hit Girl is NOT supposed to kill. That's the main difference between Hit Girl of Universe Beta and the one from the regular universe. Do you really think he would be able to work as second-in-command of the Venturers (a team comprised of heroes who never killed in their respective source material), or have Battle Girl (who, again, never killed in the "Savage Dragon" comics), or even be trusted and loved by the people of Citiesville, if she killed?

If Hit Girl ever killed, Universe Beta would crumble apart.

So, again, before you question anything else about Universe Beta: READ WHAT I WROTE.

Also, I had to put up with ten thousand fights about those "UWT" guys being buddy-buddy in your UWT matches (including that recurring love story between Starkiller and Vin Venture), despite those characters being from wildly different universes. So, yelling at me for Universe Beta is the worst case of the pot calling the kettle black.


I'm not trying to start a fight or anything, but I meant more than just the fact that she didn't kill. She didn't act like herself. The way she talked weren't just things she wouldn't say, they weren't said the way she would say them. It's not that she wouldn't kill, it's that she and Big Daddy were acting like completely different people.

I brought this over here because I thought it'd make more sense here rather than there

#28 skadoosh

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 04:19 PM

Let's not make this too personal, guys.

#29 Lunacyde

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 04:53 PM

Let's not make this too personal, guys.


I apologize if it seems personal, but I didn't mean it to be. Just commenting on the characterization in general, didn't mean it as an attack on Red X.

My first short comment was probably uncalled for and I'm sorry, but I think the others had valid points and refrained from being insulting.

I think this is a topic we should have a conversation on though for clarity.

#30 Redemption X

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 06:52 AM

If it's the fact that she didn't swear with every line she spoke...

*points at avatar*

There's a reason I chose him: we have a lot of things in common. One of those things is our aversion to swearing. I, like Linkara, am not used to swear very often (and I'm especially not used to swear when I'm not angry), thus I don't usually write my characters swearing ever ten seconds. It just doesn't come out naturally to me, and if I did it, it would feel forced. I prefer swearing to come out naturally, to be something that flows organically within the story and that emphasizes or punctuates a certain phrase or mood.

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Hit Girl is a superheroine, not a Tourrette's Syndrome sufferer. I don't see how not swearing detracts from her character.

Bottom line: if Linkara can read Christabella's dialogue without swearing, I should be able to write Hit Girl's dialogue without swearing. That makes the times when she DOES swear all the more important and poignant.

#31 RakaiThwei

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 09:18 AM

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.


She used profanity in the comics as well.

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#32 Peypeypeypey

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 09:40 AM

If it's the fact that she didn't swear with every line she spoke...

*points at avatar*

There's a reason I chose him: we have a lot of things in common. One of those things is our aversion to swearing. I, like Linkara, am not used to swear very often (and I'm especially not used to swear when I'm not angry), thus I don't usually write my characters swearing ever ten seconds. It just doesn't come out naturally to me, and if I did it, it would feel forced. I prefer swearing to come out naturally, to be something that flows organically within the story and that emphasizes or punctuates a certain phrase or mood.

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Hit Girl is a superheroine, not a Tourrette's Syndrome sufferer. I don't see how not swearing detracts from her character.

Bottom line: if Linkara can read Christabella's dialogue without swearing, I should be able to write Hit Girl's dialogue without swearing. That makes the times when she DOES swear all the more important and poignant.


You're right. There's no reason, in this fanfiction written about the character Hit Girl from the movie, that you have to have her swear or act at all like she does in the movie. That's fine. Do whatever you want. I grade mostly on how much you write them in character, and how well it's written overall, so my grade will be heavily influenced if you decide to do so.

And no, I'm not referring to the amount she swears. I'm referring to the things that she says and the way she says them. Even in this scenario, and even if she didn't swear, she wouldn't act like this. But y'know what? I'm willing to accept that she's an eleven-year-old girl and in emotionally unstable. I guess it's possible for her personality to completely change because of that. Why not?

That doesn't excuse Big Daddy. The way he talks, and the things he says, are nothing like he talks in the movie, nor do they fit with his personality. And no, I'm not defending Nicolas Cage's acting, I'm supporting the writing behind it. And even you amazing "I don't swear" argument fails horribly here because he doesn't swear.

I don't care how you write, but I will criticize you for it, or, at the very least, grade it.

P.S. Who's the guy in your avatar?

#33 RakaiThwei

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 09:56 AM

P.S. Who's the guy in your avatar?


I believe that is Linkara from Atop the Fourth Wall.

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#34 Lunacyde

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 11:39 AM

If it's the fact that she didn't swear with every line she spoke...

*points at avatar*

There's a reason I chose him: we have a lot of things in common. One of those things is our aversion to swearing. I, like Linkara, am not used to swear very often (and I'm especially not used to swear when I'm not angry), thus I don't usually write my characters swearing ever ten seconds. It just doesn't come out naturally to me, and if I did it, it would feel forced. I prefer swearing to come out naturally, to be something that flows organically within the story and that emphasizes or punctuates a certain phrase or mood.

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Hit Girl is a superheroine, not a Tourrette's Syndrome sufferer. I don't see how not swearing detracts from her character.

Bottom line: if Linkara can read Christabella's dialogue without swearing, I should be able to write Hit Girl's dialogue without swearing. That makes the times when she DOES swear all the more important and poignant.

For me it's not about swearing, it's about the fact that Hit-Girl has a particular attitude and personality. What I see in your dialogue sounds more like Aunt May than Hit-Girl. You could write Hit-Girl without swearing and still convey that attitude in my opinion. Like I said it seems you just white-washed Hit-Girls personality and inserted your own personality, and at that point how much is she really Hit-Girl?

#35 skadoosh

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 11:56 AM

I apologize if it seems personal, but I didn't mean it to be. Just commenting on the characterization in general, didn't mean it as an attack on Red X.

I think this is a topic we should have a conversation on though for clarity.


No need to apologize to me, that wasn't directed at you, i just don't wanna see people arguing too harshly on the internet, let alone in a community as generally nice as that of the CBUB. And you're right, this does need talking about for clarification.

Hit-Girl has a particular attitude and personality... You could write Hit-Girl without swearing and still convey that attitude


I agree with this, completely. You can write characters as they actually are without using every obvious aspect of them, in this case, you can write Hit Girl without having her swear.

#36 bigballerju

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 12:40 PM

It just seems to me too convenient and not compelling enough to just say she saw this woman and BAM she just changed. And even if this was the case, she still would talk in relatively the same manner. If you listen to the dialogue in your head you should be able to picture the character saying that , and honestly I couldn't here. It just didn't seem like a realistic handling of the situation.

Agreed though that a D may be too harsh, but really its all the reviewers opinion.


Exactly all I ws saying was that a D was too harsh.

#37 Peypeypeypey

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 12:47 PM

Exactly all I ws saying was that a D was too harsh.

It wasn't in character at all, the dialog was lifeless and boring, the writing itself was undescriptive and bland, and it had several plot holes. So, I gave it a D

#38 Lunacyde

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 12:50 PM

Grades are completely personal so it's completely fine that one person would give a D, while someone else thinks it's too harsh. people have different ways of grading, and we need to give each other a little discretion when dealing with opinions on a story.

#39 bigballerju

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 12:54 PM

Okay true fair enough.

#40 force_echo

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 01:31 PM

I agree with Lunacyde-- there's a difference between character progression to become a different character and just spontaneously altering the character's personality. The first one is fine by me, and actually to be supported. The second ruins the story for me.




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